Sure, these stocking stuffers are not the most conventional, but they sure are sexy. You can always put it together and give it behind closed doors to your favorite someone if you like, have kids or whatever. Or slip a couple of these in after Santa comes to make your entire family laugh or cringe, naughty naughty (always way more fun than being nice).
Sexy Stocking Stuffer Ideas
Get Lubed Up
Nothing says “get fucked,” like a nice bottle of lube. This brand is pretty amazing and it smells like a cookie, so you can ho ho ho all day long.
Small yet powerful, bullet vibes are a must-have addition to any sexy bedroom. You can use them directly on the clit or add them to prostate toys, anal plugs etc. for some extra pizzaz. This one is cheap and takes a AAA Battery, which is much preferred over the little watch batter vibrators (of course if you want the best of the best when it comes to bullet vibes I always recommend the we-vibe tango).
Add a new sensation to male masturbation with this one-use soft-sleeve. Textured to add to stimulation and help make for a unique orgasm. Plus, they’re kind of funny, if you’re into sex humor in any way. But, if you’re serious about male masturbation, then also, you should try everything out there, including this.
Better safe than sorry, as they say. Give the men in your life an ego-boost with the Magnum X-Large. Or send good luck to the single straight ladies with a box of these bad boys. Condoms can get pricey, particularly when you’re buying them all the time, so it’s not only a healthy gift but a thoughtful one.
Because I write a sex blog I’d like to think that what I’ve been doing the last two weeks is basically research. I’ve been a bit MIA because research. Or I guess you could call it having a ridiculous amount of sex–so much sex that I’m sure I’m not walking right.
The guy is 6’7” and everything is proportionate if you get what I’m saying.
We’ve been having so much sex that I made him be my boyfriend so I could let him fuck me in the ass just to give my pussy some relief (you know, because of my ass-sex for boyfriends only rule).
Both of us work from home so it’s been kind of insane because we’ve been working from my bed, which has led to a lot of breaks from work. Or in my case, more research.
What I’ve discovered on this research experiment is that a person can indeed have too much sex. I didn’t think it was possible, at least for me. I have never in my life ever had too much sex and I’ve had A LOT of sex.
Our biggest mistake is that we haven’t been using enough lube. If there’s too much friction it can cause tiny tears in the vaginal wall which can cause pain, particularly upon re-entry (the tears also leave your vagina more susceptible to infections–luckily I’m okay there so far). Also if the dick or dildo or whatever is too big it can hit the cervix, which will cause a different type of pain.
I’m currently in pussy-recovery mode. Here’s what I’m doing to help repair and ease the pain.
5 Suggestions to Help Ease After-Sex Pussy Pain
1. Lube– Before, During, and After
He no longer is allowed to stick it in without wetting it down first. And when I say wetting it down I mean with something other than just my own wetness. I’m talking about good ole lube. We were using Sliquids Organic Water-Based but I recently switched over to Woo Lube. It’s made with coconut oil and I thought that might give my pussy some extra relief. I’ve also applied it after sex and thus far its helped make it feel better, though now my pussy smells like a cookie so who knows how long it will be until his mouth is over here on it.
2. Ice, Ice, Baby
Yep. I am serious. I’ve placed an ice-pack wrapped in a washcloth on my pussy to help the swelling go down. It’s cool. It’s real cool.
3. Pop It Like It’s Hot
Nothing says America like some good ole-fashioned pill-poppin! I already take a fuck-ton of ibuprofen because I grind my teeth while I sleep and usually get drunk, pass out and forget to put my mouthguard in (sexy, I know). Anyway, if you take it BEFORE the sex, it’s supposed to help with any pain you might experience after.
4. Go in Different Holes
I mean, we have a mouth and a butt for a reason.
I’m getting ready to take an Epsom salt bath. I’ll probably throw some baking soda in the water too because my gyno told me it can help balance the pH and I might as well attempt balance in case it’s thinking about getting imbalanced.
So there you have it if your pussy is sore from having too much sex those are some of the different things you can do to help with the pain. Of course, you could also consider refraining from the sex until it feels better but I’m not going to tell you how to lead your life and I know I certainly am not going to stop (I’m also a masochist so there’s that).
A little back-story about this woo lube, I had never heard of it until about two weeks ago when a friend not only told me about it, not only RAVED about it, but contacted the reps for the company directly in order to hook me up with a sample.
The people from The Skinny Confidential responded right away. They were super enthusiastic about this product and thus, I was super enthusiastic about trying it.
Several days later I opened my mailbox to discover the box.
Okay, to be fair, it was 2 a.m. on a Saturday, a dude was over and I remembered that it was highly probable that this new lube had arrived. So, I ran down the stairs and found it waiting patiently in my mailbox (but that’s basically the same thing).
I drunkenly and excitedly opened the box to find two whole bottles (Enter My Give-Away for the other bottle on my Instagram page by 7/2/18). I read the label, which says things like:
Organic. Raw. Non-GMO.
100% Natural Ingredients.
Then followed the directions.
(But we’re not deep frying plantains here.)
Of course, there was a moment when I thought:
“But… what if we did fry plantains with this stuff? I beat they’d be delicious.”
Then I realized the guy was still in my bed so I squeezed a dollop in my hand then applied it liberally (not conservatively) to his penis.
Have I ever mentioned that I’m terrible at hand-jobs?
It’s like that Garfunkel and Oats song that goes something like,
“Hand-jobs blam-jobs I don’t understand jobs!”
I just never really got into them. I never practiced them enough. But with this Woo lube I was at least slightly above mediocre, which made me feel like I could go into that line of work, if I ever got desperate enough (which I won’t because I also have carpal tunnel syndrome and have to save my wrists for writing and my own masturbation stuff).
In any event, I’m sure if a dude used it on his own penis it would be magnificent. It was pretty spectacular regardless of my just-okay skill-set.
The lube itself is quite smooth and had an amazing smell. It’s made from 4 ingredients: coconut oil, stevia, beeswax, and vanilla.
Yes, I tasted it too and I could definitely swallow it. (Way better tasting than a lot of other lubes.)
The guy and I were not going to have sex because we were both super tired, but the lube-enhanced hand-job changed both of our minds.
The one major downer of this lube is that it is not compatible with latex condoms. I repeat… DO NOT USE THIS LUBE WITH LATEX CONDOMS. I mean, you CAN use it with the condoms, but the condoms won’t do what the condoms are designed to do and what’s the point of a condom if it’s going to get a hole in it and knock you up or give you an STI?!
So, yeah. We fucked without condoms. We had “The talk,” you all. It’s okay. (He doesn’t care about what I call him, so his label/not-label will probably change any time he cums back into one of these stories).
Back to the lube and the sex stuff.
We had a good time. Granted, we always have a good time so I’m not sure exactly how much of that goodness had to do with the lube, but it didn’t hurt. It might have helped. My period was moments away from starting so I was more sensitive than usual. The lube made it feel like he was almost about to touch my belly button from the inside, but I didn’t mind.
Half-way through our escapade, I brought out my new Lelo Sona Cruise to see how it worked with the Woo. I had asked them specifically if it was compatible with medical-grade silicone and they told me that they had not experienced any issues. (I’ll keep a lookout and let you know if this changes; I’ve heard rumors but have never seen it for myself). Anyway, again, when I added lube to the Sona it made some really fascinating sounds, but it’s not the EASIEST toy to use with another person. I’d use like the We-Vibe or the Lelo Tiana 2 instead.
Of course, I’ve only had a one-night stand with this Woo Lube thus far, having not used it yesterday because I was not having any sex with others or myself (sad, yes I know). But, I’m looking forward to trying it out over and over again in the future.