Thirsty Thursday: Whiskey Drinking Problems Blues

woman with the blues drinking whiskey

Sometimes a glass of bourbon is exactly what the doctor ordered

Or

Bulleit Bourbon Whiskey to the Rescue

Alright, world. Here’s the deal. I met someone. We hit it off. Then it got rather turbulent and we are currently on a break.

I haven’t been talking about it because I am not sure if I’m even seeing all of the events from the past couple of months that clearly.

I met this thoughtful and kind man at an after-hours party a few months ago. A big group of us left the after-hours party and continued to party well into the next afternoon. Queens and queers and freaks and weirdos were all gathered at my house. We drank every last drop of alcohol we had here and then we went and got more. We raged.

That kind of raging was fun.

The other kind of rage, not so much.

Turns out the guy that I really got into has an even bigger temper than me. This is saying a lot. If you’ve followed any of my past writing you might recall that I’ve done a lot of work trying to overcome my anger (you can even read all about it in the article I wrote titled, Republicans, Rapists, Real Women: How I’m Reprogramming Anger).

We’re both fire. Short-fused. Competitive.

Of course, we’re also both thoughtful, compassionate, kind (he maybe more so on the last trait).

A series of anger-induced incidents was the last straw for me.

I can’t handle feeling powerless. I can’t handle always being on the defensive. I can’t handle being one-up’ed every single time I ever tell a story. It becomes exhausting.

 

He’s told me that he loves me. He’s told me I’m his world. Yet, how can I let someone in that can turn on a dime and act out irrationally at random intervals?

Believe me, I know I am not perfect. I am cranky (particularly in the morning). I am stubborn. I suffer from resting bitch face.

I’m also weird. I read a lot, which doesn’t necessarily make me smart but it makes me smarter than I used to be. I have the sense of humor of a thirteen-year-old boy. I take pics with over-sized phallic-shaped foods on a regular basis. I don’t shower as much as I probably should. I can compartmentalize. I can be cold. I can be the life of the party or not want to be around anyone at all.

So yes, it takes a strong soul to handle me.

I also can only handle so much myself and what I cannot tolerate are unnecessary outbursts, temper tantrums, failing to communicate both the logistics of specific situations as well as feelings etc. connected to them.

No one should be in a relationship where they fear how the other person will respond or fear how they could snap at something small at any moment. If you can’t handle little issues then the big ones are going to be hella hard.

So this Thirsty Thursday, I drink a drink to honor all that we had and all that we could have. I’m not giving up completely, but I am distancing myself to better understand my own needs/wants/desires while he does the same. Anger is an energy and when put to proper use it can help change the world for the better, but if it’s anger that reveals itself as unnecessary rage, well that just hurts the entire world and all the people directly (and indirectly) who witness it.

May you quench your thirst on this Thursday and every other day. Thanks for reading my love life update, now go eat a carrot already!

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Thirsty Thursday: Drinking That Anal Juice

anal juice recipe

It’s Anal August, Get It

or

Drink Up That Anal Juice

It’s already August. Can you believe we’ve made it through half of summer already?

August is as good of a time as any for ANAL sex.

Show of fingers, how many have experienced anal before?

All of them? Wow, you dirty dirty slut-fingers.

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How many of you thirsty mother fuckers actually crave anal sex? Well, today, I’m making a drink for you called Anal Juice. Inspired by anal sex gone wrong.

Here’s the deal. When you have anal sex you MUST use some sort of lube. It’s the number one rule for sticking it in the butt. Yes, relaxing into it, being receptive, easing in, those are all fine things to remember to do when someone is about to go in deep in your anus but really truly make sure you lube it down.

If you do not lube it down you could end up tearing part of your anal hole which could turn to anal leakage which could turn to incontinence which could turn to anal juice.

That’s like your butthole leaking uncontrollably.

So in honor of lube-less anal sex, I’ve concockted this very special summer cocktail recipe.

Anal Juice Cocktail Recipe

Ingredients

1-2 shots Whiskey
½ Lemon Juice
Blood Orange Ginger Beer

Directions
Dump the first two ingredients in a glass, top with ice. Unload the blood orange ginger beer on top. Drink up. Enjoy!

And be sure that when you do the what what in the butt butt you use the lube lube. Get some here, you freaks.

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