Weird Sex Wednesday: Places I’ve Had Sex (Hometown Area Edition)

weird sex story places i've had sex

Youthful, Free, & Banging Around Town

or

Barely Legal Weird Sex in Weird Places Throwback

Heading back to Denver tomorrow but while I’m still in Kansas I thought I’d make a list of all the places I’ve had sex around here (hometown edition… I’ll save undergrad for another blog).

I didn’t have P-n-V sex until I was 17 and I’m not sure you can even count that as losing my virginity since his dick was the size of a baby carrot (no offense to that dude, he was much better at cunnilingus) and if that were the case I had lost it to some fingers years prior. Anyway, even though I was OLD and only had about 2 ish years of penetrative sex in this area I was doing it ALL around the place. Why? Because it’s quite difficult to get away with sex stuff when your bedroom is right next to your parents’ bedroom.

So. Here we are.

The Not Quite Entirely Accurate List of All the Places I May or May Not Have Had Sex in Kansas

  • On the top bunk of bunk beds in the KU dorms (I did not go to school here)
  • On the bench of a handicap shower in the KU dorms (I did not go to school here)
  • In the back of an S-10 (I was on the bottom. This one left a mark)
  • In the passenger seat of my neon (quite often)
  • In the backseat of my neon
  • Road head
  • On the floor of a trailer (classy, surprised I didn’t catch anything from that one)
  • In my parent’s hot tub (who in my high school didn’t bang in there?)
  • In the parking lot of the Iola movie theater (in my neon before the movie started)
    On a squeaky leather sofa at some dude’s house in Lawrence (another minute man I barely remember)
  • ALMOST on a couch in the green room of my high school theater BUT alas the boyfriend didn’t care for the audience
  • On my parent’s living room couch and floor while dressed as a cheerleader. I was never a cheerleader though I did play one on the stage (SORRY mom and dad, please don’t read my blog, thank you).
  • Gave a handy in the woods near my cousin’s house during a party once.
  • Got finger-banged at one of those house shows where metal bands trying to sound like Rage were playing (also in the back of an S-10, really had a thing for that truck, I mean… guy).

That’s all I can think of at this time. I’m sure I’m missing a few places.

If you were someone participating or a friend who knows please send me a direct message so I can update this list.

In other news, I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve had car sex. I drive a boat-car now I’m not sure why I haven’t banged in it yet. Will have to remedy that. Looking at you, boyfriend. We’ve got some sex-stuff to do when I get back to Denver.

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Weird Sex Wednesday: Sound Healing My Pussy

sound healing weirdness

The Wide Wide World of Snakes, Lakes, Gongs, & Dongs

Or

Opening My Sacral Chakra and Shaking It Like a Sex Goddess

Admittedly this may be getting too weird for some of you. For others of you though, this will prob be right up your alley.

I’ve lived in Colorado for eight years now and during that time I have participated in my fair share of hippie bullshit. Things like this (though not like this if it’s going to get me in trouble)– orgasmic meditation, tripping on acid while prancing around naked at hot springs, going to a party and accidentally getting trapped listening to a conscious listening event (I do not recommend that one).

My favorite hippie thing of all time though is sound healing.

Gong baths™ to be more specific though I have tried a couple of other styles.

The first time I went to a gong bath I was beyond skeptical. I only went because it got me out of work for an hour.

During that hour though I had one of the craziest trips of all time. There’s even a chance I astral projected; it’s still hard for me to admit that I did even though I clearly experienced everything one experiences when astral projecting (I even used my teeth to rip the umbilical cord that connected me to planet earth).

I’ve been a huge fan of these experiences ever since and I try to go to sound healing events as often as I can.

Here’s the thing though.

They’ve been getting REALLY weird. And REALLY sexual.

The last two gong baths I’ve gone to were based on opening up the sacral chakra– for all of you who are not hippies this is like the sex/creative center of your being.

While in this vibrational meditative state I almost always have crazy visions, like tripping except more vivid, closer to a lucid dream, or a movie that I am staring in playing out in my mind.

Anyway. Snakes keep crawling up into my pussy during these gong baths.

And may I add that in real life I am utterly and totally terrified of snakes.

During the gong baths™  I just let it happen. They wrap around my arms then slowly slither down my throat or they circle my legs then enter my vagina.

They’re STILL in there you guys!

Also, this time a frog made its way into my pussy too.

A big ass mother fucking frog.

You all. I looked up the symbolism of these creatures.

Times are changing. I am transforming. I will soon turn into a Snake Goddess I am almost definitely sure of this. Or maybe a Penis Goddess?!?

Maybe all the snakes are just past lovers I can’t shake?

It would make sense since there were HUNDREDS of them.

Just kidding.

I mean, yes, there were hundreds of snakes but not ALL of them got inside of me, most of them just followed me around everywhere I went and I even flew all the way to the other side.

Told you it was getting weird today.

Was this sex per say? No. But it was a meditative state that opened up my sex holes and it was fucking weird as shit so I’d say that it’s close enough.

P.S. If you want to check out a gong bath™ yourself they’re happening now through the weekend (here’s the schedule). He comes back through with a tour every couple of months but there are many many other sound healing events all over this city and probably in other cities too!

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Weird Sex Wednesday: Nose Sucking

into the nose

WTF Do You Nose?

or

Smell You Later?!

Several years ago when I lived around York and Colfax in Denver, I went out one night all by myself. Solo adventures on Saturday nights were rarely my thing, but everyone I wanted to hang out with was out of town, so I thought it would be a fun time to go out and observe from afar.

At some point later in the evening after plenty of beer drinking, I made my way into X Bar. This is one of the few gay bars in Denver and I assumed I’d be safe from getting hit on.

Well, shock shock, I of course, end up talking to the one straight guy there who had gotten dragged there by all of his gay friends.

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He was pretty attractive, from Mexico, “futbol” player/coach, from what I understood he had a girlfriend. So, I thought I was safe, in a different way.

Of course, I was wrong. We end up getting drunk and making out on his couch. His girlfriend was out of town and I at the time was an asshole, so sue me (please do not do that, thank you).

Let’s move on to the weird stuff.

We’re on the couch, mouth-to-mouth, tongue-to-tongue, meow meow.

Then, he removes his mouth from my mouth and starts sucking my nose.

That’s right. MY NOSE.

I immediately attempt to retreat, but he just goes in stronger. It’s sloppy and wet and weird.

My feet flutter like the little mermaid trying to make her escape out of the strange ocean of spit enveloping her face.

I try to fight the sensations sending shivers up my spine.

This is gross!

This is not how making-out is supposed to work!

Why is it working then?

Here’s what I think. I think that because I was completely and totally NOT expecting it, it was so weird that the weirdness of it turned me on. I really don’t care to admit it and I honestly would never want anyone to suck on my nose ever again. (I mean, I get it. I’ve got a big strong nose and I’m sure it’s super sexy to some, while plenty of others think I’m a witch… maybe I am a witch, who cares).

Regardless, the point is that sometimes trying something that is just slightly off-kilter might make the night way more memorable than just regular making out/ sex or whatever. I’m not recommending sucking another person’s nose, but if you haven’t do it yet, WHY NOT?

But, You Nose Best.

tantus weird shit
Get weird and create your own stimulation patterns by playing music or using voice commands to control the rhythm, intensity and duration of stimulation.

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