Is Human Male Cum Vegan?

healthy phallic eating

Are you a vegan worried about swallowing cum?

or

Swim on, semen swimmers, swim on

The backstory

aka

How the fuck did I even GET HERE today?!

This morning I walked back into my house (after leaving man’s house and walking home) wearing the same clothes I had worn last night, my “walk of hell yeah, I got laid” (instead of the walk of shame… as there is no shame in getting laid). Anyway. I skipped into the kitchen because man had made me coffee before I left and my hangover was masked by a liquid blanket of caffeine. I opened the fridge and realized I had no food. I should have realized that earlier since I know for a fact that I haven’t been to the grocery store in over two weeks and yet somehow I always manage to find something to eat, even if it’s leftover celery from the wings I had eaten with another dude the night prior. In any event, I realized that I should probably get my shit together and go and get groceries. If I could walk a mile and a half to go on a date I can walk the 6 blocks it takes to get to Safeway.

I have been contemplating going vegan for a week just to like cleanse my system and force myself to eat healthy stuff like carrots and asparagus and eggplant and other foods that resemble penises that are supposed to help make you big, hard, and strong. I opened an old vegan cookbook that was on the shelf hoping it would inspire healthy eating and ideas on what to get at the grocery store. As I was leafing through the vegan cookbook a beautiful drawing fell out onto my lap. The drawing* is of a person with boobs and a giant cock jizzing all over with the word “Spunk” written out in jizzy-like font.

penis facts and veganism
Is spunk vegan?

The drawing made me think back to the time when I actually was full-on vegan, for two whole years I refrained from the meat and the dairy and the eggs, and yes I still got laid. But! A debate would often come up in friend circles. Is human male ejaculate vegan?

The FINAL Answer.

Quite simply, yes.

Human male ejaculate contains sugars, proteins, and fatty acids that are designed to help the sperm along their journey to the egg (sperm itself only accounts for about 1% of jizz). Most men cum about a teaspoon of semen at a time. This teaspoon of guy-goo is about 5 to 25 calories and though it does contain protein you’d need to basically drink at least a 4 ounce glass of it to get any protein benefits.

But, the question was, is it vegan?!

Dudes. Chill. I know.

I already said YES. Cum is vegan.

If you’re vegan you can swallow a load any fucking time you want.

Assuming that you’re having consensual sex and the other person says it’s okay to eat their splooge.

Because consent is actually what makes ejaculate vegan. Consciousness allows one person to give permission to another person to eat something that has cum out of the body. I’m not sure you could get much more vegan than that actually.

P.S.
Please don’t be dumb and try to argue with me that sperm is people. Sperm is not people, okay. Sperm is sperm. Sperm is owned by the dude and when that dude gives it to someone else they are giving a gift, not of life, but of sperm. Sperm is sperm… remember that the next time you’re eating a carrot.

P.P.S.
Some vegans will only have sex with other vegans, typically this is for political reasons such as “I’m not fucking some non-woke meat eater.” Yet, my roommate just brought up the concept that some vegans think that meat will get into the sperm.

According to all of my research, there is only anecdotal evidence that diet impacts the taste/smell of sperm; it’s actually hydration that will determine the amount of cum that, well, comes out. As far as the meat going into the makeup of the sperm, that seems ridiculous and not accurate and I could find no scientific backing of that BUT prove me wrong?! I’m sure there’s a vegan out there ready to prove me wrong. I’m mean come on, you’re all a bunch of fucking food-trolls, I know because I used to be one of you.

*Do you want to own the above pictured found art piece? Name your price and contact me for details.

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Am I More Liberal Than Actual Liberals?

goodbye liberalism

Goodbye, Liberalism. Hello, Open-mindedness.

or

What Does It Mean In The World of Politics Today?

According to pretty much every definition I could find on what it means to be “liberal,” it would seem that perhaps I AM liberal and people who say they’re liberal are NOT actually liberal. OR… we need to redefine what being a liberal actually means.

At its most basic, a liberal is supposed to be someone who is open-minded, someone who is willing to respect or accept behavior or opinions different from one’s own.

From where I see it there are a lot of people out there who claim to be a liberal, but then neither respect or accept behavior or opinions of other people who are not also “liberal.”

I know, I know, it’s HARD to accept that other people think women shouldn’t have abortions or have access to birth control or even basic health care.

I know, I know, it’s HARD to accept that other people like being able to buy a machine gun as easy (if not easier) as it is to buy some Sudafed from the grocery store.

I know, I know, it’s HARD to accept that other people HATE other people for no good reason except they don’t like the way they look or the things they do naked (or in leather and chains etc.) in the bedroom.

But even though those people are WRONG, we still have to ACCEPT that they exist and that they have a right to their own thoughts and opinions.

Stay with me here.

Conservatives think that abortion is MURDER. Buying a gun is a fundamental RIGHT. Homosexuality is a SIN.

If you believed something was murder or went against your religious (or other) belief systems wouldn’t you be a little ATTACHED to those ideas? Even if half of an entire culture disagrees.

A person’s belief system creates one’s value system and one’s value system is how people find connection, love, community, reasons to continue living etc.

So, if conservatives are right and liberals are right, wouldn’t that make EVERYONE wrong?

How can you even go about changing someone’s belief system, transforming someone’s values?

If you’re a vegan and you believe that meat is MURDER and you go around yelling at everyone to stop eating meat, how many people do you think are going to stop eating meat?

Not very many.

Because no one likes being yelled at.

How have vegans tricked so many people into cutting meat from their diet?

Scare tactics mostly.

But, most of the people who get scared into going vegan don’t stay vegan.

It’s only through rational conversation and leading by example does true change take place.

This goes for ALL beliefs, perspectives, etc.

It doesn’t feel good when someone tells you that you’re wrong when deep down you believe in the core of your being that you’re right. It makes you not want to associate with the person who makes you feel bad about what you believe.

And I know, I know, a lot of you are SCREAMING at me. You’re telling me that you wouldn’t WANT to hang out with a sexist racist homophobic conservative republican. FFIINNEE!!! Continue to NOT hang out with them. Whatever.

But we’re never going to get anywhere if we’re just sitting around yelling at each other on the internet.

Or if we all avoid confrontation with someone of different beliefs because it’s not a nice feeling to be wrong.

Not everything is nice. This shit isn’t nice. This shit is necessary. It’s necessary to have the conversations, to respect other people’s perspectives, to lead by example, to be right, to be wrong, to not feel guilty about the fact that you can’t get everyone in the world to believe everything you believe in… because maybe… just maybe… not everything you believe in is actually something you should believe in… and it’s not until you get with yourself and get with people outside of yourself, outside your group of not-as-open-minded-as-you-pretend-to-be-friends, that maybe we can repair some of the major damage we’re all doing to each other.

So, friends and frienemies, am I right? Am I wrong? Did this piss you off a little bit? Did it turn you on? Are you ready to have some ugly /not nice conversations? Not just with others but also with yourself? Tell me your thoughts. I’m OPEN to hear you.

Read my newest elephant journal article by going here: Why I’m No Longer Aligned with the Liberal Agenda 

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

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Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo