Go Eat A Carrot: Year in Review

go eat a carrot

Happy One Year Anniversary to Go Eat A Carrot

Almost exactly a year ago, on Easter Sunday to be exact, Go Eat A Carrot was born. I had gone on this fabulous rom-com date with a pretty decent dude, where he bought me a very large carrot as a Sin Day Sunday gift.

Later that night I had eaten an edible and instead of putting me to sleep it put me in this weird manic-y state of mind where I stayed up through the evening and came to the conclusion that I needed to start a blog. A blog about the truth, and sex and love and politics and food, but mostly about the truth and mostly about the sex truth. A blog where I told people to “go eat a carrot,” which of course is a triple entendre– my favorite kind of entendre.

It’s been a real fucking crazy year. It has been probably the craziest year of my life. I’m happy to still be alive (most of the time). It’s unclear at this point what’s going to happen with this blog. I said I’d write it for a year and I did. There were times I veered away from the truth because my audience was more concerned with the sex. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to get back to the root of what this was–which was a way for me to express the bullshit and the beauty going on in my life and to connect with people over topics that we all enjoy exploring.

Anyway, it’s pretty interesting to realize that Easter comes from the Ishtar, the Assyrian and Babylonian goddess of fertility and sex. No wonder I had the idea for a sex blog on Easter. It’s my way of celebrating life. I create these little babies for you all, blog babies.

It’s been a struggle and a learning curve. I’ve had quite a time in this puritanical land talking about sex, even if I’m doing it from a sex positive perspective, on social media sites. I’ve also dealt with A LOT of really dumb DM messages, yet at the same time I’ve talked to some really amazing new people and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

Here are some stats and some learnings from the first year of Go Eat a Carrot and some stats from my sex life during that time.

Go Eat A Carrot 2018-2019 Details:

  • Blogs: 79
  • Videos: 113
  • Pics: A billion
  • Instagram Followers: 3,393
  • Instagram Accounts Deleted: 2 (after 3K+ followers, rebuilt entire page, added a private page, which got deleted too.)
  • Instagram Accounts Still In Tact: 3
  • Subscribers on Youtube: 494
  • Strikes on Youtube: 2
  • Top Video: Hot Burning Man Sex (42.8K views)
  • Patreon Posts: 581 (deleted several after strike)
  • Strikes on Patreon: 1
  • Peak Patreon Patrons: 15
  • Current Patreon Patrons: 6

Sex/Dating Life Since:

  • One (to 2) night stands: 11
  • Friends with benefits: 5
  • Playthings: 3
  • Boyfriends/lovers: 1
  • Sociopaths: 1

Sex Highlights:

The night the Nun made a sex tape, the former-NBA player experience, the men capable of giving me multiple orgasms–thank you. Financial domination, monster porn, tentacle porn. Quick mental connections that end in friendships that actually last. Old friends returning to the story. Figuring out my patterns and ending them.

Sex Lowlights: The men who couldn’t, wouldn’t get me off. Dog porn. The toy with the app that failed to work. The guy who didn’t share his food the next morning, fuck that guy. The manboys who went back with their exes (yes, there were more than one). The Sociopath, enough said.

Happy Rabbit

The Hard (and soft) Lessons I’ve Learned:

Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath. I don’t talk about it much, mostly because it’s clear this guy is still stalking me and I don’t really want to add more fuel to the fire, but it was quite an ordeal that I’m still working through. For months I was furious. Not only angry at him but angry at myself.

The thing is, I’m working on forgiveness. Not because that’s what Jesus would do, but because it’s the only way I am going to be able to move on with my life. I can’t be mad at a monster for acting like a monster. I can’t be mad at myself for falling for a monster, because the truth of the matter there’s a little bit of monster in all of us.

Yes, I was drawn to the danger, the mystery, the excitement. Yes, I enjoyed the drama… until it went too far. I learned so much about myself from the experience though. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I learned that I would rather be alive than walk around dead all the time. I learned what I definitely do not want in my relationships and I learned how to run away from red flags the moment they start waving their redness in front of me.

I also have learned what I do want. Stability, strength, simplicity. A balance of masculinity and femininity. Honesty. Truth. Fragility. Vulnerability. I want to be held with kindness, care, concern. I want to receive as much as I give– and I am quite a giver.

I’m not playing games anymore. Save the drama for your mama or anyone else that isn’t me because, nah. I’m done with that bullshit.

If people can’t handle it, if they can’t handle me, or they don’t want to put in the work, then guess what? They can just go eat a carrot.

That whole thing has been really fucking hard. It ripped me apart. It dragged me under and I started to drown. Everything else this past year has been minuscule in comparison; the men who left me for their exes, the ghosts, the guy with the girlfriend, the one nights stands that left me bored and unsatisfied, the time-wasters and super-pervs– nothing has come close to that pain and that torment. It’s my goal to make sure it never does again. Mindfuck me once, that’s all I need to never get mindfucked again.

Sure, I danced with the devil, but I knew he was the devil the entire time. The thing is, he wasn’t that good of a dancer and so I’ll just keep dancing on my own. No one can step on my feet that way.

Thanks for all the support for this past year–whether you’re a regular reader, a friend, a regular friend reader, I have appreciated you being there.

If you’d like to show your support for Go Eat A Carrot financially–which would be quite helpful indeed, become a Patron on Patreon, buy me something from my Amazon Wishlist, or buy yourself something nice from one of my affiliate sites:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Woo for Play

Thanks again! Don’t forget to eat your carrots. Nom Nom Nom.

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Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Can A Relationship Be Repaired When Trust is Broken?

overcoming a betrayal in a relationship

Lies, Manipulation, and Love Built to Die

Or

There’s Good Reason Why So Many Of Us Have Built a Wall Around Ourselves

Recently I had my heart ripped out of my chest again. My best friend has told me on countless occasions that I trust people too easily. I know she is right, but I also have never been able to overcome this trait I have. Regardless of whether I’m making a new friend or developing a new romantic relationship, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I trust them until they prove to otherwise be untrustworthy. This is not uncommon behavior, most of us do this. Why wouldn’t we do this? There has to be some faith in both the self and the other that the bonds that are being built are being built on solid honest ground.

And yet, it’s so interesting how quickly a good relationship can turn bad when that trust we hand over so easily shatters.

The question is, can it be repaired?

Of course, it can, we even can see examples in mainstream media every day, see Beyonce and Jay-Z, Hillary and Bill, etc.

The deeper question comes down to whether or not both parties involved really want to repair it.

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

When someone does something hurtful to someone else the person being hurt has to understand that this is not a reflection of who they are, but a question of who the other person doing the hurting is.

How good was the relationship prior to this pain? Are both of you willing to do the work to overcome it?

Of course, I can’t help but feel duped, humiliated, made to look stupid. The thought of going through those feelings again is enough to make me run far far away and never look back. It’s not that I can’t forgive him for his terrible behavior–I can. I’m questioning whether I can trust myself to give him another chance and risk going through all of those emotions again. I’m not a big fan of those emotions, who is? I think of what my friends would do, would say to me. I think of what I’d say to my friends if something similar happened to them and I know I’d tell them to tell the guy to “fuck off,” (which I actually did do, quite loudly at 5 am in the morning but that’s a digression).

I think of the future. I think, what if I forgive this guy and he does it again? Not only would I be mad at myself but I’d be embarrassed, ashamed for being so easily manipulated.

I don’t understand liars. I’ve always been way too honest, to a fault even. My lack of a filter has gotten me in trouble many many times, yet I prefer it to living any other way. Sometimes I forget how other people don’t do this. How other people so often lie to get what they want.

That’s the other thing that confuses me. Why lie to get what you want? And what benefit does it serve to lie to the person you like romantically? If you’re so comfortable with that that you’re no longer interested in being with them, why not just break it off? If you’re so bored that you want to be with someone else after a month why not just say “girl, bye?” If you want to do whatever you want and get away with it, why be in a relationship at all?

The thing is you can’t do whatever you want when you’re in relationships with other people. Not if you care about them anyway. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do the thing you don’t really want to do, whether it’s going to their company’s BBQ even though you hate all their coworkers, making breakfast even though you’re both dying of a hangover, or you know, not hitting on their roommate even if the roommate is so damn cool and fine. It’s called basic human decency. Relationships require that as a bare minimum.

So yeah, here I am, in kind of a conundrum.

There were so many good things happening and I miss that, I miss him, I miss us. Yet, I can’t be with a liar. I can’t be with someone who does whatever he wants with no regard for the other person. If he can prove that that is not who he is at his core (or his surface even). If he could actually do the work, show real remorse and take positive action to repair all this then maybe.

Yet, then again, maybe I’m too easy and need to learn how to be a bit “more hard”.

Hard Wood Wednesday: Sliding Into My DMs

frequently asked questions answered

Answering Your Most Pressing Direct Messages

or

I’m Never Gonna Reply Back Directly So Here Ya Go, Some FAQs

Every day I have many people send me direct messages on Instagram. I do not follow these people so they go into this separate folder. This folder is full of entertainment, annoyances, quite graphic sexual/erotic descriptions usually of things dudes would like to do to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I love interacting with people on the internet. I wouldn’t be on social media if I hated to be social and use media to voice my thoughts. I’ve had hundreds of amazing conversations with interesting people, but I thought I’d cover some of the generic ones sent my way.

I’m doing this in case you are a person who is considering sending me a message. It’s sort of like some FAQs here for you so you don’t have to waste your time or mine. Cool. Here we go.

On Nudes, Videos, Snaps, etc.

IG_message2

Do I make custom videos?

No.

I made exclusive videos for my patrons on Patreon. I typically try to upload 1-3 new videos a week including a Freaky Fan Friday video every Friday that Patrons who join for just $1 a month can watch. So you can gain exclusive access for very little investment on your end and actually quite a bit more on mine.

IG_message9

Can you have a visible look? 

Yes. You can have a visible look at my tits if you become a Patron on Patreon. You cannot have a visible look at my tits on Instagram or Youtube because they will delete it and give me a strike.

Why do they do this? Because this is a puritanical culture that likes to hate women’s bodies at the same time it also likes to objectify and obsess about women’s bodies. I don’t know. Also, something to do with children learning about naked bodies and sexuality before they’re capable of understanding because children have never been naked before etc. etc.

IG_message1

Do I got patreon?!

YES!!! I do got patreon. You can find me HERE!!!  (No I do not Snap.)

Motorhead - the Official Pleasure Collection

IG_message4

Can I only see a photo here of your nice body nude?

No. You cannot see a photo here of my nice body nude. It’s an unfortunate sad sob story that your girlfriend had to leave you today, but I am not the type of girl who feels sorry for dudes going through a breakup. If you want to see my nude body you can become a patron just like everyone else.

On Modeling

IG_message5

“I am a photographer. Would you like to do a modeling photo shoot?”

The last time I was asked to model it was for a long-boarding company. I had never been on a longboard before. I figured it out pretty quickly, then I got cocky. My big head that inflated because I was asked to model knocked me off balance. I fell off on top of a hill right into a giant puddle and my knee pretzeled into me moving into an advanced yoga move that I wasn’t ready for. I ended up in Urgent Care and couldn’t really walk on it for three months. Then I got fat because I was depressed and found solace in drinking an excessive amount of beer.

So, I’m not sure “modeling in a photo shoot” is the right path for me (willing to discuss for the right price and only if I can stay on solid land).

On Dick Pics

IG_message7

“Hey baby u want a dick pic” 

Do I want a dick pic? What I question! It’s almost as if you think I’ve never in my life seen a dick before and will somehow be amazed and astounded by this random one that I can do absolutely nothing with but look at. Please for the love of the goddesses above DO NOT SEND ME A PIC OF YOUR DICK. For one thing, Instagram blocks those images so I luckily never have to actually see them. For another, just, no. Your carrot does not make me hungry. Your eggplant is more like a breakfast sausage link. Your popsicle does not make me melt.

If you want me to look at your dick then you can order a TINY DICK STORY from me. This is where you pay me to write a poem or flash fiction story about your dick. This is the ONLY WAY I will EVER be willing to look at your dick pic. You can find out more information about the TINY DICK STORY on my Carrot Consulting page.

On Erotic Descriptions of Sexual Things You Want to Do To Me

IG_message3

Put these stories in comments on my actual Instagram posts so everyone else can read them too because we all deserve a little more erotica in our lives. Plus when you send it directly to me it’s creepy, but when you share it in public other people can learn new ways to describe tits and discover different things to do with their tongues etc.

On My Day

IG_message8

Did I get your text earlier?

Well, no sir, I did not get your text earlier because you do not have my phone number, nor will you ever.

How’s the day going?

Why thank you for asking. My day is going alright. I haven’t been up that long at the time of this writing. Yesterday I was irritable and discouraged, but today is a new day. Of course, I went for a run and everyone outside of this house was out and about and getting on my nerves but that’s over now. This crazy blood moon lunar eclipse is happening this Friday (7/27) and it’s supposed to really turn things around, whichever way you want it to go. I’m ready. Are you?

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In case you missed it above:

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Tantus

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Lelo

I May Have Just Gone On The Worst Date In My Entire Life

how to be better on a date

Was this the worst date of my life?

or

Wow, maybe try like just 1% harder and you’d get laid.

I’ve been on hundreds of dates in my life. Tinder dates. OK Cupid Dates. Dates with people I met in real life (yes, it can happen). Even a blind date once (in high school before the internet was a thing).

Perhaps this was a reflection of me to have chosen this guy; he was insecure and couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life; he did have nice arms and I have a near-fetish thing for arms so I could have been temporarily stuck in my ID when I swiped right.

I asked him what he believed in and he couldn’t answer. I asked him what he wanted and he didn’t know.
I literally said, “I want to have an engaging conversation and then if it’s engaging enough I’ll fuck you.”

I’m in rebound mode so it doesn’t take much right now.

I did not fuck him. Or do anything except leave and go to a bar by myself because I’d rather spend time with me than with someone who can’t talk to other people.

Here are three quick and easy dating tips:

1. Ask questions that you actually want to know the answer to.
2. If you don’t care about the answers don’t go on a date JUST fuck them and leave.
3. Know what you want.

When you know what you want you can actually get the things that you want AND knowing what you want makes you way more confident than people who do not.

Confidence is the sexiest quality to have… that and nice arms and big ole’ brains.

Also, I woke up with this Throwback Thursday song playing on repeat in my head. It pretty much sums up what I was thinking while this date was happening.

“I’ve been waiting for a dose of your personality. If I’m in the mood and if all goes right, baby you will be, you will be, going home with me tonight.”

It just never quite got to the personality part.

In the end, I do wish him the best luck. I hope he can find a way to come out of his shell a little bit more and let people in or find a woman who likes a guy who never speaks. I’m sure they’re out there. Like, maybe a woman who really loves to talk constantly so there’s never a gap and he can just smile and nod and then they can bang and live happily ever after.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Just Content, No Point?

Excuse me while I rant for a moment

Because

What is the point of this website??!?

Here I get fired up about what the point of all of this is.

After my first link posting a rando on Instagram sent me a message. He said I had content, but no point. I thought my points had been rather clear, but to get even clearer here they are.

Point 1.
Tell the truth, the whole truth about who you are and what you want.

Some of my truths.

  • I enjoy sex.
  • I enjoy sex with beautiful people.
  • I want to be open to all possibilities in life.
  • I want to listen to opinions that do not necessarily align with my own and learn and grow because of them.
  • I want to explore the world and all the beautiful things (and people) in it.

Point 2.

  • I believe that people should experience more pleasure. In other words, we should have as much (consensual) sex as we want (if we want A LOT then we should have it, if we’re asexual and want none, then we should have none).
  • With pleasure comes responsibility aka safer sex practices, communication, and as written above, honesty.

Point 3.
We should all eat more carrots (aka give more oral and eat healthy foods because both of those things gives us pleasure and helps us live longer).

Also, I took a few seconds out of my day to put on lip gloss. It’s a real exciting clip.