Tell Me If This Is Funny: Hips & Hitachi Magic Wand 

funny hitachi story


My Hips Don’t Lie

Before we begin, let’s take a moment to talk about the history of the Hitachi Magic Wand.

The Hitachi Magic Wand was invented in Japan as an AC-powered wand vibrator to relieve tension, body aches, and sore muscles. It came out onto the market in America in 1968.

I’m not sure if anyone ever used it for its intended purposes.

For over 50 years people, mostly women, but also men, have been using this device as a sex toy.

Hear the joke here!

It is by far the most powerful vibrator I have ever used and I have tried and tested many, many, many. I actually chose to not buy the Hitachi Magic Wand when I first started working as a sex toy saleswoman because I had heard the rumors and I didn’t want it to ruin me.

I was afraid the vibrations would be so intense I would never want to use any other toy ever again, because I’m a high-vibe type of gal. Plus, the thing is big and bulky and I didn’t want to have to carry it around everywhere I went.

Eventually, though I succumbed. Or better yet, a very thoughtful person who follows Go Eat a Carrot bought it for me to test out (feel free to buy me something to test out too here). And my life was changed.

I love the Hitachi Magic Wand, just like I knew that I would. Of course, I still have other favorites, like the Lelo Sona Cruise and the We-Vibe Tango, but those are stories for other days.

Let me get to the point.

A couple of mornings ago I had gotten back from a yoga class, I had showered and was resting peacefully in my bed. I decided that I should masturbate. I wasn’t that turned on, but it seemed like I should get it out of the way in case I became turned on later and there was nothing I could do about it. So, I whipped out the Hitachi.

As I turned on Pornhub and started going at it, I realized that my hips were quite sore.

I tried to ignore it.

But the more I vibrated, the more my hips were like WTF?

It was at this point that my true age was revealed. I was no longer a young whipper-snapper. I was in fact, in my almost-mid thirties.

I took the hitachi and started using it for its initial purpose–as a body massager. And boy, were my hips happy.

My clit on the other hand, was not amused.

TLDR:

You know you’re in your thirties when you go to masturbate and end up using your Hitachi on your aching hips instead.

30s:

When you start using your body massager as a body massager.

Sore muscles? Body aches? Untapped desire? Want to try the Hitachi out for yourself?

Buy it here:

Hitachi Magic Wand Massager

Become a patron on Patreon for more goodies all month, every month.

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Tell Me If This Is Funny: Dress for the Night You Want

I am Not a Comedian

But You Can Laugh If You Want To

Sometimes late at night when I cannot fall asleep dumb little stories come into my head. I decided instead of letting them float off into oblivion I would get up and write them down. To extend this even further I am now attempting to say them out loud.

Below is my first attempt at a new series I’d like to call, “Tell Me If This is Funny.” Don’t worry if won’t hurt my feelings if you think it is not funny, believe me I’ve been rejected more times than you could imagine, maybe even more than you.

Remember, you have to actually attempt things in order to get rejected from them. But, perhaps I’m just preaching to the choir here.

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I give mad props to the people in the world that do stand-up. It’s a brutal world and honestly, I’m just not interested in spending time in that scene. I’ve been to open mics and I’ve seen that struggle. The brutal pain of a silent response. The cringe-worthy moments when people go too far in a way that isn’t funny to anyone anywhere in any way.

But, I digress.

Here’s a video of me trying to make a joke. I did this in one take. Let me know what you think… if you’re so inclined.