Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: What’s the Link Between Sex and Violence?

sex, violence, marriage, testosterone, social media, mob violence, criminal behavior

The Correlation Between Sex and Violence

or

Why Are Men So Mean Sometimes?

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Over the past few days my manfriend and I have been binge-watching Hannibal (on amazon prime). It’s an incredibly violent television show as you may imagine since it’s based off of the books Red Dragon and Hannibal by Thomas Harris. A psychological thriller with death everywhere. So much death that in the 13+ episodes we’ve made it through there’s only been one romantic moment — a kiss — and no sex whatsoever. In any event, my friend and I got into a discussion about the correlation between violence and sex. He claimed that they were “the same thing” whereas I begged to differ.

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Since that time I’ve been doing some research and I’ve come across some very interesting articles on this very subject. It turns out there’s a pretty big correlation between the two, though it is not quite right to say they are “the same thing.”

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Here are six interesting facts (theories and research developments) I’ve come across during my internet dive into this fascinating topic of sex and violence.

1. On Female Sexual Liberation

In the Psychology Today article, Why Sex and Violence Go Together, the author writes:

“young males are at the highest risk of criminal offending, and violent crime is more common in societies where female sexuality is more liberated.”

This has to do with competition for sex. From my understanding of this article, when there is a likelihood of getting some, many men will get violent in order to get it. They commit criminal acts often as a way to prove that they are stronger, more “manly” than others. Many of the crimes committed in this research were deemed “trivial altercations.” They act out to “save face,” because they believe that women don’t like to date “losers.”

Could it be possible that this rise in female sexual empowerment is causing men to revert back to baser more animalistic behavior? Or is this just another man blaming women for men’s actions instead of owning the fact that men choose to behave in these ways? And yes, I use the word “choose,” because there has to be accountability for these acts of anger and aggression or why have a higher more developed consciousness at all?

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2. Sex, Marriage, and Violence

From the same article:

When men get married their testosterone level drops and so to do incidents of their violent behavior. Also interestingly enough:

“When men divorce, and begin dating again, their testosterone level rises compared to men remaining married.”

And thus, the divorced men become more aggressive and violent.

Does the testosterone level drop in marriage because they have secured a partner and can relax? Or does it drop because of their closer proximity to estrogen? Perhaps a mixture of both? It’s apparent that it rises again after divorce due to the fact that they have to go back out in the field and compete for a mate. Is the aggression because of the testosterone or because they’re angry about their divorce… or both?

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3. Sex, Violence and Video Games

A study revealed that women are actually more affected sexually by video games than men. At first the article made it seem like the woman were aroused by the violent video games themselves but after a closer reading it seems like the games actually give women a confidence boost and make them think they are a “better catch,” than the women in the study who did not play the games. You can read all about it in the Bustle article, Violence Makes You Feel Sexy.

4. Social Media, Sex, and Violence

In the same Bustle article researchers found that people who tweet are actually more aroused than those who don’t.

“A 2011 survey by OKCupid found that their tweeting members masturbated more. Apparently those who tweeted twice a day or more also masturbated twice as much as those who didn’t try to get all witty with only 140 characters.”

How is this related to violence? The article didn’t claim that it was, but I’m curious if people are getting angry at everything happening in the world and then choosing to turn the Twitter off and watch some porn instead to release some of that pent up aggression.

5. Your Brain on Sex and Violence

From Psychology Today:

“Both aggression and sex are controlled by neurons in the same part of the brain–the hypothalamic attack region. When researchers stimulate these neurons with electrodes in the brains of mice, the animals instantly engage in violence or in mating, depending on how strongly the neurons are stimulated.”

According to the article, researchers were able to control the intensity of stimulation of these neurons and thus were able to switch the animals behavior between mating and fighting depending on the level of intensity.

This is pretty nuts when you think about how close to proximity they are and how easy one can turn into the other. Is there a way to control this outside of a lab? Will there ever be a way? If so, could this actually help ease violence in humans if we took away the ability to over-stimulate these neurons? I do not know, I am not a scientist, but it is interesting to consider.

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6. Violence and Sex in Crowds

According to the same article from Psychology Today:

“ The chaos of large crowds increase the risk of sexual assault on women….”

The over-stimulation of the senses and the heightened stress of being at places like concerts, subways, mass celebrations, etc. triggers mob violence.

“Mob behavior is driven by the strong herding instinct of people to do as they see others do when there is no central authority in control. At the opposite extreme, this same powerful herding instinct can cause bystander apathy in which no one in a crowd comes to the aid of a person in need.”

The article goes on to list way too many examples of women being sexually assaulted and raped at these overpopulated events. I often thought there were always less women at concerts etc. because of the difference in economic security, but perhaps many women instinctively feel it’s safer to stay away. I mean I get it, being in a large crowd can make anyone feel stressed, irritated, angry, but turning to violent behavior like this is primitive and unacceptable. If you’re the type of person who cannot control your own emotions and/or keep it in your pants, perhaps you’re the one who shouldn’t go out in public?

So, even though there is a ton of different research that happens to offer a connection between the two and even though rough sex can even be fun, sex and violence are not the same thing, not matter how much Hannibal wants to convince you otherwise, fucking freak.

P.S. I’ll be analyzing BDSM and the attraction many of us have to it soon, so stay tuned and it is quite relatable!

Thanks for reading.

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A #MeToo Story with a Revenge Twist Ending

me too

 

When boys will be boys, girls will be girls

or

Revenge Never Tasted So Sweet


I hit puberty at a fairly young age.

I don’t blame the hormone-laced barely edible chicken tenders they served regularly or the 2% hormone-infused milk they forced us to drink every day during lunch at my rural Kansas grade-school. I don’t BLAME that, though let’s all admit that it could have helped move it along.

In any event, by 6th grade I had grown to the height and weight and boob size that I still am today. In other words, my breasts were at eye level to pretty much every guy in my class.

Even as these guys went through puberty themselves they never forgot that I had boobs.

In fact, they liked to remind me every day that I had boobs. And an ass. And sometimes they even reminded me that I had a vagina!

How did they do this reminding, you may wonder?

Well, not only did they talk to me about my body parts, but they thought it was perfectly okay to grab my breasts and my ass and sometimes even my vagina whenever they were near my breasts, ass, vagina– which was at least every day during P.E. and sometimes in the hallway, in the classroom, when we were all at sporting events etc.

Now, I was nothing special.

I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the class nor was I the girl with the biggest breasts.

Sometimes I wonder if those girls were harassed more or less than me. More because they were prettier or had bigger breasts or less because it was too obvious because of their beauty or their breasts.

We didn’t discuss it.

I only talked to my best friend about it. She didn’t get harassed or assaulted. She said it was because she didn’t have any boobs; I think it was because her dad was the dudes’ P.E. teacher. (Those boys were dumb, but they weren’t complete idiots.)

I was a target.

I was a target of their torment.

I was not fond of being a target of torment. Who would be?

So I did what I had been taught to do. I told an authority figure what was going on. The first authority figure I told was my P.E. teacher, an older woman who had also been my mother’s P.E. teacher.

Guess how she responded?

Oh yeah, you got it.

She told me:

“Krystal, as you know, boys will be boys.”

And that was that on that.

So, I then went to my school counselor, also a woman, guess what she said?!

Mhmm. (There is a theme here.)

“Krystal as you know, boys will be boys!”

Such an interesting way to deal with the problems of sexual assault. Totally worked! Oh yeah, letting boys grab girls boobs and butts and vaginas because they’re just being boys is definitely a good strategy. It worked so well that at least several of these boys who were being boys turned out to be men who rape.

That’s right. ‘Boys will be boys’ turn into ‘men who rape’. Not all of them of course, but one is plenty, two is too many, three is just ridiculous. And since I know for a fact that more than three boys left our school system to become rapists I will say that the whole, “boys will be boys” mentality isn’t how we should be raising our boys.

Anyhoo. I’m not a parent or a teacher so what the fuck do I know? Surely, listening to girls when they say something is wrong or even teaching people how to respect each other is too much to ask of our authority figures?

Just want to say a big FUCK YOU to the authority figures who chose to disregard the fact that I was daily being sexually assaulted.

me too
Seriously, fuck you authority figures that do not listen to their students.

Don’t worry you all. This is where it turns and gets good.

I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided I would seek REVENGE!!!

This is the part of the story that’s hard to tell. I know what I did was wrong, but to be clear, I felt the need to protect myself. I felt the need to teach these boys a lesson since no one else seemed capable of doing it.

Now, this is where I become both impressed and totally fucking scared of my former self.

I decided to kill them with kindness.

I began baking them cookies.

That’s right. About once a month I would bring cookies in for everyone to eat after lunch. Chocolate chip cookies, brownies, sugar cookies, you name it, I baked it. These boys got quite used to me being sweet. So sweet. So very fucking sweet.

Until of course, the last time I brought in cookies. No-bake cookies. Cookies that may or may not have been laced with chocolate ex-lax.

You see, these boys made me feel like shit every single day of my life from the time I was 12 to well even today when I think about it. All I wanted was for them for one moment in time to feel what it felt like to feel like shit. And the only way I could think of for that to happen was if they literally shit themselves.

The greediest ones were the ones who suffered the most. You know what the bible says about greed– it’s like a deadly sin and shit.

And shit they did.

One guy was fixing a roof when it hit him. I’m not sure if he made it to the toilet in time. Another guy was on the john for three hours. One girl came up to me the next day and said to me, “I know what you did to those cookies and I just wanted to let you know they did NOTHING to me!”

“So, you’re still full of shit?” I said.

She huffed away.

See, I couldn’t NOT allow anyone to eat the cookies. There were some innocent people who had to suffer with them, and I do apologize for that. My best friend even ate one KNOWING that they held a secret shitty ingredient just because she didn’t want to rouse suspension– a real trouper of a best friend.

What happened after?

Well, they started leaving me the fuck alone.

No one told any authority figures either. They must have realized that they were being punished for their past behaviors. Or maybe they were smart enough to know that the authority figures would only respond with, “girls will be girls!”

And I beg you all to keep that in mind. If you continue to allow your male children to get away with inappropriate behavior because of course, “boys will be boys.” Do not be surprised when girls start behaving like girls and take matters into their own hands. Or their own cookies, if need be.

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This Is My Me Too Story

One of My Me Too Stories At least.

Because Sex and Rape are NOT the same thing.

I didn’t want to get so heavy with this website so soon after launching, but this story has stayed with me ever since it happened (way back in my undergrad days).

One of the ways for me to move on, to get back to empowerment, is letting it go. I do not want to hold on to it in anymore.

My biggest fear has always been disappointing my family, that’s why I’ve only ever told my closest friends. I also was scared that if I said anything that my dad would find the guy and murder him and then not just my life would be ruined anymore.

I used to hope my rapist would die a brutal death or at least an early death since he killed me when I was so young. Now, I just want him to recognize that what he did was wrong. I want our community and our education system and our family dynamics to recognize that how they brought us up, wasn’t always right. I want them to step up and teach children how to be better adults. The way we treat each other is so often so fucked up.

From now on when we say, “boys will be boys,” I hope that carries a different meaning. I hope it means that they will be respectful, thoughtful, courageous. I hope it means that they will do the right thing. I hope it means that they will learn how to communicate their hopes, desires, wants, and needs in an emotionally mature and honest way.

In grad school I recorded an album and wrote a paper for my graduate thesis (about music being an avenue for change), one of the interludes on the album was about rape. The lyrics went, “everyone woman has a rape story, every woman’s been raped.”

My thesis board, a group of three feminist women, said they didn’t understand the song. Not ALL women have been raped. I explained to them that it wasn’t a song, it was an interlude and that it meant if one of us is raped, we all are. We are all connected on this planet, everything impacts everything else. We should work to end each others’ suffering. We should work to rise above the violence.

Pleasure over pain.

Thank you for listening to my story.

I prefer to talk about other things and plan to do that now that this is finally over.