Me so Not Horny for Horny
Why Do We Say Horny When We’re Uh, Horny?
For the majority of my life, I have hated the word horny.
Perhaps it was Austin Powers’ fault. You remember the “do I make you horny, baby?” line that he’d always say. It was kind of funny when he said it, but it was not funny when every immature asshole in my school when around quoting those movies all day long.
Why was that such a dude-phase? Is it still a dude phase? What movies are the pre-bros quoting now? I have so many questions and none of them have to do with this current topic of horniess, but I digress and regress.
As a writer I think a lot about words, often to the point where words start to sound like sounds and mean nothing whatsoever anymore, yet horny, ew, anyway you slice or dice it, no matter how many times you say it still rolls off the tongue in an unflattering way.
Based on my research on the etymology of sexual slang the word ‘horny’ comes from the most obvious of places– ‘of the horn,’ ‘the horn’ being slang for an erect penis.
It makes sense that men would call their erect penis’s horns. Let’s all admit though that comparably the human male has the saddest horn of all– only hard when sexually stimulated and even then only temporarily. And when they confront another horn with their horn it usually ends up in some weird sword fight situation over a toilet.
Yet, because of how language tends to change and shift over time, the word horny is now used by people of all genders to indicate their current state of high sexual arousal.
The truth of the matter is that there are not very many great words to use to describe being sexually aroused. Saying ‘I’m so aroused right now,‘ sounds ridiculous.
Amorous–comes from the root -amor which means love and has more of a passion-filled meaning behind it. “I’m feeling amorous,” also sounds weird.
‘Turned on’ is probably the most acceptable phrase.
Of course these days there’s some new slang hitting the sex world, “thirsty” comes to mind.
Frisky is nearly as bad as horny though it reminds me more of a state of a fluffy leg-humping dog than a person.
“Erotically charged,” might sound good on paper but to use it as a phrase to self-describe seems silly as well.
So here we all are back at horny.
I have no good replacement words or phrases. The only suggestion I can make is to skip the horny language and go straight to what you’re looking for– ‘give me that D,” or “come fuck my brains out,” or “I want you inside me,” etc. etc.
Feel free to comment below on sex words you find unsexy or give me suggestions on words to use instead of horny, I’ve been trying to find a good one for ages.
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