Go Eat A Carrot: Year in Review

go eat a carrot

Happy One Year Anniversary to Go Eat A Carrot

Almost exactly a year ago, on Easter Sunday to be exact, Go Eat A Carrot was born. I had gone on this fabulous rom-com date with a pretty decent dude, where he bought me a very large carrot as a Sin Day Sunday gift.

Later that night I had eaten an edible and instead of putting me to sleep it put me in this weird manic-y state of mind where I stayed up through the evening and came to the conclusion that I needed to start a blog. A blog about the truth, and sex and love and politics and food, but mostly about the truth and mostly about the sex truth. A blog where I told people to “go eat a carrot,” which of course is a triple entendre– my favorite kind of entendre.

It’s been a real fucking crazy year. It has been probably the craziest year of my life. I’m happy to still be alive (most of the time). It’s unclear at this point what’s going to happen with this blog. I said I’d write it for a year and I did. There were times I veered away from the truth because my audience was more concerned with the sex. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to get back to the root of what this was–which was a way for me to express the bullshit and the beauty going on in my life and to connect with people over topics that we all enjoy exploring.

Anyway, it’s pretty interesting to realize that Easter comes from the Ishtar, the Assyrian and Babylonian goddess of fertility and sex. No wonder I had the idea for a sex blog on Easter. It’s my way of celebrating life. I create these little babies for you all, blog babies.

It’s been a struggle and a learning curve. I’ve had quite a time in this puritanical land talking about sex, even if I’m doing it from a sex positive perspective, on social media sites. I’ve also dealt with A LOT of really dumb DM messages, yet at the same time I’ve talked to some really amazing new people and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

Here are some stats and some learnings from the first year of Go Eat a Carrot and some stats from my sex life during that time.

Go Eat A Carrot 2018-2019 Details:

  • Blogs: 79
  • Videos: 113
  • Pics: A billion
  • Instagram Followers: 3,393
  • Instagram Accounts Deleted: 2 (after 3K+ followers, rebuilt entire page, added a private page, which got deleted too.)
  • Instagram Accounts Still In Tact: 3
  • Subscribers on Youtube: 494
  • Strikes on Youtube: 2
  • Top Video: Hot Burning Man Sex (42.8K views)
  • Patreon Posts: 581 (deleted several after strike)
  • Strikes on Patreon: 1
  • Peak Patreon Patrons: 15
  • Current Patreon Patrons: 6

Sex/Dating Life Since:

  • One (to 2) night stands: 11
  • Friends with benefits: 5
  • Playthings: 3
  • Boyfriends/lovers: 1
  • Sociopaths: 1

Sex Highlights:

The night the Nun made a sex tape, the former-NBA player experience, the men capable of giving me multiple orgasms–thank you. Financial domination, monster porn, tentacle porn. Quick mental connections that end in friendships that actually last. Old friends returning to the story. Figuring out my patterns and ending them.

Sex Lowlights: The men who couldn’t, wouldn’t get me off. Dog porn. The toy with the app that failed to work. The guy who didn’t share his food the next morning, fuck that guy. The manboys who went back with their exes (yes, there were more than one). The Sociopath, enough said.

Happy Rabbit

The Hard (and soft) Lessons I’ve Learned:

Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath. I don’t talk about it much, mostly because it’s clear this guy is still stalking me and I don’t really want to add more fuel to the fire, but it was quite an ordeal that I’m still working through. For months I was furious. Not only angry at him but angry at myself.

The thing is, I’m working on forgiveness. Not because that’s what Jesus would do, but because it’s the only way I am going to be able to move on with my life. I can’t be mad at a monster for acting like a monster. I can’t be mad at myself for falling for a monster, because the truth of the matter there’s a little bit of monster in all of us.

Yes, I was drawn to the danger, the mystery, the excitement. Yes, I enjoyed the drama… until it went too far. I learned so much about myself from the experience though. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I learned that I would rather be alive than walk around dead all the time. I learned what I definitely do not want in my relationships and I learned how to run away from red flags the moment they start waving their redness in front of me.

I also have learned what I do want. Stability, strength, simplicity. A balance of masculinity and femininity. Honesty. Truth. Fragility. Vulnerability. I want to be held with kindness, care, concern. I want to receive as much as I give– and I am quite a giver.

I’m not playing games anymore. Save the drama for your mama or anyone else that isn’t me because, nah. I’m done with that bullshit.

If people can’t handle it, if they can’t handle me, or they don’t want to put in the work, then guess what? They can just go eat a carrot.

That whole thing has been really fucking hard. It ripped me apart. It dragged me under and I started to drown. Everything else this past year has been minuscule in comparison; the men who left me for their exes, the ghosts, the guy with the girlfriend, the one nights stands that left me bored and unsatisfied, the time-wasters and super-pervs– nothing has come close to that pain and that torment. It’s my goal to make sure it never does again. Mindfuck me once, that’s all I need to never get mindfucked again.

Sure, I danced with the devil, but I knew he was the devil the entire time. The thing is, he wasn’t that good of a dancer and so I’ll just keep dancing on my own. No one can step on my feet that way.

Thanks for all the support for this past year–whether you’re a regular reader, a friend, a regular friend reader, I have appreciated you being there.

If you’d like to show your support for Go Eat A Carrot financially–which would be quite helpful indeed, become a Patron on Patreon, buy me something from my Amazon Wishlist, or buy yourself something nice from one of my affiliate sites:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Woo for Play

Thanks again! Don’t forget to eat your carrots. Nom Nom Nom.

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Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Nipple Play Explained + Tit Play Tips

ways to play with nipples

What To Do With All These Nipples

or

Thoughts on Tit Play

Via an Instagram follower’s question:

“Nipple play. Some people love it, others get nothing from it, why?”

Here’s the deal, if you think of the human body as a macrocosm for pleasure and pain then the nipple would be like a microcosm. Or the tit is like one piece of the puzzle on the body that inhabits this planet.

That being said, every tit is different and even then tit sensitivity can fluctuate day to day depending on hormone levels, etc. Also, the size and structure of the breast can play a big part.

According to my research, those with smaller size breasts commonly have more sensitivity than those with large breasts. I do not know how true this is, as someone with medium sized-breasts mine are pretty sensitive so if someones are MORE sensitive than mine, good goddess I send my kindest regards and good luck getting through a regular day.

Free delivery on all orders over $60

Anyhoo. For all of these reasons (and I’m sure more), this is why some people love nipple play, other people feel nothing with regards to nipple play, and others can find it excruciating.

So, what is one to do when they stumble upon some new nipples in real life? Nipples attached to a human body, a body with a functioning brain; a brain that somehow is capable of connecting feeling to the physical?

I’d suggest good ole regular communication along with practicing the art of easing in.

There are many things one can do while playing with nipples. Here are some examples:

Flavored Body Kiss Edible Massage Cream for Sensual Massage, Strawberry Smoothie, White Cherry and Orange Creamsicle with Nourishing Coconut Oil, Shea Butter PH Balanced.Boxed for Gifting

  • Playing with vibrations or violet wands

High Frequency Machine Professional Use ULTRA NOVA

This list goes on and on for those with imaginations etc.

How should one approach nipple play?

Talk to your partner. Go slowly.

As you nibble, ask “Is this good. Is this enough? Too much? Want more.”

It’s all about discovering each other’s bodies. Sure, it might seem like a passionate move to go in and chomp on a titty but I’m telling you right now most people aren’t going to like that… at least not straight away. That’s why there’s the easing-in stuff. Sort of like how you’d approach spanking someone. You wouldn’t immediately start slapping their ass as hard as you can, you’d give it some light tapping and then gauge the reaction as you increase the intensity. It’s the same.

Whatever you do with your nipples or someone else’s I hope you have fun!

Comment below on your favorite things to do with nipples OR confess to your own nipple sensitivity levels, mine is HIGH!

Masturbation Monday: Going Down a Porn Hole

my favorite kind of porn is weird porn

Once You Know You Can Never Unknow

or

One Woman’s Masturbation Routine

Male Sex Toys 300x250
I wanted to take a step back today because I realized that I’ve been writing Masturbation Monday articles for several months now but have never really gone into detail about my typical masturbation process.

I guess because I didn’t find it very fascinating. It is indeed like pretty much everyone else’s.

Here’s what happens on Masturbation Monday and pretty much every other day and night of the week.

Usually, I bring up Pornhub on an incognito window and fire up a vibrator. Lately, I’ve been using either the Lelo Sona, the We-vibe Tango, or my Hitachi. My clit has gotten used to this high-vibes and can now withstand them longer than a minute so I now have to get my brain involved in the masturbation process.

This is where the porn comes in.

I know many women like to use their own imaginations or read erotica or watch softcore porn, but not me. Oh, no. This is where some may say I veer off the feminist path. Not just slightly either, it’s like a full 180 turn and I have no shame about it whatsoever.

I’ve had so many people say to me that their favorite kind of porn is the amateur porn and I’ll tell you right now that I don’t hate it, there’s a time and a place for it for sure, but it’s not my go-to.

What I like to do is to scroll through the main page and find the weirdest thing I can. Sometimes it’s pretty basic stuff like threesomes or step-mom-fucks-son-while-husband-is-away type films, but sometimes it gets pretty funky like hentai tentacle cat women breastfeeding a giant zebra donkey alien. So I click on it and then I continue to click on weirder and weirder titles until I find the weirdest ones I can find.

Of course, I feel like I’m kind of an amateur at this sort of porn-holing but I’m working on it. I’m getting better. I’m going down stranger and more bizarre holes. They say this is how addiction starts. They say that this is how people begin to separate themselves from other people and start to look at the people they’re fucking as objects instead of people. I don’t know. I mostly fuck vibrators, which are already objects, so not sure how that matters.

Anyhoo. Here’s video where I go into more detail on the porn I’m into.

Leave comments below on the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen or category/stars for me to check out!

Weird Sex Wednesday: Sound Healing My Pussy

sound healing weirdness

The Wide Wide World of Snakes, Lakes, Gongs, & Dongs

Or

Opening My Sacral Chakra and Shaking It Like a Sex Goddess

Admittedly this may be getting too weird for some of you. For others of you though, this will prob be right up your alley.

I’ve lived in Colorado for eight years now and during that time I have participated in my fair share of hippie bullshit. Things like this (though not like this if it’s going to get me in trouble)– orgasmic meditation, tripping on acid while prancing around naked at hot springs, going to a party and accidentally getting trapped listening to a conscious listening event (I do not recommend that one).

My favorite hippie thing of all time though is sound healing.

Gong baths™ to be more specific though I have tried a couple of other styles.

The first time I went to a gong bath I was beyond skeptical. I only went because it got me out of work for an hour.

During that hour though I had one of the craziest trips of all time. There’s even a chance I astral projected; it’s still hard for me to admit that I did even though I clearly experienced everything one experiences when astral projecting (I even used my teeth to rip the umbilical cord that connected me to planet earth).

I’ve been a huge fan of these experiences ever since and I try to go to sound healing events as often as I can.

Here’s the thing though.

They’ve been getting REALLY weird. And REALLY sexual.

The last two gong baths I’ve gone to were based on opening up the sacral chakra– for all of you who are not hippies this is like the sex/creative center of your being.

While in this vibrational meditative state I almost always have crazy visions, like tripping except more vivid, closer to a lucid dream, or a movie that I am staring in playing out in my mind.

Anyway. Snakes keep crawling up into my pussy during these gong baths.

And may I add that in real life I am utterly and totally terrified of snakes.

During the gong baths™  I just let it happen. They wrap around my arms then slowly slither down my throat or they circle my legs then enter my vagina.

They’re STILL in there you guys!

Also, this time a frog made its way into my pussy too.

A big ass mother fucking frog.

You all. I looked up the symbolism of these creatures.

Times are changing. I am transforming. I will soon turn into a Snake Goddess I am almost definitely sure of this. Or maybe a Penis Goddess?!?

Maybe all the snakes are just past lovers I can’t shake?

It would make sense since there were HUNDREDS of them.

Just kidding.

I mean, yes, there were hundreds of snakes but not ALL of them got inside of me, most of them just followed me around everywhere I went and I even flew all the way to the other side.

Told you it was getting weird today.

Was this sex per say? No. But it was a meditative state that opened up my sex holes and it was fucking weird as shit so I’d say that it’s close enough.

P.S. If you want to check out a gong bath™ yourself they’re happening now through the weekend (here’s the schedule). He comes back through with a tour every couple of months but there are many many other sound healing events all over this city and probably in other cities too!

Anniversary Collection

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

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Masturbation Monday: Why Men Wanking Off Is Such an Embarrassment

men having sex with themselves

Choke the Chicken, Flog the Hog, Yank the Crank

or

Male Masturbation Gets the Shaft

I talk about fucking myself ALL the time. Most people do not do this. Most people keep their wanking off stories to themselves. I suppose this makes sense. Most people do not go around talking about how much they enjoy brushing their teeth, what the best toothbrushes are, how to really get in there with the bristles and get that gum disease off. So, I get why it might be a mundane subject to people. Because, yes, masturbation should be part of every person’s daily maintenance just like brushing one’s teeth.

So why is there so much stigma around dudes’ cuffing their carrots?

It probably has something to do with the phallocentrism that pops up all over our earth and of course, let us not forget the patriarchy.

We get it. You have a PENIS! Congrats.

The rest of the world doesn’t need to hear or see or smell anything to do with it. Keep it in your pants! Or take it out, buff the banana, and carry on your day.

You’re horny. You watch porn. You take pics of your dick and send it out to randos hoping one or two may bite–not literally– and send you some sexy pics back.

The stigma stems from TMD. Too much dick.

It’s a culture oversaturated — not by seeing dick necessarily — but by the unseen dicks’ need to shower the world with its creamy milk juice (over and over and over again).

Of course, this stigma makes talking about male masturbation as an art much harder.

For example, guys are not going around discussing tips for better baloney boppin.

Don’t even get me started on the toy industry! There are SOME good toys for the penis, but of course clits & g-spots by far rule this market.

Is talking about male masturbation in a mature way even possible? I don’t know. That’s the other thing about pounding the flounder, it’s almost always portrayed in mass media as something funny. Because the penis is funny let’s be honest. Sure, it’s sexy and hard and like a powerful rod of magic and delight, but still, male masturbation does not have the same sort of appeal as say ass fucking does or even watching a hot girl stick a wet carrot in her mouth.

I don’t know guys. You tell me. This is just round 1 on this topic as I feel like I have a lot to learn and I’m relying on YOU to inform me. So comment below or send me an email. Let me know your thoughts on the stigma surrounding teasing the weasel.

Also– buy this if you want a good male masturbator:

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

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Lelo

Tits Out Tuesday: The Problem With Casual Sex

the problem with casual sex

Fuck Who You Wanna Fuck

or

Be Who You Wanna Be

I follow a bunch of random pages on Instagram. It pretty much runs the spectrum from hedonism to cute puppies all the way to new-age spirituality bullshit and of course, alien conspiracies. The other day I saw several posts come up into my feed that all centered around the same concept– that casual sex is an energy suck.

Most of the posts read something like this:

“Everyone is too busy just having sex for pleasure with no connection. They’re going to lose their chance to find someone real because of their sexual desires (demons) …”

The concept stems from the idea that when you give a part of yourself to someone who has no intention of returning anything you give–you are transferring your energy into emptiness and soon you will also be empty inside.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this idea.

I think for the most part this idea is bullshit.

Is there an actual problem with casual sex?

Yes.

The problem is people who have a problem with it.

If you have a problem with it, then it’s not for you and that’s okay. But, if it’s not your thing that doesn’t mean it’s not for other people. And the only way you lose your energy is by choosing to give it to someone else.

Is it possible to continue creating connections with people AND also participate in casual sex? Perhaps it’s only for people who are capable of separating the meanings of experiences. Not every sexual encounter is about intimacy or spiritual bonding. Sometimes it’s just about enjoying pleasure for pleasure’s sake. If people are going around ONLY seeking pleasure ALL of the time, perhaps they’re all empty on the inside. Or maybe pleasure is just easier for them? Maybe they haven’t gotten to the point where they’re ready for a deeper, closer intimacy. Is that wrong?

It seems like it should come down to communication. If you’re looking for a connection that’s more than just pleasure, discuss it. Perhaps don’t fuck someone who’s only about the physical act of sex.

When you’re on the same page, it shouldn’t be an energy suck or cause for concern.

One form of sex is not necessarily more real than any other. Of course, when you’re into each other it can definitely make the sex better, but it also depends on your definition of better. So, what I’m getting at here is that I disagree with this new-agey bullshit that says casual sex is bad for the world. I believe that everyone should experience more pleasure and within that pleasure, we will all have better experiences here on earth. Perhaps I’m wrong. I’m okay with being wrong. But perhaps shedding the guilt around sexuality would be more beneficial to our planet than continuing to make people feel bad for the choices they’re going to make.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

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Tantus

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Lelo

Tits Out Tuesday: Free the Nipple Movement v. Feminism v. Objectification

free the nipple movement

Free the Nipple Movement, is it Feminist?

or

Why Are Your Tits Out All the Time?

You know, I started this blog because I like giving blow jobs. I like giving blow jobs and I feel guilty about enjoying it because somewhere deep down in my feminist bloodline I feel guilty about liking dick.

After 3 days of mania that also included giving one of the best blow jobs I have ever given–I believe it was described as “transcendent,”–my throat chakra opened, I ditched my liberal identity, and began talking about pleasure as a political tool for growth and change. Of course, I don’t always outright say it. Mostly I just talk about sex stuff, but the point is when we all experience more joy, love, orgasms, the world is a better place. When we all can open up about what and who we like, we can all experience our environments in deeper, more profound ways.

As Go Eat A Carrot has grown I’ve been contacted by some interesting people to say the least. Recently a modeling agency reached out to me.

Now I will tell you right now that for a second in time my EGO almost got the best of me. But, there was something off about the email.

The woman who sent it explained that the agency had booked models for

“Playboy, Maxim, Sports Illustrated, and FHM to name a few.”

Then she went on to say how a different client was looking to film a pro-feminist documentary about the Free the Nipple Movement and body positivity.

She wrapped up the email with my favorite part:

“If interested please respond with your name, age, height, weight, and standard body measurements.”

Perhaps I’m cynical. Skeptical. A non-believer in the GOOD of people. But, if you’re a modeling agency booking women for Playboy, then you reach out to a non-model to be in your “pro-feminist” doc about body positivity only to follow it up by asking how FAT they are, I mean, you clearly are unaware of what kind of documentary you’re actually making.

It sounds like your client is using the Free the Nipple Movement and the body positivity movements to create a film that claims to be feminist only to continue to objectify women–but now women of ALL shapes and SIZES.

Anniversary Collection

Cool.

Coolio.

Cool carrot.

I objectify myself quite often. But I am making the conscious choice to do so. And sure, it’s okay to mix sexuality with feminism. What’s not okay is to lie about your intentions. It appears to me that this company’s intentions is to make money off of the female body by playing off the current cultural phenomenon of feminism, which leaves a bad bad taste in my mouth. (Yes, even worse than stale ejaculate).

The whole point of the Free the Nipple movement is to de-sexualize female breasts.

It’s really fucking annoying that the only time we see boobs are in sexual contexts. The idea is that if we normalize the nude body maybe everyone will calm down a bit. Perhaps be able to keep it in their pants when it needs to be kept in the pants. You know, like when women are breastfeeding their babies, that would be a pretty good time to not get a boner about boobs.

I mean, dudes can get turned on by elbows and feet and fingers and ANYTHING attached to a body really, so why make the boobs extra special? They have nipples and areolas too, some dudes even have boobs that are bigger than some women’s boobs, but if they wanted to walk around shirtless that would be okay?

Come on!

Anyway. I’ll all for freeing the nipple. I’m even for documentaries about body positivity and freedom of expression etc. but only if that’s what the documentaries are actually about and not some trick to show more boobs for guys to wank off to … there’s enough porn out there for that. In fact, there are porn categories for ALL the different boobs sizes guys like to wank off to. The Free the Nipple Movement goes beyond that, to the place where people can look at nipples and not feel the immediate need to spank the frank or diddle the skittle or whatever.

Here’s a toy you can buy for your wanking off pleasure:

Wantis Premium Male Dual Channel Space

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Follow me on all the Social Media

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

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Lelo

Weird Sex Wednesday: Nose Sucking

into the nose

WTF Do You Nose?

or

Smell You Later?!

Several years ago when I lived around York and Colfax in Denver, I went out one night all by myself. Solo adventures on Saturday nights were rarely my thing, but everyone I wanted to hang out with was out of town, so I thought it would be a fun time to go out and observe from afar.

At some point later in the evening after plenty of beer drinking, I made my way into X Bar. This is one of the few gay bars in Denver and I assumed I’d be safe from getting hit on.

Well, shock shock, I of course, end up talking to the one straight guy there who had gotten dragged there by all of his gay friends.

hugo butt plug from lelo
Click on the pic to find out how this can give your butt some good vibes!

He was pretty attractive, from Mexico, “futbol” player/coach, from what I understood he had a girlfriend. So, I thought I was safe, in a different way.

Of course, I was wrong. We end up getting drunk and making out on his couch. His girlfriend was out of town and I at the time was an asshole, so sue me (please do not do that, thank you).

Let’s move on to the weird stuff.

We’re on the couch, mouth-to-mouth, tongue-to-tongue, meow meow.

Then, he removes his mouth from my mouth and starts sucking my nose.

That’s right. MY NOSE.

I immediately attempt to retreat, but he just goes in stronger. It’s sloppy and wet and weird.

My feet flutter like the little mermaid trying to make her escape out of the strange ocean of spit enveloping her face.

I try to fight the sensations sending shivers up my spine.

This is gross!

This is not how making-out is supposed to work!

Why is it working then?

Here’s what I think. I think that because I was completely and totally NOT expecting it, it was so weird that the weirdness of it turned me on. I really don’t care to admit it and I honestly would never want anyone to suck on my nose ever again. (I mean, I get it. I’ve got a big strong nose and I’m sure it’s super sexy to some, while plenty of others think I’m a witch… maybe I am a witch, who cares).

Regardless, the point is that sometimes trying something that is just slightly off-kilter might make the night way more memorable than just regular making out/ sex or whatever. I’m not recommending sucking another person’s nose, but if you haven’t do it yet, WHY NOT?

But, You Nose Best.

tantus weird shit
Get weird and create your own stimulation patterns by playing music or using voice commands to control the rhythm, intensity and duration of stimulation.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo