Thirsty Thursday Cocktail Recipe: Sexy Strawberry Blonde Ethical Slut Punch

summer cocktail recipe

Get Your Cocktail on Today for a Cocktale Tonight

Or

Discover If This Recipe Could Help You Get Laid

I’m a thirsty bitch. I mean that in pretty much every way. As you read or saw last week I talked all about how I’m proud to be thirsty.


{If you make it to the end of this 5-minute video you’ll see us both shake what our mommas’ gave us (you’re welcome).

As a thirsty bitch though, sometimes I get thirsty for more than just dick or pussy or attention. Sometimes I get thirsty for actual drank. Sometimes this girl needs a cocktail before she can carry on experiencing anymore cocktales.

Below is a recipe for my signature drink. Named after me, the sexy strawberry-blonde ethical slut.

This drink is WAY better than that stupid red-headed slut shot they serve at low-end college bars. Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to mix jager with peach? Gag me with a ten-inch dick already… I mean really, gag me with a ten-inch dick… but no, do not ever order me a red-headed slut shot.

My signature drink is delicious just like me.

There’s some healthy sweet fruit all smashed at the bottom. Some lime for that tart and sass. Gin AND tequila because I go both ways. Triple sec because if you say it fast enough it sounds like triple sex, which makes me think of threesomes, which are my FAVORITE when it comes to the sex. MMF, FFM, FFF, any triple sex threesome thing is good with me. Ice because I can be cold, cool, and melt in your mouth. Then, of course, there’s the ginger beer since you all feel the need to call me a ginger all the time even though it’s debatable, but the ginger does add an extra kick and all that liquid helps calm down the hard hard liquor that’s getting all busy in the big ass glass already.

When it’s all mixed up make sure to use your reusable glass or metal straw–this is the ethical part of the drink. Think of it like a condom for your big ass glass. People are getting all butthurt about plastic straws at bars and coffee shops. I get it, I mean, that’s a lot of trash and there is already plenty of trash in the world (insert joke about your mom or Arkansas or something here). metal and glass straws are a great alternative. I’ve had mine since I lived in Boulder–because they have been butthurt about plastic straws for centuries. Anyway, they do last a really long time and I’ve lost more than I’ve broken.

If you’re going to be slutty, if you’re going to get sloppy, might as well be ethical about it.

Will this drink help you get laid? No.

A decent personality, an ability to communicate, a sense of humor, and the whole consent thing (aka not fucking someone super drunk but someone who actually consciously wants to fuck you) those things will help you get laid.

This signature cocktail is just to quench the thirst for a drank. And maybe loosen you up a bit IF you’re down for cocktales (or peach-pies or pink tacos) later.

The full recipe and instructions are below. Cheers!

Thirsty Thursday Cocktail Cocktale Recipe

Sexy Strawberry-Blonde Ethical-Slut Punch

Ingredients:
(for two drinks)
4 to 8 Strawberries
2 to 4 Limes
Gin
Tequila
Triple Sec
Ginger Beer or Ale or Soda Water
Ice

Materials
Big ass glass or jar
Reusable glass or metal straw

Instructions:

Add:

  • 1 part Tequila
  • 1 part Gin
  • 1 part triple sec

Add some cut up  strawberries and smash them in the bottom of the big ass glass.

Throw in the juice of half to one lime.

Put a bunch of Ice in your big ass glass.

Top that big ass glass with ginger beer or ginger ale for that extra PUNCH of flavor (you can use soda water if you have no gingery things or you run out of gingery things or you want to cut out some of the sweetness).

Garnish with lime wedge (and strawberry if you’re feeling real frisky).

Drink up that drank with your reusable glass or metal straw.

Rinse. Repeat until thirst is quenched.

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

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Masturbation Monday: The Original Hitachi Magic Wand Reviewed

sex toy review

Like a Power Tool For Your Clit!

or

Yes, you too can orgasm in just minutes…

I worked at a sex toy store for a little over a year; during that time I tried, tested, had affairs with many different vibrators, dildos, anal plugs etc. because of this experience I have become quite snobby with regard to my sex toy desires. Yet, I’ve always avoided the Original Hitachi Magic Wand.

Why did I avoid the Hitachi Magic Wand?

Well, I had a series of concerns and quite frankly, fears.

It’s big.

It plugs into a wall outlet.

It’s loud!

But most of all, I heard rumors that once you went down the Hitachi road you’d never want to walk down any other road ever again.

And I love my We-Vibes and my Lelos and Fun Factories.

I didn’t WANT the Hitachi to be the end-all be-all of vibrators. I mean, could you imagine carrying this giant ass thing around in your purse or even in your sex bag?! (You do have a sex bag, right? I’ll discuss sex bags another time just in case you do not.)

Admittedly though, I like a good sex toy and this one had a good reputation (and has so for decades). So, I put it on my Amazon Wish List and was surprised to find it arrive at my door a couple of weeks later. It was meant to be! I was so excited. (You can watch me open the sex box and see all the other goodies I got too by going to this article.)

How did the Hitachi Magic Wand work out for me?

Oh, boy.

Well, the very first time I tried it, I put it on the lower speed and used it OVER my panties (which you can buy by contacting me directly) even on the lower speed and over my panties it was SUPER intense. Of course, I’m a go-getter winner that has to find out for herself what something feels like, so I turned it up on HIGH.

I’d like to blame it on allergies or even a hormone imbalance but no, it was blasting away at my clit so hard my eyes started watering. I was reflexively and unintentionally crying from whatever sort of pleasure/pain thing was happening to me. IT WAS AWESOME!

The rumors are true.

The we-vibes and the Lelos and the Fun Factories have their place, but the Hitachi Magic Wand is definitely something every person should own. EVERY PERSON! Why? Because you can also actually use it for its original intended purpose as the body massager. I put it against my head (because I am a strange bird) and it was lovely. It was like a brain massage, it was like I didn’t have to think about anything because my brain literally could not think while I held it there for like ten seconds.

Full disclosure, I have had someone attempt forced orgasms on me with the Hitachi Rechargeable Magic Wand, these orgasms are possible, but it’s not as easy and the toy is not nearly as powerful.

In fact, this is the one and only time that I will tell you to get the vibrator that plugs in. Sure, it’s a bit odd at first to know that your clit is just one shortage away from being zapped off by bad electrical wiring but you really are only risking it for about two minutes max.

That’s right. I can orgasm in under a minute with this thing. Earlier today I orgasmed in like 20 seconds and then I kept going to see if I could have any more– and I did! I’d count about 4 in under 5 minutes. The Hitachi Magic Wand is almost as good as eating magical candy and having a guy eat you out for an hour while you trip (not that I would ever ingest anything illegal but I’ve heard the stories).

Final thoughts on the Hitachi Magic Wand:

If you’re an experienced sex toy user (in the clitoral vibrator realm), aka you’ve tried all the rest, then I’d suggest you give the wand a whirl (or better yet, let it whirl you).

If you’re new to vibrators, I’d try some other less intense toys first and ease into this power-tool for your pussy a few years down the road.

(Feel free to email me if you’d like some suggestions RIGHT NOW or you can subscribe to the blog/ Instagram and stay tuned for my upcoming reviews on other vibrators I love).

(You can also always use it over your underwear or even a pillow. Also, you can put a condom over the head if you want an easier way to keep it clean and/or share it with others.)

P.S.

You can go here to buy the Magic Wand Massager with Shibari Variable Speed Controller for you or someone you love today:

Don’t forget the lube (you can always use more lube):

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Thirsty Thursday: It’s Okay to be Sexy on Social Media

drink up if you are thirsty

It’s Time to Get Quenched

or

When It’s Hot, We All Get Thirsty

Growing up, “Thirsty Thursday” used to mean 99 cent Route 44s from the Sonic aka America’s Favorite Drive-In. The best Thirsty Thursday Route 44 Sonic beverage choice is and will always be a Cherry Limeade. Other running-up choices include the Strawberry Lemonade or a Grape/Orange/Cherry Slush or maybe MAYBE if the mood is just right, a cherry/vanilla Dr. Pepper. Yum Sonic drinks. (Now I am actually getting thirsty).

Today to be “thirsty” means something entirely different.

It no longer has anything to do with getting a giant-ass styrofoam cup full of corn syrup/ sugar-laced soda mixed with those perfectly tiny squared ice cubes for super cheap (though perhaps Sonic still has that special IDK I haven’t been there on a Thursday in years.).

Now, “to be thirsty” means to want or need something… particularly in relation to either attention or sexual relations or sexual attention or social media likes etc. etc.

Here are some sentence examples of the two main ways the word “thirsty” is often used:

Dick messages like 50 women on Instagram every day asking them what’s up, trying to get them to talk and or fuck him; that bitch is thirsty.

Kitty has been staring at that guy across the bar for so long that drool is coming out her mouth and she’s about to start humping her chair; that bitch is thirsty.

Jack is always posting pics of his giant ass biceps on Instagram, that bitch is thirsty.

Krystal posts half-naked pics of herself all over Instagram all day, that bitch is thirsty.

Candy has sent over 5,000 emails trying to get interviews for publicity work, that bitch is thirsty.

SodaStream Fizzi MEGA KIT Sparkling Water Maker with 3 1L Carbonating Bottles and 60L CO2 Cylinder Cartridge,Lightweight Sleek Design, Makes Tap Into Sparkling Water in Seconds!

People seem to use this word in a negative context. Is it wrong to want attention? Is it wrong to want other people to see how sexy you are or to know that you’re thinking of them? Is it wrong to actually go after the things that you want? Fuck it. I don’t care. I’ll be thirsty all day every damn day.

As it was stated in an article called The Modern History of Thirst:

“I think holding in thirst to please other people and to be ‘cool’ is the thirstiest thing one can do.”

So I will not hold back my thirst.

I will continue to show my half naked body all over social media. Why? Because I like it. I like sex. I like being sexual. I like you liking it. I enjoy your attention.

I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m an attention-seeking slut because I AM. I am also about a million other things too so I can be that for a moment then go and be a weirdo who farts and picks her nose while she’s eating an entire container of ice cream. Why? Because we are all complex beings. We all have thirst, we all have hunger. We all want to be wanted whether we want to admit to that want or not.

So drink up bitches. This tall glass of lemonade won’t be full or wet for that many more days. . . (not sure if that sentence actually works in this context but I have other things to do with my day to day, like go and find a drink.)

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Wank Off Wednesday: Unboxing These Dicks in a Box

unboxing

The best gifts come in BIG Boxes

Or

Now I Shall Cum For Years to Come!

Last Friday I received a large box in the mail. I was not home when this large box arrived, but when I walked through the door I knew it must be my sex toy surprise from an anonymous friend. I couldn’t open it right away because my friends were waiting for me at the bar down the street, so I took it upstairs where it sat for hours unopened; yet while at the bar I was thinking of it the whole time. Since I live only two blocks from the drinking establish we were all at, I slipped out unseen to open said box as I could not longer contain my anticipation and excitement.

Here is the video of the unboxing. I know it’s long but I promise there are at least five pervy inappropriate jokes within this box (along with several dicks in this big dry box, which of course I make opinions about).

This video is long, but not as long as your dick, right?

Didn’t watch the video because it was long and intimidating unlike your dick, huh?

Fine.

Here’s a pic:

adult toys and unboxing
My favorite kind of toys to play with.

Included in said big dry box:

  • The Hitachi Magic Wand
  • Ben-Wa Balls
  • Lube
  • Toy Cleaner
  • Clone-a-Willy
  • And a 7.5 inch Dildo with suction-cup & vibrator attachments

This guy knows how to send a party to my door!

I’m beyond grateful. And I will be reviewing each of these items separately in the upcoming weeks. I will say I could not wait to try to Hitachi, I’ll give full review soon but it was SO intense it made my eyes water the first time I tried it. Talk about a power tool for the pussy.

Want to be as amazing as the person who sent me such a pleasurable big box full of dicks? Well, you can! Check out my Amazon Wishlist and go ahead– make my day. (Could really use some new patio furniture. You might not think that’s very sexy but I will tell you right now I’d cum all over at the sight of it on my porch.)

Get yourself or someone you’re into all the stuff from my box with these links:

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Freak Fuck Friday: If I Had a Penis For a Day

freaky friday

Would You Ever Want to Switch Bodies With Another Person?

or

What Would You Do In Someone Else’s Body?

Earlier today a guy reached out on Instagram to tell me that he has enjoyed reading my blog, which of course I was flattered by the thoughtful comment. I checked out HIS Instagram and it’s by far one of the best pages I have ever seen. I’d suggest giving his weird napkin ball page a follow if you dare, as it’s quite a treat. While you’re at it feel free to follow mine too, and you’re welcome to DM me if you have something interesting to say.).

Anyway, since I was hungover as shit I asked him to give me today’s blog topic. He asked me if I have ever thought about what the sexual experience feels like (sensation/sensitivity etc) for the opposite sex.

Of course, the answer is a resounding YES. I think about that shit ALL the time.

Now, to be clear, I’m not a fan of Freud and I do not believe in the whole penis-envy bullshit, but I have definitely been curious to know what it must be like to walk around with a long thingy and two squishy hairy ball thingys hanging between my legs (I’ve also wondered what it would be like to be giraffe or a tree or a poodle–eat the mushrooms and you will too!).

I’ve thought about it SO much that I often ask my male friends if they’d ever Freaky Friday with me.

That’s exactly and not exactly what it sounds like.

In my Freaky Friday the guy and I would switch bodies, just like it happens in the movie of the same name. Except my Freaky Friday would play out more like a porn than a Disney film.

I have the whole day planned out too.

First I’d hire a prostitute. Wait, no, FIRST I would pee standing up and THEN I’d hire a prostitute. I’d pay the prostitute a huge sum of money (because now I am a man and just magically have lots of money for some reason) and the prostitute and I would spend a few hours having all the different kinds of sex, oral sex, penis-in-vagina sex, anal sex. I’d even have this very fine, intelligent, hard-working woman peg me, because WHY NOT? I now have a prostate and I’ve heard that massaging the prostate dramatically improves the sensation of an orgasm.

Then I’d go out to a bar and hit on a woman just to feel what it feels like to be rejected once in my life (hahaha you can discover how much that is not true with my blog on rejection located here). But, seriously, I’d go and try to talk to women to see what it’s like from the other side of things.

Maybe because during Freaky Friday I’m a woman in a man’s body, but still have a woman’s brain I’d luck out and one of the women would be interested in me in a sexual way. (Though since I am woman who also has sex with women, I can’t say it’s worked very well for me thus far).

Moving on.

I’d do that helicopter penis dance.

I’d write my name in the snow or the sand or the dirt or whatever happens to be outside that I can pee on.

I’d pee in an alley.

I’d pee off a mountain.

I’d pee out of a window.

(I’d also drink a lot so I could pee some more).

I’d take a pic of my dick and then send it to someone who politely requested to see it.

I’d go to a gay bar. I’d try to hit on men. I’m not quite sure what time of the day it is at this point, but I’d still want to have all of the different kinds of gay sex a guy can have. Why not?!

At some point, I’m sure I’d masturbate too.

Am I missing anything?!?!

Anything I forgot to do while I had this Freaky Friday dick?

I have NO idea what the sensation/sensitivities are for men. I assume all dicks are different in that regard. I also assume that our pleasures are similar though different. We wouldn’t all be rubbing up on each other so much if we weren’t getting that mind-blowing, toe-curling, internal fireworks show moment we all call an orgasm (of course, I will not go into the number of times I haven’t had an orgasm by fucking a dude with a penis because I’m not writing a novel here).

So… if anyone is interested in this experiment let me know. We can, I don’t know, find some magic spell and make it happen.

Cheers to the Freaks and the day we call Friday.

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Is Human Male Cum Vegan?

healthy phallic eating

Are you a vegan worried about swallowing cum?

or

Swim on, semen swimmers, swim on

The backstory

aka

How the fuck did I even GET HERE today?!

This morning I walked back into my house (after leaving man’s house and walking home) wearing the same clothes I had worn last night, my “walk of hell yeah, I got laid” (instead of the walk of shame… as there is no shame in getting laid). Anyway. I skipped into the kitchen because man had made me coffee before I left and my hangover was masked by a liquid blanket of caffeine. I opened the fridge and realized I had no food. I should have realized that earlier since I know for a fact that I haven’t been to the grocery store in over two weeks and yet somehow I always manage to find something to eat, even if it’s leftover celery from the wings I had eaten with another dude the night prior. In any event, I realized that I should probably get my shit together and go and get groceries. If I could walk a mile and a half to go on a date I can walk the 6 blocks it takes to get to Safeway.

I have been contemplating going vegan for a week just to like cleanse my system and force myself to eat healthy stuff like carrots and asparagus and eggplant and other foods that resemble penises that are supposed to help make you big, hard, and strong. I opened an old vegan cookbook that was on the shelf hoping it would inspire healthy eating and ideas on what to get at the grocery store. As I was leafing through the vegan cookbook a beautiful drawing fell out onto my lap. The drawing* is of a person with boobs and a giant cock jizzing all over with the word “Spunk” written out in jizzy-like font.

penis facts and veganism
Is spunk vegan?

The drawing made me think back to the time when I actually was full-on vegan, for two whole years I refrained from the meat and the dairy and the eggs, and yes I still got laid. But! A debate would often come up in friend circles. Is human male ejaculate vegan?

The FINAL Answer.

Quite simply, yes.

Human male ejaculate contains sugars, proteins, and fatty acids that are designed to help the sperm along their journey to the egg (sperm itself only accounts for about 1% of jizz). Most men cum about a teaspoon of semen at a time. This teaspoon of guy-goo is about 5 to 25 calories and though it does contain protein you’d need to basically drink at least a 4 ounce glass of it to get any protein benefits.

But, the question was, is it vegan?!

Dudes. Chill. I know.

I already said YES. Cum is vegan.

If you’re vegan you can swallow a load any fucking time you want.

Assuming that you’re having consensual sex and the other person says it’s okay to eat their splooge.

Because consent is actually what makes ejaculate vegan. Consciousness allows one person to give permission to another person to eat something that has cum out of the body. I’m not sure you could get much more vegan than that actually.

P.S.
Please don’t be dumb and try to argue with me that sperm is people. Sperm is not people, okay. Sperm is sperm. Sperm is owned by the dude and when that dude gives it to someone else they are giving a gift, not of life, but of sperm. Sperm is sperm… remember that the next time you’re eating a carrot.

P.P.S.
Some vegans will only have sex with other vegans, typically this is for political reasons such as “I’m not fucking some non-woke meat eater.” Yet, my roommate just brought up the concept that some vegans think that meat will get into the sperm.

According to all of my research, there is only anecdotal evidence that diet impacts the taste/smell of sperm; it’s actually hydration that will determine the amount of cum that, well, comes out. As far as the meat going into the makeup of the sperm, that seems ridiculous and not accurate and I could find no scientific backing of that BUT prove me wrong?! I’m sure there’s a vegan out there ready to prove me wrong. I’m mean come on, you’re all a bunch of fucking food-trolls, I know because I used to be one of you.

*Do you want to own the above pictured found art piece? Name your price and contact me for details.

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If You’re Happy and You Know It, You’re Probably Masturbating

woman's panties for sale

It’s Masturbation Monday!

or

Let’s Get Off Together, Alone

What better day to masturbate than the day after the weekend. You know that entire weekend where you didn’t get laid at all?! Or maybe you did– and now you have something to think about while you masturbate instead of just looking at porn hub. Either way, Monday is the perfect day to masturbate. Actually, any day ending in a Y is a good day to masturbate, but Monday and Masturbate both start with an M, so here we are, because … MMMMMM.

What is masturbation exactly?

Well, it’s different for every person out there, but essentially it’s when you take the time to pleasure yourself in a sexual manner. Does eating ice cream on the couch while watching Broad City count as masturbation?! I don’t know, did you experience any sort of orgasmic pleasure during the event? If so then yes, if not it’s perhaps is just pleasure for pleasure’s sake.

Moving on.

Why would a person masturbate?

Did you know that there are like a least three dozen reasons?

Some benefits of masturbation include:

  • Better Sleep
  • Stress Relief
  • Strengthens Your Pelvic Floor
  • Relieves Menstrual Cramps
  • Improves Your Immune System
  • Gets You More Intune With Your Body
  • Increases Self-Esteem

Oh, and you also get to have an orgasm without anyone else there to witness your O face. Oooo yes.

Plus, no one is there to give you an STI or look at you funny while you making those weird dolphin shrieks that for some reason get you off.

Yes, yes, yes! There are many reasons to masturbate. And now, every Monday I will be exploring the different realms of masturbation, from sex toy reviews to funny stories, to tips and tricks about getting off so you can move on with your day (or just go to sleep sooner).

Come on!

Indeed. Come to me and show me some support.

New to Go Eat A Carrot:

You can now trade with me! That’s right, from panties to pics to private convos, there’s something for everyone to get from me (if the price is right)! Check out my support page to get even closer to me (and help Go Eat a Carrot and Krystal herself continue to live on.)

Let’s all show ourselves some more love, yeah?

Happy Masturbation Monday 🙂

P.S.
May is also National Masturbation Month. I know I’m a little behind the times, but stay tuned next week for my favorite vibrator review!

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What Was This Ghost Guy Thinking?

dude no

Ran Into a Ghost Last Night

Guess That Makes Him a Zombie?

Last night I went to my regular watering hole. This bar is just a few blocks down the street from me and it’s cheap, which means it’s dangerous but also the most fun.

While I was there with my friend and her not-boyfriend-boyfriend not one but TWO different guys I have had sexual relations in the past happened to wander in.

One made sense as he is my neighbor. And whatever, we still talk occasionally, no big deal.

The second one lives nowhere around here. He, in fact, was one of the many men who GHOSTED me in the past. Which was really fucking ironic or serendipitous or whatever as I had just written about ghosting two days ago. Maybe he knew and subconsciously felt left out since I failed to mention him in that post. Anyway, it had been over six months since I had seen, heard, or even thought about that guy.

I was at the bar ordering another drink (we will say it was my 5th but who keeps count these days?) when I noticed a quite attractive man a few stools down from me.

“You look familiar,” he said as he took a sip of his whiskey on the rocks.

I stare at him for a moment and then it hits me:

“Oh, indeed. That’s because we’ve fucked.”

His eyes go wide. He realizes it too.

“Oh! Yes. I guess that would be the reason.”

I move closer to him (he’s still looking as fine as the day we boned):

“I was just thinking about you the other day,” I say, “I was writing a blog about ghosting and I remembered you because we had this long philosophical conversation about dating and being open and honest and how ghosting was a bullshit form of not communicating. Remember that? Then, do you remember how I sent you some texts the next couple of days after and you never replied? Like, how you said you’d never ghost and then you did just that?! That was hilarious!!”

He furrows his brow:

“That doesn’t sound like something I’d do,” he insists.

Fast-forward to today and this text exchange where he informed he was now back with his ex-wife. But, here’s the kicker, he continued:

“I wouldn’t say it’s entirely accurate that I’m not into you.”

They are not in an open relationship.

I’m trying to understand the male brain here.

We went out a couple of times. We had sex. We stopped talking. We run into each other and have a casual conversation. Then he texts me to tell me he’s back with his ex but he might still be into me?!

If I were his ex-wife I would have stayed an ex because of this kind of behavior.

Exes are exes for a reason.

There’s this meme:

mcdonalds fries
True or False?

I’m not saying it’s ALWAYS bad. I’m sure there are circumstances where reuniting after spending time on personal growth might make it more reasonable and likely for success.

But… if you’re with someone monogamously and you’re thinking about how you might possibly be into someone else… perhaps that’s a sign that the two of you aren’t right for each other?

Or maybe he’s the type of guy who likes to have a serious relationship but then get fresh hot fries on the side?

Yes, I like sex. I am a slut. I enjoy hot fresh fries just as much as the next person, but I do have boundaries. I even have morals if you can believe it. And even if this guy and his ex-wife end up apart again (and they will as that’s pretty apparent) I could not, would not want to ever take a bite of his fries.

I can forgive a ghost (cuz they dead). I can’t accept a zombie though, because I enjoy having my brains intact.

Anyone have a different opinion on the matter? Am I reading it wrong? Did I just waste a bunch of time thinking about this? Probs.

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Is there a solution for couples who have differing sex drives?

polyamory saves sexual incompatibility

Whether Your Sex Drive is High, Low, Or Medium Rare

Could Polyamory Save Sexually Incompatible Relationships?

I have always had an exceptionally high sex drive. The kind of high sex drive that would hump anything that happens to be in the same room when it revs up (here’s looking at you couch cushion… jk I’ve never done that… but now I’m thinking about it).

My sex drive is so high that when they put me on Prozac for depression I was actually excited when the doctor told me it could interfere with my desire to have sex. I was like, please Goddess, please interfere with my desire. And it did. Oh yes. I went from an extremely high sex drive to an above average sex drive.

In other words, I only wanted to hump whatever was in the room 80% of the time instead of 95%, which of course led me to get a few other things done–something I really cherished.

Of course, because I’m terribly stubborn and think I can overcome my depression and high-sex drive all by myself I have yet again stopped taking the Prozac and am back up to 95%.

Luckily I have Tinder and vibrators and fingers (and couches now I guess) oh yes, and the occasional person I’ve slept with before who happens to want to have sex with me again for some reason (probably not for my personality, but who really knows these days).

In any event. My sex drive is HIGH. Not as high as say Snoop Dogg on 420, but high nonetheless. Maybe as high as Ilana from Broad City when she’s hanging out in the bathroom stall during work. I have never dated a person with a sex drive as high as mine. In fact, several if not many of my relationships have ended because our levels of sexual desire were not compatible. In other words, they can’t fuck me enough*.

I’ve tried to get over it. That’s why I took up running and yoga. Reading and writing. Extreme masturbation (not sure what that is but it sounds like something I’d do). I tried just getting over it. I tried being happy with what I got. I always wanted more though. It’s just who I am. It’s how I’m built. Whatever. I like sex. I like a lot of sex. Almost everyone likes sex to some degree (minus the asexual people, which you do your thing and I’ll do mine, okay?).

So what do you do when you find someone you’re compatible with that has a totally different sex drive than yours?

Many relationship experts say that if you’re not sexually compatible than you should break up, move on, not even bother trying to work it out because you’ll always be disappointed one way or the other when it comes to getting your freak on (either too much in an attempt to please your partner or not enough in an attempt to please your partner).

But what if there was a solution?

This morning I started reading the book More Than Two (A practical guide to ethical polyamory). In the first chapter the authors write:

“Some people go into poly to have more sex; some people go into poly to have less sex.”

It’s weird because I’ve been reading theory and advice and having discussions on polyamory and monogamy for like, basically a decade now and probably because I myself have a high sex drive never had even considered that it could also work out well for people with LOW sex drives.

Let’s say that I want to have sex an average of about 5 to 7 times a week. My partner X is only really down for sex about 3 to 4 times a week. If we’re in polyamorous relationships then I could have another partner, Y, that was able to help me get off more and help X not have to have as much sex. And then Y can have sex with someone else too or just with K depending on Y’s sex drive levels.

K + X + Y = sexual fulfillment for all…

This is just a hypothetical scenario. But it COULD be a better option than ending a relationship just because one element is not aligned.

Does anyone else have an opinion on this matter?

Anyone else struggle with a low or high sex drive that makes it so you’re often not sexually compatible with your partner?

What have you done to find balance?

Would you consider polyamory as a solution?

Also, side note…

Many of you claim to read my blog on occasion. Awesome. Thank you! If you’d like, you can follow it. You can subscribe to my youtube channel and you can also follow me on Instagram to get updates as often as I update… which is usually daily unless I’m hungover.

*Admittedly when I was in the long-term 5+ years monogamous my sex drive did finally die, but that’s a story for another day… one I will prob never tell because I just told the gist of it.

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Kings and Queens and Lovers of Oral Sex, Unite!

eat more carrots and peaches and tacos

Why Kings Should Eat Pussy

or

Another Reason to Stay Away from Marriage in the Patriarchy

I’ve been thinking about this DJ Khaled situation. The one where he says he won’t perform oral sex on his wife because he’s a King and since he’s the King she still has to blow him.

Seems like most of us have the same opinion about this being bullshit.

It wouldn’t be bullshit if he just didn’t like performing oral sex, but the reason he doesn’t do it is because he thinks that she doesn’t deserve sexual pleasure. At least that is the interpretation. Because he provides for her financially that is seemingly good enough for him. Because he provides financially she is “required” to suck his dick. Hmm?! Interesting.

And people can’t seem to follow the concept that marriage and prostitution share similar traits. Oh sure, one is sanctioned Under God and the other I guess technically Under the Devil but getting paid to be with someone is all basically the same thing, whether you’re getting paid to be with someone for a night or you’re getting paid to be with someone for a life.

Neither is wrong necessarily, but it is what it.

I was in a discussion with Tinder date the other night. He claims that marriage is rooted in spirituality. I claim that marriage is rooted in social and financial status. That is, two people married to unite families in order to make more money and boost power. Perhaps we’re both right in our own ways. Maybe we’re both wrong. Yet, married is NOT rooted in love, of course some people get married because of love but that’s not the only reason for marriage in the history of marriage. The king/queen thing is quite interesting, considering we don’t live in that time period anymore.

If you’re using those words symbolically to mean that you are above other people then you’d know that being above other people actually means that you give pleasure and thoughtfulness and kindness to others– particularly to your lovers (and that you don’t actually think you’re above anyone, but that’s a different story).

  1. I don’t know if I could ever get married.
  2. I don’t know if I could ever get married to someone who hated to eat pussy.
  3. I could be with someone who hated to eat pussy but was cool with other people eating my pussy.
  4. If I did ever get married though I’m pretty sure that person would have to love eating pussy as much as I love oral sex.
  5. Maybe I haven’t gotten married or even had a partner in such a long time because no one seems to be capable of rising to my level of sluttiness.
  6. I know you’re out there though. Kings and Queens of Slutsville hit me up, not necessarily to get married but we could pretend to be royalty together for a night.

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