3 Things for Singles to Do On Valentine’s Day 

singe on valentines day

Valentine’s Day Ideas for Singles

For many singles, Valentine’s Day brings up a lot of gross feelings such as loneliness, despair, sadness. Those feelings are valid. Feel the feelings, but note that they too shall pass. Love is all around and already deep within. Here are a few ways to feel that love even more this Valentine’s Day–or any day of the year for that matter.

Learn the best thing about being single in this video.

3 Ways to Enjoy Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

1. Give Love Back

For the past three years my best friend and I have made Valentine’s Day cards and have gone out on the streets of Denver to pass them and candy out to strangers walking by. Every year we’re amazed by the responses. People light up, they smile, they gush, they ask to take pics with us. For us it’s about giving back a bit of love to everyone regardless of who they are because we all deserve it, we are all worth it. So, if you’re feeling down one idea is to give back to others, whether you volunteer at a homeless shelter or volunteer to walk dogs or babysit for your couple friend who want a night out on the town, whatever style of giving you choose it’s a pretty powerful way to get out of your own head and see that love is all around you.

Valentine's shop

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2. Love Yourself All Night Long

Self-love takes work. Just like it takes work to love others except often it’s much harder because we have to live with ourselves every moment of every day. I don’t know about you, but I have been known to get on my own nerves from time to time.

That being said, I also love myself. It’s fun to take a night and do things that make you feel good. Pamper the shit out of yourself.

Cook yourself a nice meal, drink a glass of wine or three, go get a massage or take a hot bath (add a herbal tea mix or bath bomb to the water to really treat yourself), write down your hopes and dreams, make one of those vision boards, read a good book (This is How You Lose Her, Jitterbug Perfume, O’ Pioneers I can go on and on), masturbate with a nice lube, maybe splurge and buy yourself a new toy, light a candle or two. Do you boo boo, you deserve it.

Check out my list of the Best Sex Toys for Men here.

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3. Express Your Gratitude

Valentine’s Day is a great time to reflect back on all that you have. Why not get a group of single friends together and celebrate how wonderful it is to be in each others lives? Make fancy cocktails or collaborate on a new project together (or both). If your friends are far away write them a letter that says how much they mean to you. This works with family members too. It’s never a bad time to say something good about someone dear to you. It might be just what they needed to hear or just what you needed to say to have a more joyful day.

Anyway, you go I hope you have a lovely holiday. I’ll be handing out Valentine’s on the streets of Denver as per usual. Perhaps I’ll see you out and about!

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Enneagrams, Russian Doll, and Killing Yourself

killing the self

A Mental Health Update

Yesterday I went to a therapist for the first time in my entire life.

I’ve been overcoming depression on and off for about twenty years give or take. It’s not that I’ve ever necessarily been afraid to go to therapy. I tell strangers my problems all the time over the internet. I’ve always thought that I could work through everything myself, I thought I was strong enough, that comparatively my problems were nothing.

Well, a few things happened all at once to finally get me to make the call. First, I ended yet another toxic relationship. Then, I went to Planned Parenthood after the end of this toxic relationship and discovered my pH balance in my vagina was off. Shock shock. Not a big deal. This happens to women all the time, we just tend to keep it to ourselves. They put me on antibiotics and thus for the last week I have not been drinking. I’ve instead been filling my time with a lot of reading and a lot of Netflixing.

Broad City Collection

One of the many books I’ve been plowing through is a book about Understanding the Enneagrams. At first, I thought this whole thing was going to be bullshit but bullshit can be entertaining. Initially, I was drawn to it from a writer’s perspective to better understand the motivations behind different people’s actions and reactions. Enneagrams divide people into 9 different personality types that continue to get more complicated and nuanced as you learn more.

As I was reading it I found that people I know fit within certain numbers perfectly. Like the guy I fell for most recently was an unhealthy 3; no self-worth thus manipulates and deceits people until he brings them down to his level. I found myself too. I’m an 8. The Challenger. The Challenger rises from a loss of innocence that can then manifest itself in lustful ways.

Fast forward.

I’m binge-watching Russian Doll on Netflix. I love Natasha Lyonne and Chloe Sevigny. I stick with it even though it starts off as this Groundhog’s Day-esque format of which makes me go mad. Yet, I put my anxiety on hold.

There was something quite powerful with this show even though the repetition of repeating the same day can make a person crazy, which is exactly the point, right? You keep getting thrown these same situations over and over because you’ve never solved the problem you were meant to solve.

The only difference is that our patterns come back with different masks, we don’t get a do-over. (I will not go down the rabbit hole of alternative dimensions today because that just gets complicated.)

Anyway, so we can see the main character repeating the same patterns within the same time frame of a day, day after day, but it’s just the same as us waking up day after different day and getting to try again.

At the end, she is finally confronted with her loss of innocence. She has no where else to go and must take the steps to overcome the pain of her past. She has to kill the part of herself that she no longer the needs. The part of herself that has been trying to protect her all of these years but has instead started to do the opposite. This is not a physical death. It is a letting go.  

Is this character an enneagram 8? Most def.  

Is this all just coincidentally unfolding right here right now for me? Nah. It’s time.

It’s time for me to take proactive steps to stop my pattern that are holding me back.  Sure, I’m strong, but I’m stronger now because I can admit that I can’t do everything on my own.

Do You Feel Worthy Enough To Handle The Rejections From Dating?

worthy of rejection

Tits Out & Truth Bombs Tuesday

Or

Some People Can’t Handle Your Worthiness

I couldn’t sleep last night. I felt sad and disappointed about my current state in love, dating, life.

I know it’s difficult for some of you to believe, but I’ve been rejected quite a bit lately.

(The most recent by a guy who claimed he really liked me, was totally into me; told me to text him then didn’t respond for nine days. Only to tell me when he did finally respond that he had hooked back up with his ex and has now decided to get back together with her. But… he still “wants to be friends.” #coolcarrot)

Dating can be a struggle for everyone, even people who are expert daters. One reason why I’m an expert dater is because of all the rejection, both to and from me.

It’s hard out there. And I’m not talking just about boners.

In the book I’ve been reading (More Than Two), the authors write:

“Even the healthiest person, when persistently rejected, will hurt.”

And it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel sad or angry or disappointed when something doesn’t work out with someone, particularly when so many possibilities had felt so possible. Yet, I know that I am worthy of great, loving, thoughtful, intimate relationships. I know what I am capable of giving back to other people. I know how much love is already in my life, which helps me from spiraling all the way down into a bottomless pit of despair.

I also know that I have to feel the sadness. Because if I don’t feel it, it will bottle up and turn into something really ugly that no one, including myself, wants to see.

Here are some questions that I have been asking myself, perhaps they will also help you if you’ve recently been rejected.

  • What do I bring to others’ lives? (In friendships, family, and romance)
  • What love is already in my life?
  • What have I learned from these recent dating experiences?
  • How can I apply these learnings to create better relationships in the future?
  • What do I really want and what can I truly give?

I am so grateful to all of you who have been reading/watching/enjoying/following this blog. To tell you the WHOLE truth, starting this blog kept me from killing myself. I understand that that sounds dramatic, but I was in a pretty dark place a couple of months ago; my creativity was stifled, I didn’t know what I wanted, I was drinking and doing too many drugs.

Now at least my creativity isn’t stifled and I know what I want 🙂

Rejection is one of the costs of dating. It can be painful, but perhaps we can all look rejection more as a type of growing pain than something specifically directed at you as a person. Everyone is out there looking for different things and we can’t also be the one to give those things to another.

As they say:

“The people in a relationship are more important than the relationship.”

I’m not expert at any of this, but I have had many and plenty of experiences. I’m going to continue onward, knowing the difference between needing and wanting someone… knowing what I can give and knowing what I’m willing to take. Knowing that sometimes people aren’t meant to be in a relationship with you, but they are still beautiful wonderful people who deserve love and fulfillment.

Rejection is alright.

Because in the end, even when we lose, we win.

happy sad crying
Look! I cried a tear. Not because of rejection but because I thought of all the love I already have in my life and it made me so happy I cried.

Pre-coffee / Pre-process of emotions / early morning wake-up video / honestly have no idea what I even say on this but didn’t want you all to think I’m hiding shit from you. . .

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