The Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter

These Penis Platters Are the Opposite of Hard (to make)!

Hosting a small gathering? Need something quick and easy to take to a party (next year, fingers crossed)? Want to please your friends with snacks that are healthy and delicious while making them laugh at the same time? Well, you’re in luck– because the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter will do all of that!

The beauty in this recipe is its versatility. You could easily use any combination of:

1) phallic food

2) nuts

3) white creamy substance

Ready to put together the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter?

Here’s What You Need:

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Carrots

Cucumber

Pickles

Summer Sausage

Any other phallic shaped foods you love to eat

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Pecans

Peanuts

Almonds

Walnuts

Hazelnuts

Any other nut you enjoy putting in your mouth

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Dill dip

Ranch dressing

Blue cheese dressing

Any soft white cheese

White queso dip

any other type of white dipping sauce of your choosing.

What You Do:

Assemble the platter into one large phallic shape or several small penis-like shapes on a serving tray or cutting board of your choice. I put the nuts into two ball-shaped circles on one side of the phallic-shape and then I artfully splooged cream dips directly onto the cutting board on the other side of the phallic shaped food. This is your time to get creative and play with the penis platter however you so desire. Make it artful-play with minimalism or abstract expressionism. Make it super pervy–make each phallic food ridiculously big. Anything you want to do here!

Want more Phallic Food Recipes? Check out my Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies –another super simple appetizer that’s great for parties (they’re like finger foods but dicks instead).

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