Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies

The perfect phallic food diet holiday appetizer!

The best thing about lil weenies is that you can put a whole bunch of them in your mouth at one time. These lil weenies are packed with protein with just a hint of sweet and spicy. My uncle often makes these for Christmas but he uses candied jalapeños, which are delicious. I decided to try them with carrots since this is Go Eat A Carrot after all. They turned out pretty good. Feel free to use either or neither in your recipe. They also have cheese stuffed lil smokies on the market now and those would be a fun, juicy, cream-squirt option to try if you’re into that.

Remember to keep your lil weenies wrapped this holiday season so you don’t have any baby weenies appear nine months from now. I’d suggest condoms for that, not bacon.

Enjoy these mouthgasms! And Happy Holidays!

Wrapped Lil Weenies Recipe

What You Need:

  • Package of Bacon
  • Package of Little Smokies
  • Baby carrots (cut in half)
  • Honey
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Cooking spray
  • Foil + Baking Sheet

What You Do:

Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees

line baking sheet with foil and spray with cooking spray

cut your bacon into thirds

Take one of your carrot halves and one of your little wieners and wrap up in one piece of cut bacon. Place seam down on baking sheet. Repeat until baking sheet is full of lil wieners. Dab each wiener with a little bit of honey. Then sprinkle with cayenne pepper.

Bake for 40 minutes until bacon is crispy.

Put on your favorite serving plate. Shove in mouth.

Get more from Go Eat a Carrot including Phallic Food Fun facts, cockless-cocktail mocktail recipes, Just the Tip advice, and one-on-one video consulting on my Patreon.

Looking for more easy phallic food diet recipes: Try my Sweet Jizz Glazed Carrots!

Three-Way Phallic Food Sauté

Three-Way Phallic Food Sauté

Spice up your dinner plate with this sexy phallic food sauté. This dish is a super easy + healthy way to add some side dish to your entree. Get almost all your phallic foods in your mouth at once!

What you Need for Phallic Food Sauté:

Skillet

Knife (I used this french fry cutter thing to give them a fun shape–not required)

Cutting board

½ cup eggplant

½ cup zucchini

½ cup yellow squash

Olive oil

Salt

Seasonings of choice (recommended: italian or old bay or creole or cumin + paprika)

What you do:

Slice the eggplant into rounds or dices depending on size of eggplant. 

Put in colander. Cover with salt. Let sit for an hour.

Once the eggplant has had sometime to sweat and think about what it’s done. Heat a skillet. Add some olive oil to the pan. Throw in all the vegetables together and saute until they’re a little bit blackened (that’s how I like them anyway) — about 10-15 minutes. 

Eat them as a side to your favorite entree OR make it a four-way by heating up a brat, slicing it up and throwing it into the party.

P.S.

I originally tried using the entirety of all three phallic foods in this sauté. I even had a really big skillet, but it was still too much to sauté all at once. Obviously you can do it in batches if you want to use more than 1/2 a cup at once.

Get fun phallic food facts on the Go Eat a Carrot Patreon!

Want more phallic food recipe ideas? Try the Nut & Creamed on Carrot Ginger Soup (yum)!

Did you know that the future author of the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook has written a work of fiction? Read her raunchy dark comedy about a woman addicted to meth who is caught in a rather compromising position. Corn Tits Part 1 is out on almost all major e-readers now.

Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup

The first recipe for the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook is a delicious and easy to make carrot ginger soup.

I refuse to be one of those people who write a novel before the recipe. I really do not care how much it helps the SEO. You deserve better than that.

So, here is the carrot ginger soup recipe:

Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup 

Prep Time: 15 mins

Cook Time: 30 mins

Total Time: 45 mins

Serves 3 to 4

What You Need

  • 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 cup chopped yellow onions
  • 5-6 garlic cloves, smashed
  • 3 heaping cups chopped carrots
  • 1+ tablespoon grated (or chopped fine) fresh ginger (adjust according to taste)
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
  • Pinch of nutmeg (optional)
  • Pinch of cayenne pepper (optional) 
  •  4 cups vegetable broth
  • Sea salt and fresh black pepper

For the Nut & Cream Finish (Optional)

  • Plain greek yogurt (or non-dairy if vegan)
  • Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto (recipe to come next week) 

What You Do

  1. Get out a large pot. Put it on the stove. Add olive oil to the pot. Turn the heat up to medium. 
  2. Add the onions and a generous pinch of salt and pepper. Cook until softened, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes. 
  3. Add the smashed garlic cloves and chopped carrots to the pot and cook about 8 minutes more, stirring occasionally.
  4. Toss in the ginger, apple cider vinegar, the vegetable broth (and nutmeg, cayenne pepper if using). Reduce to a simmer and cook until the carrots turn from hard to soft, about 30 minutes. (Perfect time to make that Pesto if using)
  5. Let cool slightly.
  6. Transfer to a blender. Blend until smooth. (It certainly may not go super smoothly if it all doesn’t fit in blender at once, but it is worth the mess or the potential investment in an immersion blender.) 
  7. Once blended you can re-adjust the seasonings to your taste.

Finally, the fun part! 

Pour the carrot ginger soup into a bowl. Take a spoonful of greek yogurt and wap it on top of the soup. Top the creamy yogurt with the Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto. Eat. Enjoy. Yum. 

Want to learn a fun fact about the carrot? Check out this Go Eat a Carrot Patreon video.

Want to further your reading? Check out Do We Really Want to Go Back to Normal? Thoughts on the pandemic.

Or after you eat your carrots perhaps you will be filling lusty, if that is the case, have you experimented with any new toys lately? Love Honey has Sexy Advet Calendars now. That will give you something to do (toys) or wear (lingerie) like every day for many days to come. Click on image below to discover more!

Thanks for coming.

Masturbation Monday: Why Men Wanking Off Is Such an Embarrassment

men having sex with themselves

Choke the Chicken, Flog the Hog, Yank the Crank

or

Male Masturbation Gets the Shaft

I talk about fucking myself ALL the time. Most people do not do this. Most people keep their wanking off stories to themselves. I suppose this makes sense. Most people do not go around talking about how much they enjoy brushing their teeth, what the best toothbrushes are, how to really get in there with the bristles and get that gum disease off. So, I get why it might be a mundane subject to people. Because, yes, masturbation should be part of every person’s daily maintenance just like brushing one’s teeth.

So why is there so much stigma around dudes’ cuffing their carrots?

It probably has something to do with the phallocentrism that pops up all over our earth and of course, let us not forget the patriarchy.

We get it. You have a PENIS! Congrats.

The rest of the world doesn’t need to hear or see or smell anything to do with it. Keep it in your pants! Or take it out, buff the banana, and carry on your day.

You’re horny. You watch porn. You take pics of your dick and send it out to randos hoping one or two may bite–not literally– and send you some sexy pics back.

The stigma stems from TMD. Too much dick.

It’s a culture oversaturated — not by seeing dick necessarily — but by the unseen dicks’ need to shower the world with its creamy milk juice (over and over and over again).

Of course, this stigma makes talking about male masturbation as an art much harder.

For example, guys are not going around discussing tips for better baloney boppin.

Don’t even get me started on the toy industry! There are SOME good toys for the penis, but of course clits & g-spots by far rule this market.

Is talking about male masturbation in a mature way even possible? I don’t know. That’s the other thing about pounding the flounder, it’s almost always portrayed in mass media as something funny. Because the penis is funny let’s be honest. Sure, it’s sexy and hard and like a powerful rod of magic and delight, but still, male masturbation does not have the same sort of appeal as say ass fucking does or even watching a hot girl stick a wet carrot in her mouth.

I don’t know guys. You tell me. This is just round 1 on this topic as I feel like I have a lot to learn and I’m relying on YOU to inform me. So comment below or send me an email. Let me know your thoughts on the stigma surrounding teasing the weasel.

Also– buy this if you want a good male masturbator:

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