Nothing says, “I love you,” like presents that have multiple purposes. Why not give the gift of pervertables this year? Here are three things that can be used in everyday life and also in the bedroom to add some kink to your play time.
Heart-Shaped Wooden Spoons
These are both beautiful and naughty. Use them to stir up some soup or take them to the bedroom and spank the night away.
This is one the most versatile oils money can buy. Not only can you use it for cooking you can also use it for hundreds of other things from cuticle softener, make-up remover, lotion, and as a massage oil.
Sure, they look innocent enough, but what happens when you wring them up and slap someone’s ass with them? They’re also nice to put down if you or someone you know happens to be a squirter.
You’ll Never Look At Household Objects the Same Way Ever Again
or
They Did What With What?!
It’s yet another Masturbation Monday. Do you feel it? Today I’m talking about one of my favorite topics, pervertables.
A pervertable is any household object that you turn into a sex toy/kink device.
The first time I discovered there was an actual name for doing these things to household objects I was 24, living in Chicago. I went to the Leather Archives & Museum, which happened to only be a few blocks from my apartment located in Roger’s Park. In the basement of the Leather Archives & Museum, they had an entire room full of kitchen utensils, clothes pins, brooms etc. At first, I was confused, why was there a lime juicer in a Leather Museum? Then I read the sign, “These are all Pervertables.”
I was like, holy shit! I never would have thought to put a lime juicer up my va-jay-jay, but someone else surely has and definitely liked it. Or maybe they used the lime juicer to squeeze some balls. The thing about pervertables that I love so much is that they give people the opportunity to use their imaginations.
A paddle is a paddle, sure. But you know what else can be a paddle? Pretty much anything you look at– a book, a spatula, a hairbrush. The world is open. The world is ready. All you have to do is look around.
One minor note on pervertables. Just like with other sex toys etc. do not put anything up your butt that does not have a base. I repeat DO NOT put anything UP YOUR BUTT that does not have a base. When I say base I am talking about a wide round plug-like surface that will prevent the item from being sucked up violently by your butthole never to be seen by the light of day again.
Once when I was working at Fascinations a guy came in and told me how he had gotten these battery-operated bullet eggs lodged up his ass. He could not get them out for three days. On the third day, instead of going to the ER as one should, he used chopsticks to fish them out of his ass. CHOPSTICKS! Here’s something else important that I need to say. DO NOT USE CHOPSTICKS TO DIG OUT LOST PERVERTABLES OR TOYS FROM YOUR ASS.
Do enjoy your time with all your new toys though. Cheers and happy perverting!
