Weird Sex Wednesday: When He’s a Coldhearted Snake

anger and boundaries

Love, Anger, Boundaries

or

Learning to Let Go, Learning to Draw the Line

This morning I woke up with this Paula Abdul song stuck in my head:

“He’s a coldhearted snake lookin into his eyes
Oh, oh he’s been telling lies
He’s a lover boy at play
He don’t play by the rules oh, oh, oh
Girl don’t play the fool now”

Why did I wake up with this song in my head? Probably because my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. It’s basically the most fitting song in the world for my current situation. My situation being that the guy I had been seeing prefers to play the villain than behave like an actual man. It’s unfortunate because I thought he was more interesting than that, but I should have known he was a snake when I picked him up.

Here’s something that I learned though.

This morning I read this post that said:

“Your anger is a sign that someone has crossed a boundary. Your anger will subside as soon as the space between the two of you is correct and appropriate again.”

Dudes, I was PISSED. Like, I was so mad I actually yelled and I never yell. (I mean, sometimes I talk really loudly when I’m drunk but that’s just because all my other friends talk really loudly and I am just trying to be heard.) Anyway. I could feel my blood boil. I could feel that feeling where you just want to scream and punch stuff and maybe stab a guy in the neck. Ha.

The anger came because he crossed my boundaries. I let him in too quickly. I let him get closer than I should have and he had done nothing to earn it. I gave him full access when I should not have.

It’s important to remember that not everyone gets to have full access. That people will continue to show you who they are. People also tell you who they are. How many times have you hung out with someone who says, “I’m an asshole!” And how do they always end up being? They end up being an asshole. This guy said he was Satan. So, there we go.

keep the passion alive. Use code LDR to save!

Each one of us has the power to allow people in or not, and to whatever degree if we do. It’s okay to be angry. The anger is telling you something. It’s telling you to act. To fix it. To draw a new line. After this, the anger will most likely reside because the person no longer is allowed to behave that way in your presence (or perhaps the new boundary is your new lack of presence in their life).

All in all, you get to decide whether or not you want to play with snakes or would rather have them slither up to someone else.

For me, well, I’ve never really been a snake person.

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Sometimes The Hardest Thing To Do Is Get Out of Bed

depression anger heat sadness

Yes, I’m Still Stuck In Bed, But I’m Working

or

Help! Send Food. And Beer.

Sure. I like talking about SEX. But that was never the entire intention of Go Eat a Carrot. The purpose was for me to let loose on all the truth I have bottled up in me. And what’s true today is that I’m tired of trying to conform to other people’s desires. Yes, there’s an entire world out there of sexploration to be had, but I’m not in the mood.

There I said it, the horniest woman on the planet is not in the mood.

We must have entered an alternate universe.

I’m hot. I’m overheated. I’m bordering the line of anger and depression. I could cave in and just embrace the gray but why do that when I can fight it off?

I haven’t been to the grocery store in weeks. The last thing I ate yesterday was BBQ leftover from my friend’s 4th of July party. You know, a party that happened more than a week ago. Somehow I’m still alive and mostly getting all of my calories from beer, which I also ran out of last night.

You know in Denver you can get all of the above delivered to you? Groceries, beer, even sex if you know how to use Tinder right.

But I refuse! I have two legs. I can walk to the store. Yet, I don’t. I open the fridge and go,

‘oh look, three rotting limes and one old carrot. Guess I’ll come back and look in here again in 15 minutes and hope things have changed.”

At least I still have hope even though nothing changes unless you actually do the things that make changes, hence why I’m still stuck here, hungry, thinking about making a lime/carrot juice.

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Wet & Wild Wednesday: This Boob’s For You

boobs instagram and body positivity

When You’re Angry and Depressed Just Get Naked

or

Your Body is Just a Body Moving Your Body Around

(Enjoy the video rant. An angry cry may occur in it)

I have, for many years, gone through phases where I fall into these dark holes. They’re dirtier and darker than anal holes let me tell you. Hippie-dippie people like to call it “the shadow self.” Whatever. It’s usually more menacing than a shadow, more like an empty cave that has a terrible heating and cooling system.

I care not about getting out of bed. I contemplate how I do not want to be here. And when I say here I mean Denver. I mean the United States. I mean Planet Earth. I mean here in this body.

I question my worth. I question every choice I’ve ever made. I question the people in my life and what might possibly be wrong with them to choose to spend time with me.

It starts as a simmer. Turns to a boil. Evaporates into nothingness.

The nothingness.

The care not.

The heavy gray blanket that suffocates and keeps me from moving forward.

I return to my body.

It’s funny because I imagine that many people think I’m putting up pics of my tits and ass on Instagram as some sort of desperate plea for attention. Of course, I enjoy attention but that’s not my motivation.

I do it because it’s what I have to give.

We’re all put into these vessels of flesh to learn and grow and connect. I happen to be blessed with a body that other people seem to enjoy looking at. What do I care if they look at it? Sure, I’m in charge with taking care of this thing and I could do a better job about that, but I believe we all should experience more pleasure. So here I am, mostly naked, giving strangers pleasure.

Perhaps deep down I’m just a giver with not much to give.

One day this body will be rotting in the ground and no one will want to look at it then so I might as well take some pics of it now so there’s digital proof of its existence.

I found a sentence in an old journal of mine that read,

“We’re all afraid of going after our dreams because if we fail, we will have nothing left.”

Well, I quit my job nearly a year ago to write a book. I wrote the first draft of that book.

And here I am left.
Nothing.

Yet, everything.

The opportunity to edit and write Draft 2.

The opportunity to keep showing off my boobs.

The opportunity to connect to you and you and you.

So sure, I like the attention, but it’s merely a side note to a much bigger picture. The concept that we get to move around in this package of bones and muscle and blood and skin and shit; that it’s all we really have right here where we are until we are not here anymore.

So fuck it. I embrace the dark. The light. The unknown. The complete and total hot mess that I am. And of course, I embrace the boobs.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo