Does Dick Size Matter?

cock size matters

Dick Down. Carrots Out. Do Not Engage.

or

How the Size Of Your Dick Does Not Make You A Decent Person

The other day I received yet another direct message from a stranger on Instagram. The message was rather funny (about the phallic diet I am currently on) and the guy sending it did not have a private account so I could tell he was a real person. Plus, we had like 5 mutual friends in the Boulder/Denver area; I thought, what the heck, I’ll give this conversation a shot.

The first thing he felt the need to talk to me about was his dick size.

I’d like to stop for a second and make a sweeping generalization about dudes who talk about their dicks to complete strangers on the internet.

Has anyone else ever noticed that is is almost always white dudes and it is almost always white dudes who supposedly have a dick that is at least 7.5 inches if not bigger? I’ve never had a dude message me that he had a 5.37-inch long dick. Is this just something big dicked dudes desire to do more than anyone else, brag about something on their body that could cause potential cervical damage or even brain damage to any woman involved?

baby carrot dick is still tasty
Delicious dick no matter the size

Anyhoo. I honestly didn’t even care about that. I thought the conversation was kind of funny. But then he flipped.

He went cray cray.

And now the thing he was most paranoid about happening is happening.

I am here blogging/vlogging about him.

For hours he continued to converse with me about sex stuff and how he likes to eat strawberry pie–which turns out to be a reference to ginger-haired pussy I guess. Then abruptly he accused me of only interacting with him so I could make a video about it later.

The idea hadn’t even occurred to me until he said it. I didn’t find him that interesting or worthwhile to discuss.

But, he wouldn’t let it go. He was convinced that I was going to make fun of him and smash his tiny little ego. So here I am making fun of him and destroying his ego.

Here’s the deal, dudes (and ladies). If you’ve never met me and you’re afraid if you interact with me I might talk about it on the internet and you don’t want me to talk about you on the internet, here’s a friendly suggestion–do not engage me.

This dude was like, “if I went and talked about you on the internet wouldn’t that bother you? I think what you’re doing is shitty.”

My question is– are you going to tag me in the post? Because I could use some more followers.

I told him if he didn’t like it he could just stop talking to me. And I guess he didn’t like it because he unfollowed me and blocked me on Instagram, which honestly I feel rather flattered about.

Anyway here’s a video blog where I discuss dick size aka carrot stick size. What’s your preference?

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Fuck You and Your Good Vibes Only, Too

good vibes, bad vibes, fuck vibes,

Good Vibes, Bad Vibes, Fuck Vibes

or

Let’s Just Be Real?

I’ve been super irritable for the past couple of days. My period started while I was still in Florida and the only thing I brought to deal with that was one of those stupid fucking menstrual moon cup things. Of course, the story of how all that unfolded in a horror-movie-blood-bath-show-down in my airplane bathroom is already in the works and will be published in a few days, but for now I want to talk about embracing your rudeness.

Here’s a story about how I was not having it in while I was at the Orlando airport.

Maybe my irritability stems from dudes just not getting it? Like, besides people who think they’re entitled to do whatever they want and who then get mad at other people when they fuck up there are also dudes who think they’re entitled to bug the shit out of people they don’t even know.

For more on what irritates me about guys on Tinder and Instagram, here’s a video explaining more.

To be clear on this. It’s perfectly legitimate and acceptable to follow someone who you find interesting or attractive on Instagram even if the way you find their Instagram is through their Tinder and you haven’t matched with them. What’s not okay is direct messaging them with a “hey.” This is particularly fucked up when the person sending the DM has a private account. This is NOT going to work. Why are dudes suddenly about this? I have not had this problem for the last like 5 years of having my IG connected to my Tinder, but in the last month it’s been unreal.  I took a screenshot for proof but haven’t decided if I want to post it on the blog or not.

What’s most unreal is that I am only moderately attractive compared to so many people on Instagram and I feel l am being bombarded. I can only imagine what it’s like for people who are like legit super hot. Or maybe I get pestered because dudes think they actually stand a chance. . .

The truth is YOU WOULD STAND A CHANCE. If you were just a decent human being. It’s sad that being a decent human being is basically the only standard I have left, but it’s a pretty major one it turns out.

In any event. Sometimes I am rude. Sometimes I am mean. Sometimes I have “bad vibes.” We all do and it’s okay. It’s okay to tell someone to fuck off. It’s okay to be told to fuck off. If I’m being a dick and someone calls me out for it, thank you. I am probably already aware that I am being a dick, but sometimes it just comes out–all you other dicks know what I mean when I say ” it just comes out,” right?

So, let me know what you’ve done while irritated. How were you rude? What bad vibes were you putting out into the world? Who did you troll? Why? Email me, comment below or on the youtube page if you feel like sharing. Would love to learn about your dark sides too.

 

Update. Later today. I go and find a ticket on my car, because I am idiot and the Universe is fucking hilarious.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo