How to Talk to Women in Public

conversation starters for deeper conversation

Conversation Starters: The ‘Where You From’?

or

Getting Deeper to Go Deeper

Once upon a time, I met this super sexy guy at a bar. Okay, this may have happened more than once, but I’m talking about a very specific time. I gave him my number and a couple of days later he texts me, “Hi.”

I reply with something like, “Hi? You can do better than that.”

The next text he sends, “So, where are you from?”

I never respond.

Did I mention this guy was fucking hot?

I just couldn’t engage. I was already bored.

I’m not sure what’s gotten into people but over the weekend about eight different guys asked me, “So, where are you from?”

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Y’all I’m from Kansas. As you can imagine, this is not the best conversation starter to make, at least with me.

I’m not saying it’s right or it’s wrong. It’s one way to break the ice for sure. Yet, I feel we all have the capability to up our game a bit here. Maybe it’s because I’m pretty introverty and small-talk makes me uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong with where I’m from at least in the sense that I can’t really control it, but I don’t live there anymore for very good reasons.

Perhaps you’re the type of person that isn’t really looking for any depth in conversations with other people. That’s fine, continue talking about the weather or sports or whatever.

If you are the type of person though and you find conversing with others to be excruciating most of the time here are some suggestions.

First, find a way to draw more details out from your questions. This way the person you’re talking to can easily bring up why they’re interesting, which makes it so they feel they’re interesting and will like you more because of it.

For example, let’s take the “where you from” situation and spin it.

Person One: So, how long have you lived in Colorado?
Person Two: Oh, I’ve been out here for about eight years.
Person One: That’s rad, what’s your favorite part about living here?

Next example:

Person One: So, how long have you lived in Colorado?
Person Two: Oh, I’m just visiting for the week.
Person One: Oh cool, from where?
Person Two: Idaho
Person One: Idaho?! Wow. I don’t know much about Idaho, what would you say is the most interesting thing about Idaho?

Next example:

Person One: So, how long have you lived in Colorado?
Person Two: I’ve been here my whole life.
Person One: Okay, bye!

Hahaha. Just kidding natives calm the fuck down.

You get the idea here. There has to be a tiny bit more to it or it turns into flat meaningless garbage and you’ll barely be remembered. This works beyond wanting to hit on someone you’re attracted to too, this also goes for any type of situation in which you have to engage in conversation with a stranger or someone you barely know.

Aka work events.

Aka Parties in which you know no one but the one person who left you to fend for yourself.

Aka Family functions when you don’t really know the family that’s attempting to function.

Consider what you really want to know about the person you’re talking to. In many circumstances, you might not really want to know anything except you have to talk to them because it would be even more awkward if you didn’t.

Try to learn something new from them.

Then you’ll leave the convo with more knowledge than you went in with and that’s at least better than knowing they’re from San Diego or wherever. You could even ask that specific question–“What’s something interesting you learned this week or today or in your lifetime?”

If they can’t think of anything ask them how they’re even functioning on this planet as an adult and then walk away very quickly.

Are You Cool Enough to Live in Denver?

city growth and coolness

Time to Move On Or Fight for Improved Cool?

or

Maybe I Just Need Another Vacation…

The other night my friends and I went to a dance party happening at a bar on South Broadway. There we bumped into a group of people that sort of circle around our circle (and when I say “bumped” I mean they were literally trying to dancepush us off the floor so their crew could all fit, but my ass is way bigger than all of there’s so it worked the other way, thanks ass). Speaking of ass, here’s what I’ve really been struggling with.

Am I jealous of these people because they’re way cooler than me or do I just dislike these people because they’re a bunch of whiny assholes who try way too hard to be cool when really what they’re doing is masking their deep-seated insecurities and daddy/mommy-issues?

Before you get all butt-hurt and think I’m being super judgy, let me state this, when I say that my friend circle circles around their friend circle, what I’m saying is that we all like a lot of the same things and go to the same places. We’ve partied together. We’ve gotten drunk and fucked up and had actual conversations.

I can’t figure out if I want to do those things with them more of the time, less, or never again.

When I see them out they sure look cool. I’m talking specifically style here. Yet, when I watch them interact with each other it seems like they’re not really friends but people using each other to make each other look “cooler.”

Now, one of the editors from the Atlantic (who was my editor when I wrote the women in beer brewing piece here) wrote a book on Popular v. Cool called Hit Makers: The Science of Popularity in an Age of Distraction; I haven’t read it (feel free to buy it for me from my wishlist) but I listened to a convo he had discussing the topic. To sum it up, I believe what he’s saying is that you can’t be popular and cool at the same time. Once something becomes too popular it crosses an invisible “not cool” line. Perhaps that’s why so many of these people struggle to become actually successful at being musicians and artists.

I’m not saying they’re not talented, I’m saying they’re afraid to become popular because then they could lose the only thing they understand: how to look cool.

I love that there are so many amazing creative people in this city. I even love and like a lot of these cool peoples’ music and art and photography. Yet, I still don’t really like them.

I wonder if it’s better to experience them only through their creations, only by their exterior facade than by actually trying to get to know them. Or maybe I should quit being an asshole to them and try a little harder to understand their motivations and inspirations and life choices.

Nah. That sounds tiring.

After careful consideration I have concluded that I am neither popular or cool, but If I had to choose between the two I’d choose popular. I’d choose popular only because there’s a much better chance I’d be rich. In all fairness, I’d rather just be rich and be able to sit out alone by a fancy fucking pool with a tropical drink and a good book.

Cheers to all the non-cool geeks, and freaks, and weirdos.

P.S.
Perhaps a cool person can explain some of this to me sometime. . .? Or would that be breaking the cool-code?

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