Masturbation Monday: Going Down a Porn Hole

my favorite kind of porn is weird porn

Once You Know You Can Never Unknow

or

One Woman’s Masturbation Routine

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I wanted to take a step back today because I realized that I’ve been writing Masturbation Monday articles for several months now but have never really gone into detail about my typical masturbation process.

I guess because I didn’t find it very fascinating. It is indeed like pretty much everyone else’s.

Here’s what happens on Masturbation Monday and pretty much every other day and night of the week.

Usually, I bring up Pornhub on an incognito window and fire up a vibrator. Lately, I’ve been using either the Lelo Sona, the We-vibe Tango, or my Hitachi. My clit has gotten used to this high-vibes and can now withstand them longer than a minute so I now have to get my brain involved in the masturbation process.

This is where the porn comes in.

I know many women like to use their own imaginations or read erotica or watch softcore porn, but not me. Oh, no. This is where some may say I veer off the feminist path. Not just slightly either, it’s like a full 180 turn and I have no shame about it whatsoever.

I’ve had so many people say to me that their favorite kind of porn is the amateur porn and I’ll tell you right now that I don’t hate it, there’s a time and a place for it for sure, but it’s not my go-to.

What I like to do is to scroll through the main page and find the weirdest thing I can. Sometimes it’s pretty basic stuff like threesomes or step-mom-fucks-son-while-husband-is-away type films, but sometimes it gets pretty funky like hentai tentacle cat women breastfeeding a giant zebra donkey alien. So I click on it and then I continue to click on weirder and weirder titles until I find the weirdest ones I can find.

Of course, I feel like I’m kind of an amateur at this sort of porn-holing but I’m working on it. I’m getting better. I’m going down stranger and more bizarre holes. They say this is how addiction starts. They say that this is how people begin to separate themselves from other people and start to look at the people they’re fucking as objects instead of people. I don’t know. I mostly fuck vibrators, which are already objects, so not sure how that matters.

Anyhoo. Here’s video where I go into more detail on the porn I’m into.

Leave comments below on the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen or category/stars for me to check out!

Masturbation Monday: Why Men Wanking Off Is Such an Embarrassment

men having sex with themselves

Choke the Chicken, Flog the Hog, Yank the Crank

or

Male Masturbation Gets the Shaft

I talk about fucking myself ALL the time. Most people do not do this. Most people keep their wanking off stories to themselves. I suppose this makes sense. Most people do not go around talking about how much they enjoy brushing their teeth, what the best toothbrushes are, how to really get in there with the bristles and get that gum disease off. So, I get why it might be a mundane subject to people. Because, yes, masturbation should be part of every person’s daily maintenance just like brushing one’s teeth.

So why is there so much stigma around dudes’ cuffing their carrots?

It probably has something to do with the phallocentrism that pops up all over our earth and of course, let us not forget the patriarchy.

We get it. You have a PENIS! Congrats.

The rest of the world doesn’t need to hear or see or smell anything to do with it. Keep it in your pants! Or take it out, buff the banana, and carry on your day.

You’re horny. You watch porn. You take pics of your dick and send it out to randos hoping one or two may bite–not literally– and send you some sexy pics back.

The stigma stems from TMD. Too much dick.

It’s a culture oversaturated — not by seeing dick necessarily — but by the unseen dicks’ need to shower the world with its creamy milk juice (over and over and over again).

Of course, this stigma makes talking about male masturbation as an art much harder.

For example, guys are not going around discussing tips for better baloney boppin.

Don’t even get me started on the toy industry! There are SOME good toys for the penis, but of course clits & g-spots by far rule this market.

Is talking about male masturbation in a mature way even possible? I don’t know. That’s the other thing about pounding the flounder, it’s almost always portrayed in mass media as something funny. Because the penis is funny let’s be honest. Sure, it’s sexy and hard and like a powerful rod of magic and delight, but still, male masturbation does not have the same sort of appeal as say ass fucking does or even watching a hot girl stick a wet carrot in her mouth.

I don’t know guys. You tell me. This is just round 1 on this topic as I feel like I have a lot to learn and I’m relying on YOU to inform me. So comment below or send me an email. Let me know your thoughts on the stigma surrounding teasing the weasel.

Also– buy this if you want a good male masturbator:

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If You’re Happy and You Know It, You’re Probably Masturbating

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It’s Masturbation Monday!

or

Let’s Get Off Together, Alone

What better day to masturbate than the day after the weekend. You know that entire weekend where you didn’t get laid at all?! Or maybe you did– and now you have something to think about while you masturbate instead of just looking at porn hub. Either way, Monday is the perfect day to masturbate. Actually, any day ending in a Y is a good day to masturbate, but Monday and Masturbate both start with an M, so here we are, because … MMMMMM.

What is masturbation exactly?

Well, it’s different for every person out there, but essentially it’s when you take the time to pleasure yourself in a sexual manner. Does eating ice cream on the couch while watching Broad City count as masturbation?! I don’t know, did you experience any sort of orgasmic pleasure during the event? If so then yes, if not it’s perhaps is just pleasure for pleasure’s sake.

Moving on.

Why would a person masturbate?

Did you know that there are like a least three dozen reasons?

Some benefits of masturbation include:

  • Better Sleep
  • Stress Relief
  • Strengthens Your Pelvic Floor
  • Relieves Menstrual Cramps
  • Improves Your Immune System
  • Gets You More Intune With Your Body
  • Increases Self-Esteem

Oh, and you also get to have an orgasm without anyone else there to witness your O face. Oooo yes.

Plus, no one is there to give you an STI or look at you funny while you making those weird dolphin shrieks that for some reason get you off.

Yes, yes, yes! There are many reasons to masturbate. And now, every Monday I will be exploring the different realms of masturbation, from sex toy reviews to funny stories, to tips and tricks about getting off so you can move on with your day (or just go to sleep sooner).

Come on!

Indeed. Come to me and show me some support.

New to Go Eat A Carrot:

You can now trade with me! That’s right, from panties to pics to private convos, there’s something for everyone to get from me (if the price is right)! Check out my support page to get even closer to me (and help Go Eat a Carrot and Krystal herself continue to live on.)

Let’s all show ourselves some more love, yeah?

Happy Masturbation Monday 🙂

P.S.
May is also National Masturbation Month. I know I’m a little behind the times, but stay tuned next week for my favorite vibrator review!

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo