Holiday Gift Guide: Sexy Stocking Stuffers

Ho Ho Ho It Up This Holiday Season

Sure, these stocking stuffers are not the most conventional, but they sure are sexy. You can always put it together and give it behind closed doors to your favorite someone if you like, have kids or whatever. Or slip a couple of these in after Santa comes to make your entire family laugh or cringe, naughty naughty (always way more fun than being nice).

 Sexy Stocking Stuffer Ideas

Lube!

Get Lubed Up

Nothing says “get fucked,” like a nice bottle of lube. This brand is pretty amazing and it smells like a cookie, so you can ho ho ho all day long. 

Discover Woo For Play lube here.

Toy Cleaner!

If you’re going to get down and dirty you should also know how to clean up after yourself. This foam cleaner is great as it stays on the toy much easier than the sprays do. 

Get System Jo Toy Cleaner here. 

Bullet Vibes

Small yet powerful, bullet vibes are a must-have addition to any sexy bedroom. You can use them directly on the clit or add them to prostate toys, anal plugs etc. for some extra pizzaz. This one is cheap and takes a AAA Battery, which is much preferred over the little watch batter vibrators (of course if you want the best of the best when it comes to bullet vibes I always recommend the we-vibe tango). 

Get this cheap ($16.99) bullet vibe here. 

Tenga Eggs

Add a new sensation to male masturbation with this one-use soft-sleeve. Textured to add to stimulation and help make for a unique orgasm. Plus, they’re kind of funny, if you’re into sex humor in any way. But, if you’re serious about male masturbation, then also, you should try everything out there, including this. 

Get Tenga Eggs here.

Condoms

Better safe than sorry, as they say. Give the men in your life an ego-boost with the Magnum X-Large. Or send good luck to the single straight ladies with a box of these bad boys. Condoms can get pricey, particularly when you’re buying them all the time, so it’s not only a healthy gift but a thoughtful one. 

Buy condoms here. 

Watch me talk about ALL the great sexy toys you could give for the holidays!

Weird Sex Wednesday: What To Do When You Have So Much Sex and Your Pussy Gets Sore

what to do with a sore pussy

Is There Such Thing As Too Much Sex?

or

Sore After Sex? Here’s What to Do.

Because I write a sex blog I’d like to think that what I’ve been doing the last two weeks is basically research. I’ve been a bit MIA because research. Or I guess you could call it having a ridiculous amount of sex–so much sex that I’m sure I’m not walking right.

The guy is 6’7” and everything is proportionate if you get what I’m saying.

We’ve been having so much sex that I made him be my boyfriend so I could let him fuck me in the ass just to give my pussy some relief (you know, because of my ass-sex for boyfriends only rule).

Both of us work from home so it’s been kind of insane because we’ve been working from my bed, which has led to a lot of breaks from work. Or in my case, more research.

What I’ve discovered on this research experiment is that a person can indeed have too much sex. I didn’t think it was possible, at least for me. I have never in my life ever had too much sex and I’ve had A LOT of sex.

what to do with a sore pussy
Much excite!

Our biggest mistake is that we haven’t been using enough lube. If there’s too much friction it can cause tiny tears in the vaginal wall which can cause pain, particularly upon re-entry (the tears also leave your vagina more susceptible to infections–luckily I’m okay there so far). Also if the dick or dildo or whatever is too big it can hit the cervix, which will cause a different type of pain.

I’m currently in pussy-recovery mode. Here’s what I’m doing to help repair and ease the pain.

5 Suggestions to Help Ease After-Sex Pussy Pain

1.
Lube– Before, During, and After

He no longer is allowed to stick it in without wetting it down first. And when I say wetting it down I mean with something other than just my own wetness. I’m talking about good ole lube. We were using Sliquids Organic Water-Based but I recently switched over to Woo Lube. It’s made with coconut oil and I thought that might give my pussy some extra relief. I’ve also applied it after sex and thus far its helped make it feel better, though now my pussy smells like a cookie so who knows how long it will be until his mouth is over here on it.

2.
Ice, Ice, Baby

Yep. I am serious. I’ve placed an ice-pack wrapped in a washcloth on my pussy to help the swelling go down. It’s cool. It’s real cool.

3.
Pop It Like It’s Hot

Nothing says America like some good ole-fashioned pill-poppin! I already take a fuck-ton of ibuprofen because I grind my teeth while I sleep and usually get drunk, pass out and forget to put my mouthguard in (sexy, I know). Anyway, if you take it BEFORE the sex, it’s supposed to help with any pain you might experience after.

4.
Go in Different Holes

I mean, we have a mouth and a butt for a reason.

5.

Splish Splash

I’m getting ready to take an Epsom salt bath. I’ll probably throw some baking soda in the water too because my gyno told me it can help balance the pH and I might as well attempt balance in case it’s thinking about getting imbalanced.

So there you have it if your pussy is sore from having too much sex those are some of the different things you can do to help with the pain. Of course, you could also consider refraining from the sex until it feels better but I’m not going to tell you how to lead your life and I know I certainly am not going to stop (I’m also a masochist so there’s that).

 

Wank Off Wednesday: Unboxing These Dicks in a Box

unboxing

The best gifts come in BIG Boxes

Or

Now I Shall Cum For Years to Come!

Last Friday I received a large box in the mail. I was not home when this large box arrived, but when I walked through the door I knew it must be my sex toy surprise from an anonymous friend. I couldn’t open it right away because my friends were waiting for me at the bar down the street, so I took it upstairs where it sat for hours unopened; yet while at the bar I was thinking of it the whole time. Since I live only two blocks from the drinking establish we were all at, I slipped out unseen to open said box as I could not longer contain my anticipation and excitement.

Here is the video of the unboxing. I know it’s long but I promise there are at least five pervy inappropriate jokes within this box (along with several dicks in this big dry box, which of course I make opinions about).

This video is long, but not as long as your dick, right?

Didn’t watch the video because it was long and intimidating unlike your dick, huh?

Fine.

Here’s a pic:

adult toys and unboxing
My favorite kind of toys to play with.

Included in said big dry box:

  • The Hitachi Magic Wand
  • Ben-Wa Balls
  • Lube
  • Toy Cleaner
  • Clone-a-Willy
  • And a 7.5 inch Dildo with suction-cup & vibrator attachments

This guy knows how to send a party to my door!

I’m beyond grateful. And I will be reviewing each of these items separately in the upcoming weeks. I will say I could not wait to try to Hitachi, I’ll give full review soon but it was SO intense it made my eyes water the first time I tried it. Talk about a power tool for the pussy.

Want to be as amazing as the person who sent me such a pleasurable big box full of dicks? Well, you can! Check out my Amazon Wishlist and go ahead– make my day. (Could really use some new patio furniture. You might not think that’s very sexy but I will tell you right now I’d cum all over at the sight of it on my porch.)

Get yourself or someone you’re into all the stuff from my box with these links:

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo