Gluten-Free Baked Cheese and Pickle Chips

keto pickle chips

A Healthier Chip? Prob Not Technically. 

If you ever felt like you wanted to know more about me the first thing I’d tell you is that I’m really into pickles…. I suppose that is pretty obvious considering I am the creator of the Phallic Food Cookbook. BUT! This is the part of the blog that I’m supposed to write something about my relationship to food so there you have it, I love pickles. I love all kinds of pickles, I am not one of those people who only like DILL, I find that to be ridiculous, give me a good bread & better, a spicy garlic, a curry cayenne, I really don’t care, as long as it’s crisp, clean, delicious. 

There was a time when I was trying to be more keto-friendly with my diet. I had to go on stage and take off my dress in front of like 90 people from around my hometown every night for 6 nights, so I was trying to like, tone up, which meant I had to quit eating potato chips (my guilty snack pleasure). I found a recipe similar to this on someone’s facebook page and adapted it. I adapted in the sense that I used my mother’s homepage bread and butter pickles and I perhaps added way too much cheese. 

These cheese and pickle chips are pretty weird, I’ll admit to that. They’re okay. They grow on you. I don’t really know how else to say that they’re worth trying but aren’t like the best food you’ll ever have in your life. IDK maybe a different combination would work better than the one I tried. Let me know if you find a good combo! 

I made a batch on a flat sheet and a batch in a muffin tin, the flat sheet makes them crunchier which I preferred but the muffin tin makes them thicker, which some of my food samplers said they liked better.

Gluten-Free Baked Cheese and Pickle Chips Recipe

What You Need:

  • A dozen of your favorite pickle round slices
  • Your favorite shredded Cheese

What You Do:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Spray nonstick spray on oven pan or muffin tin
  • Sprinkle 12 circles of cheese on pan or muffin tin
  • Pat dry pickles on both sides
  • Place on top of cheese
  • Sprinkle more cheese on top of pickle
  • Bake for like 15 minutes 
  • Enjoy!

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Hot Dogs in a Pickle

Trade Your Soggy White Buns for This Juicy Tart Alternative

While I was eating these hot dogs in a pickle, the guy who has been upgrading my internet came to the door to check and make sure it was still working. He was like, ‘oh, guess I caught you eating.’ And I was like, ‘I’m always eating so that’s a likely scenario.’ Anyway, I was telling my friend about how weird it was to have a guy walk in your house while you’re shoving a hot dog stuffed into a pickle into your mouth and he said to me, ‘always make eye contact while eating phallic shaped foods in front of other people’ and I really regret not being weirder when I opened the door.

But… I really need the internet to get the word out to all of your about the Phallic Food Diet so I suppose it was a good thing not to creep out my internet guy too much.

Anyhoo. This recipe is so simple I didn’t really know what to talk about. You literally just cut open a pickle and put hot dog in it. I jizzed it up a bit you know, so it would be more like a recipe. Go as simple or as fancy as you please.

I’m all for replacing buns with pickles, but I will say it’s pretty fucking messy when you’re eating–so bring your own bib.

Hot Dogs in a Pickle Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ Cup Cream Cheese
  • ½ cup white cheddar cheese
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • 4 large whole pickles
  • Mayo, Mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish to Drizzle

What You Do:

  1. Make Cream Spread. Stir and combine the cream cheese, cheese, and seasonings in a bowl. 
  2. Cook hot dogs based on package direction or your personal preference. 
  3. Slice triangle out of whole pickle to make slot for hotdog (essentially cut a ¼ of it out without cutting in half).
  4. Slather cream cheese mix on pickle.
  5. Slide in the hot dog.
  6. Top with a drizzle or dollop of either mayo, mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish. 

Enjoy

Are you getting all you can get from the Phallic Food diet? This was the final recipe from HOT DOG MONTH Check out The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien for more where that came from.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Hot Dogs and Queso aka Meat Chodes with Creamy White Queso Dip

Have Some Fondue with Your Wieners 

Here’s another simple yet delicious recipe. Hot dogs and queso. Of course, you can dress it up or down any way you like. For example, you can use fancy toothpicks or fancy cheese. You can add green chili instead of or in addition to the jalapeños. You could even buy the queso already made and not even have to worry about it. 

Because let me tell you, I made this, and it was pretty good round one but when I reheated the queso it got grainy, my advice would be to not do that because that’s a lot of cheese going down the drain (I did not literally put it down the drain because I didn’t want my pipes to get constipated.)

Anyhoo, what’s nice about this hot dogs and queso recipe is that you can make it for guests as a nice fun party food or you can make up a plate for yourself to snack on as you watch your latest tv binge, I of course did the latter because i enjoy having all the hotdogs to myself. 

Bratwurst can also be used in this recipe, I added a chicken one to the one you see in the picture. 

Anyhoo without further adieu, I present to you the newest hot dog recipe of the month, hot dogs and queso also known as:

Meat Chodes with Creamy White Queso Dip Recipe

What You Need:

Hot dogs and or bratwurst 

Carrots (for garnish, optional)

For Queso:

  • 1 8 oz. block of white American or white cheddar cheese
  • ½ cup mozzarella
  • 12 ounces evaporated milk
  • 1 tablespoon of cornstarch 
  • 2 Jalapeños (sliced and diced)
  • ½ teaspoon Chili Powder
  • ½ teaspoon Cumin
  • ½ teaspoon Red Pepper Flakes
  • ¼ teaspoon Paprika
  • ¼ teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
  • Salt 
  • Pepper

What You Do:

Make the Queso: 

  1. Chop up your big block of cheese into tiny bits. 
  2. Heat up the evaporated milk (not too hot!) and then whisk in cornstarch.
  3. Once it starts to lightly simmer, reduce the heat to low.
  4. Stir in the cheese by the handful. Keep STIRRING. Stir and stir until all the cheese is incorporated and also completely melted.
  5. Add in your peppers and spices. 
  6. Put in serving bowl. 

Cook Hot Dogs/Brats:

Follow your favorite method.

Assemble Plate:

  • Put bowl of queso on plate.
  • Cut the hot dogs and or brats into chunks and stab with toothpicks.
  • Add carrots, cucumbers, or any other phallic-y food items to the plate you have sitting around.
  • Ta-Da!
  • Time to dip those wieners in some rich creamy white sauce and enjoy! 

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more from Hot Dog Month with The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

The Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter

These Penis Platters Are the Opposite of Hard (to make)!

Hosting a small gathering? Need something quick and easy to take to a party (next year, fingers crossed)? Want to please your friends with snacks that are healthy and delicious while making them laugh at the same time? Well, you’re in luck– because the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter will do all of that!

The beauty in this recipe is its versatility. You could easily use any combination of:

1) phallic food

2) nuts

3) white creamy substance

Ready to put together the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter?

Here’s What You Need:

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Carrots

Cucumber

Pickles

Summer Sausage

Any other phallic shaped foods you love to eat

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Pecans

Peanuts

Almonds

Walnuts

Hazelnuts

Any other nut you enjoy putting in your mouth

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Dill dip

Ranch dressing

Blue cheese dressing

Any soft white cheese

White queso dip

any other type of white dipping sauce of your choosing.

What You Do:

Assemble the platter into one large phallic shape or several small penis-like shapes on a serving tray or cutting board of your choice. I put the nuts into two ball-shaped circles on one side of the phallic-shape and then I artfully splooged cream dips directly onto the cutting board on the other side of the phallic shaped food. This is your time to get creative and play with the penis platter however you so desire. Make it artful-play with minimalism or abstract expressionism. Make it super pervy–make each phallic food ridiculously big. Anything you want to do here!

Want more Phallic Food Recipes? Check out my Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies –another super simple appetizer that’s great for parties (they’re like finger foods but dicks instead).

Love my site and want even MORE? Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon.

Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies

The perfect phallic food diet holiday appetizer!

The best thing about lil weenies is that you can put a whole bunch of them in your mouth at one time. These lil weenies are packed with protein with just a hint of sweet and spicy. My uncle often makes these for Christmas but he uses candied jalapeños, which are delicious. I decided to try them with carrots since this is Go Eat A Carrot after all. They turned out pretty good. Feel free to use either or neither in your recipe. They also have cheese stuffed lil smokies on the market now and those would be a fun, juicy, cream-squirt option to try if you’re into that.

Remember to keep your lil weenies wrapped this holiday season so you don’t have any baby weenies appear nine months from now. I’d suggest condoms for that, not bacon.

Enjoy these mouthgasms! And Happy Holidays!

Wrapped Lil Weenies Recipe

What You Need:

  • Package of Bacon
  • Package of Little Smokies
  • Baby carrots (cut in half)
  • Honey
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Cooking spray
  • Foil + Baking Sheet

What You Do:

Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees

line baking sheet with foil and spray with cooking spray

cut your bacon into thirds

Take one of your carrot halves and one of your little wieners and wrap up in one piece of cut bacon. Place seam down on baking sheet. Repeat until baking sheet is full of lil wieners. Dab each wiener with a little bit of honey. Then sprinkle with cayenne pepper.

Bake for 40 minutes until bacon is crispy.

Put on your favorite serving plate. Shove in mouth.

Get more from Go Eat a Carrot including Phallic Food Fun facts, cockless-cocktail mocktail recipes, Just the Tip advice, and one-on-one video consulting on my Patreon.

Looking for more easy phallic food diet recipes: Try my Sweet Jizz Glazed Carrots!