Severed Halloween Hot Dog Fingers

halloween recipes

Get Gross and Spooky with the Finger-Licking Good Hot Dogs

I suppose it was only time that we here at the Phallic Food Diet test kitchen turn a hot dog into a finger and send you on your way toward a good time. Severed Halloween hot dog fingers is a very simple recipe, particularly if you need a last minute spook-tacular idea or you want to mildly freak out your family or friends. 

It really takes fingering to the next level. 

Speaking of fingering. These severed Halloween hot dog fingers remind me of the time when I was in sixth grade jumping on the trampoline with all my friends. I was trying to show off my cartwheel flippy thing and being kind of an asshole about it from what I remember and I flipped right over the trampoline, landed on the back of my neck and hit my hand on the metal bar and broke my middle finger. I don’t know how I didn’t break my neck. I got very lucky. 

I had to walk around school with this giant cast on my middle finger so it looked like I was constantly flipping everyone off and in middle school; that’s pretty much the dream right there. 

Anyhoo. Halloween is by far my favorite holiday, with the darkness, the mystery, the intrigue and of course the costumes. Makes my fantasy mind go into overdrive. One day I’ll meet a pair of Luigi and Marios that want to take me to another level, you feel me? Anyhoo. Here are those bloody fingers. 

halloween recipes

Severed Halloween Hotdog Fingers Recipe

What You Need:

  • Hot dogs
  • Ketchup
  • Buns or quinoa 

What You Do:

  1. Boil hot dogs via their packaged instructions.
  2. Remove from pot.
  3. With a paring knife (very carefully since these dogs are hot), cut the tip of the hot dog into the shape of a finger nail. 
  4. From there, slice two slits where each knuckle on a finger would be (not all the way through). Cut the other end off. 
  5. Place in buns or on top of quinoa for that maggot-like vibe and squeeze a bunch of ketchup on the ends so they look nice and bloody and gross.  
  6. Serve to all your ghost and gobblin friends for a frightening fingering fun time.

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

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Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches

gluten free keto easy recipes

An Easy Way to Get More Cucumbers in Your Mouth

Whether you’re looking for an easy to make light lunch or dinner idea or you are craving an afternoon snack, these gluten-free tuna and cucumber sandwiches hit the spot. Not only are the incredibly simple to make, they are healthy and delicious too. 

Everyone makes their tuna salad differently, I usually just throw together whatever I have in the fridge to make it work, as seen below with the use of the pickle relish. Feel free to do it up however you like, this is just an example. Certainly any type of protein + salad would work here, chicken, egg, tuna, etc. 

These cucumbers came directly from my parents garden, which I suppose you could say I did as well. Certainly I’ll be around a lot longer though and if you were thinking about eating me I’d prefer you leave any knives out of the equation.  Anyhoo I’ll spare you any more writing and get straight to the recipe.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ to 1 cucumber 

Tuna Salad:

  • 2 cans of tuna
  • 3 to 4 tablespoons of mayo
  • 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
  • Either half of stalk of celery chopped OR I used a spoonful of sweet pickle relish
  • Garlic powder, salt, & pepper to taste
  • A pinch of cayenne 

What You Do:

  1. Make the tuna salad by combining all the ingredients in a bowl, chill if so desired.
  2. Peel (if so desired) and slice the cucumber into rounds.
  3. Put a spoonful of the tuna salad on top of one slice of cucumber and top with another.
  4. Make as many as you desire to eat.

Ta-Da! It’s that easy. Crisp, delicious, and healthy. Also, it’s gluten-free as far as I know, and it’s probably keto or paleo but honestly I can’t keep up with what’s what. What I do know is that it is part of THE PHALLIC FOOD DIET and thus it’s here for you whenever you need it (or want it).

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Hot Dogs in a Pickle

Trade Your Soggy White Buns for This Juicy Tart Alternative

While I was eating these hot dogs in a pickle, the guy who has been upgrading my internet came to the door to check and make sure it was still working. He was like, ‘oh, guess I caught you eating.’ And I was like, ‘I’m always eating so that’s a likely scenario.’ Anyway, I was telling my friend about how weird it was to have a guy walk in your house while you’re shoving a hot dog stuffed into a pickle into your mouth and he said to me, ‘always make eye contact while eating phallic shaped foods in front of other people’ and I really regret not being weirder when I opened the door.

But… I really need the internet to get the word out to all of your about the Phallic Food Diet so I suppose it was a good thing not to creep out my internet guy too much.

Anyhoo. This recipe is so simple I didn’t really know what to talk about. You literally just cut open a pickle and put hot dog in it. I jizzed it up a bit you know, so it would be more like a recipe. Go as simple or as fancy as you please.

I’m all for replacing buns with pickles, but I will say it’s pretty fucking messy when you’re eating–so bring your own bib.

Hot Dogs in a Pickle Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ Cup Cream Cheese
  • ½ cup white cheddar cheese
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • 4 large whole pickles
  • Mayo, Mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish to Drizzle

What You Do:

  1. Make Cream Spread. Stir and combine the cream cheese, cheese, and seasonings in a bowl. 
  2. Cook hot dogs based on package direction or your personal preference. 
  3. Slice triangle out of whole pickle to make slot for hotdog (essentially cut a ¼ of it out without cutting in half).
  4. Slather cream cheese mix on pickle.
  5. Slide in the hot dog.
  6. Top with a drizzle or dollop of either mayo, mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish. 

Enjoy

Are you getting all you can get from the Phallic Food diet? This was the final recipe from HOT DOG MONTH Check out The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien for more where that came from.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Meat Wrapped Cream Stuffed Pickles

The Easiest Phallic Food Diet Recipe to Come!

Who can resist the flavors of meat, pickles, and cheese all wrapped up into one bite-sized tongue-gasm? Sure, you could eat a pickle by itself, or shove a piece of meat directly down your throat, but if you’re looking to impress yourself, your friends, or lover(s) then why not take one extra step and make these delicious treats? They are a party pleaser, whether that’s a party for one, a Big Game party, or an intimate evening at home binge-watching your favorite show with your romantic interest. 

Meat Wrapped Cream Stuffed Pickles Recipe

What You Need:

  • 12 slices of your favorite meat (I used pastrami)
  • 5 oz blue cheese crumbles
  • 8 oz spreadable cream cheese
  • 12 dill pickle spears

What You Do:

  1. Mix the blue cheese and cream cheese either in a bowl or a food processor 
  2. Place meat slices flat on a work surface, spread with the cream mixture.
  3. Place one pickle about an inch in on the meat, then roll it up. 
  4. You can refrigerate at this point for easier cutting or go ahead and cut into bite size slices. I discovered it was easier to cut both ends first and then work toward center. 
  5. Arrange on platter if serving company or shove directly in mouth if you’re enjoying your own company. These are actually really filling so let me know how many you can eat at once. (My record is 8.) 

Thanks for coming! 

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes check out Go Eat a Carrot Hummus.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits on the Chubstep Podcast here