Weird Sex Wednesday: Burning Man and the Hottest Sex I Have Ever Had

denmark and hot hot sex guy

Burning Man and Hot Sex with a Guy From Denmark

or

Sweat, Slobber, & Sex Times in the Desert

It’s been so hot lately in Denver, like 90+ days, but these sun-filled days compare not at all to the 11 days I spent at my first ever Burning Man experience last year.

Last year was the hottest Burning Man to date and it wasn’t just because I was there (or was it?). It averaged in the 100s every day. The hottest among them was at 108– at least from what we were told (other Burners feel free to tell me otherwise).

As I’ve said many times, it’s hard for me to separate my Burning Man stories because they all blur together like one fucking long day. And when I say fucking long… I mean that literally.

But, here I shall try because it’s Weird Sex Wednesday and the topic of today’s post is all about the hottest most sweat-fueled sex romp I’ve ever had.

Our camp was hosting a morning Bloody Mary / Manmosa Bar (vodka + mimosas, like vodka is a manly drink, but I digress) so I booked it across the playa walking my broken bike about a mile (in non-burner terms) across the dusty roads (other stories occurred during this walk but I will spare you).

It was hot. I’ll tell you that. It wasn’t even 9 am (probably? Who wears watches these days?!) and it was already reaching 90 degrees.

I went back to the camp to help my campmates with the bar, which meant, because I was hungover as fuck, that I laid under our shade and drank the bloody marys to make sure they tasted okay.

The line was long and girthy before we even officially opened and that’s when I spotted him. The hottest man I had thus seen at Burning Man (and this was like day 6 or 7 so I had seen MANY). I’m not sure exactly WHY I thought he was hot, it could have been heat-exhaustion because he was wearing ridiculous red pants and ridiculous red furry glasses, but at Burning Man (and everywhere else) I could look past his exterior clothing choices and imagine what he’d look like naked– which was hot, very very hot.

I tapped my campmate on the shoulder, pointed at the hot hot guy, “Damn. Look at him!” I drooled (leaking much-needed liquid out of my mouth accidentally).

“Go talk to him!” she said.

“Fuck that. It’s too hot,” I replied as I sucked down my bloody.

She rolled her eyes.

But the Universe is AMAZING!!! And Burning Man is a magical place because not 30 seconds later, he and his campmates are sitting under the shade with me.
They said they were from Denmark (and now I really want to go to Denmark btw) and that they had a “hotel” at the very edge of the playa (I’ll save the hotel story for a different day). It was Hot Hot Guy’s birthday, technically, because they all still hadn’t slept from the night before and they needed shade.

Since I’m a gift-giving person, I offered them all the shade I had.

Even in the shade, it was fucking hot as fuck so we all started misting each other with these fan misters that are a MUST HAVE at Burning Man when Burning Man is the hottest it’s ever been.

I was next to Hot Hot Guy. He asked if he could spray me. I said, “Duh dude. I’ve been waiting my whole life for a guy like you to get me wet.”

I’m telling you right now that Hot Hot Guy misting me with a cool as fuck fan mister was one of the most orgasm experiences I have ever had in my entire life (and I wasn’t even on DRUGS at this point… or was I? Who can keep track anymore).

The Denmark people and our camp hung out for hours, then we were out of drank so all of his campmates decided to go. He stayed.

We went into my tent.

Now, let me tell you a little something something about my tent.

It’s basically big enough for ONE person, maybe two if you’re children or relatively short.

He was neither of those things.

Neither am I.

But together, we made it work.

We slipped, we slid, we sparkled. We did the sex thing.

We even got so over-heated he had to open the tent to stick out heads out for some fresh 100+ degree cool air.

This was quite literally the hottest and most sweat-producing sex I have ever had in my entire life.

After, we went and found a tent full of giant neon furry pillows and took a nap together (thus ending his birthday). But, the day was beautiful. Oh, so beautiful because I got to look at his face the entire time.

Of course, since I was new to Burning Man I did TRY to find him later. Which, yes, I know, was a rookie mistake and I should have chalked it up to a magical moment in time and left it at that. But it doesn’t hurt a girl to make an attempt (except for the heat exhaustion I got from riding across the playa, but again, different story for a different day).

Sure, sure, it wasn’t WEIRD sex. But it was Burner Sex, which is always going to be slightly weirder than regular not-camping-in-the-desert-with-a-bunch-of-freaks-sex.

P.S.
Yes. I would return to Burning Man if a person would care to be so generous and gift me a ticket.

P.P.S.

I would also willing take a new or bigger tent so I could host MORE THAN ONE within said tent and maybe find one of those battery-powered fans or something.

P.P.P.S.

If you happen to be the Hot Hot Guy from Denmark who from what I can recall is currently  living in New York feel free to email me and tell me if I got this story right (and/or make plans to do it again.)

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Weird Sex Wednesday: Rubbing My Pussy Along a Bald Head

weird sex wednesday

Welcome to the First Installment of Weird Sex Wednesday

or

Imagine That Ball Between My Legs Is a Dude’s Bald Head

The other night a dude asked me: what was the weirdest thing you’ve ever done sexually?

My mind went blank.

Then I realized I could say just about anything that I’ve done and it would be weirder than what most people have ever done.

The truth of the matter is that I haven’t even done THAT weird of sex stuff. If one compares me to all the other weird sex stuff available in the world to do, I’m pretty vanilla. I’m like vanilla with chocolate syrup and rainbow sprinkles.

With that being said, I’ve decided to talk about the sprinkles.

The moments along my sex life path that have been a little more colorful than other times. The weird sex things that stand out.

Of course, I’ll be dipping back into my journals to get some of the juicy stories that no longer exist in the forefront of my memory.

My roommate reminded me of this particular incident for my first Weird Sex Wednesday post.

For the longest time, I had this fantasy. I’d see a man with a shiny bald head and I’d think to myself, I wonder what it would be like to cover his head in oil or lube and then rub my pussy along it. What would it feel like? What would he do? Would I orgasm?

Every time I saw a shiny bald head I would think this.

Now, to be clear, I’m not necessarily into bald men. I’m also not not into them. Physical features are things I notice certainly, but they are not the be all end all of whether or not I’d be into a person. In other words, I like people regardless of their hair.

In any event. One night I was at the Thin Man with my friends. The Thin Man is my favorite bar in Denver. It’s in the Uptown/ City Park neighborhood. The walls are covered in paintings of Jesus and the bartenders always remember my face. At bar close my friend and I were waiting outside for a Lyft* when an older bald dude walks out of the bar, walks down the sidewalk and opens the door to an old brown 70s Chevy.

Now, I knew nothing about this guy except that 1. He was bald. 2. He had the same taste in bars as me. 3. He drove a badass truck.

I drunkenly yell at him, “Hey!!! Nice truck!”

To which he replies, “You ladies want a ride?!”

I shrug and nod yes. My friend is like HELL NO! The Fuck Krystal!?! We’re not getting in a creepy old truck with an old bald dude who just walked out of a bar.

I looked at her like SHE was the crazy one.

“But if we get a ride we won’t have to pay for a lyft!”

“But if we get a LYFT then we probably won’t DIE?!”

My friend makes good points, I should probably listen to said friend more often. I love my friend.

I did not listen to my good-pointed lovely friend. Oh no. Not me. I said, ‘girl, bye’, skipped down the sidewalk and hopped into the passenger side of the brown creepy truck with the old** bald dude inside.

Fast forward after the truck breaks down right outside the gas station and the bald guy and some homeless dudes all push it up to the pumps to an hour later when we’re at my house in my bed and he’s eating me out.

I tell him my fantasy.

He tells me to go for it.

And so, I finally got to rub my pussy along a shiny bald head. It was scratchier than I thought it would be. He didn’t seem to have much reaction regarding it, though I don’t know how one would really react to that. I did not orgasm, but it did make me laugh and that’s close enough sometimes. Would I try it again? Oh for sure.

Though admittedly my new fantasy is to rub my pussy along someone’s muscular oiled-up arm. I have a thing for arms, it’s near fetish in nature but not quite. Perhaps one day I’ll do it and have another story to tell for Weird Wednesday.

 

Wantis Premium Male Dual Channel Space capsule Flip Hole Strong Sucktion Device

P.S.
Clearly, I did not die. But as a person who is still LUCKY to be alive after pulling a stunt like that, I must advise people to not follow in my footsteps. You should not accept rides from strangers unless you’re paying them of course through apps like Lyft (because capitalism and shows like Law & Order SVU teach us that paying for rides from strangers is the only acceptable way to do it.)

*(I’m not a spokesperson for Lyft but I am referring it and preferring it to the other one out there. So, if you want $10 in credit for your first ride from me click my LYFT referral link right here

take a ride with lyft

** He was not old, he was just bald. I mean, yes, he was older than me, but he wasn’t OLD!

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