Friday Feels: How to Stop Texting Your Ex

ways to keep from texting your ex

Put Your Phone Down, Hands Up, Step Away From The Device


No, Really, You Don’t Have to Text Your Ex Back!

We’ve all been there. Sober or drunk. Phone in hand. Lonely or sad or horny or whatever. We think, “But, what if?”

What if he’s different this time?
What if she really does miss me?
Could we get back together?
Are you saying there’s a chance?

So, we do it. We text the ex. Or the ex texts us.

It’s such a popular phenomenon that there are even Instagram accounts dedicated to this very unfolding.

There’s almost a rebellion against the self, against friends, against everything you know to be right. It’s naughty.

Unfortunately, it’s not naughty in the good way. It’s naughty in the ‘you need to go sit in a corner and think about what you did” type of way.


Honestly, I have no right to sit here and tell anyone else not to do it. I’ve done it so many times I’m surprised my phone didn’t hold its own rebellion against me and self-destruct.

Perhaps because I’m such a big fuck up in this department I’m the perfect person to suggest finding an alternative. Unless you’re the type that’s even more of a masochist than I am and you enjoy having your heart ripped out over and over again–it’s not a great move.

So, what can you do when the temptation to text your ex arises?

Here are 4 Methods to Keep You From Texting Your Ex


The Block & Loaded

Do you have what it takes to utilize one of the easiest functions on your phone? Personally, I cannot do this. I probably should do this, but alas I am weak. You’ll save yourself a lot of stress if you simply block your ex’s number. Of course, you’ll also need to block your ex on all of your social media channels. Perfect for those with a backbone or for those looking to finally get one.


Change The Name, Change The Name

Nothing says “Do Not Answer” better than “Do Not Answer.” Get in there and edit your ex’s name to something a bit more inspiring.

Here are some options:

POS Dirtbag
Probably Has Syphilis
If You Respond You Will Have 7 Years of Bad Luck
Just Say No
You Are a Strong Independent Individual Who Does Not Deserve This BS
You Can Do Better
She Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Love This Person From Afar
Never Gonna Get It
Liar Liar Pants on Fire
Poo Poo Face

I mean, this list of possibilities goes on and on. Try it out, it’s fun!


Hide and Seek

Ever heard of a digital detox? Well, now’s your chance to give it a whirl. Whenever you get the urge to interact with your ex and you know you shouldn’t perhaps it’s time to turn your phone off and put it in a drawer for an hour or two. Cool off. Read a book. Here’s a good one. Here’s another. Or you could clean your room. Or write in a journal. Or maybe just go to bed. I promise you will survive for an hour without your phone and you’ll definitely feel better the next day when you did not do the thing that you were almost tempted to do. (If you are out in public you can also hand it over to someone you trust for safekeeping.)


Text Anyone But The Ex

I do this all the time. I’ll text my best friend and be like “I’m thinking about texting him. I have my PHONE in my hand. But hey, I’m texting you instead. Wyd?” Of course, my friends probably think I’m a dick when I do this because they were not my VERY FIRST THOUGHT but I also know that they know I am weak at heart. They understand. They are wonderful people. Remember who the actual wonderful people are in your life and text them. Maybe even call your mom back finally??!

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I know a lot of us are going through this struggle right now. You are strong. You are brave. You are beautiful and smart and funny. If someone broke your heart they don’t deserve you. Of course, if you’re the one doing the breaking, maybe leave that person alone so they can heal the wounds that you’ve caused. That’s really all you can do and should do if you really love them. (Unless of course you REALLY want them back then there’s an entirely different strategy you should employ and it does not involve texting– more on that later. Or you can read this article that gives some fun ideas but isn’t necessarily the BEST advice.)

Weird Sex Wednesday: To Have or to Not Have Rebound Sex

rebound sex and why you should or shouldn't partaken in rebound sex

Getting Over Someone By Getting Under Someone Else


Might As Well Use Every Trick in the Book, Game On

There are so many different ways people choose to get over a bad breakup. Some people eat their feelings, some people drink their feelings, some people fuck away their feelings. Of course, any guru transformative asshat will tell you that you shouldn’t do any of those things, instead, you should feel your feelings.

Well, guess what? I’m not a transformative asshat guru. I’m more like a hot mess that can write a sentence or two and I’m here to tell you that if you want to shove gallons of ice cream down your throat, or chug a bottle of tequila or fuck your next Tinder match within minutes of meeting– go for it.

Who the fuck am I to tell anyone what they can or can’t do?

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Personally, I love rebound sex.

We can’t all spend every hour of every day “processing our feelings.” Barf. Of course, you probably should spend SOME time processing your feelings but it’s okay to take a break from it, to take an actual actionable step toward recovery. Sometimes that action is getting action.

Here are some reasons to love rebound sex.

  • Rebound Sex can distract you from your pain for a brief moment in time.
  • Rebound Sex can help you discover more about your sexuality.
  • Rebound Sex can get you over that withdraw of touch you’ve been trying to overcome.
  • Orgasms.
  • Calories burned!
  • Connection to another human.
  • Orgasms!
  • Rebound sex can help you release neurotransmitters in your brain that actually improve your mood.
  • Rebound sex can give you a self-esteem boost. (Let’s be real, even if you love yourself and all of that, it’s nice to feel wanted.)
  • Rebound sex can let you explore different sex stuff that you didn’t get to do with your ex. Pegging, anyone?
  • Rebound sex is great exercise.
  • Oh, yeah, and ORGASMS.

Sure, sure, sex isn’t ALL about orgasms but gee golly it sure is nice to have one or a hundred in a night.

Free delivery on all orders over $60

My recent rebound sex has been phenomenal. Damn. Starting to sweat just thinking about it. It took me like two days to recover and start walking properly again. Have I gotten over my ex (who was never my ex because we were never technically together)? Not entirely. Let’s be real. Have I been feeling my feelings? Yes. Because I can feel feelings and eat ice cream and drink tequila and have sex because it doesn’t hurt to try everything, right?

Rebound game on.

Want to Buy Your Own Ref Costume (Or for Someone You Love)? Here’s one similar to the one in my video:
Leg Avenue Women’s No Rules Referee

I Was Wrong Again: Thoughts on Love and Loss

I’ve never really understood love, perhaps that’s why I haven’t found it?


Maybe love has been here all along?

Yes, I admit I was wrong. Yet,  also, I wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that I was right either, it just is what it is. I was angry and hurt and didn’t react in a loving way but from a place of fear. Maybe it was the fear that I may never be in a loving relationship with another person ever again in my life. Then I, of course, remembered that I will ALWAYS be in a loving relationship and least with myself and the universe as a whole.

The most important thing I took away from this past hot-mess mini-relationship is how good it feels to be one’s whole self. When you put that into the world you’ll get it in return. People may not love the whole of me (or even the holes of me), there are times when I myself don’t love certain things about me, but I love that I’m growing and learning and trying a little bit harder every day.

I love that I have the capability to love someone else and through these experiences I am learning how to do that without attachment. I’m clearly not perfect at it. It’s easy to love another person when they’re doing and saying all the right things, but can you love them when they’re being an asshole too? Can you love them when they don’t want to love you back? Can you give them the space they need to be their best possible version of themselves even if it doesn’t include you?

I can do this whole loving thing alone (thank you vibrators!) but it’s way more fun to do it with other people. I’m grateful that so many people have taught me so many things about who I am, who they are, what love is and isn’t, and I’m excited for new possibilities to unfold–as they always do.

Also. I found the clip from Adaptation.

“I loved Sarah Charles. It was mine. I owned it. And Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away.  I can love whoever I want.”

“But she thought you were pathetic.”

“That was her business not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you.”

Own it.

P.S. I love pizza so feel free to send some my way whenever you want.

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