Don’t be a Dick Charred Eggplant Soup

healthy eggplant soup

Char your tender eggplant and put in it in a blender!

This deliciously smooth soup will not only warm your soul but will help you overcome any negative energy from big dicks in your life.

Have you or someone you know been acting like a dick lately? Well, it’s time to get out the frustration by completely demolishing an eggplant in a sort of symbolic representation of what could happen if you (or someone you know) become too big of a dick. 

Big Dick Energy is way different than being a big dick. For example, BDE is all about confidence, assertiveness, compassion, whereas being a big dick is typically more about being an aggressive ego-maniac fuck boy–no body wants to be around that. 

Feed your soul and your mouth-hole with this charred eggplant soup and release anything (or anyone) that’s no longer serving you. 

Don’t Be a Dick Charred Eggplant Soup Recipe

What you Need:

  • 1 eggplant
  • 1 medium sized onion-diced
  • 6 cloves of garlic
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil 
  • Salt + Pepper + Cayenne (to taste)
  • 32 ounces of vegetable (or chicken) stock
  • Juice of half a lemon

What You Do:

  1. Char the F out of the Eggplant. Watch that Eggplant BURN!!!

First poke some holes with a paring knife in that eggplant, oohh yeah, fuck you eggplant.

Next, place stabbed eggplant on a baking sheet under hot broiler, about 2 inches from flame. 

Cook for 3 or 4 minutes, get that beautiful smooth purple skin all blackened and charred, then turn and cook on other side until eggplant has gone all soft (about 4 minutes more). 

Set aside and that that eggplant cool off. Once you can touch it again remove and discard skins and roughly chop eggplant flesh. (that’s right char and chop the shit out of that eggplant).

  1. Cook it ALL Up in a Pot

You can do this next part while eggplant is charring or while it’s cooling down. 

  • Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a (medium to large sized) pot over medium-high heat. 
  • Add onion, season generously with salt and pepper, and cook until softened and beginning to color, 5 to 7 minutes. 
  • Add garlic, cayenne and reserved eggplant and cook 1 more minute.
  • Finally add broth and bring to a brisk simmer. 
  • Reduce heat and simmer gently for 10 minutes. 
  • Be sure to check seasoning and adjust the salt accordingly.
  1. Blend That F-ing Eggplant and Stuff ALL UP!

Now the fun part! Stick the tinder eggplant in a blender! 

Or, in recipe speak: purée soup in batches in blender. But this is where you can really get out some frustrations with any BIG DICKS in your life. BLEND BLEND BLEND until it’s a fucking fine puree in which you can no longer tell that the eggplant ever existed.  

After all that blending, Strain the soup through fine-meshed sieve and discard solid debris and seeds. (There was way more debris than I had anticipated soooo just watch for that… ! This was also a major mess for me, but perhaps I am, just a messy person TBD). 

Anyhoo, once it’s strained add the juice of half of a lemon. Taste again, adding more lemon juice as necessary to your own palate preferences. 

  1. Pour in a Bowl and Eat

Yum! 

Thanks for coming!

Are you really into eggplant? Well, you’re in luck!

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes check out Get Stuffed By an Italian Eggplant

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits on the Chubstep Podcast here

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

The Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter

These Penis Platters Are the Opposite of Hard (to make)!

Hosting a small gathering? Need something quick and easy to take to a party (next year, fingers crossed)? Want to please your friends with snacks that are healthy and delicious while making them laugh at the same time? Well, you’re in luck– because the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter will do all of that!

The beauty in this recipe is its versatility. You could easily use any combination of:

1) phallic food

2) nuts

3) white creamy substance

Ready to put together the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter?

Here’s What You Need:

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Carrots

Cucumber

Pickles

Summer Sausage

Any other phallic shaped foods you love to eat

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Pecans

Peanuts

Almonds

Walnuts

Hazelnuts

Any other nut you enjoy putting in your mouth

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Dill dip

Ranch dressing

Blue cheese dressing

Any soft white cheese

White queso dip

any other type of white dipping sauce of your choosing.

What You Do:

Assemble the platter into one large phallic shape or several small penis-like shapes on a serving tray or cutting board of your choice. I put the nuts into two ball-shaped circles on one side of the phallic-shape and then I artfully splooged cream dips directly onto the cutting board on the other side of the phallic shaped food. This is your time to get creative and play with the penis platter however you so desire. Make it artful-play with minimalism or abstract expressionism. Make it super pervy–make each phallic food ridiculously big. Anything you want to do here!

Want more Phallic Food Recipes? Check out my Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies –another super simple appetizer that’s great for parties (they’re like finger foods but dicks instead).

Love my site and want even MORE? Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon.

Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup

The first recipe for the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook is a delicious and easy to make carrot ginger soup.

I refuse to be one of those people who write a novel before the recipe. I really do not care how much it helps the SEO. You deserve better than that.

So, here is the carrot ginger soup recipe:

Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup 

Prep Time: 15 mins

Cook Time: 30 mins

Total Time: 45 mins

Serves 3 to 4

What You Need

  • 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 cup chopped yellow onions
  • 5-6 garlic cloves, smashed
  • 3 heaping cups chopped carrots
  • 1+ tablespoon grated (or chopped fine) fresh ginger (adjust according to taste)
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
  • Pinch of nutmeg (optional)
  • Pinch of cayenne pepper (optional) 
  •  4 cups vegetable broth
  • Sea salt and fresh black pepper

For the Nut & Cream Finish (Optional)

  • Plain greek yogurt (or non-dairy if vegan)
  • Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto (recipe to come next week) 

What You Do

  1. Get out a large pot. Put it on the stove. Add olive oil to the pot. Turn the heat up to medium. 
  2. Add the onions and a generous pinch of salt and pepper. Cook until softened, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes. 
  3. Add the smashed garlic cloves and chopped carrots to the pot and cook about 8 minutes more, stirring occasionally.
  4. Toss in the ginger, apple cider vinegar, the vegetable broth (and nutmeg, cayenne pepper if using). Reduce to a simmer and cook until the carrots turn from hard to soft, about 30 minutes. (Perfect time to make that Pesto if using)
  5. Let cool slightly.
  6. Transfer to a blender. Blend until smooth. (It certainly may not go super smoothly if it all doesn’t fit in blender at once, but it is worth the mess or the potential investment in an immersion blender.) 
  7. Once blended you can re-adjust the seasonings to your taste.

Finally, the fun part! 

Pour the carrot ginger soup into a bowl. Take a spoonful of greek yogurt and wap it on top of the soup. Top the creamy yogurt with the Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto. Eat. Enjoy. Yum. 

Want to learn a fun fact about the carrot? Check out this Go Eat a Carrot Patreon video.

Want to further your reading? Check out Do We Really Want to Go Back to Normal? Thoughts on the pandemic.

Or after you eat your carrots perhaps you will be filling lusty, if that is the case, have you experimented with any new toys lately? Love Honey has Sexy Advet Calendars now. That will give you something to do (toys) or wear (lingerie) like every day for many days to come. Click on image below to discover more!

Thanks for coming.