Meat Wrapped Cream Stuffed Pickles

The Easiest Phallic Food Diet Recipe to Come!

Who can resist the flavors of meat, pickles, and cheese all wrapped up into one bite-sized tongue-gasm? Sure, you could eat a pickle by itself, or shove a piece of meat directly down your throat, but if you’re looking to impress yourself, your friends, or lover(s) then why not take one extra step and make these delicious treats? They are a party pleaser, whether that’s a party for one, a Big Game party, or an intimate evening at home binge-watching your favorite show with your romantic interest. 

Meat Wrapped Cream Stuffed Pickles Recipe

What You Need:

  • 12 slices of your favorite meat (I used pastrami)
  • 5 oz blue cheese crumbles
  • 8 oz spreadable cream cheese
  • 12 dill pickle spears

What You Do:

  1. Mix the blue cheese and cream cheese either in a bowl or a food processor 
  2. Place meat slices flat on a work surface, spread with the cream mixture.
  3. Place one pickle about an inch in on the meat, then roll it up. 
  4. You can refrigerate at this point for easier cutting or go ahead and cut into bite size slices. I discovered it was easier to cut both ends first and then work toward center. 
  5. Arrange on platter if serving company or shove directly in mouth if you’re enjoying your own company. These are actually really filling so let me know how many you can eat at once. (My record is 8.) 

Thanks for coming! 

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes check out Go Eat a Carrot Hummus.

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Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto

This Pecan Pesto Packs a Punch for Your Mouth

Yum yum give me some. This nutty pecan pesto is simple to make and can be put on or in whatever your heart (and stomach) wants. 

I chose to use pecans in this pesto because they have a robust full flavor. I also picked them, literally. My grandma has a pecan tree and last year she had so many blowing off the limbs we barely could collect them all. This year there were zero–I guess they do that sometimes? I am no pecan expert.

I did just move to a house that has one in the yard too but also– no nuts this year. I am hoping for lots of nuts next season though.

Of course, if you do not have pecans you can sub any other nut of choice. Same with the herb. I used parsley because it was in my fridge, but basil would also work nicely. I have even seem someone use the greens of a carrot. So, if you do that let me know how it turns out!

Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto Recipe

Serves 1 cup

Prep Time: 5 mins

Total Time: 5 mins

What You Need:

  • 1/2 cup pecans
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice (or juice of half of a lemon)
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 1 jalapeno (stem and seeds removed) (optional) 
  • Big pinch of sea salt
  • Medium pinch of red pepper flakes 
  • freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 2 cups parsley leaves
  • 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese (sub nutritional yeast if dairy-free)
  • 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, more for a smoother pesto

What You Do

  1. In a food processor, chop up those nuts. 
  2. Add the garlic. Chop chop. 
  3. Dump in the lemon juice, salt, pepper, and pulse a bit more. 
  4. Add the parsley, keep it pulsing until combined.
  5. While your food processor is still a humming, drizzle in the olive oil until combined. 
  6. Add the parmesan cheese, if using, and pulse to briefly combine. 
  7. For a nut-filled pesto, use less olive oil. For a smoother pesto add more olive oil. 

Add pesto to your favorite pasta, top on soup (check out my Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup) or toast, or do whatever you like doing with it. 

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