Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Black Lace Teddy Lingerie Review

review of lingerie off of amazon

My Review of the EVELUST Halter Open Back Plunging Teddy


What Are My Boobs Doing Out Again?

So, I’ve never really been a lingerie person. I think it’s because most of the guys I’ve dated in the past have preferred me straight-up naked. I’ve always secretly wanted to be a lingerie person though. There’s something about leather and lace and silk against the skin that regardless of whether or not you’re wearing it for someone else it feels nice against the body.

Of course, now that I’m nearly naked all over Instagram and Patreon it makes sense to give back to the world more variety. That’s why I have several lingerie options available on my Amazon Wish List that I’d like to experiment with wearing.

The thing about buying lingerie off the internet is that you never really know if it’s going to work or not. The models surely do very little for the imagination. I mean, of course, they do plenty for the imagination if you’re looking at the pictures just to masturbate, but they aren’t really helpful in the way of understanding how it might appear on a not-model body. The fake boobs are the part that really gets in the way. Like, my boobs are not going to stand at attention like theirs do. My waist isn’t going to curve in like it’s being tied up in the back with a thick piece of rope.

Not that my boobs are saggy to the floor yet or even that my waist is flopping around with an overabundance of too much ice cream and fried chicken, though with my current diet and exercise program this could be the case in the near future.

The other day I did exercise though. I went for a run around City Park and when I came back I had several packages awaiting me on my porch.

This made me very excited (I also sometimes get a bit nervous, like did I order something when I was drunk? Is there going to be a human head in this thing? What could it be?!)

Fifty Shades Freed Official Collection

Anyway, on this day it was not a human head in a box. It wasn’t even a human finger (yes, I know, I have clearly been watching too much Hannibal). Instead, it was a box full of art supplies, a sexy lace bra, and an erotic-inspired teddy.


Now I can paint in lingerie, I thought as I unboxed everything.

I tried on the EVELUST Halter Open Back Plunging Teddy.

It looks like this on the model:

It looks like this on me:

lace teddy lingerie review
Time to toss some salad?

Here’s what I like about it.

I like that it’s black and lacey and both covers and doesn’t cover my body at the same time. I put a pair of shorts over it to see if it was possible to wear in public. I think I could pull it off (at least at Burning Man). The problem I have with it is that I can’t really move without it also moving and my boobs popping out. I probably need boob tape. I’m not sure if I like the idea of putting tape on my boobs BUT I’d only do it if I did dare wear it outside the bedroom.

The other problem is the length. It fits almost perfectly, but again if I move too fast the bottom part goes straight on my vagina. It’s something different than a camel toe. Just one on my big hairy lips sticks out, like, “hello, time to get licking partner!”

Other than that it’s probably my new favorite piece of lingerie. Black looks good on pretty much anyone and it gives me this slimming mysterious allure. I’d say if you’re looking for something to wear for a sensual photoshoot. Or want something for your man to rip off (or rip off your woman) basically immediately upon coming into contact with it then this teddy is a good choice.

Buy it here if you please:

EVELUST Womens Open Back Halter Plunging Teddy,Comfortable Scalloped Trim Lace Lingerie

See more pics of me in it on my Instagram and Patreon!