Severed Halloween Hot Dog Fingers

halloween recipes

Get Gross and Spooky with the Finger-Licking Good Hot Dogs

I suppose it was only time that we here at the Phallic Food Diet test kitchen turn a hot dog into a finger and send you on your way toward a good time. Severed Halloween hot dog fingers is a very simple recipe, particularly if you need a last minute spook-tacular idea or you want to mildly freak out your family or friends. 

It really takes fingering to the next level. 

Speaking of fingering. These severed Halloween hot dog fingers remind me of the time when I was in sixth grade jumping on the trampoline with all my friends. I was trying to show off my cartwheel flippy thing and being kind of an asshole about it from what I remember and I flipped right over the trampoline, landed on the back of my neck and hit my hand on the metal bar and broke my middle finger. I don’t know how I didn’t break my neck. I got very lucky. 

I had to walk around school with this giant cast on my middle finger so it looked like I was constantly flipping everyone off and in middle school; that’s pretty much the dream right there. 

Anyhoo. Halloween is by far my favorite holiday, with the darkness, the mystery, the intrigue and of course the costumes. Makes my fantasy mind go into overdrive. One day I’ll meet a pair of Luigi and Marios that want to take me to another level, you feel me? Anyhoo. Here are those bloody fingers. 

halloween recipes

Severed Halloween Hotdog Fingers Recipe

What You Need:

  • Hot dogs
  • Ketchup
  • Buns or quinoa 

What You Do:

  1. Boil hot dogs via their packaged instructions.
  2. Remove from pot.
  3. With a paring knife (very carefully since these dogs are hot), cut the tip of the hot dog into the shape of a finger nail. 
  4. From there, slice two slits where each knuckle on a finger would be (not all the way through). Cut the other end off. 
  5. Place in buns or on top of quinoa for that maggot-like vibe and squeeze a bunch of ketchup on the ends so they look nice and bloody and gross.  
  6. Serve to all your ghost and gobblin friends for a frightening fingering fun time.

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

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Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Weird Sex Wednesday: Cosplay and Fantasy Role Play

sexy costumes for halloween

Sexy Costumes for Halloween and Fantasy Role Play

or

Cosplay Costumes For Better Sex

Halloween is my favorite time of the year. I love being able to dress up and be someone else for a night. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to be yourself, you know? Another wonderful thing about Halloween season is how easy it makes it to participate in cosplay events or fantasy role-playing.

Typically on Halloween, I end up hooking up with someone, though it usually doesn’t make sense. Like, what is a sloth doing with a sexy cop? Or why is Mia Wallace making out with a vampire? It’s kind of hilarious when you think about all the mix-matched characters having the sex with each other.

#sexyisnotasize

My favorite Halloween hook-up was way back when I lived in Boulder, went to this weird DIY party, somehow a priest, a dude dressed like a bunch of grapes, a cat?, and Courtney Love all ended up together alone at some house. I do not recall exactly what went down. I know that the Grapes disappeared. And I know that the two guys, the priest and the ca? did some stuff, but most importantly you all, I know that Courtney Love made the priest puke all over the floor. Turns out to be a talent of hers and something that would make really good reality tv. Was it the sexiest cosplay fantasy shit to ever go down? Absolutely not, but it was hilarious and sometimes that’s better anyway.

If you are trying to have a sexy cosplay fantasy role play Halloween extravaganza, well then, let me suggest my top three sexy costumes for sexy time.

Or if I were to choose who I was going to have a threesome or whatever with while in costume, here’s what I’d choose.

Or my top three sexy couples costumes + bonus characters if you’re into threesomes.

1.

Mario + Luigi + Princess

I’m not sure why, but this one has always been at the top of my list. Must be something to do with playing Nintendo at such a young age for such a long time. Also, the Mario Brothers Movie was intense in this weirdly sexual / not sexual way. I need to watch it again to see if it’s still true.

Quesera Men’s Super Mario Costume Adult Cosplay Costume Mario Brothers Halloween Costume

Disguise Women’s Nintendo Super Mario Bros.Luigi Female Deluxe Costume

Leg Avenue Women’s Pink Princess Costume

2.

Buzz Lightyear + Woody + Jessie

Ever since I ran into Woody and Buzz at a bar one Halloween and they were both super hot and I was this close to getting them to have a threesome with me, I honestly can’t let it go. I don’t even care for the movie that much, just in real life it was really working.

Disney Disguise Women’s Pixar Toy Story Jessie Glam Costume

Toy Story Men’s Classic Buzz Lightyear costume

Disney Disguise Men’s Pixar Toy Story and Beyond Woody Adult Costume Kit

3.

Jon Snow + Khaleesi

I mean, duh. Do I have to go into why this would be hot? Pretty obvious I suppose but still, if you can pull it off you should def do it.

Light wavy blonde Khaleesi Daenerys Targaryen Wig Inspired by Game of Thrones Costume Cosplay Synthetic Hair

COSAUG Khaleesi Costume Dress Daenerys Targaryen Cosplay Blue for Halloween/Christmas

Jon Snow Wig Game of Thrones Costume and Stark Shield Pin – Cosplay Hair for Men

CosplayDiy Men’s Cosplay Suit for Game of Thrones VII Jon Snow Cosplay Costume

Or

Want to buy the sexy nurse outfit I’m wearing in the video?

It’s right here!

California Costumes Women’s Cardiac Arrest Costume