Freaky Fuck Friday: Celebrating No Panties Day

how to celebrate no panties day

Just Panties In the Wind

or

Happy No Panties Day

(Turn up the volume on this one, too lazy to re-do it)


According to the Internet, June 22 is No Panties Day. It’s basically a made-up holiday to help dudes collect more images for their spank-bank collection.

That’s fine with me. Spank away. I believe we all should enjoy a more pleasurable time while on this Earth.

Speaking of being on this Earth. Last night I mentioned something to my housemate
about how I couldn’t wait until the moment when I met people in Denver who had stumbled upon my blog/ YouTube Channel and came up to chat with me in person.

Then it happened.

Of course, one of those people was a previous neighbor of mine, who thoughtfully came over and shoveled our sidewalks one dreadful winter snow storm morning. But the other person I had never met. So I’m counting it.

Anyway. She is an amazing human being and the two of them asked me to make a Freaky Fuck Friday post even though I was planning to make a Friday Feels post about nu Denver and some bullshit I stumbled upon recently — but I’ll save it. You’re welcome.

Today I’m exploring Freaking Fuck Friday and more importantly this made-up holiday No Panties Day. I looked up why this holiday exists, but honestly, there are not great reasons and it’s better just to embrace it–particularly when you’re not into wearing clothes of any kind most of the time anyway.

So.

Here Are 11 Different Ways to Celebrate No Panties Day on Freaky Fuck Friday:

  1. Choose to not wear panties (or undies or boxer briefs or whatever). I understand this is obvious, but more difficult for some than others.
  2. Wear a skirt or a dress or shirt-cock (that’s when you only wear a shirt but are naked from the waist down).
  3. Stand over one of those air vents Marilyn Monroe style. Enjoy the breeze.
  4. Masturbate. At home or work or wherever.
  5. Get Freaky! Tell a partner of your choice that you’d like their hand to slowly and methodically make its way up to your superfunparts. (And allow yourself to get off if they’re you know, trying to help you get off.)
  6. Accept oral offerings.
  7. Shove your panties in someone else’s mouth and use them as a gag.
  8. Throw your panties out of a moving car window.
  9. Sell your panties on the internet (you can buy mine anytime by sending me an email through contact section.)
  10. Sexy dance with your ass hanging out in private (or public if you can get away with it).
  11. Burn all your panties and start the summer off panty-free. Because fuck panties.

Is this really Freaky Fuck Friday material? I don’t know. Comment below on your favorite commando story and happy made-up holiday. I’ll be going without panties all day to show my support (thanks to squats my ass holds up).

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Orrrr…. buy yourself or someone you know some panties if they also did the whole burning thing (click on the image link and it will take you to amazon for more panties shopping):

Lelo for the good vibes, yes?!

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Freak Fuck Friday: If I Had a Penis For a Day

freaky friday

Would You Ever Want to Switch Bodies With Another Person?

or

What Would You Do In Someone Else’s Body?

Earlier today a guy reached out on Instagram to tell me that he has enjoyed reading my blog, which of course I was flattered by the thoughtful comment. I checked out HIS Instagram and it’s by far one of the best pages I have ever seen. I’d suggest giving his weird napkin ball page a follow if you dare, as it’s quite a treat. While you’re at it feel free to follow mine too, and you’re welcome to DM me if you have something interesting to say.).

Anyway, since I was hungover as shit I asked him to give me today’s blog topic. He asked me if I have ever thought about what the sexual experience feels like (sensation/sensitivity etc) for the opposite sex.

Of course, the answer is a resounding YES. I think about that shit ALL the time.

Now, to be clear, I’m not a fan of Freud and I do not believe in the whole penis-envy bullshit, but I have definitely been curious to know what it must be like to walk around with a long thingy and two squishy hairy ball thingys hanging between my legs (I’ve also wondered what it would be like to be giraffe or a tree or a poodle–eat the mushrooms and you will too!).

I’ve thought about it SO much that I often ask my male friends if they’d ever Freaky Friday with me.

That’s exactly and not exactly what it sounds like.

In my Freaky Friday the guy and I would switch bodies, just like it happens in the movie of the same name. Except my Freaky Friday would play out more like a porn than a Disney film.

I have the whole day planned out too.

First I’d hire a prostitute. Wait, no, FIRST I would pee standing up and THEN I’d hire a prostitute. I’d pay the prostitute a huge sum of money (because now I am a man and just magically have lots of money for some reason) and the prostitute and I would spend a few hours having all the different kinds of sex, oral sex, penis-in-vagina sex, anal sex. I’d even have this very fine, intelligent, hard-working woman peg me, because WHY NOT? I now have a prostate and I’ve heard that massaging the prostate dramatically improves the sensation of an orgasm.

Then I’d go out to a bar and hit on a woman just to feel what it feels like to be rejected once in my life (hahaha you can discover how much that is not true with my blog on rejection located here). But, seriously, I’d go and try to talk to women to see what it’s like from the other side of things.

Maybe because during Freaky Friday I’m a woman in a man’s body, but still have a woman’s brain I’d luck out and one of the women would be interested in me in a sexual way. (Though since I am woman who also has sex with women, I can’t say it’s worked very well for me thus far).

Moving on.

I’d do that helicopter penis dance.

I’d write my name in the snow or the sand or the dirt or whatever happens to be outside that I can pee on.

I’d pee in an alley.

I’d pee off a mountain.

I’d pee out of a window.

(I’d also drink a lot so I could pee some more).

I’d take a pic of my dick and then send it to someone who politely requested to see it.

I’d go to a gay bar. I’d try to hit on men. I’m not quite sure what time of the day it is at this point, but I’d still want to have all of the different kinds of gay sex a guy can have. Why not?!

At some point, I’m sure I’d masturbate too.

Am I missing anything?!?!

Anything I forgot to do while I had this Freaky Friday dick?

I have NO idea what the sensation/sensitivities are for men. I assume all dicks are different in that regard. I also assume that our pleasures are similar though different. We wouldn’t all be rubbing up on each other so much if we weren’t getting that mind-blowing, toe-curling, internal fireworks show moment we all call an orgasm (of course, I will not go into the number of times I haven’t had an orgasm by fucking a dude with a penis because I’m not writing a novel here).

So… if anyone is interested in this experiment let me know. We can, I don’t know, find some magic spell and make it happen.

Cheers to the Freaks and the day we call Friday.

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