Things I Learned from the Reality TV Show Polyamory: Married & Dating

showtime tv polyamory review

A Review of Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating

Sometimes I wonder how or why my friends put up with me.

For instance, one of them has Showtime on Demand and for the past couple of weeks I have been going over to his house and binge-watching the crap about of Polyamory: Married & Dating until we finally finished the second season a few nights ago.

I don’t know what kept us going, except perhaps our mutual hatred for the show.

It came out in 2012 & 2013 so I get that I’m way behind the times but that’s what I get for not having Showtime (I also have missed out on The Knick, but that’s a different story for a different day).

Here’s what I’ve been saying for the longest time regarding monogamy v. polyamory–who cares they both suck and they’re both wonderful for their own reasons.     

I’ve had plenty of media exposure to monogamous structures that have made me want to not be monogamous, but this was the first time I got to watch a show that made me feel real turned off by the idea of polyamory too.

Yay?!?

I don’t know.

Showtime seemed to be trying too hard to make it sexy.  It was also pretty heteronormative (and white and middle class). Two male/female married couples living and playing together in a pod, and two triads both with one male and two females. In other words they could all pass as monogamous if they wanted to.  

That was the other thing that bothered me about the show. There was so much monogamy-shaming. Like, one of the beautiful elements of polyamory is the idea that you can create your own script, that you can form relationships how you want to–not how society attempts to define you–and yet many of these people seemed to think that showing even the slightest bit of monogamous behavior was BAD.

Or they would use monogamy-shaming to get what they wanted, for example, Michael basically manipulated Kamala into sharing her girlfriend to prove she was still poly (a reoccuring theme).

Time out.

When you’re poly you can have relationships with people without those people having relationships with other people you’re having relationships with. The guy clearly just wanted to have a threesome with two attractive women.

Which brings me to my next point. The women seemed to actually desire deep emotional connections with multiple people while the men seemed to desire straight up sex with as many people as they could get. The truth is that both ways are fine–if those ways are understood, but they never quite seemed to get there.

Now, I don’t know if some of these situations actually unfolded as we were shown or if the editors cut them a particular way to add more drama/suspense, but I do know that regardless it brought up two major things regarding human behavior that I found fascinating. Not only that, but it made me reflect upon my own life and examine how often I do similar things.

The Two Human Behaviors I Learned From Polyamory: Married & Dating

  1. People hear the things they want to hear not the things people actually say

My friend and I basically spent every episode yelling at the TV– “that’s NOT what he/she said.” We probably did this a million times. It was crazy how you’d listen to two people talk to each other and then later they’d make up sentences totally contradictory to the words you heard before.

Example:

Person 1:

I do not want you to go on a date with my girlfriend. If you’d like to have tea and chat I think that would be nice.

Person 2 [Later]: I can’t wait to go on my date with Person 1’s girlfriend, I hope we get to snuggle!

Ugh.

This show made me want to become a better listener. So, at least something was gained.

2. People will convince themselves of the most bullshit of bullshit when they’re trying to accept their own bad behavior (or the bad behavior of someone they love)

Example:

Kamala gives her new love interest a bj without her husband’s consent when they explicitly discussed how the two would not have sex until there was a verbal agreement regarding that activity. Her husband walks in on them while the blow job is happening and then Kamala pulls a Bill Clinton claiming they had not defined “what sex is,” –which came as quite a shock to me hearing that from a licensed sex therapist who clearly knows better.

I don’t even want to get started on the Tahl / Jen relationship; I will say this, he acted quite weasley and often found himself caught in a lie of his own doing and I wish she would have gotten out of that sooner.

But that’s the thing. We put up with a lot of bullshit when we’re in love with someone else. What polyamory should be teaching everyone regardless of their relationship structure choices is that COMMUNICATION is of utmost importance.

Sure, it might be painful to say the things you need to say and it might hurt even more to hear the things you don’t want to hear, but we’re talking about healthy relationships here.

Healthy. Relationships.

No matter what you choose, monogamy, polyamory, asexual hermit cave-living, single and slutty-in-the-city living, etc. it all comes down to knowing what you want and establishing the boundaries you need to make your relationships healthy.

Aka communication.

May we all find our words and our ears.

Another shout out to my friend for putting up with my bullshit and watching this show with me.

Get exclusives on my Patreon, if that’s the thing you’re into.

Read more about Polyamory with the book More Than Two.

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Mistakes Were Made: A Sexual Health Confession

sexual health

A Sexual Health Update

Or

I Made a Whore-able Decision

I must make a confession.

I didn’t quit the sociopath when everyone thought that I had.

I mean I did. But then he seeped back into my life.

That’s right, seeped.

I thought I was in love with him. Turns out he was a master manipulator, a pathological liar, and of course, a narcissist (they always seem to go together don’t they?). I’m not going to go into more detail quite yet but needless to say, he was seeing multiple women on a regular basis and banging everything else that moved in front of him–without a condom.  

Usually I am adamant about condom use.

I failed.

I am not perfect.

Of course, I was upset that he fucked with my mind, my emotions, my spirit, but I was really pissed off that he compromised my sexual health.

It’s been two weeks, which is the amount of time it takes for the most common STIs to form in the body. At Planned Parenthood today I peed into a cup to test for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis, this takes a week to get back the results. So here we wait. The other sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis as an example, take around three months to form in the body, so we wait some more.

I also had an HIV finger-poke blood test. I am, thankfully, HIV negative.

Finally, I received a vaginal swab exam. That is when they stick the metal duck bills inside you then take a giant q-tip and swirl it around after which they then analysis under the microscope. They’ve started warming up the metal duck bills and I’ll tell you right now, I prefer them cold. That was a bizarre sensation.

So, what did the doctor find when she looked under the microscope?

I bet a few of you smart cookies can guess.

That’s right. BV. Bacterial Vaginosis. An overgrowth of bacteria found in the vagina. Basically, my pH balance is off. This can occur really easily in women. It can occur even easier if the woman has multiple partners. Or in my circumstance, if the man she’s sleeping with has multiple partners and doesn’t wash his dirty dick. (If you stick your penis into one vagina and then hours later stick it in another, you’re going to transfer some unwanted stuff around. Science.)

So, my male readers, I behoove you, I beg you, if you’re going to be a slut, be an ethical one and take a fucking shower between your conquests. (Please, also, don’t refer to them as conquests). Also, we should all wear condoms, but since I am not the poster-child for this and have failed at doing the one thing I preach, I am writing it more for myself than for you, my reader.     

This is not the sexiest of sex topics, but sexual health is vital for one’s physical and mental and spiritual well-being. I would have preferred to not talk about this at all, but I also believe in transparency and this is my current state of being.

I made a mistake by having unprotected sex with someone I trusted (that I should not have trusted) and that’s on me.

I got out of it pretty lucky, to be honest. This will go away in a week and isn’t even an STI, just an annoying imbalance.  

The nurse practitioner said something along the lines of “we’ll get rid of that bad bacteria once and for all.” For a second I thought she was talking about the guy and I guess in a way she was.

He will no longer be seeping back into my life that’s for sure.

Sometimes the lessons we learn are hard. Or come from a hard place. Either way, starting with a clean slate, 7 days of antibiotics and no drinking. I’ll be so fresh, like basically a virgin again. Sometimes better things come to those who wait.

Masturbation Monday: More Than Two Book Review

more than two an ethical guide to polyamory

A Review of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

Or

Can Non-Monogamy Work and Can Any Book Actually Help People Get There?

First of all, let’s get this out of the way. I started exploring the concepts of non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships many years ago. You can read a plethora of articles on these topics from when I wrote for elephant journal way back in the day.

At this point in my life I can not claim to be polyamorous nor can I claim to be monogamous.

I am somewhere in the middle.

Recently, I even had a boyfriend for all of about ten days; we had made an agreement that we could still have random casual sex on occasion and that we could also explore group sex together if that sort of event became available. Unfortunately, we never got to that point before some incidents occurred in which we are now in different time-out corners (perhaps I’ll go into this a bit more after I’ve had more time to process it).

Anyway, I know quite a few polyamorous people and as someone who is trying to create my own relationship scripts, it’s interesting to see what and how other people do romantic and intimate relationships.

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory is one of those poly-classic books. There are people who live by its every word; people who take certain parts and apply those; and some people who disregard all the information in it entirely.

I started reading it over ten weeks ago. I am pissed about how long it took me to get through to be perfectly honest. Mostly, because I had started the year attempting to read a book a week and now I am ten books behind. I won’t blame it entirely on the book itself. The summer heat didn’t help. Nor did my budding romance.

So here we are now, finally.

What did I think?

Is it worth the read?

Would I recommend it to polyamorous beginners?

What about non-poly people?

Yes and no to all of that.

The book is broken into five parts. Regardless of whether you’re non-monogamous, open, closed, polyamorous, gay, straight, pansexual, etc. I believe that everyone should at least read Part Two: A Poly Toolkit. This section is all about understanding the self, diving deeper into the art of communication, and living with integrity.

The authors (Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert) make many excellent points in this section of the book that resonate with improving any and all types of relationships.

What I’ve learned through my own experiences is that it doesn’t matter if you’re dating one person or 10; if you have weak communication skills you’re going to have weak relationships.

Communicating well is not easy either. I surely have plenty of work to do, but I’m at least acknowledging where I’m at; I can see the gaps. I can admit I’m not close to being perfect. More Than Two goes into communication failures and strategies + additional resources to help people continue to work on it.

If you are a polyamory beginner the book does offer decent information on many of the issues that are likely to arise. Personally, I think it’s a bit long and would recommend reading over the sections when you come to it in your reality as opposed to trying to cram all the information in your brain at once.

There are elements of polyamory that I am drawn to, such as creating a community of intimate friends, writing our own scripts of how relationships can work; sharing joy and love and dinner (clearly I’m hungry right now). But there are plenty of other things I am not drawn to; like the drama; all the talking and talking and talking; and the super-packed schedules trying to fit everyone in when there are only so many days in a week.

Perhaps I’m just a bit bitter right now because I’m having my own personal issues happening that are leaving me exhausted. Like, I can’t even get one relationship to work right, the thought of adding more to the pile makes me want to go live like a hermit in a cave somewhere far away. And you know, someone did write about a guy who did that, you can read my review of The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit on my other blog here.

What are your thoughts on More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory and / or polyamory in general. Comment below or send me an email to discuss in more depth!

Buy your own copy of  More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory here.

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Sexy Sex Temperature Play Using Just An Ice Cube

sex tips to keep it cool in the bedroom

Cool It Down With These Ice Tips

or

3 Ways To Add Temperature Play Into Your Sex Game

As I’m sure you’re quite aware, it’s fucking hot outside. At least here in Denver where the temperature has been in the steady high 90s for days now. Not only is it hot outside, it’s also hot inside for me anyway; we live in a house that has no AC. I currently have two fans blowing on me and I’m still so warm my brain is barely working. Of course, I am blaming the heat on my brain failure when the real reason my brain isn’t working is that I went too hard over the weekend with the drinking etc. Such is life.

Anyway, on to some sex stuff.

If you’re looking for ways to have sexy fun time but also keep your cool, I suggest embarking on some temperature play.

From toys to lube to towels, there are all sorts of things you can do for temperature play, whether you’re looking to heat it up or cool it down.

Since it’s 95 degrees here and everything is fire, here are 3 ways to cool it down in the bedroom with just an ice cube.

1.Ice, Ice Body
Take an ice cube and use it to outline your lover’s body. Pay careful attention to the erogenous zones like the nape of the neck, the nipples, the inside of the wrists, the back of the knee. Try blowing on the ice spots to create new types of sensations on the skin.

2. Cold As Ice Mouth Play

Put the ice cube in your mouth then kiss, suck, lick etc wherever you want on the body; move to the main event — the genitals — take it extra slow to create tension, chills, extremes in hot and cold.

3. The Thin Ice Shuffle
Move the ice cube from the mouth and slowly outline the vulva, insert it gently into the pussy or twirl it around the tip of the penis, move it down the shaft, circle to balls. Make each other gasp, cry out, shake.

Stay Crazy, Sexy, Cool my people.

Comment on your favorite temperature play moves below!

 

Anniversary Collection

 

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Tits Out Tips Out Tuesday: The Art of The Mouth Tease

the art of teasing

It Takes Two to Tongue Tango

Or

Give Me Mouth-to-Mouth Real Slow Like

How good do you think you are at kissing?

I know that I used to kiss like a fish.

I know this because my first ever boyfriend decided to inform me of my sloppy wet mouth moves a few months after we parted ways.

Now, I have no problem with fish but I don’t care to kiss like one and I don’t like to be bad at things either, particularly sexually-related things (admittedly still bad at giving hand-jobs but I’ve accepted this). So, after he so kindly informed me about my level of lip skill ability (under the sea level it turns out) I went on a mission to become not just a good kisser but an EXCELLENT one.

Here’s the thing about mouth-to-mouth making out.

It requires more than just being a good kisser.

It requires being a good communicator AND being a good tease.

Here’s what I mean.

On Tongue Dancing and the Art of Mouth to Mouth Communication

I’ve made out with hundreds of people. Did they ALL think I was an excellent kisser?!

Yes. Because I am amazing.

Ha!

Just kidding.

Kissing requires not just technical physical skill, but the ability to “dance like no one is watching.” Or if they are watching then you can do the tongue tango instead.

You are no longer communicating with words you are communicating with your physical mouth tongue body. That’s where passion and compassion come into the limelight. It’s where playfulness and desire get shown off. So, close your eyes and move to the rhythm of each other’s movements. Pay attention. Mirror actions. Nipple. Lick. Speed Up. Go deep. Go light. Tease.

The Easiest Way to Tease is Kind of Like a Red Light Special

We miss out on so much stuff when we go too fast. I’m not saying you have to practice mindfulness or take a ten-minute meditation break (but neither would be the worst idea). What I’m saying is that when you slow down you can better savor each other and the moment. So, pull back. Lean in again and just when you’re about to touch, pull back again. Build the intensity. Make it impossible to resist another moment without that connection.

Very few people actually enjoy the jackrabbit sex style and that includes making out with that sort of intensity. Sure, it’s hot to go hard, fast, deep, but it’s also hot to know when to ease up, put the other person on edge. Give them a taste. Back away give them a bit more, until they become addicted (or adDICKted, depending).

Good luck out there with your mouth-to-mouth make-out tease sessions. May we all kiss less like fish and more like sexy sex humans.

I hope you get to go eat a carrot today!

Happy Tits Out Tuesday.

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Masturbation Monday: Woo Woo Organic Lube!

organic coconut oil personal lubricant

Bumpin and Grindin with Coconut Love Oil

Or

Never Have a Dry Nether Region Again


A little back-story about this woo lube, I had never heard of it until about two weeks ago when a friend not only told me about it, not only RAVED about it, but contacted the reps for the company directly in order to hook me up with a sample.

The people from The Skinny Confidential responded right away. They were super enthusiastic about this product and thus, I was super enthusiastic about trying it.

Several days later I opened my mailbox to discover the box.

Okay, to be fair, it was 2 a.m. on a Saturday, a dude was over and I remembered that it was highly probable that this new lube had arrived. So, I ran down the stairs and found it waiting patiently in my mailbox (but that’s basically the same thing).

I drunkenly and excitedly opened the box to find two whole bottles (Enter My Give-Away for the other bottle on my Instagram page by 7/2/18). I read the label, which says things like:

Organic. Raw. Non-GMO.

100% Natural Ingredients.

Then followed the directions.

Directions:
Apply liberally.
(But we’re not deep frying plantains here.)

Of course, there was a moment when I thought:

“But… what if we did fry plantains with this stuff? I beat they’d be delicious.”

Then I realized the guy was still in my bed so I squeezed a dollop in my hand then applied it liberally (not conservatively) to his penis.

Have I ever mentioned that I’m terrible at hand-jobs?

It’s like that Garfunkel and Oats song that goes something like,

“Hand-jobs blam-jobs I don’t understand jobs!”

I just never really got into them. I never practiced them enough. But with this Woo lube I was at least slightly above mediocre, which made me feel like I could go into that line of work, if I ever got desperate enough (which I won’t because I also have carpal tunnel syndrome and have to save my wrists for writing and my own masturbation stuff).

In any event, I’m sure if a dude used it on his own penis it would be magnificent. It was pretty spectacular regardless of my just-okay skill-set.

The lube itself is quite smooth and had an amazing smell. It’s made from 4 ingredients: coconut oil, stevia, beeswax, and vanilla.

Yes, I tasted it too and I could definitely swallow it. (Way better tasting than a lot of other lubes.)

The guy and I were not going to have sex because we were both super tired, but the lube-enhanced hand-job changed both of our minds.

The one major downer of this lube is that it is not compatible with latex condoms. I repeat… DO NOT USE THIS LUBE WITH LATEX CONDOMS. I mean, you CAN use it with the condoms, but the condoms won’t do what the condoms are designed to do and what’s the point of a condom if it’s going to get a hole in it and knock you up or give you an STI?!

So, yeah. We fucked without condoms. We had “The talk,” you all. It’s okay. (He doesn’t care about what I call him, so his label/not-label will probably change any time he cums back into one of these stories).

Back to the lube and the sex stuff.

We had a good time. Granted, we always have a good time so I’m not sure exactly how much of that goodness had to do with the lube, but it didn’t hurt. It might have helped. My period was moments away from starting so I was more sensitive than usual. The lube made it feel like he was almost about to touch my belly button from the inside, but I didn’t mind.

Half-way through our escapade, I brought out my new Lelo Sona Cruise to see how it worked with the Woo. I had asked them specifically if it was compatible with medical-grade silicone and they told me that they had not experienced any issues. (I’ll keep a lookout and let you know if this changes; I’ve heard rumors but have never seen it for myself). Anyway, again, when I added lube to the Sona it made some really fascinating sounds, but it’s not the EASIEST toy to use with another person. I’d use like the We-Vibe or the Lelo Tiana 2 instead.

lelo tiana 2 for partner play
Enjoy good vibes, together.

Of course, I’ve only had a one-night stand with this Woo Lube thus far, having not used it yesterday because I was not having any sex with others or myself (sad, yes I know). But, I’m looking forward to trying it out over and over again in the future.

#moreplay
www.wooforplay.com
@wooforplay

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And guess what?! You can too. Enter to win the extra bottle they sent me. Just find the give-away post on my Instagram.

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Thirsty Thursday: Why Threesomes Are The Best Somes

why threesomes are the best

You + You + Me = Three, Wee!

or

I believe in the power of the equilateral triangle

I’ve been sitting around all day in the heat, super thirsty, both for the drank and for the sex drank.

I was helping my roommate figure out what she’s going to wear at this event over the weekend, she was naked, I saw her boobs.

Whoa!

For some reason, I got even thirstier.

I dumped cold water all over myself to calm down.

I started to think about what REALLY makes me thirsty.

So far, my favorite sexual encounters that I ever get to have (or have had) are the threesomes.

Here Are My Top 8 Reasons Why Threesomes Are the Best Somes:

  1. There is always something to do
  2. Threesomes stimulate the body and mind in new ways
  3. You can try new interesting positions
  4. Two of you can gang up on one to overload the one with pleasure
  5. You can be ganged up on by the two to be overloaded with pleasure
  6. You can make an equilateral triangle of pleasure
  7. Three is the perfect size to fit on a bed without one or all of you falling off at some point
  8. Threesomes are fucking hot no matter the combination of people MMF, MFF, FFF, MMM, MFT, FTT, etc. whatever. Naked body parts all over!

I currently have two major threesome fantasies.

  1. Mario, Luigi, and the Princess all getting down and dirty together (I’m up to play any part in this one).

2. Woody and Buzz Lightyear tag teaming me taking me to infinity and beyond with some major mind-blowing orgasms, yehaw.

Ask me to name my favorite threesome experience and I will not have the capabilities. That’s like asking me to choose my favorite ice cream or favorite book. Sure, I can DO IT if I have to, but they each hold a special place, memory, and learning experience for me.

You may also be wondering if I am a unicorn and if I would ever have a threesome with you and your lover.

The answers are sadly, “no,” (and less sadly), “maybe?”

For a while, I considered myself a unicorn.

A unicorn in the sex community is considered to be a mythical person who flies in, has no-strings-attached sex with a couple, then just as quickly and quietly disappears, leaving the couple satisfied and better connected than ever before.

Here’s why I am not a unicorn.

For starters I am not a mythical creature, I am a human being and just like every other human being I have emotions and feelings and wants and desires. I have no problem participating in no-strings-attached sex with one or more people. What I have a problem with is always assuming that the third person WANTS NSA sex.

There’s a chance that I actually ENJOY the company of the two people and the sex is good enough that I’d want to do it again.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re worried that the third will come in and wreck what you have, I’m assuming what you have is not that stable to begin with and a threesome isn’t going to solve any of your issues, regardless of whether it’s with a unicorn or a regular person.

I believe that if a couple is choosing to enter into a threesome that the third has just as many rights as the other two and every voice should be heard.

Of course, some threesomes are just three random people doing it, and that’s pretty fun too.

On to the matter as to whether I’d have a threesome with you and someone you know. There’s a chance. It’s a pretty small chance, but I’m saying there’s a chance.

I deleted the Feeld App several months ago, but if you are looking for group-like sexual encounters that’s a tolerable one to use (it had a bunch of tech issues at the time I had it that they claimed were being worked through but I removed it before seeing if that came true. Why did I delete it? Mostly because I was tired of couples thinking they wanted a threesome in fantasy but not being able to follow through in reality AND because I was tired of being a unicorn. We need love and attention too sometimes).

I am aware that many of you out there have never had a threesome. Some of you have no interest while others are SO interested you might be coming off desperate for it. If you are interested in having a threesome and want tips on how to make this happen, let me know in the comments and I’ll write another article about it.

In the meantime, happy Thirsty Thursday, hope your thirst gets quenched! I’m going to go back to fantasizing about Woody and Buzz now.

P.S.

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Thirsty Thursday Cocktail Recipe: Sexy Strawberry Blonde Ethical Slut Punch

summer cocktail recipe

Get Your Cocktail on Today for a Cocktale Tonight

Or

Discover If This Recipe Could Help You Get Laid

I’m a thirsty bitch. I mean that in pretty much every way. As you read or saw last week I talked all about how I’m proud to be thirsty.


{If you make it to the end of this 5-minute video you’ll see us both shake what our mommas’ gave us (you’re welcome).

As a thirsty bitch though, sometimes I get thirsty for more than just dick or pussy or attention. Sometimes I get thirsty for actual drank. Sometimes this girl needs a cocktail before she can carry on experiencing anymore cocktales.

Below is a recipe for my signature drink. Named after me, the sexy strawberry-blonde ethical slut.

This drink is WAY better than that stupid red-headed slut shot they serve at low-end college bars. Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to mix jager with peach? Gag me with a ten-inch dick already… I mean really, gag me with a ten-inch dick… but no, do not ever order me a red-headed slut shot.

My signature drink is delicious just like me.

There’s some healthy sweet fruit all smashed at the bottom. Some lime for that tart and sass. Gin AND tequila because I go both ways. Triple sec because if you say it fast enough it sounds like triple sex, which makes me think of threesomes, which are my FAVORITE when it comes to the sex. MMF, FFM, FFF, any triple sex threesome thing is good with me. Ice because I can be cold, cool, and melt in your mouth. Then, of course, there’s the ginger beer since you all feel the need to call me a ginger all the time even though it’s debatable, but the ginger does add an extra kick and all that liquid helps calm down the hard hard liquor that’s getting all busy in the big ass glass already.

When it’s all mixed up make sure to use your reusable glass or metal straw–this is the ethical part of the drink. Think of it like a condom for your big ass glass. People are getting all butthurt about plastic straws at bars and coffee shops. I get it, I mean, that’s a lot of trash and there is already plenty of trash in the world (insert joke about your mom or Arkansas or something here). metal and glass straws are a great alternative. I’ve had mine since I lived in Boulder–because they have been butthurt about plastic straws for centuries. Anyway, they do last a really long time and I’ve lost more than I’ve broken.

If you’re going to be slutty, if you’re going to get sloppy, might as well be ethical about it.

Will this drink help you get laid? No.

A decent personality, an ability to communicate, a sense of humor, and the whole consent thing (aka not fucking someone super drunk but someone who actually consciously wants to fuck you) those things will help you get laid.

This signature cocktail is just to quench the thirst for a drank. And maybe loosen you up a bit IF you’re down for cocktales (or peach-pies or pink tacos) later.

The full recipe and instructions are below. Cheers!

Thirsty Thursday Cocktail Cocktale Recipe

Sexy Strawberry-Blonde Ethical-Slut Punch

Ingredients:
(for two drinks)
4 to 8 Strawberries
2 to 4 Limes
Gin
Tequila
Triple Sec
Ginger Beer or Ale or Soda Water
Ice

Materials
Big ass glass or jar
Reusable glass or metal straw

Instructions:

Add:

  • 1 part Tequila
  • 1 part Gin
  • 1 part triple sec

Add some cut up  strawberries and smash them in the bottom of the big ass glass.

Throw in the juice of half to one lime.

Put a bunch of Ice in your big ass glass.

Top that big ass glass with ginger beer or ginger ale for that extra PUNCH of flavor (you can use soda water if you have no gingery things or you run out of gingery things or you want to cut out some of the sweetness).

Garnish with lime wedge (and strawberry if you’re feeling real frisky).

Drink up that drank with your reusable glass or metal straw.

Rinse. Repeat until thirst is quenched.

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

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Thirsty Thursday: It’s Okay to be Sexy on Social Media

drink up if you are thirsty

It’s Time to Get Quenched

or

When It’s Hot, We All Get Thirsty

Growing up, “Thirsty Thursday” used to mean 99 cent Route 44s from the Sonic aka America’s Favorite Drive-In. The best Thirsty Thursday Route 44 Sonic beverage choice is and will always be a Cherry Limeade. Other running-up choices include the Strawberry Lemonade or a Grape/Orange/Cherry Slush or maybe MAYBE if the mood is just right, a cherry/vanilla Dr. Pepper. Yum Sonic drinks. (Now I am actually getting thirsty).

Today to be “thirsty” means something entirely different.

It no longer has anything to do with getting a giant-ass styrofoam cup full of corn syrup/ sugar-laced soda mixed with those perfectly tiny squared ice cubes for super cheap (though perhaps Sonic still has that special IDK I haven’t been there on a Thursday in years.).

Now, “to be thirsty” means to want or need something… particularly in relation to either attention or sexual relations or sexual attention or social media likes etc. etc.

Here are some sentence examples of the two main ways the word “thirsty” is often used:

Dick messages like 50 women on Instagram every day asking them what’s up, trying to get them to talk and or fuck him; that bitch is thirsty.

Kitty has been staring at that guy across the bar for so long that drool is coming out her mouth and she’s about to start humping her chair; that bitch is thirsty.

Jack is always posting pics of his giant ass biceps on Instagram, that bitch is thirsty.

Krystal posts half-naked pics of herself all over Instagram all day, that bitch is thirsty.

Candy has sent over 5,000 emails trying to get interviews for publicity work, that bitch is thirsty.

SodaStream Fizzi MEGA KIT Sparkling Water Maker with 3 1L Carbonating Bottles and 60L CO2 Cylinder Cartridge,Lightweight Sleek Design, Makes Tap Into Sparkling Water in Seconds!

People seem to use this word in a negative context. Is it wrong to want attention? Is it wrong to want other people to see how sexy you are or to know that you’re thinking of them? Is it wrong to actually go after the things that you want? Fuck it. I don’t care. I’ll be thirsty all day every damn day.

As it was stated in an article called The Modern History of Thirst:

“I think holding in thirst to please other people and to be ‘cool’ is the thirstiest thing one can do.”

So I will not hold back my thirst.

I will continue to show my half naked body all over social media. Why? Because I like it. I like sex. I like being sexual. I like you liking it. I enjoy your attention.

I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m an attention-seeking slut because I AM. I am also about a million other things too so I can be that for a moment then go and be a weirdo who farts and picks her nose while she’s eating an entire container of ice cream. Why? Because we are all complex beings. We all have thirst, we all have hunger. We all want to be wanted whether we want to admit to that want or not.

So drink up bitches. This tall glass of lemonade won’t be full or wet for that many more days. . . (not sure if that sentence actually works in this context but I have other things to do with my day to day, like go and find a drink.)

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What Was This Ghost Guy Thinking?

dude no

Ran Into a Ghost Last Night

Guess That Makes Him a Zombie?

Last night I went to my regular watering hole. This bar is just a few blocks down the street from me and it’s cheap, which means it’s dangerous but also the most fun.

While I was there with my friend and her not-boyfriend-boyfriend not one but TWO different guys I have had sexual relations in the past happened to wander in.

One made sense as he is my neighbor. And whatever, we still talk occasionally, no big deal.

The second one lives nowhere around here. He, in fact, was one of the many men who GHOSTED me in the past. Which was really fucking ironic or serendipitous or whatever as I had just written about ghosting two days ago. Maybe he knew and subconsciously felt left out since I failed to mention him in that post. Anyway, it had been over six months since I had seen, heard, or even thought about that guy.

I was at the bar ordering another drink (we will say it was my 5th but who keeps count these days?) when I noticed a quite attractive man a few stools down from me.

“You look familiar,” he said as he took a sip of his whiskey on the rocks.

I stare at him for a moment and then it hits me:

“Oh, indeed. That’s because we’ve fucked.”

His eyes go wide. He realizes it too.

“Oh! Yes. I guess that would be the reason.”

I move closer to him (he’s still looking as fine as the day we boned):

“I was just thinking about you the other day,” I say, “I was writing a blog about ghosting and I remembered you because we had this long philosophical conversation about dating and being open and honest and how ghosting was a bullshit form of not communicating. Remember that? Then, do you remember how I sent you some texts the next couple of days after and you never replied? Like, how you said you’d never ghost and then you did just that?! That was hilarious!!”

He furrows his brow:

“That doesn’t sound like something I’d do,” he insists.

Fast-forward to today and this text exchange where he informed he was now back with his ex-wife. But, here’s the kicker, he continued:

“I wouldn’t say it’s entirely accurate that I’m not into you.”

They are not in an open relationship.

I’m trying to understand the male brain here.

We went out a couple of times. We had sex. We stopped talking. We run into each other and have a casual conversation. Then he texts me to tell me he’s back with his ex but he might still be into me?!

If I were his ex-wife I would have stayed an ex because of this kind of behavior.

Exes are exes for a reason.

There’s this meme:

mcdonalds fries
True or False?

I’m not saying it’s ALWAYS bad. I’m sure there are circumstances where reuniting after spending time on personal growth might make it more reasonable and likely for success.

But… if you’re with someone monogamously and you’re thinking about how you might possibly be into someone else… perhaps that’s a sign that the two of you aren’t right for each other?

Or maybe he’s the type of guy who likes to have a serious relationship but then get fresh hot fries on the side?

Yes, I like sex. I am a slut. I enjoy hot fresh fries just as much as the next person, but I do have boundaries. I even have morals if you can believe it. And even if this guy and his ex-wife end up apart again (and they will as that’s pretty apparent) I could not, would not want to ever take a bite of his fries.

I can forgive a ghost (cuz they dead). I can’t accept a zombie though, because I enjoy having my brains intact.

Anyone have a different opinion on the matter? Am I reading it wrong? Did I just waste a bunch of time thinking about this? Probs.

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