WTF is New Relationship Energy?

polyamory and new relationships

New Relationship Energy v. Old Relationship Energy

or

How do you navigate new relationships while maintaining your current ones?

I went on this Tinder date the other night with this guy (who was super hot btw) and somehow we got into the discussion of polyamory v. monogamy. I’m going to save part of our conversation regarding the origin of marriage for another day and instead discuss the polyamorous concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE).

New Relationship Energy is pretty much exactly what it sounds like; it’s that overwhelming crushing feeling, that OMG this other person is so rad feeling, it’s like fucking rainbows and birds chirping happy songs and everything being amazing because you like someone and that someone likes you back! You’re basically on a drug called Love, which can be stronger than the strongest coke. It’s intoxicating. It’s ecstatic. It’s delicious.

I made a comment about how within open relationships New Relationship Energy can help spark the flame in the relationships people already have. My date didn’t really believe me. When I got home I opened up the Ethical Slut. I got on a few poly blogs. They didn’t believe me either.

Everyone seems to be screaming loud warnings about the dangers of New Relationship Energy.

They claim it can be distracting. It can cause you to do really stupid things. It can lead you to ignore other relationships (friends, lovers, family), it can cause you to fuck up a lot at work. Some people even get addicted to NRE and cannot seem to ever have a long-lasting committed relationship because once the energy calms down they want more of it. They want to do it again. It feels SO good. (Some may claim I’m an NRE-addict but really people just can’t handle being around me long-term).

Regardless of all of these warnings of which I agree can totally happen, I also still believe my own point of view that NRE can actually help make current relationships healthier too.

For an example in mainstream media, consider the show Easy (Netflix). Season 2, Episode 2, “Open Marriage.” In it, a couple who has been in a monogamous marriage for like 20ish years decides to open it up. The thought alone causes them both to get really excited and in turn, have better sex. The guy even said, “we should have opened our marriage up a long time ago!” Now, of course, they hadn’t even experience NRE at that point, they were experiencing the IDEA of experiencing NRE and that alone was enough to excite them.

But isn’t that just it. The idea that someone new finds you interesting and attractive reminds you of what you find interesting and attractive about yourself and all the relationships you currently have going on. Sure, the NRE can be distracting because you’re trying to learn all you can about this new person in your life. But, if you remember to take a breath, step by, give time to your other relationships, those relationships can see an added boost in connection as well.

So, yeah, people in the poly community say to approach the NRE with caution. And though I agree on some level, I also think people should fully embrace this energy and use it to propel their new relationships and their current relationships to the next level.
Poly people talk about compersion… which is the concept of feeling happiness for someone else’s happiness and though it might be difficult to see someone you love falling for someone else it can also be beautiful. (It also does not have to exist in just the poly community alone, monogamous people can feel this way too). Challenging, sure. Overcoming jealousy and the fear of abandonment is not easy, particularly in a society that promotes scarcity and owning other people. But, it can be done and the benefits of embracing compersion and new relationship energy (whether yours or someone you love) outweighs the drawbacks.

As for the date? It ended with us belting out 90s pop songs and making out, so I’d say it was a success all around, even if it probably won’t lead to a new relationship of any kind, but the energy of that night was fantastic (and did I mention he was really hot?)

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Does Dick Size Matter?

cock size matters

Dick Down. Carrots Out. Do Not Engage.

or

How the Size Of Your Dick Does Not Make You A Decent Person

The other day I received yet another direct message from a stranger on Instagram. The message was rather funny (about the phallic diet I am currently on) and the guy sending it did not have a private account so I could tell he was a real person. Plus, we had like 5 mutual friends in the Boulder/Denver area; I thought, what the heck, I’ll give this conversation a shot.

The first thing he felt the need to talk to me about was his dick size.

I’d like to stop for a second and make a sweeping generalization about dudes who talk about their dicks to complete strangers on the internet.

Has anyone else ever noticed that is is almost always white dudes and it is almost always white dudes who supposedly have a dick that is at least 7.5 inches if not bigger? I’ve never had a dude message me that he had a 5.37-inch long dick. Is this just something big dicked dudes desire to do more than anyone else, brag about something on their body that could cause potential cervical damage or even brain damage to any woman involved?

baby carrot dick is still tasty
Delicious dick no matter the size

Anyhoo. I honestly didn’t even care about that. I thought the conversation was kind of funny. But then he flipped.

He went cray cray.

And now the thing he was most paranoid about happening is happening.

I am here blogging/vlogging about him.

For hours he continued to converse with me about sex stuff and how he likes to eat strawberry pie–which turns out to be a reference to ginger-haired pussy I guess. Then abruptly he accused me of only interacting with him so I could make a video about it later.

The idea hadn’t even occurred to me until he said it. I didn’t find him that interesting or worthwhile to discuss.

But, he wouldn’t let it go. He was convinced that I was going to make fun of him and smash his tiny little ego. So here I am making fun of him and destroying his ego.

Here’s the deal, dudes (and ladies). If you’ve never met me and you’re afraid if you interact with me I might talk about it on the internet and you don’t want me to talk about you on the internet, here’s a friendly suggestion–do not engage me.

This dude was like, “if I went and talked about you on the internet wouldn’t that bother you? I think what you’re doing is shitty.”

My question is– are you going to tag me in the post? Because I could use some more followers.

I told him if he didn’t like it he could just stop talking to me. And I guess he didn’t like it because he unfollowed me and blocked me on Instagram, which honestly I feel rather flattered about.

Anyway here’s a video blog where I discuss dick size aka carrot stick size. What’s your preference?

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Weird Florida Stories About Good v. Evil

big dudes throwing things

Angel v. Demon

or

How to Balance Your Good and Your Evil

Friday Night Story

Saturday Night Story

There are moments in my life that I wonder if I am actually a bad influence on people. Like when I suggest to 20-years-olds that they can drink my beer when I’m “not looking” because I remember what it’s like to be a 20-year-old who wanted to drink. I think I’m doing a good thing when really I’m just helping a young woman potentially become an alcoholic.

Then the next night… my Tinder date takes me to the 4th bar of the night. As we park we see this HUGE dude throwing this newspaper stand all the way across the sidewalk. Eventually, we make our way to the front and he pops up.

Somehow I talk him out of murdering his girlfriend.

So. Am I an angel. Am I a demon? Is it possible to be both at the same time? Is that what makes us human? The same as being right AND wrong. And understanding it’s okay to be a walking contradiction because we ALL are.

This guy was like 6’5″ and SUPER buff but he was also a teddy bear at the same time who didn’t actually want to hurt the person he loved (and so he took it out on a newspaper stand). I found it fascinating. Like how he could throw other people’s property across the sidewalk and then the next minute be near tears thinking about how his mother never taught him how to love right.

Like, wow. That’s some fucking up-level self-reflection shit happening.

I am impressed by the nuances of humanity. Everyone talks about Florida in this sort of stereotypical way, where all the people here eat bath salts and try to eat each others’ faces off, but in reality, the people here are legit. There are hipsters and entrepreneurs and racists and artists and cooks that love wu-tang. It’s beautiful. Like I said to my friend the other night when I was SOBER and we were hanging out on the ocean… “we’re all just seashells that have been spat out of mother earth’s womb. Some of us are broken. Some of us are pretty. Some of us are broken AND pretty.”

Maybe we’ll be picked up and put into a pretty glass jar. Maybe we’ll get smashed into a million tiny pieces and become a part of the sand. Either way, we’re all here and we’re all trying to make it work, however, we can make it work for us while we’re here.

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Help! What Would You Do? Ex Texts. Now What?

ex text situation

Give Me Your Thoughts on the Ex Text Scenario

or

Does It Matter If You Still Like The Person?

What would you do if someone who ended a relationship with you started texting you again?

  1. Ignore or Ghost?
  2. Tell person to leave you the fuck alone?
  3. Respond Kindly?
  4. Respond like the weird person you are inside?

Also to clarify, the person texting me is not technically an ex because we were never officially anything and at this point we never will be. I did like him, but he ruined it by his abrupt change of mind and I can’t really think of any way he could ever make up for that. No amount of burritos could ever repair that hole.

As I said before, I did learn so much from our short time together. Mainly that I don’t have to take other people’s shit who don’t get me at the core of who I am.  I never thought it would include him, but now it does.

I’ve also been contemplating whether or not I fall for people too fast. It seems like I often find qualities about a person I enjoy and then because I don’t want to be wrong about my initial response I lie to myself and deny the shit qualities that surface over time. There is nothing wrong with accepting people just as they are… but just because you accept them as they are it does not mean you have to spend time with them or have them in your life.

I do wish all my exes the best of luck with love and life in general, even that one dickhead who tried to accuse me of giving him an STI when he had just been wanking off too much and rubbed himself raw. I even hope that that asshole learns how to not be such an asshole so other people can enjoy being around him.

P.S.

Even though I am a slut, I get tested every 3 to 4 months. My last test was April 11th, 2018. Yes, just a few days ago. Because if you’re going to be a slut you should try to be as ethical about it as possible.  

Bonus!

This bunny is harder than it looks! There is something satisfying yet also sad when the head of the bunny disappears via the eating of the head of the bunny.

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Can Pick Up Artist Tricks Work Without Being Sleazy?

PUA

I Use This PUA Method ALL the Time and It Works!

or

This one Pick Up line Could Save Your Night!

Going out on the town this weekend? Wanting to meet new people, flirt a bit, maybe even get laid?!

I’ve read a fuck-ton of dating advice books. At once point, I was actually going to write a thesis on them, but then I went into a totally different direction (music as activism, but I digress). There are major issues with the book, The Game. Mostly it teaches men how to manipulate women with low-self esteem into sleeping with them, which I find rather tasteless. Yet, there are some redeeming things about SOME of the tips and tricks.

One thing the book does well is motivate people into putting themselves out there. You’re not going to get a girl’s number if you just stare at her from across the room. If she rejects you, so what. If she doesn’t, look at that!

People don’t typically go to a bar just to drink; they go to a bar because of the possibility that something interesting could occur.

This could mean talking to new people, seeing a fight, finding the love of your life, letting go in the company of friends and strangers, connecting, flirting, observing a segment of our culture at its drunkest etc. etc.

People at bars WANT something to happen. So fuck it, why not make it happen yourself?

The method for introduction that seems to work quite often particularly when you’re with another person is “The Argument.”

Go up to a group of people that you find interesting or cute or whatever and say,

“Hi! Real quick. Can you settle this argument between me and my friend?”

Or

“Hi. Sorry to interrupt. I’m sure you’re having a riveting conversation, but my friend and I are in a very important debate and we need help settling it! We’ll be out of your hair momentarily if you don’t mind giving us your opinion on the matter?!”

Then bring up whatever you what to argue about. I prefer to keep things light, petty if you will, like pineapple on pizza? Coke v. Pepsi? Kayne v. Jay-Z? Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston the greatest pop diva of all time? Sloths v. Mini-pigs? etc. etc.

Either they’ll be into it and you’ll have an interesting conversation, or they’ll politely answer and you’ll get the hint to go away ASAP or they’ll tell you to go away which whatever, you’ll live through it.

The Pick-Up-Artist culture suggests making sure to leave right after the debate; I think it’s a pretty good move as it gives the people you just met time to decide if they actually enjoy your company and then they will seek you out later if they indeed did.

In any event, I find this method to be a pretty good way to start a conversation and though I did learn it from The Game, it does work as a way to engage and isn’t actually harmful to other people’s self-esteem. Unless of course, you yell at it the other people for hating pineapple on their pizza, which might happen because those people are wrong.

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I Was Wrong Again: Thoughts on Love and Loss

I’ve never really understood love, perhaps that’s why I haven’t found it?

or

Maybe love has been here all along?

Yes, I admit I was wrong. Yet,  also, I wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that I was right either, it just is what it is. I was angry and hurt and didn’t react in a loving way but from a place of fear. Maybe it was the fear that I may never be in a loving relationship with another person ever again in my life. Then I, of course, remembered that I will ALWAYS be in a loving relationship and least with myself and the universe as a whole.

The most important thing I took away from this past hot-mess mini-relationship is how good it feels to be one’s whole self. When you put that into the world you’ll get it in return. People may not love the whole of me (or even the holes of me), there are times when I myself don’t love certain things about me, but I love that I’m growing and learning and trying a little bit harder every day.

I love that I have the capability to love someone else and through these experiences I am learning how to do that without attachment. I’m clearly not perfect at it. It’s easy to love another person when they’re doing and saying all the right things, but can you love them when they’re being an asshole too? Can you love them when they don’t want to love you back? Can you give them the space they need to be their best possible version of themselves even if it doesn’t include you?

I can do this whole loving thing alone (thank you vibrators!) but it’s way more fun to do it with other people. I’m grateful that so many people have taught me so many things about who I am, who they are, what love is and isn’t, and I’m excited for new possibilities to unfold–as they always do.

Also. I found the clip from Adaptation.

“I loved Sarah Charles. It was mine. I owned it. And Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away.  I can love whoever I want.”

“But she thought you were pathetic.”

“That was her business not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you.”

Own it.

P.S. I love pizza so feel free to send some my way whenever you want.

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What Happens After The Me Too Story?

Life continues after the Me Too and it still isn’t pretty

or

One Day I’ll Be Over This

You say I’m brave. Braver than the guys I like, which isn’t saying much about my bravery.

This guy who I’ve been into HARD for the last couple of weeks says to me last night ” I can’t decide whether I like you or not.”

If you have to think about it, you don’t.

Go eat a carrot!

Life goes on. It’s beautiful. It sucks. I guess I could stop it, but I’m not that brave.

Ten minutes after the guy I REALLY like ends it with me, I’m back on Tinder. It’s my typical reaction after rejection to feel wanted. I used to feel guilt around this reaction, but now I don’t give a fuck. (Or I give a fuck… if you get my drift there.)

The Morning After… Some funny sex stuff.

Yes. I want to go a little crazy for once. But I won’t. Or will I?!?

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