Phallic Food Asian Noodles

asian noodle recipe

Send These Noods Right Over

The best part of this phallic food asian noodles dish is that you can eat it hot, warm, or cold; any way you have it, it’s delicious. I also like it because it’s a well-rounded addition to the phallic food diet cookbook as it includes 4 major phallic foods: carrots, cucumbers, sausage, and peanuts. The combination creates a plethora of texture and the jalapenos and sauce add a nice kick. 

As someone who lives alone and struggles at times to have the motivation to cook, these phallic food noodles are great to have ready to go in the fridge for whenever hunger strikes. I like to eat mine with chopsticks because it’s good practice, and I could use all the practice I can get because I’ll tell you, I didn’t use chopsticks until I was well into my late 20s. There was only one Chinese restaurant anywhere near me growing up and not only did it make me sick on both occasions that I went, they only had forks. Now, when I go out in public to an asian restaurant I only look sort of awkward instead of all the way awkward–oh the powers of learning, practicing, growing. 

Anyway, now, with this tasty recipe you can grow your stomach and your chopsticking skills all at once! Or just eat it with a fork, either way, you’re welcome.  

Phallic Food Asian Noodles Recipe

What You Need:

  • Half a package of Udon noodles (or noodles of choice)
  • 1 LB Ground sausage
  • 2 medium/large carrots shredded
  • ½ of one Cucumber, peeled and diced
  • 1-2 Jalapenos, diced
  • Half of a red onion, diced 

Sauce

  • 2 tablespoons chili garlic sauce 
  • ⅔ cup of soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoon sriracha 
  • 1-2 tablespoons sweetener of choice (agave, honey, brown sugar etc)
  • The juice of one lime
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic salt
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic powder
  • Pinch of cayenne 
  • Pepper to taste

Toppings (optional}

  • Chopped peanuts
  • Cilantro

What You Do:

  1. Boil a pot of water and cook noodles based on package direction, drain
  2. At the same time, brown the sausage in a skillet over medium heat, drain, set aside
  3. Cook the onion and jalapeño on medium low for about five minutes,
  4. Make sauce by combining all the ingredients in a bowl
  5. Pour sauce into onion, mix, add drained sausage, carrots and cucumber stir, then add to drained noodles, stir some more
  6. Serve in individual bowls and top with peanuts and/or cilantro 
  7. Eat!

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches

gluten free keto easy recipes

An Easy Way to Get More Cucumbers in Your Mouth

Whether you’re looking for an easy to make light lunch or dinner idea or you are craving an afternoon snack, these gluten-free tuna and cucumber sandwiches hit the spot. Not only are the incredibly simple to make, they are healthy and delicious too. 

Everyone makes their tuna salad differently, I usually just throw together whatever I have in the fridge to make it work, as seen below with the use of the pickle relish. Feel free to do it up however you like, this is just an example. Certainly any type of protein + salad would work here, chicken, egg, tuna, etc. 

These cucumbers came directly from my parents garden, which I suppose you could say I did as well. Certainly I’ll be around a lot longer though and if you were thinking about eating me I’d prefer you leave any knives out of the equation.  Anyhoo I’ll spare you any more writing and get straight to the recipe.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ to 1 cucumber 

Tuna Salad:

  • 2 cans of tuna
  • 3 to 4 tablespoons of mayo
  • 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
  • Either half of stalk of celery chopped OR I used a spoonful of sweet pickle relish
  • Garlic powder, salt, & pepper to taste
  • A pinch of cayenne 

What You Do:

  1. Make the tuna salad by combining all the ingredients in a bowl, chill if so desired.
  2. Peel (if so desired) and slice the cucumber into rounds.
  3. Put a spoonful of the tuna salad on top of one slice of cucumber and top with another.
  4. Make as many as you desire to eat.

Ta-Da! It’s that easy. Crisp, delicious, and healthy. Also, it’s gluten-free as far as I know, and it’s probably keto or paleo but honestly I can’t keep up with what’s what. What I do know is that it is part of THE PHALLIC FOOD DIET and thus it’s here for you whenever you need it (or want it).

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.