Is Your Carrot a 10 out of 10? Find Out!

Donate & Get Your Carrot Rated

Aka Play the Carrot Challenge

Have you ever wanted someone to take a good look at your carrot and tell you the truth about what they’re seeing? Do you have a weird looking carrot hanging out in the back of your fridge right now? Are you bored? Feel like getting creative? Why not draw or paint a festive carrot and get it rated by a professional?

That’s right, for a limited time only, I, the Carrot Expert, am offering Carrot Ratings to any and all people who make a Donation to the Carrot Fund.

The Carrot Fund not only helps yours truly, but I will donate HALF of all the proceeds to artists, musicians, and service industry people who are now in super struggle mode due to our current world crisis.

That’s right. You send me a donation and a pic or video of your best carrot and I send you back your Carrot Rating—which is based on 10 specific criteria (see rules below).

Going cross-eyed by the girth of this carrot, baby.

So, you want to play the carrot game?

Here are the Carrot Rating Rules

Step 1: Make a Donation

50% of Proceeds will go to Artist, Musicians, Service Industry people /anyone out of work / struggling thru this quarantine.

Send Donations to:

  • Venmo: @Krystal-Fawn
  • Cashapp: $KrystalFawn

Put CARROT FUND + IG name (or email) in Comments

Step 2: Tell Me About It

Send me a message letting me know that you’ve sent the donation.

IG: goeatabiggercarrot

email: goeatacarrot@gmail.com

Once I confirm the donation has been made then I will give you the go ahead to send me over your favorite Carrot pics or video.

This can be the carrot in your pants, in your fridge, salad, on a painting, drawing, tattoo etc.  feel free to get creative (you’ll even get a point for that!)

I’ll take a good look and judge your Carrot according to my Carrot Rating System

You’ll get 1 point (or 0 points) for each of these ten categories:  

  1. Size
  2. Shape
  3. Color
  4. Creativity
  5. Grace
  6. Sense of Humor
  7. Mood
  8. Energy
  9. Hardiness
  10. Donation Amount

The best your carrot can score is a 10/10. Bonus to anyone who makes a SIZEABLE donation, I will add personal commentary about your carrot to the rating sheet. You’ll receive your Carrot Rating within 48 hours (depending on demand I will try my hardest to have them back to you within the same evening). 

Ready to play?

Show me what you got!

Send me those donations (I’m thinking anywhere between $10 and $100 but if you want to go bigger that’s always better IMO)…

Venmo @Krystal-Fawn

CashApp $KrystalFawn

Show me your best carrot (the more creative the better!)!!!

Do We Really Want To Go Back to Normal?

Perhaps it’s time to envision a new way of being.

It’s pretty clear that the corona virus is changing the way that we exist on this planet. None of us having any idea how it is all going to unfold. Will medical professionals find a way to contain Covid-19? Even so, what happens when another virus pops up in its place? Is the economy going to tank? Will millions of lives be sacrificed to save it?

These are all things we’re about to find out.

While all of this is going down and we’re all quarantined in our selected locations, many of us jobless, many of us feeling very much non-essential right now, I encourage everyone to take an hour or however long and dive into your dreams. I’m not talking about the stories that play out in your subconscious when you’re asleep. I’m talking about what you dream about for your life.

If you could somehow reinvent how the world works, what would it look like?

Using your wildest imagination as we can only imagine as much as we know, what could humanity actually be?

Is it possible to live in a society that values people over profits?

What would a world without money look like?

Could a world exist where we valued giving, sharing, trading, more so than the dollar?

Is it possible to have gifts, to be creative, to encompass amazing personality characteristics without them being comodified? Without having to turn everything into a product or a brand?

What could a world without money do?

Our planet, our people need healed.

How does that work?

When someone gets sick should they get access to health care like any other person who gets sick?

When anyone rich or poor can catch viruses that kill, that can kill hundreds, thousands, millions of other people, shouldn’t we have systems in place to handle said situations?

Are you really THAT comfortable that you want to go back to how things were?

Was your life really THAT great? What deep down did you want out of life?

You say you just want a decent job and loving family… well WHY do you want a job? Is it for money? So you can provide for your loving family? Is it so you can buy all the things that you need to survive?

What if you already had all of those things?

Would you want a job so you felt like you had a ‘purpose’?

Why do you feel like you need a purpose to live?

And could you work, could you do the things that you loved doing, things that gave you ‘purpose’ if that’s what you truly needed without it being connected to income? Could you work on a farm or on a painting or mowing your neighbor’s lawn just because you enjoy the work and because it helps connect you to other people?

How attached are we to money that we need to go back to normal?

What if instead we created a new normal? A better normal? A normal where everyone thrived?

What would that look like to you?

Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone to get there?

If you’re not willing are you at least ready?

If life will never go back to normal then we need to start imagining a new world that aligns with what we want not what people with all the money think we need.

In the meantime, if you’re all alone might as well go F yourself. Here’s a coupon. XOXO

Get 10% off your first order

The World is Canceled, What Now?

Corona Virus Got You Down?

All your plans are canceled? Not sure what to do with yourself? Tired of bingeing on Netflix? Not sure what social distancing really entails. Well, never you fear, I’ve spent a many years developing superb ‘hiding from people’ skills and I can tell you, you’re about to have a really good time. 

Here are 5 Things to Do While Social Distancing

  1. Finally read a GD book 

Isn’t it great that you now have all the time in the world to just sit back and catch up on your reading list? Perhaps you’re confused and do not know where to start. Well, if you already have a pile I suggest starting at the top of that. If you do not, here are some book suggestions based on our current corona virus / social distancing/ world canceled/ stuck at home / hermit life / situation we’re all in.

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Life of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkle

The Plague by Albert Camus

All My Friends Are Dead by Avery Monsen

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts

Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron 

2. Move That Ass

Sure you can’t go to the gym anymore but you can certainly step outside and go for a fucking walk. Just don’t touch anything or anyone when you do it. Get that vitamin D, it might the only D you get for a while. 

In addition to walking, you can find pretty decent gym replacement streaming videos on YouTube.

Two of my favorite streaming workout channels are: 

Sydney Cummings

Fitness Blender

3. Get Your Head Right

What a perfect time to go inside yourself and finally deal with some of your issues. No need to worry about making it to the party later or having to deal with anyone seeing your sad puffy eyes. Cry it out. Sit around and ‘be.’ Maybe meditate for a moment in time. Go down a YouTube hole and learn all about emotional maturity or overcoming bad habits or how to be alone etc. 

The School of Life videos are a good place to start:  

4. Love Yo’Self

There’s research out there that says masturbation actually improves your immunity. So, have at it, give yourself a hand or two, or if you’re tired of doing ALL the work, might I suggest Lelo’s F1 Developers Kit for penises and the Lelo Sona Cruise for clitorises. 


Lelo’s F1 Developer’s Kit

src=”https://media.go2speed.org/brand/files/lip/2/LELO_free_shipping_250x250.gif” width=”250″ height=”250″ border=”0″ />

5. Talk to Someone You Know Or Don’t Know

Have you been putting off making that phone call? How’s your mom doing? Want to tell an old girlfriend you’re still in love with her? Want to ask someone out after the world comes back on again? Bored? Lonely? Well, luckily the phone and the internet still work. So, call someone you know. Or maybe someone you don’t know?

Need further advice? Find me on Patreon for a 1-1 online chat.