I Was Wrong Again: Thoughts on Love and Loss

I’ve never really understood love, perhaps that’s why I haven’t found it?


Maybe love has been here all along?

Yes, I admit I was wrong. Yet,  also, I wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that I was right either, it just is what it is. I was angry and hurt and didn’t react in a loving way but from a place of fear. Maybe it was the fear that I may never be in a loving relationship with another person ever again in my life. Then I, of course, remembered that I will ALWAYS be in a loving relationship and least with myself and the universe as a whole.

The most important thing I took away from this past hot-mess mini-relationship is how good it feels to be one’s whole self. When you put that into the world you’ll get it in return. People may not love the whole of me (or even the holes of me), there are times when I myself don’t love certain things about me, but I love that I’m growing and learning and trying a little bit harder every day.

I love that I have the capability to love someone else and through these experiences I am learning how to do that without attachment. I’m clearly not perfect at it. It’s easy to love another person when they’re doing and saying all the right things, but can you love them when they’re being an asshole too? Can you love them when they don’t want to love you back? Can you give them the space they need to be their best possible version of themselves even if it doesn’t include you?

I can do this whole loving thing alone (thank you vibrators!) but it’s way more fun to do it with other people. I’m grateful that so many people have taught me so many things about who I am, who they are, what love is and isn’t, and I’m excited for new possibilities to unfold–as they always do.

Also. I found the clip from Adaptation.

“I loved Sarah Charles. It was mine. I owned it. And Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away.  I can love whoever I want.”

“But she thought you were pathetic.”

“That was her business not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you.”

Own it.

P.S. I love pizza so feel free to send some my way whenever you want.

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Are You Scared and Intimidated by Sexually Empowered Women?

women's sexuality scares men

Do I intimidate you?

Yes, I Like Sex. Yes, I am a Slut. Own Who You Are Or GTFO.

Admittedly I was super excited to meet someone who I felt an immediate connection to; he was somehow capable of bringing out more of me. Like, I can be whomever I am and he enjoys seeing me that way. I don’t have to play games or pretend I am some innocent virgin. Plus, he can cook, so that was a bonus since I love to eat. One night he started acting a little weird and I was like, wtf is up. That’s when he said it. The words I never thought I’d hear come out of his mouth “I find you intimidating”. Sure, other guys have said similar things to me, but they were dudes to me. People who didn’t matter. I thought this guy was different. I thought he understood.

It’s not as if I am completely dismissing him since he said that comment, but I am trying to understand who he is, who I am, who we could be together and if anything sustainable and meaningful could come out of a relationship where the other person is slightly (if not more than slightly) afraid of you.

A guy wants to feel like he’s the only person you’ve ever slept with. Well, it’s 2018. In the world of Tinder and FOMO; in the world of birth control and unlimited porn; in the world of being whoever the fuck you want to be, being a virgin at 33 is really fucking rare. I am not that kind of rare.

It’s not like I know EVERYTHING about sex. I do know quite a bit, since I studied it and participated in it, sold sex toys to the wealthy Cherry Creek crowd for a year and yes, watched porn–both online and live. There is still a fuck ton to learn. I believe that every person you meet can teach you something if you’re willing to listen. When it comes to sex, that’s no different. It’s not just about what you’ve done, but what you CAN do together.

I may have the solution to this intimidation problem:

In any event, I do like him even if he rubbed me the wrong way with his words (and the right way everywhere else), so we shall see if we can overcome this intimidation factor or else I guess the whole “fucking off,” thing might become a reality. Let us pray to the goddess of sex, love, and drugs that this is not the case.

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Go Eat A Carrot Origin Story

giant carrots shaped like cocks

Thanks to Jesus and SinDay a New Project of Truth Has Emerged


Learn All About The Carrot That Changed My Perspective

Jesus Died For Somebody’s Sins But Not Mine. -Patti Smith

This is the story about how “Go Eat A Carrot,” came into being. Yes, it has to do with sex. No, I did not have sex with a carrot, but I did put it in my mouth.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for more.

Read more sex-positive blogs like How to Charm Someone’s Pants Off here.

Let’s Talk About Sex and Liberalism, Baby

Did A Blow Job Open My Throat Chakra?


How I Can No Longer Stay Silent About Any Of This Shit Anymore

What’s the deal with sex and liberalism?

Because I promised to tell the whole truth or the (hole truth depending on how pervy you are) here are the videos of me trying to explain what I’m doing. Yes, I repeat myself. I was only going to use one of these clips, then I thought, fuck it. I’m not perfect. You can see how I’m not perfect in this series in multiple ways. Also, I talk about this one specific blow-job and how I’m no longer a liberal– a lot below. So. Watch one or all or none of them, whatever.

Just Trying to Figure Out What I’m Doing Here aka Breathing onto Camera

First Take On Why I’m Even Doing This

I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

Second Take On Why You Should Go Get Your Carrot Wet

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Read more on my battle with overcoming my liberalism here.