Tits Out Tuesday: The Problem With Casual Sex

the problem with casual sex

Fuck Who You Wanna Fuck

or

Be Who You Wanna Be

I follow a bunch of random pages on Instagram. It pretty much runs the spectrum from hedonism to cute puppies all the way to new-age spirituality bullshit and of course, alien conspiracies. The other day I saw several posts come up into my feed that all centered around the same concept– that casual sex is an energy suck.

Most of the posts read something like this:

“Everyone is too busy just having sex for pleasure with no connection. They’re going to lose their chance to find someone real because of their sexual desires (demons) …”

The concept stems from the idea that when you give a part of yourself to someone who has no intention of returning anything you give–you are transferring your energy into emptiness and soon you will also be empty inside.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this idea.

I think for the most part this idea is bullshit.

Is there an actual problem with casual sex?

Yes.

The problem is people who have a problem with it.

If you have a problem with it, then it’s not for you and that’s okay. But, if it’s not your thing that doesn’t mean it’s not for other people. And the only way you lose your energy is by choosing to give it to someone else.

Is it possible to continue creating connections with people AND also participate in casual sex? Perhaps it’s only for people who are capable of separating the meanings of experiences. Not every sexual encounter is about intimacy or spiritual bonding. Sometimes it’s just about enjoying pleasure for pleasure’s sake. If people are going around ONLY seeking pleasure ALL of the time, perhaps they’re all empty on the inside. Or maybe pleasure is just easier for them? Maybe they haven’t gotten to the point where they’re ready for a deeper, closer intimacy. Is that wrong?

It seems like it should come down to communication. If you’re looking for a connection that’s more than just pleasure, discuss it. Perhaps don’t fuck someone who’s only about the physical act of sex.

When you’re on the same page, it shouldn’t be an energy suck or cause for concern.

One form of sex is not necessarily more real than any other. Of course, when you’re into each other it can definitely make the sex better, but it also depends on your definition of better. So, what I’m getting at here is that I disagree with this new-agey bullshit that says casual sex is bad for the world. I believe that everyone should experience more pleasure and within that pleasure, we will all have better experiences here on earth. Perhaps I’m wrong. I’m okay with being wrong. But perhaps shedding the guilt around sexuality would be more beneficial to our planet than continuing to make people feel bad for the choices they’re going to make.

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Exploring Polyamory, Monogamy, and Open Relationships Part 1

monogamy is dead

More Than One Relationship?

or

Can’t Even Get One Relationship.

As many of you know from following my writing in the past, I’ve extensively discussed theories of monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships in general.

Many of you ask what I prefer.

Here I talk about it if you don’t want to read (I lost my new video so these are from a different night when I was slightly intoxicated):

Here I write about it if you do want to read:

To be completely real with you all, I’m not typically in something long enough to ever find out.

Sure, this says something about me. It says that I’m picky and the people that I like are seemingly pickier than I am. I can easily rub people the wrong way, right after I rub them the right way, if you get what I’m saying.

Relationship-wise I would be good with a boyfriend and a girlfriend and the occasional one night stand.

Or a boyfriend OR a girlfriend and the occasional one night stand.

Currently, I am participating in none of the above. I go on dates. I don’t think I’ve had a one night stand in months though; they’ve at least lasted two to three nights, hahaha.

Sometimes my roommate and I get drunk together and make-out. She has a boyfriend and her boyfriend has a boyfriend, so in that realm, I suppose you could say I’m polyamorous. Though not really.

Though maybe.

It’s easier to say I’m open to the possibilities.

Open to the possibilities of everything in life–sex, politics, opinions, sandwiches. I’m open to learning, growing, figuring my shit out, not trying to define myself one way or the other. Yet, I’m still fascinated by it all.

It is my current opinion that monogamy is not for everyone and should not even be the default relationship structure of our society. It’s rooted in scarcity, guilt, jealousy and capitalism, which are just not the greatest features to carry out intimacies with another person.

Yet, time is a real thing and relationships are hard work. When you add multiple relationships to the mix it gets harder and harder. So much communication. So much scheduling. So much talk talk talking about feelings and shit.

Mostly I like the idea that people can decide for themselves what’s best for them. I’m still trying to uncover that for myself. I know, I know, I’ve been trying to uncover it for at least 10 years, but at least I’m actively attempting to understand.

My sex drive is higher than average and I read too many books and intimidate pretty much every guy I meet soooooo here I am, keepin on. Considering taking a break from men and sticking with women for awhile, even though I do like my carrots there are plenty of other tasty things to eat in the world.

Perhaps I’m just tired. I haven’t even had any coffee yet today. . .

Here are some book suggestions on polyamory if you’re interested in exploring further:

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