Go Eat A Carrot: Year in Review

go eat a carrot

Happy One Year Anniversary to Go Eat A Carrot

Almost exactly a year ago, on Easter Sunday to be exact, Go Eat A Carrot was born. I had gone on this fabulous rom-com date with a pretty decent dude, where he bought me a very large carrot as a Sin Day Sunday gift.

Later that night I had eaten an edible and instead of putting me to sleep it put me in this weird manic-y state of mind where I stayed up through the evening and came to the conclusion that I needed to start a blog. A blog about the truth, and sex and love and politics and food, but mostly about the truth and mostly about the sex truth. A blog where I told people to “go eat a carrot,” which of course is a triple entendre– my favorite kind of entendre.

It’s been a real fucking crazy year. It has been probably the craziest year of my life. I’m happy to still be alive (most of the time). It’s unclear at this point what’s going to happen with this blog. I said I’d write it for a year and I did. There were times I veered away from the truth because my audience was more concerned with the sex. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to get back to the root of what this was–which was a way for me to express the bullshit and the beauty going on in my life and to connect with people over topics that we all enjoy exploring.

Anyway, it’s pretty interesting to realize that Easter comes from the Ishtar, the Assyrian and Babylonian goddess of fertility and sex. No wonder I had the idea for a sex blog on Easter. It’s my way of celebrating life. I create these little babies for you all, blog babies.

It’s been a struggle and a learning curve. I’ve had quite a time in this puritanical land talking about sex, even if I’m doing it from a sex positive perspective, on social media sites. I’ve also dealt with A LOT of really dumb DM messages, yet at the same time I’ve talked to some really amazing new people and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

Here are some stats and some learnings from the first year of Go Eat a Carrot and some stats from my sex life during that time.

Go Eat A Carrot 2018-2019 Details:

  • Blogs: 79
  • Videos: 113
  • Pics: A billion
  • Instagram Followers: 3,393
  • Instagram Accounts Deleted: 2 (after 3K+ followers, rebuilt entire page, added a private page, which got deleted too.)
  • Instagram Accounts Still In Tact: 3
  • Subscribers on Youtube: 494
  • Strikes on Youtube: 2
  • Top Video: Hot Burning Man Sex (42.8K views)
  • Patreon Posts: 581 (deleted several after strike)
  • Strikes on Patreon: 1
  • Peak Patreon Patrons: 15
  • Current Patreon Patrons: 6

Sex/Dating Life Since:

  • One (to 2) night stands: 11
  • Friends with benefits: 5
  • Playthings: 3
  • Boyfriends/lovers: 1
  • Sociopaths: 1

Sex Highlights:

The night the Nun made a sex tape, the former-NBA player experience, the men capable of giving me multiple orgasms–thank you. Financial domination, monster porn, tentacle porn. Quick mental connections that end in friendships that actually last. Old friends returning to the story. Figuring out my patterns and ending them.

Sex Lowlights: The men who couldn’t, wouldn’t get me off. Dog porn. The toy with the app that failed to work. The guy who didn’t share his food the next morning, fuck that guy. The manboys who went back with their exes (yes, there were more than one). The Sociopath, enough said.

Happy Rabbit

The Hard (and soft) Lessons I’ve Learned:

Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath. I don’t talk about it much, mostly because it’s clear this guy is still stalking me and I don’t really want to add more fuel to the fire, but it was quite an ordeal that I’m still working through. For months I was furious. Not only angry at him but angry at myself.

The thing is, I’m working on forgiveness. Not because that’s what Jesus would do, but because it’s the only way I am going to be able to move on with my life. I can’t be mad at a monster for acting like a monster. I can’t be mad at myself for falling for a monster, because the truth of the matter there’s a little bit of monster in all of us.

Yes, I was drawn to the danger, the mystery, the excitement. Yes, I enjoyed the drama… until it went too far. I learned so much about myself from the experience though. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I learned that I would rather be alive than walk around dead all the time. I learned what I definitely do not want in my relationships and I learned how to run away from red flags the moment they start waving their redness in front of me.

I also have learned what I do want. Stability, strength, simplicity. A balance of masculinity and femininity. Honesty. Truth. Fragility. Vulnerability. I want to be held with kindness, care, concern. I want to receive as much as I give– and I am quite a giver.

I’m not playing games anymore. Save the drama for your mama or anyone else that isn’t me because, nah. I’m done with that bullshit.

If people can’t handle it, if they can’t handle me, or they don’t want to put in the work, then guess what? They can just go eat a carrot.

That whole thing has been really fucking hard. It ripped me apart. It dragged me under and I started to drown. Everything else this past year has been minuscule in comparison; the men who left me for their exes, the ghosts, the guy with the girlfriend, the one nights stands that left me bored and unsatisfied, the time-wasters and super-pervs– nothing has come close to that pain and that torment. It’s my goal to make sure it never does again. Mindfuck me once, that’s all I need to never get mindfucked again.

Sure, I danced with the devil, but I knew he was the devil the entire time. The thing is, he wasn’t that good of a dancer and so I’ll just keep dancing on my own. No one can step on my feet that way.

Thanks for all the support for this past year–whether you’re a regular reader, a friend, a regular friend reader, I have appreciated you being there.

If you’d like to show your support for Go Eat A Carrot financially–which would be quite helpful indeed, become a Patron on Patreon, buy me something from my Amazon Wishlist, or buy yourself something nice from one of my affiliate sites:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Woo for Play

Thanks again! Don’t forget to eat your carrots. Nom Nom Nom.

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Friday Feels: My Sweet Sweet Revenge

ways to revenge your ex

Because Sometimes Getting Back is the Only Way to Go Forward

or

Yes, It Does Taste Sweet Indeed

I’ve always been a big fan of revenge. I know a lot of people believe in the art of letting things go, forgiving, moving on, but fuck that. Revenge is way more fun. Of course, I could seek revenge Game of Thrones style, incorporate a bit of poison into some wine or just blow up my entire city, but that may be a bit extreme considering the person who wronged me isn’t really work going to prison over.

I came up with a list of things I’m going to do instead as my way of saying “fuck you, buddy.” I think it’s pretty well-rounded. Feel free to take a look for yourselves below.

Happy Rabbit

7 Ways I’m Getting Revenge

1.
Finally Finish Writing My Book

It’s been a long time coming; I’ve worked on this book for over a year. I finished the first draft months ago but couldn’t get myself to go back and edit it. Now, I have a second wind and angry wind thus it’s second draft time. Get ready world it’s going to be a good one.

2.
Continue Growing My Website and Patreon
Nothing says revenge like sweet sweet success. So, I’m buckling down and getting to it harder than ever before (perhaps you’ll be getting harder than ever before too…).
3.
Grow My Big Thick Ass
Something about having a big thick ass that none of my exes can ever touch again makes me feel accomplished. Sure, I grew it myself, but it does take work to continue said growth and to keep it looking round and plump and oh so irresistible.

4.
Leave the House Hot Hot Hot
It’s Denver and it’s pretty impossible to go anywhere without running into someone. There’s a pretty high percentage that that someone could be someone I’ve fucked before, maybe even the guy I most recently fucked. So, when I leave my house I want to make sure my big thick ass is looking as fine as hell.

5.

Post Instagram Pics That Will Devastate Him
Sure, it’s petty but baby doesn’t care. Baby wants the even bigger baby to cry.

6.

Cackle
This bitch loves a good cackle.

7.
Date Someone Better
This shouldn’t be too hard considering.

So there you have it. That’s my whole list. If you think there’s anything I should add feel free to leave your suggestions int he comments below.

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I Was Wrong Again: Thoughts on Love and Loss

I’ve never really understood love, perhaps that’s why I haven’t found it?

or

Maybe love has been here all along?

Yes, I admit I was wrong. Yet,  also, I wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that I was right either, it just is what it is. I was angry and hurt and didn’t react in a loving way but from a place of fear. Maybe it was the fear that I may never be in a loving relationship with another person ever again in my life. Then I, of course, remembered that I will ALWAYS be in a loving relationship and least with myself and the universe as a whole.

The most important thing I took away from this past hot-mess mini-relationship is how good it feels to be one’s whole self. When you put that into the world you’ll get it in return. People may not love the whole of me (or even the holes of me), there are times when I myself don’t love certain things about me, but I love that I’m growing and learning and trying a little bit harder every day.

I love that I have the capability to love someone else and through these experiences I am learning how to do that without attachment. I’m clearly not perfect at it. It’s easy to love another person when they’re doing and saying all the right things, but can you love them when they’re being an asshole too? Can you love them when they don’t want to love you back? Can you give them the space they need to be their best possible version of themselves even if it doesn’t include you?

I can do this whole loving thing alone (thank you vibrators!) but it’s way more fun to do it with other people. I’m grateful that so many people have taught me so many things about who I am, who they are, what love is and isn’t, and I’m excited for new possibilities to unfold–as they always do.

Also. I found the clip from Adaptation.

“I loved Sarah Charles. It was mine. I owned it. And Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away.  I can love whoever I want.”

“But she thought you were pathetic.”

“That was her business not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you.”

Own it.

P.S. I love pizza so feel free to send some my way whenever you want.

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Tantus

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Lelo