So, I went to bed at like 7 am and thus have slept for a total of about 2 hours. It’s so weird when you have to “boy bye” someone. This boy I really liked. I maybe even could have loved him, though who knows if I have that capability.
No one will know is the answer to that, because I am now shut down. This system is no longer operating.
It’s at least temporarily out of order.
I have like no desire to have sex. Or even masturbate. Which sucks because it’s Masturbation Monday and I can’t even do my job. I guess he’s just fucking me in all the ways that aren’t the fun kind.
Honestly, when these kinds of things happen, as they seem to do often for me, I feel like the biggest idiot. I’m a fucking moron. I can admit it. Jesus Christ, I’m real bad at this and I’m not getting better with age or experience. It’s like the opposite of a nice red wine. I’m like old spoiled milk. It stinks. It’s rotten. Dump me down the drain already and throw me in the garbage.
It’s times like these when some stupid ass drama happens that I thought I’d never have to experience again because I’m old and why do old people have to experience drama? It’s times like these when I am most thankful for my friends. I’m crying less over the loss and more so about the happiness and gratitude I feel knowing I have people who actually care about me. People who will always care about me.
Even if I am a crazy idiot.
A crazy idiot who can’t even masturbate because she’s so fucking depressed and sad and angry and tired.
So, so fucking tired.
Maybe I’ll go puke my heart out again. That’s probably some sort of BDSM masturbation thing. I’ll have to look into it.
In the meantime, please masturbate for me and have a good time.
Namaste and shit.