How to Take Action When You Fuck Up a Relationship

how to fix a relationship that you broke

Aka Get Off Your Phone and Get to Work

or

At Least Do Something if You Care At All

Most people don’t want to do the work that it takes to be in any kind of romantic relationship.

I mean, I get it, why have a deep connection with someone who cares about you, thinks you’re the whole world, would do anything for you (but not that), when you can just go out and have sex?

Oh wait.

Yeeaaahhh. Casual sex is fun and all but it’s got nothing on love.

L. O. V. E.

Wtf is that anyway?

There was that Chris Rock stand-up where he explained it pretty well. Aka “If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love.”

Now, perhaps that’s taking it too far, but I don’t know. It was in the moment after we had been fighting (well, after he kissed my roommate and tried to sleep with her when I was in the other room and then lied about it) when I walked through my kitchen, saw a knife sitting on the counter and paused for a second too long when I realized, “oh fuck, I might actually have fallen for that guy!”

Yet, then he really fucked it all up.

A series of texts transpired after which were full of apology etc. Now I’m a patient person. I can tolerate a lot of pain. I can even forgive a person for being a total and complete piece of shit, which is something I should maybe try unlearning. But here’s the thing. Actions must be taken.

If you fuck up a relationship by being a liar, a manipulator, a cheat etc. and you want that person back. Good fucking luck. You’re going to have to work your ass off. You’re going to have to make sacrifices to the goddesses. You’re going to have to quit being a lazy ass good-for-nothing mother fucker and do something.

This is the most important component that I think a lot of people who fuck up relationships miss.

You must shut your mouth, your words mean nothing at this point because your previous actions proved you otherwise untrustworthy.

You can no longer rely on a text apology. That’s not good enough. You must overcome your own ego and DO SOMETHING.

SOMETHING > NOTHING
ACTION > WORDS

This where things get confusing to a lot of people. They know that must take action but they have NO IDEA what kind of action to take.

Use your brains here. Get creative. The point is rebuilding. It’s like, not only did you tear your entire building down, but in the process, you created a major fucking hole too. Now you have to fill in the hole (and not with your dick…) AND build an entirely new building, that’s taller and shiner and all that shit.

Most people can’t do this. Either they didn’t really love that person that much or they’re lazy or both. We’re quite the throw-away society, not only do we have no respect for things anymore, now people are things and are thrown away all the same. We can do better. We can be more interesting than that.

If you’re struggling with figuring out some sort of action to take after you took some negative actions that made your relationship fail, don’t worry. I’ve made a list as a starting point to help you. Of course, this is mostly just stuff that I’d want, I don’t know who you fucked over or what they’re into, but perhaps this list can help spark your imagination and get you on that first step back into their good graces.

tantus cock rings
Make your carrot vibrate maybe?! Nah, prob something better than that.

Here Are 12 Ways to Do Something That Could At Least Help You Maybe One Day Get Back What You Fucked Up

1.
Say Anything style and stand outside their bedroom window blasting your song on a boombox (I’d suggest not the song he blasts because that song is kind of lame).

2.
Write “I’m sorry” in their yard using a bunch of burritos or bacon or whatever food they love.

3.
Write and mail them a love note every day. Every. Day.

4.
Try flowers, nothing says romance like something that is so beautiful it will die in three days.

5.
Try flowers again three days later because the other flowers are dead now and you don’t want them to think of your relationship that way.

6.
Bottle up your tears and then let the other person make a nice clean (or dirty) martini from them.

7.
Write and record them a song.

8.
Send them a heart-shaped pizza.

9.
Start seeing a therapist and work on yourself.

10.
Buy them everything they want on their Amazon Wish List (or mine is fine with me).

11.
Write them a poem or better yet, an entire book of poems.

12.
Or if you’re terrible at poetry, write a long long LONG list of everything you love about them.

Is this helping at all? Getting some ideas? Okay cool. Maybe now quit reading this and GO DO SOMETHING about whatever it is you did. You’re welcome (and good luck).

Gifts for Brinds

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Can A Relationship Be Repaired When Trust is Broken?

overcoming a betrayal in a relationship

Lies, Manipulation, and Love Built to Die

Or

There’s Good Reason Why So Many Of Us Have Built a Wall Around Ourselves

Recently I had my heart ripped out of my chest again. My best friend has told me on countless occasions that I trust people too easily. I know she is right, but I also have never been able to overcome this trait I have. Regardless of whether I’m making a new friend or developing a new romantic relationship, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I trust them until they prove to otherwise be untrustworthy. This is not uncommon behavior, most of us do this. Why wouldn’t we do this? There has to be some faith in both the self and the other that the bonds that are being built are being built on solid honest ground.

And yet, it’s so interesting how quickly a good relationship can turn bad when that trust we hand over so easily shatters.

The question is, can it be repaired?

Of course, it can, we even can see examples in mainstream media every day, see Beyonce and Jay-Z, Hillary and Bill, etc.

The deeper question comes down to whether or not both parties involved really want to repair it.

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

When someone does something hurtful to someone else the person being hurt has to understand that this is not a reflection of who they are, but a question of who the other person doing the hurting is.

How good was the relationship prior to this pain? Are both of you willing to do the work to overcome it?

Of course, I can’t help but feel duped, humiliated, made to look stupid. The thought of going through those feelings again is enough to make me run far far away and never look back. It’s not that I can’t forgive him for his terrible behavior–I can. I’m questioning whether I can trust myself to give him another chance and risk going through all of those emotions again. I’m not a big fan of those emotions, who is? I think of what my friends would do, would say to me. I think of what I’d say to my friends if something similar happened to them and I know I’d tell them to tell the guy to “fuck off,” (which I actually did do, quite loudly at 5 am in the morning but that’s a digression).

I think of the future. I think, what if I forgive this guy and he does it again? Not only would I be mad at myself but I’d be embarrassed, ashamed for being so easily manipulated.

I don’t understand liars. I’ve always been way too honest, to a fault even. My lack of a filter has gotten me in trouble many many times, yet I prefer it to living any other way. Sometimes I forget how other people don’t do this. How other people so often lie to get what they want.

That’s the other thing that confuses me. Why lie to get what you want? And what benefit does it serve to lie to the person you like romantically? If you’re so comfortable with that that you’re no longer interested in being with them, why not just break it off? If you’re so bored that you want to be with someone else after a month why not just say “girl, bye?” If you want to do whatever you want and get away with it, why be in a relationship at all?

The thing is you can’t do whatever you want when you’re in relationships with other people. Not if you care about them anyway. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do the thing you don’t really want to do, whether it’s going to their company’s BBQ even though you hate all their coworkers, making breakfast even though you’re both dying of a hangover, or you know, not hitting on their roommate even if the roommate is so damn cool and fine. It’s called basic human decency. Relationships require that as a bare minimum.

So yeah, here I am, in kind of a conundrum.

There were so many good things happening and I miss that, I miss him, I miss us. Yet, I can’t be with a liar. I can’t be with someone who does whatever he wants with no regard for the other person. If he can prove that that is not who he is at his core (or his surface even). If he could actually do the work, show real remorse and take positive action to repair all this then maybe.

Yet, then again, maybe I’m too easy and need to learn how to be a bit “more hard”.