If You’re Angry and You Know it Clap Your Hands

how to use anger

Anger as an Energy

On Embracing the Darker Emotions

For the past few days I’ve been a fiery ball of pure anger. Why am I angry? There’s no specific reason. It’s everything and it’s nothing.

I did everything in my power to curb the anger. I worked out. I went to therapy. I went for a run right after therapy. I ate some healthy food. I ate some unhealthy food. I stewed in my room alone away from everyone. I drank beer, a many beers. And after all of that I was still pissed.

I had this unshakeable desire to punch people. I had this unshakeable desire to be punched. I tried to get people to start a fight club with me. They refused. It made me want to punch them.

I kept it contained though, I punched no one not even myself.

Check out:

The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger

When I said there’s no specific reason as to why I’m angry that’s not entirely true. I’m pissed off at myself. I pissed at myself for being so lousy at telling other people to fuck off.

That’s right.

I am mad that I’m bad at being a bitch.

I’m mad that I try so hard to understand other people’s emotions and motivations and desires and logic that I overlook my own.

I’m mad that I am not more discerning and I let people into my life who should never have access to it to begin with. I’m mad that I allow myself to be manipulated and lied to for other people’s sick amusement.

Check out:

Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight

I’m mad that I have to continually tell men ‘no’ when I tell them I don’t want to see them anymore, that they think they’re entitled to me at any time because I went out with them for a month or six… or they’re entitled to me just because I’m a woman and they think I exist solely for them.

It is not my responsibility to make a person feel okay after they have treated me like shit.

If you treat someone badly and then afterward they do not like you, you have to own your actions and accept that someone does not like you because of them. And you can’t make up for it with a sappy text out of the blue or an invitation to dinner.

If you fuck up and want to repair it, you can’t just say you want to repair it and it magically is repaired. You must do actual work. You must put in actions over and over that prove the words you say or else it’s just bullshit.

The thing is, I’ve been too easy on men. It’s time for me to re-establish my boundaries. To be even louder and bolder with my ‘no.’ To tell people to fuck off the first time they do something bullshitty because baby doesn’t have time for any more bullshit.

There are only so many hours in the day and I want to spend those hours with people who are invested in creating meaningful fulfilling relationships and aren’t just trying to distract themselves from their own pain.

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I own my pain. I own my anger. I take care of it by creating instead of destroying. Sure, I want to punch people but I’ll do it with my words and not my fists.

So if I tell you to fuck off, it’s not a reflection of who I am, it’s me seeing you for who you think I am and me disagreeing with that opinion.

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Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: What’s the Link Between Sex and Violence?

sex, violence, marriage, testosterone, social media, mob violence, criminal behavior

The Correlation Between Sex and Violence

or

Why Are Men So Mean Sometimes?

Male Sex Toys 728X90

Over the past few days my manfriend and I have been binge-watching Hannibal (on amazon prime). It’s an incredibly violent television show as you may imagine since it’s based off of the books Red Dragon and Hannibal by Thomas Harris. A psychological thriller with death everywhere. So much death that in the 13+ episodes we’ve made it through there’s only been one romantic moment — a kiss — and no sex whatsoever. In any event, my friend and I got into a discussion about the correlation between violence and sex. He claimed that they were “the same thing” whereas I begged to differ.

 Watch Hannibal Today

Since that time I’ve been doing some research and I’ve come across some very interesting articles on this very subject. It turns out there’s a pretty big correlation between the two, though it is not quite right to say they are “the same thing.”

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Here are six interesting facts (theories and research developments) I’ve come across during my internet dive into this fascinating topic of sex and violence.

1. On Female Sexual Liberation

In the Psychology Today article, Why Sex and Violence Go Together, the author writes:

“young males are at the highest risk of criminal offending, and violent crime is more common in societies where female sexuality is more liberated.”

This has to do with competition for sex. From my understanding of this article, when there is a likelihood of getting some, many men will get violent in order to get it. They commit criminal acts often as a way to prove that they are stronger, more “manly” than others. Many of the crimes committed in this research were deemed “trivial altercations.” They act out to “save face,” because they believe that women don’t like to date “losers.”

Could it be possible that this rise in female sexual empowerment is causing men to revert back to baser more animalistic behavior? Or is this just another man blaming women for men’s actions instead of owning the fact that men choose to behave in these ways? And yes, I use the word “choose,” because there has to be accountability for these acts of anger and aggression or why have a higher more developed consciousness at all?

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2. Sex, Marriage, and Violence

From the same article:

When men get married their testosterone level drops and so to do incidents of their violent behavior. Also interestingly enough:

“When men divorce, and begin dating again, their testosterone level rises compared to men remaining married.”

And thus, the divorced men become more aggressive and violent.

Does the testosterone level drop in marriage because they have secured a partner and can relax? Or does it drop because of their closer proximity to estrogen? Perhaps a mixture of both? It’s apparent that it rises again after divorce due to the fact that they have to go back out in the field and compete for a mate. Is the aggression because of the testosterone or because they’re angry about their divorce… or both?

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3. Sex, Violence and Video Games

A study revealed that women are actually more affected sexually by video games than men. At first the article made it seem like the woman were aroused by the violent video games themselves but after a closer reading it seems like the games actually give women a confidence boost and make them think they are a “better catch,” than the women in the study who did not play the games. You can read all about it in the Bustle article, Violence Makes You Feel Sexy.

4. Social Media, Sex, and Violence

In the same Bustle article researchers found that people who tweet are actually more aroused than those who don’t.

“A 2011 survey by OKCupid found that their tweeting members masturbated more. Apparently those who tweeted twice a day or more also masturbated twice as much as those who didn’t try to get all witty with only 140 characters.”

How is this related to violence? The article didn’t claim that it was, but I’m curious if people are getting angry at everything happening in the world and then choosing to turn the Twitter off and watch some porn instead to release some of that pent up aggression.

5. Your Brain on Sex and Violence

From Psychology Today:

“Both aggression and sex are controlled by neurons in the same part of the brain–the hypothalamic attack region. When researchers stimulate these neurons with electrodes in the brains of mice, the animals instantly engage in violence or in mating, depending on how strongly the neurons are stimulated.”

According to the article, researchers were able to control the intensity of stimulation of these neurons and thus were able to switch the animals behavior between mating and fighting depending on the level of intensity.

This is pretty nuts when you think about how close to proximity they are and how easy one can turn into the other. Is there a way to control this outside of a lab? Will there ever be a way? If so, could this actually help ease violence in humans if we took away the ability to over-stimulate these neurons? I do not know, I am not a scientist, but it is interesting to consider.

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6. Violence and Sex in Crowds

According to the same article from Psychology Today:

“ The chaos of large crowds increase the risk of sexual assault on women….”

The over-stimulation of the senses and the heightened stress of being at places like concerts, subways, mass celebrations, etc. triggers mob violence.

“Mob behavior is driven by the strong herding instinct of people to do as they see others do when there is no central authority in control. At the opposite extreme, this same powerful herding instinct can cause bystander apathy in which no one in a crowd comes to the aid of a person in need.”

The article goes on to list way too many examples of women being sexually assaulted and raped at these overpopulated events. I often thought there were always less women at concerts etc. because of the difference in economic security, but perhaps many women instinctively feel it’s safer to stay away. I mean I get it, being in a large crowd can make anyone feel stressed, irritated, angry, but turning to violent behavior like this is primitive and unacceptable. If you’re the type of person who cannot control your own emotions and/or keep it in your pants, perhaps you’re the one who shouldn’t go out in public?

So, even though there is a ton of different research that happens to offer a connection between the two and even though rough sex can even be fun, sex and violence are not the same thing, not matter how much Hannibal wants to convince you otherwise, fucking freak.

P.S. I’ll be analyzing BDSM and the attraction many of us have to it soon, so stay tuned and it is quite relatable!

Thanks for reading.

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Sometimes The Hardest Thing To Do Is Get Out of Bed

depression anger heat sadness

Yes, I’m Still Stuck In Bed, But I’m Working

or

Help! Send Food. And Beer.

Sure. I like talking about SEX. But that was never the entire intention of Go Eat a Carrot. The purpose was for me to let loose on all the truth I have bottled up in me. And what’s true today is that I’m tired of trying to conform to other people’s desires. Yes, there’s an entire world out there of sexploration to be had, but I’m not in the mood.

There I said it, the horniest woman on the planet is not in the mood.

We must have entered an alternate universe.

I’m hot. I’m overheated. I’m bordering the line of anger and depression. I could cave in and just embrace the gray but why do that when I can fight it off?

I haven’t been to the grocery store in weeks. The last thing I ate yesterday was BBQ leftover from my friend’s 4th of July party. You know, a party that happened more than a week ago. Somehow I’m still alive and mostly getting all of my calories from beer, which I also ran out of last night.

You know in Denver you can get all of the above delivered to you? Groceries, beer, even sex if you know how to use Tinder right.

But I refuse! I have two legs. I can walk to the store. Yet, I don’t. I open the fridge and go,

‘oh look, three rotting limes and one old carrot. Guess I’ll come back and look in here again in 15 minutes and hope things have changed.”

At least I still have hope even though nothing changes unless you actually do the things that make changes, hence why I’m still stuck here, hungry, thinking about making a lime/carrot juice.

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Wet & Wild Wednesday: This Boob’s For You

boobs instagram and body positivity

When You’re Angry and Depressed Just Get Naked

or

Your Body is Just a Body Moving Your Body Around

(Enjoy the video rant. An angry cry may occur in it)

I have, for many years, gone through phases where I fall into these dark holes. They’re dirtier and darker than anal holes let me tell you. Hippie-dippie people like to call it “the shadow self.” Whatever. It’s usually more menacing than a shadow, more like an empty cave that has a terrible heating and cooling system.

I care not about getting out of bed. I contemplate how I do not want to be here. And when I say here I mean Denver. I mean the United States. I mean Planet Earth. I mean here in this body.

I question my worth. I question every choice I’ve ever made. I question the people in my life and what might possibly be wrong with them to choose to spend time with me.

It starts as a simmer. Turns to a boil. Evaporates into nothingness.

The nothingness.

The care not.

The heavy gray blanket that suffocates and keeps me from moving forward.

I return to my body.

It’s funny because I imagine that many people think I’m putting up pics of my tits and ass on Instagram as some sort of desperate plea for attention. Of course, I enjoy attention but that’s not my motivation.

I do it because it’s what I have to give.

We’re all put into these vessels of flesh to learn and grow and connect. I happen to be blessed with a body that other people seem to enjoy looking at. What do I care if they look at it? Sure, I’m in charge with taking care of this thing and I could do a better job about that, but I believe we all should experience more pleasure. So here I am, mostly naked, giving strangers pleasure.

Perhaps deep down I’m just a giver with not much to give.

One day this body will be rotting in the ground and no one will want to look at it then so I might as well take some pics of it now so there’s digital proof of its existence.

I found a sentence in an old journal of mine that read,

“We’re all afraid of going after our dreams because if we fail, we will have nothing left.”

Well, I quit my job nearly a year ago to write a book. I wrote the first draft of that book.

And here I am left.
Nothing.

Yet, everything.

The opportunity to edit and write Draft 2.

The opportunity to keep showing off my boobs.

The opportunity to connect to you and you and you.

So sure, I like the attention, but it’s merely a side note to a much bigger picture. The concept that we get to move around in this package of bones and muscle and blood and skin and shit; that it’s all we really have right here where we are until we are not here anymore.

So fuck it. I embrace the dark. The light. The unknown. The complete and total hot mess that I am. And of course, I embrace the boobs.

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Fuck You and Your Good Vibes Only, Too

good vibes, bad vibes, fuck vibes,

Good Vibes, Bad Vibes, Fuck Vibes

or

Let’s Just Be Real?

I’ve been super irritable for the past couple of days. My period started while I was still in Florida and the only thing I brought to deal with that was one of those stupid fucking menstrual moon cup things. Of course, the story of how all that unfolded in a horror-movie-blood-bath-show-down in my airplane bathroom is already in the works and will be published in a few days, but for now I want to talk about embracing your rudeness.

Here’s a story about how I was not having it in while I was at the Orlando airport.

Maybe my irritability stems from dudes just not getting it? Like, besides people who think they’re entitled to do whatever they want and who then get mad at other people when they fuck up there are also dudes who think they’re entitled to bug the shit out of people they don’t even know.

For more on what irritates me about guys on Tinder and Instagram, here’s a video explaining more.

To be clear on this. It’s perfectly legitimate and acceptable to follow someone who you find interesting or attractive on Instagram even if the way you find their Instagram is through their Tinder and you haven’t matched with them. What’s not okay is direct messaging them with a “hey.” This is particularly fucked up when the person sending the DM has a private account. This is NOT going to work. Why are dudes suddenly about this? I have not had this problem for the last like 5 years of having my IG connected to my Tinder, but in the last month it’s been unreal.  I took a screenshot for proof but haven’t decided if I want to post it on the blog or not.

What’s most unreal is that I am only moderately attractive compared to so many people on Instagram and I feel l am being bombarded. I can only imagine what it’s like for people who are like legit super hot. Or maybe I get pestered because dudes think they actually stand a chance. . .

The truth is YOU WOULD STAND A CHANCE. If you were just a decent human being. It’s sad that being a decent human being is basically the only standard I have left, but it’s a pretty major one it turns out.

In any event. Sometimes I am rude. Sometimes I am mean. Sometimes I have “bad vibes.” We all do and it’s okay. It’s okay to tell someone to fuck off. It’s okay to be told to fuck off. If I’m being a dick and someone calls me out for it, thank you. I am probably already aware that I am being a dick, but sometimes it just comes out–all you other dicks know what I mean when I say ” it just comes out,” right?

So, let me know what you’ve done while irritated. How were you rude? What bad vibes were you putting out into the world? Who did you troll? Why? Email me, comment below or on the youtube page if you feel like sharing. Would love to learn about your dark sides too.

 

Update. Later today. I go and find a ticket on my car, because I am idiot and the Universe is fucking hilarious.

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