Sure, these stocking stuffers are not the most conventional, but they sure are sexy. You can always put it together and give it behind closed doors to your favorite someone if you like, have kids or whatever. Or slip a couple of these in after Santa comes to make your entire family laugh or cringe, naughty naughty (always way more fun than being nice).
Sexy Stocking Stuffer Ideas
Get Lubed Up
Nothing says “get fucked,” like a nice bottle of lube. This brand is pretty amazing and it smells like a cookie, so you can ho ho ho all day long.
Small yet powerful, bullet vibes are a must-have addition to any sexy bedroom. You can use them directly on the clit or add them to prostate toys, anal plugs etc. for some extra pizzaz. This one is cheap and takes a AAA Battery, which is much preferred over the little watch batter vibrators (of course if you want the best of the best when it comes to bullet vibes I always recommend the we-vibe tango).
Add a new sensation to male masturbation with this one-use soft-sleeve. Textured to add to stimulation and help make for a unique orgasm. Plus, they’re kind of funny, if you’re into sex humor in any way. But, if you’re serious about male masturbation, then also, you should try everything out there, including this.
Better safe than sorry, as they say. Give the men in your life an ego-boost with the Magnum X-Large. Or send good luck to the single straight ladies with a box of these bad boys. Condoms can get pricey, particularly when you’re buying them all the time, so it’s not only a healthy gift but a thoughtful one.
Men have really come up with interesting ways to torture themselves–and let’s face it, to also torture women in the process of torturing themselves.
First, there was No Shave November, which tortured many mens’ faces with terrible terrible facial hair looks. No, you do not look good with a moustache. No one looks good with a moustache. (Okay, there may be about three exceptions in the entire world, but I can take a gamble here and say your face is not one of them.)
And now there’s No Nut November.
A way to torture yourself by not allowing your penis to release any ejaculate for 30 days.
The main philosophy of Go Eat A Carrot, is pleasure first. So, the idea of not masturbating (to completion) for an entire month could be viewed as going completely against my belief system. Yet, maybe not.
There is a beauty in the choice to take on anything challenging.
People go on food fasts all the time and since sex and food are on the same level of human need, I think it’s pretty easy to compare noFap to that.
I went through quite a few of the subReddit NoNutNomember posts in an attempt to better understand the motivations behind it.
I get that it’s a test of will power. Some claim to even improve mental clarity and come to terms with some deeper emotional issues that they’ve been covering up through porn and wanking.
I’m a bit curious as to why masturbation seems so all-consuming to the No-Nutters. Like, it takes me less than 10 minutes a day to achieve and it’s actually good for one’s mental and physical health. Perhaps, if you’re spending hours upon hours watching porn and jerkin the gherkin than yeah, maybe taking some time off is a good idea.
This all comes down to your own personal state of well-being. You really need to ask yourself why you are compelled to stop doing something people do naturally all the time.
Has it become unnatural? Unpleasant? Is it over-taking your life? Does it just sound like a fun challenge? Do you feel the need to join a community of people who call you a soldier even though you prob have never served in any sort of military service? (That’s one of the things that’s the most bizzare about this newer trend, but I feel like I’ll just save that analysis for someone else to take care of as there’s too much to unpack with that in one blog.) Are you a masochists who like torturing yourself with ridiculous physical challenges? Do you have an issue with addiction? Are you curious to know if you can do it just based on that alone?
Are you also participating in No Shave November and because of that you realize no one will actually want to have sex with you while you have weird sad hair growing on your face?
Clearly, I have a lot of questions.
In years past I’ve done my own Manless May thing. This was more so to cleanse my dating palate. To rediscover my wants, likes, desires. Of course, I still masturbated. And “manless” did not include “womanless,” but in any event, I do understand the motivations behind taking a break from something you do regularly. It gives you time to reflect on the why. It gives you time to reevaluate if that behavior is healthy or helpful. And then, when you do finally womp the weasel it could in fact be way MORE pleasurable just because you’ve restrained yourself for so long and built up the anticipation.
If you participated in No Nut November, please enlighten me on why, how, what etc. I’m genuinely curious. Also, if you need something to really get your December 1st going, I’ve got plenty of fapping materials for you to pursue through on my Patreon.
If you did wank this month or you didn’t wank this month you’re still a winner in my book.
The Obsession with Tits and Freeing Them On the Internet
How Do Boobs Work?
Boobs, tits, knockers, jugs, melons. There are hundreds of words out there that we use to describe breasts. The thing about these words is that they are sometimes not even close to being an accurate description. For instance, the use of the word “tit” to describe the entire boob area has always kind of weirded me out.
The free the nipple movement and Tits Out Tuesday have the potential to help people understand some of the anatomical differences of the breast. The reasoning behind the free the nipple movement stems from two main issues:
1) freedom of speech 2) body oppression
In other words, it’s a double standard that men are allowed to be topless on social media sites and women are not. The difference is a sexualization of women’s bodies — the part most people are attracted to is actually the fat.
The female breast is comprised of muscle, fat, mammary ducts, lobules, the areola, and the nipple (there’s more too, but let’s keep it as simple as possible).
I’d like to point out that the areola and the nipple are two different things as many men have commented that I must have really large nipples, when in reality it’s the areola area that takes up more space on my boobs.
Of course, boobs come in all shapes and sizes as we are all well aware. There are pointy boobs, round boobs, saggy boobs, perky boobs, boobs with very long nipples, boobs with inverted nipples, etc. Everyone who has boobs (unless they’re fake boobs) has asymmetrical boobs, that is, one is slightly (or more than slightly) larger than the other. This has to do with the fact that most people are left or right hand dominant and the use of one side of the body more than the other creates a natural change in size.
Perhaps most of us are attracted to the female breast because they represent the beginning of life. Without milk, babies wouldn’t survive. There’s the evolutionary allure that makes us perk up at the sight of nice breasts because it makes the person seem more sexually compatible, more likely to feed those babies real good. Or be fed real good. Or both.
The censorship of the breast is a censorship of human sexuality. It’s more acceptable to see violence than boobs, which is bullshit.
The Free the Nipple Movement has gained women some breast rights; in the sense that they can now post pics of themselves breastfeeding actual babies, but other than that the censorship is still rather ridiculous. Hence why there are so many emojis-over-the-tit pics running around out there.
If there was less of a taboo on seeing female boobs, would they have as much sexual appeal? The law of the forbidden would say, no. But, I don’t think it would completely end the sexual appeal because boobs will be boobs and they will always have the ability to lure people in.
The question then becomes, is there anything behind the boobs? For example, a heart? Or better yet, do that boobs come with brains? Does your boner? Things to really think about. In the meantime, if you want to look at some uncensored pics of my boobs you can join in on all of the exclusive content on my Patreon. The more the merrier! Hope to see you there.
Give Your Lover The Gift of Pleasure This Holiday Season
There’s really not a better gift to give than the gift of pleasure. What’s a better way to experience pleasure than with sex toys?! Below is a list of some of the best sex toys you can get no matter your budget.
A bit on the higher-end of affordable but this toy is basically the battery-version of Lelo. High-quality materials, waterproof, quiet. This is the #1 vibrator I recommend for anyone who has never used a vibrator before or for anyone who needs a good travel vibe.
This is the cheapest I’ve seen this clitoral vibe by Lelo listed online for quite a while. I’ve had this toy for like eight years and it still works wonders. It’s rechargable and made out of a body-safe material. Plus it’s so small you can take it pretty much anywhere.
This is SUPER cheap compared to what it used to be priced at. I’d say get it now before they raise it back up to its original cost. Don’t forget the batteries! (Bonus, the surface area of this g-spot toy also works well as a clitoral vibrator.)
Another great toy company is Fun Factory (based in Germany). I think out of all the toy companies out there they manage to get a great girth/size for all of their toys. The material is an interesting texture that’s somewhere in between soft and hard (kind of like a dick, but like, not).
If you’re looking for a toy that will be a real show stopper, look no further. This fancy af toy hits the g-spot and the clit. Plus it’s super fancy, which really proves how much you care about your lover/friend/favorite blog writer…
If you’re a beginner and testing the prostate massage waters it’s best to start out with something on the cheaper side. This is decent quality and a size that won’t overwhelm. Plus, you can add a bullet for additional vibration / stimulation.
Tantus has some of the best sex toys on the market. Premium quality, easy to clean, and the company is based in America. They have plenty of options but this toy can work for either the prostate or the g-spot, so why not go both ways, if you dare (and clean it properly).
A couple of weeks ago a fan sent in a question asking for advice on the best most polite way to ask his girlfriend to shave her pubic hair. This was because it was a turn on for him to see more of what she had going on down there. You can read my reply to his pubic hair question here.
It was interesting timing to receive said question. I had just gone about two whole weeks without having sex with another person and during that time period my hair didn’t just go wild, it went out of control. I’m pretty sure I could have braided it. I’m pretty sure it started braiding itself.
I discovered I did actually have a preference when it came to my own pubic hair length. The preference now is for it to not be so long other people might choke on it and die. I don’t really like it completely bald. I like to have a least some barrier between my genital skin and someone else’s.
Strangely enough in my 20 years of having pubic hair while on this planet, I have never had anyone else ever shave my pussy (nor have I had a bikini wax, but one step at a time).
That is, I had never had anyone shave my pussy until last week.
To tell you the truth it was scarier to have this gentleman shave my pussy than it was to be in a truck going 60 miles an hour through stop signs through residential neighborhoods with a driver who was on acid. Why? Because if he wrecked his truck I was dead, but if he wrecked the trimmer, my pussy was dead. The fear of walking around with a dead pussy was scarier than being completely and totally dead dead.
Having someone else shave my pussy was one of the most vulnerable things I have ever done. It was also a good workout because I basically stood in a squat position in this standing shower so he could have a better angle. Perhaps that’s also why it was scary, I didn’t know if my legs would give out mid buzz.
Was it sexy? It was sexy watching him concentrate. It was sexy letting my guard down. Was the act itself sexy, no, it tickled.
The acts AFTER the pussy buzz cut were pretty fucking hot though. I think he was happy to no longer nearly choke to death on my hair. Though the hair from my head still ends up everywhere, but that’s a problem for another day.
As many of you who follow my blog know, I’m a super snob when it comes to sex toys. A former co-worker used to call our high-end sex toy products, ‘gucci for your coochie,’ and that’s typically all that I will allow near me.
That being said, I will make some exceptions.
I make a big exception when it comes to cock rings.
Sure, there are some super nice high-end cock rings out there like the Lelo Oden and We-Vibe Verge and these are great toys.
Yet, when it comes to cock-rings, after personal experience with types from every price range and every quality, I have to admit that the cheap disposal ones are a pretty good way to go.
The cheap disposal cock rings are great particularly if you’ve never used one before and are trying to get an idea if it’s a thing you’d even want to invest in.
Cock rings typically go over the penis and the testicles, this restriction holds the testicles down and keeps the testes from contracting. This constriction helps to slow down ejaculation and can increase an orgasm from around 6 seconds to up to 45 seconds. Cock rings can be made from stretchy plastics or can be solid, made from materials like metal, glass, leather.
If you’re a beginner I’d suggest the stretchy kind. Men have informed me that they’re much easier to put on and yes they will fit around your penis and your balls no matter how BIG you think you are.
I suggest the stretchy plastic ones with the vibrator. The thing that’s great about the vibrator is that you can put the vibrator on the top side of your shaft and if you’re having sexual intercourse with a woman she’ll feel the vibrations on her clitoris–bonus for her. Or you can turn the cock ring the other way so the vibrator stimulates your balls, this works whether you’re having sex with a partner or you’re doing it solo.
I bought a ten-pack off of Amazon for like $14. Just throw them away after use.
I know these plastic throw-away cock rings aren’t the most environmentally friendly option out there but they’re good for beginners or those who don’t really want to use a cock ring all of the time.
If you are going to use a cock ring regularly then I’d suggest moving up to one of the more high-end rechargable ones, I’d suggest the Lelo Oden as it’s a bit more adjustable than some of the others and it comes with a wireless remote to add to the fun.
Like and comment on my Instagram Post for your chance to win one of these cheap disposable cock rings (Winner selected November 30, 2018)
This past week I’ve had more than one stranger on the internet bring up this idea of settling in romantic relationships. I know that it’s peak cuffing season and many people are out scrambling trying to find someone to spend the cold winter with, but I have to ask the people doing this, why?
It felt like perhaps the reason this topic kept coming up was that people are struggling with their own deep insecurities when it comes to romance. They say it out loud as a way to tell themselves not to do it because for whatever reason they are tempted to settle themselves.
Of course, it could be a passive-aggressive way for them to imply that the choices I am making could be better aka I could be going out with them, but that seems pretty egotistical of me to consider. Anyone actually doing that would be someone I would never want to date, one person, in particular, couldn’t let it go that I didn’t want to hang out with him or receive his (unasked for) help and that person quickly got himself blocked.
Yet, this idea of settling has continued to stir around in my brains.
Let’s talk for a minute about why people choose to settle.
From what I understand it stems from two main insecurities–fear and loneliness.
Fears that they will always be alone. Fears that they will never be understood. Fears that they aren’t good enough or worthy enough for true love.
People make all sorts of interesting relationship decisions to avoid loneliness. Yes, it can be painful to spend time by yourself, but if you’re experiencing pain while alone then it’s the most vital time to be alone. No one else can fill that void they are merely a distraction, a deflection and sooner or later all those gross feelings you were trying to avoid will rise again to the surface whether you’re living with or loving someone else.
It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be alone. One must experience the wide world of emotions to truly grasp the beauty of it all. If you’ve never been alone then you’d have no idea what it’s like to be present with someone else. If you’ve never really seen yourself, you’ll never be able to see someone else, really see them– and only when you can see them can you truly love them.
So, this cuffing season, why not take a step back, reflect on who you are and what you really want. Sure, it might be nice to have someone to cuddlefuck while you watch Netflix together, but if you’re just using each other to stay warm wouldn’t it be easy to just buy a heated blanket?
Yes, doing that inner work is going to be much more difficult, but it will bring much more joy in the long run and yes, real true love too.
In other words, stop running from your dark side, embrace it and learn how to work with it instead of against it. This will at least help you become more emotionally intelligent and stop settling for people, jobs, addictions that don’t serve you in any sort of authentic or meaningful way.
The Odd Feelings That Arise Regarding Kids and Sex
All the Ugly and Wonderful Things Book Review
I just finished this work of fiction called All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, it was the 2016 Book of the Year Winner and the author Bryn Greenwood was raised and still lives in Kansas, which is pretty cool since I am from there myself.
Anyhoo. In this book a 10 year-old-girl and a 22-year-old-man fall in love with each other.
The author does a pretty good job at getting a well-rounded perspective on the situation, coming from multiple character points of view, yet the entire time I felt incredibly queasy.
I kept waiting for something to happen that I didn’t think would happen, like them parting ways for example, and yet the relationship kept developing fuller, deeper, creepier.
Now, I get that in other cultures many women marry right around the time of puberty. I suppose this makes sense in at least a biological way. I mean, what defines womanhood more than the ability to have children? (I am not saying having children makes someone a woman nor am I saying only humans who have periods are women, I know there might be some outrage here about this. I’m saying the ability to create and give birth is one major defining characteristic of feminine power.) Whatever, that’s not what this is about anyway.
What this is about is how awkward and weird it is in the United States today for anything like a tween and an adult having sex / getting married to happen.
There are laws put in place by the government that dictates the age of consent.
It’s unfortunate that they can’t instead dictate the age of emotional intelligence with regards to sexual consent because that would actually make way more sense. For example, I’m sure there are some incredibly smart / self-reflective / emotionally mature 15-year-olds who could handle a romantic relationship with someone way better than some 45-year-olds could. And yet, many people would argue that no, a 15-year-old is not fully developed and thus cannot make those kinds of decisions.
I personally think it’s all situational and cannot be defined or boxed into a sweeping generalization based on age.
Should a 10-year-old and a 22-year-old fuck?
Nah. Prob not.
But if they wait ten years then 20 and 32 isn’t as weird. The whole life-experience thing really helps with these scenarios.
One thing I do think we’re missing culturally though is the understanding that children do have a sexual nature. Sure, they are not fully developed but how many kids strip their Barbies naked and have them rub against each other? How many dry hump their stuffed animals or play “doctor” (do they still call it that?) with each other when they’re supposed to be napping?
Should they be shamed for this exploration? Shaming seems to be a pretty typical route in America when I’m wondering if there isn’t a better way to educate them at their level on understanding this secret adult world a little bit more? Wouldn’t this help with communication in the future when they’re old enough to explore? Wouldn’t this help them perhaps NOT get into some weird sex thing with someone twice their age?
Of course, the characters in this book had a slew of other fucked up things happen to them and thus the relationships that were created were way more complicated.
I get why so many people have hang-ups about sex. Our childhoods were a big part in shaping us into the weird prudish sluts that so many of us are.
Honestly, I’m just trying to come to terms with the uneasiness I felt from this story. Has anyone else read it? Here’s a link to All the Ugly and Wonderful Things if you haven’t and you’re interested in giving it a whirl. Would love to discuss either the book or some of the above topics, feel free to leave your comments below or email me directly.
The other day I pissed my roommate off and made the entire room feel real uncomfortable because I have no filter and can be completely tactless. She introduced me to a friend who had crashed the night before, I mentioned that I had already said hello to him but didn’t bother to ask his name because it seemed like an irrelevant thing to know.
She disagreed, said it was rude.
I agreed with her disagreement, but I still feel like it’s silly to learn someone’s name before knowing anything about them. Like, is this a piece of information that I need in my brain? My brain has only so much capacity for learning new things; it’s not necessarily a one in one out type of brain, but it’s pretty close to that.
According to a study by evolutionary psychology professor Robin Dunbar our brains have the capacity to remember about 150 people’s names and faces without a prompt, he says, “there is a cognitive limit to the number of individuals with whom any one person can maintain stable relationships.”
So when I meet new people I feel like they have to have something of value to replace someone else who already made it in that top 150.
This apparently is wrong.
I’m fine with being wrong sometimes.
I spent a good part of yesterday watching youtube videos on the psychology of people. Many of the videos were about how to get people to like you, how to be charming, or how to not be boring etc.
The information wasn’t mind-blowing, but it did get me thinking.
Why do we want people to like us?
It seems like the answer is actually pretty selfish. We want people to like us so we can get stuff from them.
We want them to give us attention, buy stuff from us, entertain us, give us support, stroke our egos, date us, love us.
Why? Because negativity = pain. When people don’t care about us it makes us feel shitty and no one likes to feel shitty. Even if we don’t know the other person and shouldn’t care what they think about us, most people would prefer the ‘like’ to the ‘dislike’ but either is better than indifference.
Isn’t it better to be hated than to not be thought about at all?
I know a lot of people who know me might be thinking, ‘out of all the people in the world giving others advice on charm perhaps you’re not the best for the job.’ And to those people I’d have to say, perhaps I just didn’t care to charm you?
Being charismatic is simple. All you have to do is make people feel good about who they already are, in other words, you put your own ego aside and pay attention to them.
This is why all the advice out there tells you to remember people’s names, because people get off on hearing their name spoken out loud. It’s really on you to decide if you want to make that sort of mental investment. It’s probably not going to hurt that much and you probably have plenty of space in your hard drive to remember a multitude of names, I mean 150 is a pretty big number. Most people fail because they’re lazy and really don’t care. I am one of those people, but I’ve decided to work on it.
If you’re still trying to get better at the whole name thing another tactic is to get them talking about stuff that they’re most passionate about. I’m not talking about where they work. I’m talking about the one thing they’re into that they won’t be able to shut up about. Everyone has at least one of those things. The more they talk, the more they will like you. It’s weird, but it works.
In the end, I’d suggest talking to someone wearing a dress or a skirt because then you won’t have to worry about charming their pants off since they aren’t actually wearing any.
Body Hair, Pubes, And the Awkward Request to Remove It All
So, the other day this guy who I’ve been exploring life with starts to go down on me. I’m like, cool, awesome, great, oh, by the way, my pubic hair is a JUNGLE right now so have fun down there!
Halfway through, he stops. Starts like choke-spitting. I’m trying not to laugh, but of course, I can’t help it.
He gets up, goes to the bathroom, and basically gags himself while removing a long hair (or two or three) from the back of his throat.
It was a super sexy scene let me tell you.
Typically I don’t shave ALL of my pubes off, usually, I keep it trim and tidy, but lately, I’ve let it go. I’ve gotten lazy. Or to be honest, I’m growing little fur friends for the winter. I think my pube-fur-friend might be a bit too wild though. So, in the next few days, I will attempt some sort of maintenance with it.
But as we all know, to each their own when it comes to what they want to do with their body hair. I want people to be able to eat me out without gagging so there’s that.
This morning I woke up to this question from a fan:
Being male and very visually stimulated ( which is why i follow your site…:)…) How is a diplomatic way I can ask my partner to shave or trim down there, so I can better see what is going on?
-Wanting to See it All
Sounds like a pretty hairy situation to me my friend.
There are a lot of politics surrounding the pubes these days. We all know that porn stars shave because they’re on camera and are attempting to give people a better view of their goods, they’re not doing it because it FEELS better. I mean, can you imagine 1. Having the hair on your entire pubic region covered in wax and then ripped off? 2. Having sex with your now sensitive exposed skin grinding over and over, rubbing, chafing against someone else’s newly exposed hairless skin? They do it because THEY GET PAID.
We all do it because we watch too much porn.
Now, I’m not saying any of us should watch less porn. I’m sure SOME of us should but that’s a different post for a different day.
With regards to asking your partner to shave because it visually stimulates you and makes you excited, I’m thinking you could go with that?
“I enjoy your body just the way it is, but a trimmed up vulva-region really gets me excited. I’d love to be able to see more of you. I’m wondering if we could give it a try?”
I’d suggest offering something in exchange as well. For example, you can shave each other. Or if there’s something she’d like you to do that you haven’t done, perhaps finally offer that up. That could be anything from letting her stick a finger up your butt to finally remodeling the bathroom like you said you would years ago. Whatever, you get the idea.
We have to keep in mind that there is a multitude of reasons why people choose to keep their pubes. It could be political. It could be out of laziness. It could be because they like the way it feels more. It could be they’re lonely and want a little fur pet. They might be afraid of razors or wax or lasers. They might not like walking around naked with child-like body hair. Perhaps they’re trying to grow it out to donate it to Locks of Love?
So, yeah, in the end, if you’d like your partner to shave, just ask them politely, offer to help, offer something in return. Then respect whichever choice they make since it’s their body and they’re allowing you access to it when they don’t really have to.
(Of course if you REALLY hate pubes, you don’t have to access the pubed-body anymore and you could surely go out and date someone else, but I think that’s a bit extreme. It’s just hair after all).