Weird Sex Wednesday: 3 Weird Ways to Use Semen

learn 3 different weird usages for semen

Fascinating Things People Have Done with Semen

Or

Interesting Facts About Semen

Semen–we refer to it with all sorts of different words and phrases.

For example:

  • Splooge
  • Jizz
  • Nut
  • Cock snot
  • Pecker Spit
  • Cum
  • Dong Water
  • Spunk
  • Weiner Sauce…

There are over a hundred different ways to say it.

But did you know that people have attempted to use it for other things besides making babies? That’s right, along with about 1% sperm, semen contains ascorbic acid, calcium, citric acid, enzymes, fructose sugar, phosphate and bicarbonate buffers, protein, water and zinc. And it only has about 0.7 calories and 171 milligrams of protein.

(Yeah, that whole rumor about semen having as much protein as an egg–false unless you’re drinking it like a smoothie, in which case you’d need at least a half of a cup to get that amount of protein).

Here are 3 Weird Uses For Semen

1.

Write Me a Load Letter: Semen As Invisible Ink

During World War 1, the British Secret Intelligence Service (M16) was attempting to find an effective invisible ink— they believed to have found it with semen. Along with it being readily and easily available, it also did not react to main methods of detection including iodine vapor.

Get this though, the Chief Officer looking further into these discoveries was named Mansfield Cumming. So it begs the question, was he born for this exact line of work? It’s unclear whatever happened with regard to invisible ink semen, the agent was removed because everyone kept making fun of him, and I guess there was a strange smell that started happening after people started writing notes with their jizz juice.

2.

Serve Me Up Some of that Yum Yum Man Chowder
Yes, it’s true someone out there (by the name of Fotie Photenhauer) has released a book called Natural Harvest full of semen-infused recipes from drinks to entrees to desserts!

Now, I doubt this book is as good as my Phallic Diet Cookbook is going to be, but I did browse through a few of the pages on Amazon and the recipes didn’t look that bad.

Would I personally want to add semen to any of my food or drinks, nah. But someone out there certainly would (and has and will continue to do it). Also, this would make a great gag gift, if you’re in search of one.


If you’re looking for another laugh (or you want to buy this thing) check out the comments on the Amazon Reviews of this book. I died.

Here’s the link to the book: Natural Harvest

3.

A New Reason for a White Gold Facial

A Norwegian company has created a facial cream that contains sperm. They decided to do this because sperm has an antioxidant in it called spermine that is believed to “help diminish wrinkles, smooth skin, and clear up acne.” According to all the sources I could find on this matter a spermine facial costs about $250. Umm, well, what if we just allowed the guy to jizz on our face and we call it even?

Male Sex Toys 300x250

Finally, whenever you’re feeling down, remember that out of about 200 million sperm ejaculated out from an average of about a half a teaspoon of love liquor–you were the one fast enough and strong enough to be made into you! In that sense, you have won at least one race. Was the human race the best race to win? I don’t know. But here we are. Congrats on your accomplishment.

Lelo Sonic Cruise Review Update

review of the sey toy the lelo sonic cruise

Positive Vibes with the Lelo Sonic Cruise

or

Vroom Vroom with the Lelo Sonic Cruise

So a few months ago some loyal friends/followers of Go Eat a Carrot pitched in and sent me the Lelo Sonic Cruise (from my Amazon Wishlist). I reviewed it after using it for a week, but thought I’d give another update since I’ve had some more time to spend with it.

Read the original Lelo Sonic Cruise Review here. 

One of the women who pitched in to send me the sonic cruise told me that she had the Womanizer and liked it, but it wasn’t a favorite and the novelty of it wore off pretty quick. I emailed the womanizer company and they told me they were going to send me one so I could compare and contrast the two, but that has yet to happen so I cannot speak to the Womanizer. (Perhaps someday this dream will come true.)

lelo sonic cruise and hitachi review
When they say ‘more than two’ they’re talking about vibrators, right?

On the subject of losing its novelty, I will say that has yet to happen with the Lelo Sonic Cruise. I will say that when I initially started to use it, it was super intense. I believe the first time I tried it I had an orgasm in under a minute. Now my body has adapted to the intensity and so it takes a bit longer. I don’t use the sonic cruise every day. I rotate between the we-vibe tango (a bullet clit vibrator), the Hitachi magic wand, and the sonic cruise.

Read my review of the best quality quiet vibrators here.

Wait. You masturbate every day?
Yeah, pretty much. Except for last week when I was overcoming a horrible heartbreak and thought I’d never have any sort of sex ever again, but that’s a different story.

Read Falling in Love with a Sociopath here.

The Lelo Sonic Cruise is made out of medical-grade silicone and is waterproof, which makes it easy to clean. It’s also rechargable and technically small enough to travel with if you’re the type of person who travels with a big ass bag.

I’ve tried to incorporate it during sex with other people, but it’s not as easy to keep in place as say the we-vibe tango.

Discover the We-Vibe Tango Here.

It’s funny because the company talks about how nearly silent the toy is, and it can be pretty quiet that’s for sure, particularly with solo use. For some reason when I used it with a partner I think there must have been too much movement because it made some pretty interesting zippity do-da noises. Mechanical purring is the best way to describe it.

The sonic cruise is a clitoral vibrator, so the circle-end section rests on the clitoris. Instead of using typical vibrations it uses sonic waves to create sensation. I’m typically not one for different wave effects, but with this toy, it works (it works quite well in fact).

In the end, months later anyway, I’d still recommend this toy if you or someone you love is into clitoral stimulation.

Finally, it’s the one year anniversary of the Lelo Sonic Cruise and to celebrate they’re offering up to 47% off many items on their website. (Plus free shipping over $50) Follow this Lelo link for the offer if you want to browse the products yourself (they actually have so many amazing toys you can’t really go wrong with anything you choose).

Weird Sex Wednesday: Cosplay and Fantasy Role Play

sexy costumes for halloween

Sexy Costumes for Halloween and Fantasy Role Play

or

Cosplay Costumes For Better Sex

Halloween is my favorite time of the year. I love being able to dress up and be someone else for a night. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to be yourself, you know? Another wonderful thing about Halloween season is how easy it makes it to participate in cosplay events or fantasy role-playing.

Typically on Halloween, I end up hooking up with someone, though it usually doesn’t make sense. Like, what is a sloth doing with a sexy cop? Or why is Mia Wallace making out with a vampire? It’s kind of hilarious when you think about all the mix-matched characters having the sex with each other.

#sexyisnotasize

My favorite Halloween hook-up was way back when I lived in Boulder, went to this weird DIY party, somehow a priest, a dude dressed like a bunch of grapes, a cat?, and Courtney Love all ended up together alone at some house. I do not recall exactly what went down. I know that the Grapes disappeared. And I know that the two guys, the priest and the ca? did some stuff, but most importantly you all, I know that Courtney Love made the priest puke all over the floor. Turns out to be a talent of hers and something that would make really good reality tv. Was it the sexiest cosplay fantasy shit to ever go down? Absolutely not, but it was hilarious and sometimes that’s better anyway.

If you are trying to have a sexy cosplay fantasy role play Halloween extravaganza, well then, let me suggest my top three sexy costumes for sexy time.

Or if I were to choose who I was going to have a threesome or whatever with while in costume, here’s what I’d choose.

Or my top three sexy couples costumes + bonus characters if you’re into threesomes.

1.

Mario + Luigi + Princess

I’m not sure why, but this one has always been at the top of my list. Must be something to do with playing Nintendo at such a young age for such a long time. Also, the Mario Brothers Movie was intense in this weirdly sexual / not sexual way. I need to watch it again to see if it’s still true.

Quesera Men’s Super Mario Costume Adult Cosplay Costume Mario Brothers Halloween Costume

Disguise Women’s Nintendo Super Mario Bros.Luigi Female Deluxe Costume

Leg Avenue Women’s Pink Princess Costume

2.

Buzz Lightyear + Woody + Jessie

Ever since I ran into Woody and Buzz at a bar one Halloween and they were both super hot and I was this close to getting them to have a threesome with me, I honestly can’t let it go. I don’t even care for the movie that much, just in real life it was really working.

Disney Disguise Women’s Pixar Toy Story Jessie Glam Costume

Toy Story Men’s Classic Buzz Lightyear costume

Disney Disguise Men’s Pixar Toy Story and Beyond Woody Adult Costume Kit

3.

Jon Snow + Khaleesi

I mean, duh. Do I have to go into why this would be hot? Pretty obvious I suppose but still, if you can pull it off you should def do it.

Light wavy blonde Khaleesi Daenerys Targaryen Wig Inspired by Game of Thrones Costume Cosplay Synthetic Hair

COSAUG Khaleesi Costume Dress Daenerys Targaryen Cosplay Blue for Halloween/Christmas

Jon Snow Wig Game of Thrones Costume and Stark Shield Pin – Cosplay Hair for Men

CosplayDiy Men’s Cosplay Suit for Game of Thrones VII Jon Snow Cosplay Costume

Or

Want to buy the sexy nurse outfit I’m wearing in the video?

It’s right here!

California Costumes Women’s Cardiac Arrest Costume

Falling In Love with a Sociopath

sociopaths and dating and romance

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: How To Know You’re Dating a Sociopath

or

Love is Indeed the Most Intense Drug

Discussing this is difficult. There’s a chance that I could be putting my life at risk. So, in a way, I’m doing this more for you all than for me. I’d prefer that no one else ever have to go through this type of situation.

Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath.
You know that phrase, “people tell you who they are”? Well, I guess I should have been a bit more aware since he has “sociopath” tattooed on his neck, and yet, I ignored the all-to-obvious sign.

Why did I ignore it?

I don’t know. I guess because I didn’t want to believe it.

Instead, I let the facts reveal themselves over time.

So, how do you know if you’re dating a sociopath?

1.
They’re Master Manipulators

They have both the intelligence and skill to extract your entire emotional range out of you. Honestly, it was like being on the most intense drug. For the most part, I’m pretty rational, some may even say cold. Yet, with him, I was ecstatic, joyful, angry, sad, frustrated– everything at its most intense. I’m grateful we met because for the longest time I thought I was incapable of feeling. He was able to bring it out in me in ways I didn’t think possible. Of course, it was for his own motivations, a way to feed off of other people because he lacked the necessary skills to feel himself. This is actually emotional abuse. It is not healthy. It is very dangerous.

2.
Their Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Because they are master manipulators and world-class liars they will say whatever they can to make you believe them. And you will believe them, even if you know deep down it’s a lie. You’ll want to believe them too because the love is the strongest love you’ve ever felt. You don’t want the relationship to end. Even if they continue to do things that are the opposite of what they say. For example, this man claimed to respect me, to value my time. He’d say he was coming right over then not show up for hours, even days. Or he’d invite me out with him, ignore me the entire time, then leave with other people.

3.
They Isolate You From Your Friends and Family

It got to the point where I wouldn’t talk to anyone about my relationship with him. He had non-consensually kissed my roommate at a party, completely snubbed all my friends while we were at a bar, got on my phone and sent private pics of my friend to himself, literally hit on other women right in front of me. My friends were aware of this behavior. They told me to get out. I didn’t listen though. I was under his spell. When I say all of this out loud, I know you’re thinking, “wtf, Krystal?” I’m telling you right now there isn’t reason behind it. That’s why it’s so powerful.

I mean, he was smart and charming and sexy and complex and interesting. And he made me feels that way too. Except when he didn’t. Except when he sucked all of my vital energy out from me and left me feeling insecure, weak, scared, dumb.

For the longest time, I’ve sat around wondering, why me? What was it about me that drew him towards me. I must have done something. It must be my fault.

Of course, that’s exactly how they want to leave you feeling.

The truth is that you will never know why. The ‘why,’ doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you disengage. Step away. Move on.

It will be the hardest thing you ever do.

Yes, that sounds dramatic. Imagine though that this love, these feelings, this relationship is more addictive than heroin or meth, more powerful than the feeling you get once you accomplish one of your major life goals, more intense than hiking Mt. Everest or finishing a marathon… then you may get a better idea of what I mean.

He got me. He won. I’m empty now.

Yet, I know that over time I will fill back up with something better.

What’s that quote… “the wound is where the light gets in.”

Perhaps I’ll shine a bit brighter after this.

Review: Christiane Amanpour: Sex and Love Around the World

review of a documentary series on sexuality

What’s Up with What’s Going Down Across the Globe?

or

The Wide World of Sex or Lack Thereof

#sexyisnotasize

Yesterday I binge-watched the entire first season of Sex & Love Around the World, a documentary series that goes from country to country exploring the culture surrounding human relationships (streaming on Netflix).

First of all, I thought it was well-done. Beautifully shot, in-depth conversations, but holy shit.

Since I began this blog back in April I’ve had several people reach out to me and express that I was so brave and bold etc. for talking so candidly and open about sexuality. I didn’t get it. I was like, I’m really not doing anything remarkable here.

It has finally hit me though. There are a lot of people who really have no idea about any of this. Some because of religious reasons, some because of cultural reasons, some because of basic lack of education.

There are so many cultures that refuse to even discuss it. This floors me because these cultures still exist, which means, they have to be having sex and making babies and stuff somehow.

I also understand a bit more about why I get my information reported so often on social media. I thought there were prudes in the world, but I always figured they’d like, I don’t know, not bother with me because they shouldn’t even be actively looking for my stuff. Pretty sure it’s a fetish of some of these people to go around seeking sexual content only to complain about it.

The thing that felt the most relatable culture the culture was the struggle. The struggle to find someone not only to love but to be sexually compatible. The struggle to maintain sexual compatibility and not go sexless or find sex outside the marriage (without the other’s knowledge).

The number of sexless marriages from culture to culture was way higher than I ever would have imagined. It’s an area I’d like to delve into understanding more (not experiencing first hand though). I’ve met couples right here in the United States that are married and sexless, some after only being with each other a year, others who have been married for 50+ and just don’t want to do it with that person that way anymore.

Perhaps it’s just because my sex-drive is higher than average that I find this perplexing. I’m also not married so that could be another reason I lack the understanding.

Get 10% off your first order

Berlin looks like a place I’d fit in though. Maybe I’m a weird sex freak because of my German blood. Who knows. I have actually been contemplating giving up on dating and sex for a bit though. I’ll talk more about that tomorrow if I can muster up the courage.

I’d recommend this documentaries series though if you are as fascinated with human sexuality and different cultural opinions on romance and love as I am.

Friday Feels: Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Know How to Love

romance patterns

Discovering My Love Pattern

or

Learning How to Un-Do The Damage I’ve Done To Myself

I have a confession to make.

The guy I said I had stopped seeing, stopped talking to, well, that wasn’t entirely true. I did stop seeing him and I did stop talking to him, but then I started again and just didn’t tell anyone about it.

Why?

Because I was afraid that he’d hurt me again and everyone would tell me that they told me so.

I don’t like being wrong.

I was wrong.

Everyone who would have told me so but couldn’t tell me so because I didn’t tell them, well, they were right.

Now Save $70 on Sensations in Sync

He invites me to meet him at a bar. So, I show up and he basically ignores me the entire time. I make other friends because I am surrounded by people and you have to work with what you’re given. Then the bar closes. I go up to him to see if he’s ready to go. He tells me to go away while he’s talking to his friend. They leave. 30 seconds later the woman that’s been googly-eyeing him all night follows them. He doesn’t call me or text me. I’m drunk so I do that crazy girl thing and call him like a half-dozen times until he picks up. He tries to tell me that woman is a lesbian. Right, and I’m the Princess of Monaco.

In any event, at the time he was being a complete and total dickface shitbag, another guy was texting me. Another guy who actually wanted to spend time with me. So, I did that. Of course, I was drunk and distracted and angry and even more upset that I couldn’t focus on the actual decent guy that was right in front of me.

But I realized something in the course of this emotional turmoil and dramatic turning of events.

I have finally come to understand my dating pattern.

I used to say I didn’t have a type. But I do. They may be short or tall, muscular or fat. They may be alcoholics or felons or doctors or lawyers. They may be women or men or trans. They may be white or black or brown or purple. They may be smart or dumb or cool or nerdy.

They could be any of those traits. Those traits are irrelevant. What is relevant is the one common thing that attracts me to most of the people I fall in love with.

I fall in love with people who:
1. Do not know how to love
2. Do not know how to be loved

I think I do this because of my own deep-seated insecurities and my own inability to accept it. I think I don’t deserve it. I have no problem giving it to others, perhaps too much. I think if I date this broken guy who doesn’t know how to be loved that I can teach him, that I can be enough, that my love will fix us both.

Ha!

What a silly creature I am.

Let’s not even talk about all the decent people who have actually loved me who I have hurt. I get it. It’s like I am to them what these last few unlovables were to me. What a shit show.

At least now that I have recognized my own pattern I can work on breaking it. That’s all we can really do right? When you continue to repeat the same story over and over it turns into its own kind of hell. The only way to get out of hell is to edit the story, write a new one.

Weird Sex Wednesday: What Kind of Handcuffs to Buy for Kink Play?

handcuffs for kink play

Beginner BDSM: When You Want to Get Tied Up

Or

What Handcuffs to Use During Sexy Time

The first time I ever brought handcuffs into the bedroom I was in my mid-twenties. I had been with my then boyfriend for several years at that point and we both desired some way to spice it up. There is something quite gratifying and erotic about tying a person up and doing whatever you want to them, or vice versa (with consent of course). However, we made quite the mistake in our handcuff purchase. In fact, we knew very little at all about any sort of BDSM or kink stuff and kind of just guessed our way through it.

Sex Toys for him, for her, for both of you

We bought two metal handcuffs, like the kind police use when they’re not using those plastic zip-tie things they use now.

Though the metal handcuffs are aesthetically sexy they do two things you’re not going to like.

1. They damage the wrists. Because there’s always going to be a gap and you’re always going to squirm a bit the handcuffs are going to dig into your skin and bones and it’s not going to feel good. It’s not even going to be the type of pain that feels good, it’s just going to hurt.

2. They damage whatever you’re cuffing them to, in our case they put hundreds of scratches into the wooden frame of our bed. Not cool if you have a nice bed frame.

So what should you try instead?

If you’re just starting out and don’t want to invest a lot of money you can get a pretty cheap pair of pleather cuffs with fake fur on the inside. These work well enough and don’t hurt your wrists or your bed frame. If you have plenty of money then go for the leather ones.

I know some of you are thinking, can’t I just use some silk scarves or something?

Technically you could, but you have to make sure that you are knotting them correctly or something very similar to the metal cuff situation will happen. The person will squirm or tug at the material and the knot will get tighter and tighter until it cuts off all circulation and the wrist falls off. Just kidding. I’m sure you’d untie the person before the wrist fell off, but you get my point.

You can also try an under the bed restraint system. This uses the weight of the human body and bed itself to keep the restraints in place. It makes it so you can easily keep your kinky side hidden and works well if you have a frame you can’t really tie anything to or no frame at all. Plus you get ties for the feet and the hands so you can really tie the other person down.

Anyhoo here’s a link to some cuffs you can buy right off of Amazon.

Click Below to Buy Cuffs:

Strict Leather Premium Lockable Wrist Cuffs

Click Below to buy sexy cop outfit:

Secret Wishes Sexy Miss Demeanor Costume

Or click here to buy the Under the Bed Restraint System: 


Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System