I’ve always been a rebel at heart. I like to talk about the things ‘polite people’ steer away from–sex and politics mostly. I got pretty burnt out the last few months because it felt like Go Eat a Carrot was turning into a thirst trap for the wankers of the world and that bored me.
So, I’ve decided to try to turn this around. What I’ve observed over the past year + writing this blog is this growing sense of loneliness, isolation, disconnection both from a community and from who we are at our core.
Maybe all you want is to look at my pics, wank off and go to bed. Fine. Whatever. Wank away. But for the rest of you, I know there’s more.
Recently I moved back to rural America where there are significantly less people, less noise, less well everything. But being around less has shown me that there is so much more. We have the power to stop living the same boring ass routine. We have the power to create change. Of course, that change starts within.
I’m not talking about woo-woo hippie shit here. I’m talking about action-oriented things we can all do to live better lives and get the things we most need and desire.
Regardless of your political point of view, regardless of whether you’re red or blue or white or black or you have a penis or you do not, we all want the same things.
Humanity’s Basic Needs & Desires
How all of those things looks to an individual may differ slightly but in the end that pretty much covers it.
Yet, how many of us have all of those things in our lives and what is the quality of each one?
From where I’m sitting, reading, observing, most of us are lacking, most of us are struggling.
So, I’ve decided to do something about it.
I am no hero.
You are the hero of your own story.
However woo-woo that sounds, up-leveling your quality of life starts with looking at your own bullshit, figuring out what actually matters and taking actionable steps to make what you want happen.
That doesn’t mean you have to do it all on your own though. Hence the point of this blog.
Think of me as the Ultimate Bullshit Detector
Whether you’re searching for ways to have better quality dates, get dates in the first place, maintain the romantic relationship you’re already in, find more quality friends, repair relationships with family, have better sex, have sex at all, stop having meaningless sex, get out of a toxic situation, figure out how to actually follow-through on your dreams, figure out what your dreams are to begin with, etc. etc. I am here to help guide you to your next step.
Because I’m on a similar journey too and we need each other in order to thrive.
So, check out my new Go Eat a Carrot Chat page where I will be offering No Bullshit Conversations for anyone and everyone who needs it (donation-based offerings get top priority, but I will try to converse with people regardless–time willing).
No place like Kansas? Umm… There are actually a lot of places like Kansas. . . .
Conservatives and Liberals, it’s time to take a seat
I’ve been back living in rural Kansas for the last 20-ish days having taken a 13+ year break from the sunflower state with a 3-year-stop in Chicago and decade-long stop in Colorado.
Many people, mostly people not from here (and several from my exact small town) can’t seem to fathom what has gotten into me. It seems strange, absurd, crazy to move back to an area that, to put bluntly, is dying from the inside out. A place that to an outsider, is staunchly and stubbornly conservative with no hope for redemption of any kind –spiritual, economical, physical, mental, etc.
But, I’ve always been down for a challenge. I only gamble on a sure-thing. I play to win. (You get the gist.)
I wouldn’t have moved back here if I thought it was completely hopeless.
Every time I’ve come back to visit I’ve driven through these small towns and I’ve thought, ‘Wow, what the fuck happened here?’ Downtowns deteriorating, plywood up over historic building windows, movie theaters no longer showing, restaurants no longer serving, even the bars are washed up dry in many places.
If they’re not dead, they’re dying.
I’ve often asked myself, can rural America be resuscitated?
Most economists say no.
But when have Kansans’ ever gave a fuck about what economists think?
What I’ve always loved about the people from this state is that we’re all a bunch of weirdos. We’re free-thinkers. We’re rebellious. We’re strong as fuck.
The people here have always been innovative, they’ve always been able to DIY EVERYTHING, they’ve been tough and wild and funnier than anyone really anywhere outside of here. Not only that, but they’ve been fucking kind as fuck. I mean, real thoughtful folk that will give you the shirt off their back if you ask.
Here we are.
All of us here, fucked.
Tell me you’re not.
Come on. Prove to me that everything around here is going real swell.
I’m not here to go into some sort of political rant that continues the polarization of our community. That’s useless.
I want to know if the people here can get back to those traits that are so rooted in our blood? And can these traits of strength, DIY, rebellion etc. be used to their fullest potential for positive change?
I do not care about your morality.
I care about your reality.
What is your reality?
Fuck democrat. Fuck republican.
Liberal, conservative, something in between, or outside of that– your morality could in fact be in direct conflict with your reality.
Put that bullshit aside. Take a minute and reflect on what your issues truly are.
I’m only through part one of What’s the Matter with Kansas? And though the book is like 16-years-old, not much has changed, mostly if anything, it has just gotten worse. The most vital take-away thus far is to REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU COME FROM.
Take Populism as an example.
People v. The Elite
Marginalized groups v. dominant power structures
99% v. 1%
Poor v. Rich
This section of the book stuck out to me:
“This is not far from how the Populists saw their movement: as a sort of revelation, a moment when an entire generation of “Kansas fools” figured out that they’d been lied to all their lives. Whether it was Republicans or Democrats in charge, they believed, mainstream politics were a ‘sham battle’ distracting the nation from its real problem– corporate capitalism.”
Could it be that the main issues people are facing here are financial in nature? Or is everyone who lives in Kansas secretly into being financially dominated* and role-playing as pay pigs to the government and corporations and anyone else who asks for money and I just missed the memo?
Are we really going to sit around and play the part of the masochist in this brutal BDSM scene?
Just because we can handle the pain doesn’t mean we have to take it.
It’s time to change the rules of the game. It’s time to own our strengths, our weirdness, our rebellious nature. If no one else is going to do it right, it’s time we DIY.
I’m ready to work on the actual problems, the reality of the situation we are all facing. I’d love to hear your stories, your opinions, what your action-plans / thoughts are for improvement / empowerment / resuscitation are. Or, if you think I’m wrong, bring it on. I’m open to dialogue. I’m also okay with being wrong, if that means more things are right than I realized.
More to come soon on:
How political polarization has infiltrated our daily capitalistic purchases
Fucked up yet badass Kansas historical leaders and what they can teach us
The best of the best crowd commentary + clapbacks
*Financial domination is a fetish in the kink community based on power exchange where people (mostly men) enjoy having other people (mostly women) take their money (large sums of money) from them. If you are one of these people send me all of your money, I deserve it more than you. I’m at least going to do something useful with it. AKA change the world.
It will be 69 days this Thursday the 14th of November.
69 days of no sixty-nine.
69 days of no sex of any kind (except the occasional rub out and if you really want to count the time my period got triggered and blood gushed out everywhere upon penetration and we immediately stopped, but I do not want to count that or even remember it so let’s just not).
We hear the term ‘incels,’ thrown around a lot these days. An incel is someone who is involuntarily celibate as in they want to have sex but they have such shitty personalities that no one wants to have sex with them. The fact of the matter is that these people should be called involuntarily-abstinent because people who are celibate are typically choosing to abstain from sex for a higher spiritual purpose, whereas when one is abstinent they’re usually strictly avoiding sex for any or whatever reason (or for involuntary reasons aka being insecure and annoying).
So, for the last two-ish months I have been for (the most part) voluntarily celibate.
In a way you could say that I’m doing it for God… or better yet, not doing it for God. If you look at God as the interconnection of all things and I as one of the parts of those things, amen, namaste, hallelujah.
Why, I’m sure you’re wondering, did this woman who has run a sex blog for the past year+, who clearly has a super high sex drive, and pretty much gets dick (and pussy) thrown her way every day, GIVE IT ALL UP FOR GOD (god being the interconnection of all things and her self being one of those things, god=her, etc…) ????
Giving It Up Accidentally On Purpose
Well, it wasn’t just one thing and it wasn’t all entirely on purpose.
Perhaps you could say I was over-saturated with sex. And honestly, no matter how much you like something, you can certainly over-do anything.
Also, I was losing myself, in the real world and online.
As you may recall from many blogs ago, I accidentally fell in love with a sociopath. I then spent the last 10+ months going to therapy (twice a week) to overcome my terrible habit of dating terrible people. Of course, I couldn’t leave a learning opportunity unfulfilled when a sexy con-artist walked into my life RIGHT after I finally had my ‘ah-ha-moment’ of dude v. man clarity. That “relationship” lasted a month–turns out therapy is actually working and the Red Flag Dudes go out the door at a much speedier pace now.
To top it off, the final straw of it all–I fucked a republican and he ended up fucking me in ways that I am currently still not ready to go into (ways that really have nothing to do with the fact that he is a republican — only that I should have known it was going to be a piss-poor situation… pun may have been intended there).
Online wasn’t much better. I started this blog as an opportunity to express my truth. I wanted to dive into topics on politics, health, sexuality, body positivity etc. but as with any sort of capitalistic endeavor you see what gets the most hits, the most likes, and you roll with that. At some point, instead of talking about whatever was on my mind at the time I ended up shaping it to get the most traffic. But getting ‘the most traffic’ was never one of my main goals. The main goal was connection to others through self-expression.
I cannot go without speaking for a moment about the energy-exchange that occurs through social media. Our interactions online impact us in real life even if many people want to pretend that there’s some sort of barrier between the two (there is not). Though I am often writing about sex-positive topics it often felt that many men believed that I specifically wanted to have sex with them and not only did I want to, that they were entitled to have that experience with me because they took a second to DM me some ridiculous message.
Here are examples of the last few I received:
“Can I have nudes”
“I got a question”
“Are white guys allowed to fuck you too..??”
“My dick is19,cm good??”
“Hi”. . . .( 4 days later) –> “?????”
“I love porn and you?”
I understand my line of work breeds this kind of stuff but it’s still exhausting, it causes burn out just reading them, and it makes me want to throw my phone in the creek.
Find out what I’ve been up to instead of the sex in my latest video:
After the sociopath and the con-artist, and the republican, and the strangers from the internet I was feeling really quite over it all. My high sex drive did a 180 and buried itself under ground. I thought something was really wrong with me.
I went to Planned Parenthood.
Something was wrong with me.
Actually, several things were wrong with me.
I’m not going to go into details, suffice to say they were all treatable things, treatable with antibiotics and no sex.
Then my pap came back.
After that, I had a pretty standard mental freak out followed by a physical biopsy.
Another 7+ days no sex.
Not that I even wanted it.
I had started to call my vagina, ‘The Cave of Nightmares,’ because everything that followed fucking that republican was like a series of bad dreams confined to a warm dark hole deep inside of me.
All of that time away from casual sex made me realize how much I didn’t really care for it anymore. It served its purpose at the time, it was fun, it was distracting, it was always a story of sorts, but I was/am over it.
I didn’t want a Cave of Nightmares. I wanted a Secret Space of Splendor or a Hole of Holy Heaven or just like a regular functioning NORMAL vaginal area.
I got it. The biopsy came back normal. Thank the Goddess. But all of the above nonsense has helped me realign my relationship goals and my relationship with my body.
So, I have made a vow to myself.
The next person who gets the opportunity to explore my Pocket of Paradise will be someone who matters. It will be with someone that I share a deeper connection with; it will have meaning and romance and passion and green flags and magic and mystery and safety. We will create a foundation of friendship first, it will be rooted in love and the desire to propel each other into better versions of ourselves while accepting each other for the core of who we are.
Everything else is a bore.
I’d rather have no sex than boring sex (though I’d still eat bad pizza as opposed to no pizza at all).
Come this July I will have lived in Colorado for an entire decade. There are plenty of reasons why I love this state, if I didn’t love it I wouldn’t have been here for the last ten years.
Along with the spectacular mountain views and the ridiculous amount of craft beer, Colorado has come to symbolize freedom for many people who live and move here. Sure, a lot of that has to do with us being one of the first states to legalize recreational marijuana, but it’s more than that. There’s something in the arid air. There’s a DIY mentality here, or better than that, a do-what-you-want mentality.
I’m not sure if this is where I belong any longer yet I have no idea where I’d want to go.
I know that I seek nature and community and most of all, water. It’s like my soul needs to be cleansed. I need to soak in mother nature’s womb and become reborn. Because I have no idea what I’m doing, what I want to do, or really who I am in anymore.
Will submerging myself in the ocean actually help me? It’s hard to tell but it’s clear I’m not growing by staying in the same place I’ve been.
When I quit my 9 to 5 job to venture out into the world freelance, I knew it would be hard but I didn’t realize the toll it would take on my overall identity. I was amazed to find how much of my own worth I aligned with work. And when I didn’t have as much work coming in, my self-worth hit an all-time low and I made some decisions that severely impacted my will to live.
I overcame that death-wish though. But now I’m left in the process of trying to create a new me. One who knows what she wants and gets it. They say you can manifest whatever you want into being, but they don’t ever tell you how to figure out what that ‘want’ is.
I’ve always known that I wanted to be a writer. And so I have always written. Yet, as a writer you are also a collector–of stories, ideas, details. I have more often than not, tried to see the world through other people’s perspectives. I have almost always chosen the story over my own sanity or safety or even a basic good night’s sleep. It’s become clear to me that just like people choose their battles, I need to start choosing my stories. I need to start saying, ‘no thanks’ to certain shenanigans, certain people, and start choosing new ways of being instead.
That’s one of the reasons why I feel compelled to move. Patterns are much easier to repeat in a place that you have repeated them for so long. Stagnation sets in much quicker in a bedroom where you’ve spent years depressed.
Even though I have a wild imagination regarding our world and the people who live in it, sometimes I have a difficult time turning that imagination inward. So, I’m going to try it out, see how it goes, it will surely go somewhere, which is better than nowhere at all.
If you live by a large body of water and want a house guest for a few days let me know! I’m down to try new places and see if they’re a good fit.
This morning I had a dream orgasm. Or I was dreaming and then I had an orgasm that caused me to wake up and think, ‘did I just have a real life orgasm from a dream?” And the answer was, yes.
This was a real awakening for me.
Sure, I’ve had orgasms during dreams before but it’s happened so rarely I haven’t thought about it in a long time. I realized a couple of things from this situation.
It’s probably the best way to wake up (having someone put bacon directly in your mouth is a close second but different story for a different day)
It’s like pleasure with only your mind doing any of the work
It doesn’t require anyone else to be there
I know some of you may be thinking, who did this woman dream about? And I’ll tell you that you probably don’t know the guy. Unless you are the guy, in which case I’ve already told you so if I didn’t tell you it wasn’t you.
But, it wasn’t really him, right? It was all in my head. This is revolutionary to me. You know how much drama could be saved if we only had sexual relationships with people while we were sleeping?!
I decided to look into all of this further.
I do not know why it has taken me until today to make the lucid dreaming / dream orgasm connection. It was like all of this unconscious power becoming suddenly conscious.
The esoteric world unfolds exactly how and when you need it to, I suppose.
Turns out, lucid dreaming to have sexual fantasy experiences occur is like the second most popular reason why people train themselves to lucid dream, flying being the top one (flying while fucking though?! Fly-fucking, imagine that!).
It is possible to be aware that you are dreaming while you’re dreaming and steer the dream into certain directions — like having a wild rendezvous with Jon Snow in an eagle’s nest on top of a mountain — or whatever you’re into.
What I’ve understood from reading about it in more detail is that a lot of fucked up shit can happen. For example, you could be dream-fucking Jon Snow and he could turn into an angry griffin or your pervy uncle Stew or just vanish in mid-air right in the middle of the sex stuff.
Why? Because even if you are aware of what’s going on in the dream, you’re still in the subconscious space where random weird things are bound to turn up. It’s a delicate balance of the mind.
And this is where it gets interesting. There is a very specific reason why your dream lover turns into a dream monster.
This is the “carrot on the string” – one of the greatest self-limiting constructs in lucid dreamwork. Just when what you want is in reach, something yanks the string and you are left grasping at air. The reason this happens is because although we may crave lucid dream sex, the dream actually requires sexual connection.
So, even in our sex dream states we still have to deal with the struggle to go eat a carrot. . . (I HAD to do it because how often do I get this kind of chance?)
The article goes on to discuss how you will actually be more successful at having lucid dream orgasmic sex IF you don’t go into the lucid dream trying to just fuck someone because they’re hot. Basically, if your fantasy is shallow and objectifying your subconscious will often reject it because that’s not what most humans want deep down in their heart of hearts, mind of minds, pussy of pussies, cock of cocks.
What we want is real connection with people.
It was fascinating to learn that people who practice lucid dreaming with the intent of having meaningful connections with their dream lovers find that they:
Have more sleep-orgasms
Become more successful at finding their dream lovers in real life
I know, right? It sounds like a bunch of pseudoscience fluff at first, yet, when you think about it makes sense in a way.
Dreams are where you go to work through the shit of your day-to-day life. So if you’re going into your dream world to work through a specific problem or desire and you succeed at doing that in your dreams you can better see how to make that work in waking reality.
Of course, I had no conscious control of this morning’s sex dream that turned waking life orgasmic, yet I so thoroughly enjoyed it that I’d like to see if I can make it happen more often. Why not? I’m just sleeping anyway.
Imbolc is here! One thing I do love about living in this world is the number of holidays that exist, particularly when you embrace them all instead of being uptight about just one being the “truth.”
You can get away with it too, at least with perfect strangers. They’re not going to know you’re not Jewish. Or you’re not Buddhist. Or you’re not a Satanist. So, why not throw a little party every time someone somewhere is celebrating something? Why leave yourself out? As Drake and Fiona Apple and the Buddha all say, “YOLO.”
I apologize for the yolo-ing. I know that’s so 2011. And if you’ve been yolo-ing since 2011 you’re probably dead by now. But we’ll skip that joke for now.
Anyway, today is a very special day, today marks the Gaelic traditional Wiccan festival of celebration Imbolc that runs from tonight through tomorrow (February 1-2). It’s a holiday that celebrates the midway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox.
“Imbolc means in the belly of the mother because that is where seeds are beginning to stir as it is Spring.”
Culturally, in Ireland (and the surrounding areas), this was (and is) a time of the lambing season where herd animals give birth or are on the way to giving birth to new offspring.
Imbolc is a time to celebrate new beginnings. It’s like a mini spring cleaning before a spring cleaning– this can be with your physical objects or with the letting go of bullshit that no longer serves you.
What I find so interesting about these pagan/Wiccan holidays is the fact that our culture has basically stolen all of them and then rebranded them.
We all know this is true with regards to Christmas and Halloween etc. but I’m saying any holiday you can think of can be traced back to other origins that are not originally Christian in nature. I’m not saying it’s wrong for Christians to take their own spin on celebrating the seasons etc. but I will say that they aren’t nearly as good at it and their branding is mediocre in comparison to some of these other ones.
“Brighid’s snake emerges from the womb of the Earth Mother to test the weather.”
This is the origin of Groundhog’s Day.
No offense to the groundhogs but a snake emerging from the womb to test the weather is WAY more badass. Like, can you picture Snake Womb’s Day–the movie? I can only imagine what kind of action-packed sex-fueled weird creepy shit would happen in that. (Starry a red-headed Irish witch, please and thank you.)
Another amazing thing about Imbolc is that one of the main ways you celebrate is by eating food, specifically all the dairy products. The dairy is supposed to symbolize fertility and abundance. So someone bring me an ice cream cake already. Or at least a grilled cheese.
Anyhoo. I’m actually pretty new to all of this stuff, but I feel like I should celebrate anyway since I discovered it. And this is America where you can celebrate everyone else’s holidays as an excuse to celebrate celebrating.
And to be honest I lean way closer in ideology to that which is more connected to nature and our connection to nature, so the discovery of Imbolc pleases me.
I have already started by rearranging my bedroom and going through stuff I no longer need or want. And this morning I went and got a pumpernickel everything bagel* with cream cheese (seeds, bread, dairy, for the win). Later I will light some candles and maybe take a milk and honey bath.
I know it probably doesn’t feel anywhere close to being spring if you’re currently dealing with the polar vortex over yonder across this beautiful country of ours. But, my friends, we’re halfway there–just hold on to your ridiculous amount of layers for a little bit longer. Soon we’ll be where the flowers are abloom and the milk runneth over and the birds are singing sweet sweet tunes from the green green trees.
It’s only a dollar to join at this level and I try to do a Freaky Fan Friday video every week (I miss one occasionally). Anyway, it’s a nice way to show your support of this blog so I can keep writing this blog not have to go work at the bagel shop with pee boy.
You can also show your support by buying me something to review off of my Amazon Gift List. It is my birthday month after all (Feb 16). I’ve added some new lingerie as I’m doing Valentine’s Day colors for Patreon exclusives each week.
I also don’t mind words of encouragement if that’s something you’re into and would rather spend your money on yourself, I understand that.
This would be a nice gift to buy one’s self for a little self-love during this love and fertility season. It vibrates! I’m sure we’re all wondering the same thing here. . . I mean I have one that doesn’t vibrate and it’s already pretty orgasmic when I roll my back out.
So, you survived the holiday season as a single entity. January has been alright since everyone is all about getting healthy and transforming into a new ‘you’ blah blah. But, the season of love approaches and your dating life has seen better days.
I’m going to offer a simple exercise to add to your daily life to potentially improve your dating life, because just like one would do crunches in order to strengthen their ab muscles one must also actively exercise their social skills.
I’m not going to tell you to delete your dating apps or to learn to love yourself more, I think both of those suggestions lean on the bullshit side of things.
Sure, dating apps can be discouraging, to say the least, but they are but one resource, one tool, in the world of romance and you might as well use all that you have, right? Because you never know. You definitely won’t know if you don’t try.
I mean, is wanting to have a meaningful relationship with another person keeping you from loving yourself? No.
Are you living your life doing the things you want to do?
Are you working on your own personal growth and development in the best way you can?
Because here’s the thing, we all do the best we can at the place that we’re at. Some days are going to better than other days. Some days you might be hard on yourself or be annoyed with yourself but that doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself enough.
What right does anyone else have to tell you how much love you have for yourself?
It’s sort of like when someone suggests that you “just be yourself,” as if that means anything, as if it was possible to somehow transform suddenly into another body with another personality.
If people were really trying to give you some good advice, the best advice would be to cut the “yourself” from the phrase and to suggest that you “just be.”
To be present in the moment that you are in and to not attach yourself so severely to your thoughts or your emotions.
Do you remember a time when you were angry or joyful or afraid? You can feel how that feeling felt but you also know that it’s a memory and you weren’t stuck in that feeling for your entire life. In that sense, when feelings arise in the present you can remember that they will not necessarily stick around either. This is an important skill to have in not just your dating life but life in general and is a much better suggestion than learning to love yourself more.
But, I digress.
Here’s a simple exercise to add to your everyday life. When you venture out into the world, try for the next couple of weeks to engage in conversation with at least 3 random people every day. I’m talking complete strangers–old ladies, kids, teachers, baristas, neighbors, friends of friends etc.
No, it doesn’t count to say, ‘how are doing’ to the guy at 711 every morning when you buy your doughnut or whatever, that’s just being a decent human being. I am suggesting a short dialogue involving at least one question that requires an answer beyond “fine.”
I know that this task may sound daunting to some people. Start with talking to one random person and go from there if three overwhelms you, but let me breakdown why this exercise has the potential to help your dating life.
Talking to strangers opens up connections. Suddenly, you and the people you interact with will feel a little less alone in the world. It’s a small act that contains much larger consequences. It’s recognizing our humanity. It’s a way to push yourself out of your comfort zone and break the invisible wall that we all often put up while in public spaces. It’s a way to be more engaged in your surroundings. It’s a way to make you an active participant in your own life, to write your own script instead of just watching your story unfold like a passive consumer.
Plus, you never know who you might meet. Once you’re at ease talking to someone else’s grandma or your best friend’s random cousin, it will not be out of character for you to talk to a random person you’re actually attracted. It will come out naturally. You will not be invested in the outcome but present in the moment of the interaction and thus will be more confident.
People are attracted to other people who are confident. We all know this, but many people don’t understand what it means or how to gain it, and I’m telling you right now. You have to hurl yourself into the unfamiliar until the unfamiliar is familiar.
You think I’m being overdramatic, I dare you to give it a try.
Here’s a short example of something that could happen. Let’s say you enjoy reading books, so one day you go to the bookstore and you’re hanging out in your favorite genre section. While you’re there you see an older woman in her 50s also browsing. So, you say something along the lines of,
“Excuse me. Hello. I just finished a really amazing book about _____ and now I’m afraid that nothing I pick will live up to its amazingness. Do you have any recommendations on amazing life-changing books? I feel it’s always better to ask another book lover than to just randomly pick something.”
Somehow you get into this crazy conversation about books and the best authors in the entire world.
As you’re wrapping up she says something like, “You know what, I think my niece would get a kick out of you. Are you seeing anyone?” And then, whoa, you just randomly got set up on a blind date.
OR nothing like that happens but you did just have an amazing conversation AND found a new book to read.
See where i’m going here?
Anyhoo. I am also single. So, if you’re willing to do this, I will do this as well because nothing is more bullshit than someone who tells someone else to try something that they aren’t willing to do themselves.
There will be days when you are just not in the mood. I would suggest to try it anyway because it’s the type of thing that could actually get you out of that mood.
Keep me posted on what happens, how you feel, etc. This shall be quite fun.
Enjoy this article? Want more? Get exclusives by joining the badasses on my Patreon. Or show your support by sending me a gift off my Amazon Wish List or just straight-up send me money. This goddess would love some more money.
The season of love is upon us. It’s true that many people frown upon Valentine’s Day for it’s alignment with capitalism, but before all the nonsense with St. Valentine February was and still is a time that people celebrate fertility, romance, passion, creativity etc. The point is to make it your own. There are so many ways to show your love to yourself and to others regardless of whether they’re romantic, familial, or friendships. For the next few weeks I’ll explore the different avenues for expressing love through play, more importantly toys that help said play.
That being said, I’m going to start with heterosexual and lesbian romantic couples for this review of one of the best sex toys to use with that special someone(s), the We-Vibe Unite.
I’ve had a version of the We-Vibe Unite for quite a long time. They have of course made updates and improvements on the toy since I first tried it, but the version I have works pretty darn well as is.
It’s shaped like a C… the bottom part of the toy is inserted and stimulates the g-spot, whereas the top part rests on and vibrates the clitoris. Penetration with a human male penis or a dildo can still occur with the toy in as it is streamlined in design specifically for this reason. Of course, you’ll want to make sure you use plenty of lube.
The version I have comes with a remote, which is fun until you lose the remote due to all the passionate sex you’re having. The newer version, The Sync, can connect to an app on your phone. I’ve heard mixed reviews about this app. I have an android and had issues with the app with a different toy from the company, but I’m sure they’ve gotten their kinks out by now. If they haven’t, it’s still a grand ole time to use without remote or you can play it safe and get the Unite and be phone-free for once in your life.
And the We-Vibe Unite is rechargable, so you can forget the batteries and help the environment out a little bit more while orgasming and stuff.
We-Vibe currently has a special where you can buy the Unite and the Pivot (a rechargable cock-ring) together for a pretty decent price. The cock ring works on cocks and dildos! Just saying, not all cock rings have to go on human penises.
It’s time we started thinking outside the cock.
Anyhoo. Personally, if I had to choose between multiple orgasms or a piece of shiny jewelry I’d pick the orgasms. Perhaps I’m a true millennial in the sense that I enjoy experiences more than things, but does that make me a millennial or just another regular human?
A couple of years ago I had a regular friend-with-benefits. Every Monday we’d have some sort of sexual experience. It usually consisted of me getting tied up and beat, forced orgasm, etc. He was a dom and had a couple of other subs he played with as well.
One day he told me that one of the other subs had a strong desire to get fucked by a dog.
I was immediately grossed out.
“Excuse me? No.” I said.
“No what?” He asked.
“No. I will not continue our regular rendezvous if you have sex with someone who has sex with dogs. That crosses a line for me. That’s not even six degrees of separation from me and a dog.”
I have no idea if that woman ever had sex with a dog. I’m sure she did because when people want to do fucked up stuff they usually do. The guy and I ended our sex sessions for other reasons that are irrelevant to the story.
Fast forward to a few days ago. I don’t know what kind of boredom I was going through but I decided to dive into the disgusting world of women getting fucked by dogs. It was relatively easy to find a whole slew of videos of women and man’s best friend together, intimate in ways that go beyond a nice scratch behind the ears.
I clicked on a video of a woman tied to a chair with a dog penetrating her pussy.
“Well, I mean, it looks like she had no choice in the matter here.”
The woman now untied was actively sucking this dog’s penis.
Like, she liked it.
Have you ever see an erect dog penis?
It’s even more disgusting than a human male penis. Plus, it’s connected to, well, a dog.
I watched about twenty seconds of it. I was fascinated to be honest.
Just think. There are thousands of men in the world that want their dicks sucked who never or rarely get their dicks sucked and here are all these women sucking and fucking dog cock.
Sure, we could blame the fact that some men are involuntarily celibate on their terrible personalities… or like a rancid fart, we could just blame the dog?
One warm evening during my first (and currently only) trip to Burning Man my friend and I decided we were going to ride our bikes all the way across the Playa to check out this DJ set that was going all night long. Of course, it being Burning Man, I never made it to the DJ set. Along the way we were yelled at by a bunch of guys in kilts who insisted we stop and drink a beer with them. Since my friend and I are quite talented at drinking beer we agreed. Turns out, we were drinking beer at an Australian BDSM Kink camp. They were playing this dice game where if you lost you had to take a beating and if you won you got to beat one of the Doms playing. There were a couple of people ahead of me and I got a little bored waiting.
Finally, I was like, can someone just hit me with something because I don’t care about playing this game.
Of course, when I said that I was making direct eye contact with the hottest guy at the camp, and at that point the hottest guy I had seen at Burning Man (until the Hottest Sex I’ve Ever Had story happened later), he quickly agreed. I found out his name was Tetris.
Tetris made his own toys and flogged me with his favorite flogger. Then after he flogged me about 60x times with that flogger he proceeded to test pretty much every single other device they had at the camp, which was a lot of devices. The toy that hurt the most and left the biggest mark was a paddle with a bunch of holes carved out. He hit me so hard with that paddle it left circles on my ass that lasted basically the rest of the time I was there. See for yourself:
Anyway, many more adventures continued with Tetris, I even found a way to get out of these fancy handcuffs that he claimed no woman had ever been able to get out of before, but all of that for another day, another time, perhaps in my book if we’re all lucky.
The whole point of the story was to say that I have experienced many different types of floggers, paddles, crops, hands, pervertables in my lifespan thus far. But I had yet to try a tawse. In fact, I didn’t even know there was a particular word for this shape of toy until I looked into it more.
Turns out the tawse was used as a form of punishment for school children, mostly in Scotland. In fact, it was used in Scotland up until 1987, so some of you Scotts may still have fond memories of this tool. And by fond I mean horrific.
The tawse I recently acquired from the amazing company Tantus has 4-tongues and is made out of ultra-premium silicone, which is somehow even more intense then the typical leather. It also has a six inch handle that can be used for impact play or as an insertable. The tawse is also Hypoallergenic, Hygienic, Boilable, Bleachable and Dishwasher Safe.
I’ll tell you what, my friend came by one day, she picked it up and slapped me playfully across the thigh and even that light impact hurt like a bitch. I felt it for at least an hour afterward. This is not a toy to fuck around with, it will leave a mark. My roommate and I tested it briefly over our jeans. We did some light warm ups with a couple of heavy hits and that was enough to make me stand around instead of sit down for awhile.
I’m honestly kind of scared to hand it over to a Dom because I do like being able to walk around and I’m not sure I’ll be able to use my backside for a week after. I will do it though because even though I’m a switch I do lean more on the masochist side, I just have to prepare my brain for the pain. A let go of control of course.
There’s still a lot to test with it so I’ll do another update as I mess around with it more.
That being said, if you’re looking to up the intensity of your play sessions this is a good way to go. It’s much cheaper than a trip to Burning Man, though if you make it there and find a sexy man named Tetris tell him I say hello.