Well, it’s almost Easter weekend yet again. For those of you who are new, Go Eat a Carrot originally formed right around this time, 3 years ago I believe. Crazy how time flies! The blog has definitely evolved, where it was originally a place for me to express any and all of my thoughts, particularly those thoughts evolving around sexuality and dating, it is now mostly used to showcase my Phallic Food Diet Recipes.
This shredded carrot salad would make a great addition to any spring-time food gathering festivities you’ve got going on. It’s also one of those interchangeable recipes, feel free to change out the chickpeas, the nuts, the dried cherries, or the herbs with whatever you have on hand that you think would work well.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this delicious and healthy carrot salad recipe!
Shred That Carrot Salad with Chickpeas and Nuts Recipe
What You Need:
2 tablespoons of Olive oil
2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
½ teaspoon Garlic powder
Juice of ½ lemon
Tablespoon of Honey
About 5 carrot, shredded (or buy pre-shredded if you so choose)
1 can of chickpeas, drained
½ cup pecans, rough chop optional
¼ cup sunflower seeds
¼ cup dried cherries
A handful of fresh basil, tore up
What You Do:
Make the dressing– in a small bowl, whisk together all of the dressing ingredients.
Make salad– in a medium-sized bowl (preferably one with a lid that you can put in the fridge), throw in the salad ingredients, stir it up a little bit, then toss the dressing over the top and stir some more until all is fully covered. Refrigerate until ready to eat. Can probably make a few hours or even a day ahead, though you can also just eat it right away if you so choose.
Turn Your Boring Crescent Rolls Into an Addicting Phallic Food Diet Appetizer
Moist, creamy, irresistible pickle apps that will please a party
I’ve been putting off making these crescent wrapped hot & spicy pickles because I thought there would be no way I could eat all of them by myself. Finally I got invited to a small dinner party and they didn’t last 10 minutes. Everyone loved these, I mean, how can you beat bacon, cheese, pickles, and buttery carbs? Perhaps not the healthiest phallic food diet recipe, but damn, these are so good. If you need a quick and easy appetizer that’s guaranteed to be a crowd-pleaser then this might become your newest go-to!
If you’re not into spicy pickles you can change out the choice of cheese and the style of pickle you’re using– mozzarella + garlic pickles would be good, dill + cheddar, bread & butter + muenster. Combinations are endless. I love a little spice though, so there you go.
Crescent Wrapped Hot & Spicy Pickles Recipe
What You Need:
6 ounces of cream cheese
5-6 slices of bacon
1 cup shredded pepper jack or cheese of your choice
½ teaspoon Garlic Powder
½ teaspoon Cumin
Pinch or more of Cayenne Pepper
1 tube crescent rolls
1 Jar Hot & Spicy Pickles Spears (or flavor of your choice)
8 pickle spears, halved
What You Do:
Soften your cream cheese
2. Cook and crumble your bacon
3. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
4. Unroll the crescent rolls then cut down the middle of each lengthwise place on baking sheet.
5. In a bowl, mix the cream cheese, crumbled bacon, shredded cheese, spices, and salt and pepper.
6. Cut pickles into thirds, or the size of the widest length of the crescent roll.
7. Scoop the cream cheese filling on each of the crescent rolls, put one piece of pickle on top, roll them all up.
8. Make egg wash by whisking up an egg, brush each crescent wrap with the egg wash.
9. Bake for about 13-15 minutes until golden brown on top and slightly oozy out the sides.
Aka: Irish sausages with mashed parsnips and potato
Fill Yourself Up with This Thick & Tasty Irish Entree
From big juicy sausages to pretty plump parsnips, this phallic food diet meal is sure to please! It’s perfect if you’re looking for a simple way to celebrate Irish heritage this month, or if you just want to add another easy, delicious, and moderately healthy recipes to your arsenal.
Of course, the parsnips and sausages are the phallic food ingredients.
Parsnips are cousins to carrots and are a very good source of fiber. In this recipe I combine with potatoes, mostly because these were the ingredients I had in my house, but you can totally use only parsnips (or only potatoes) if you so choose.
Irish Sausages with Mashed Parsnips and Potatoes Recipe
Aka Bangers and Smashers
What You Need:
1 pound parsnips peeled and cut into chunks
1 pound russet potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
1+ cup whole milk
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
Kosher (or garlic) salt and pepper, to taste
Irish sausages or brats of your choice
What You Do:
To a large pot, add the peeled potatoes and parsnips, fill with water, and boil over high heat.
Once fork tender, remove them from the heat, and drain.
Add in 4 tablespoons of butter and half of the milk. Stir and mash the parsnips and potatoes. Add in more milk until you reach the desired consistency.
At the same time, cook sausages via their package directions. (I’ve been using my Nu Wave oven, which is 10 minutes at 380 degrees F).
Serve these bangers and smashers on a plate and shove in mouth to enjoy!
Oh, yeah, because this shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Now that I have that song stuck in your head, I shall continue. I hated bananas until the age of 34. So, the banana boat is something I’m just now hopping onto. I still don’t really care for banana-flavored stuff but I do not think I’m alone here.
Anyway, these frozen chocolate covered bananas are a perfect treat for yourself or your lover or both and easy enough to make that you’ll look like a real champ if you are looking for a fun and delicious way to celebrate the holiday of love aka Valentine’s Day. Or you just want a moderately healthy dessert to shove in your mouth. Before your bananas turn to mush turn them into this sweet treat and have them on hand anytime you’re in the mood for hard, chocolatey nuts on your tongue.
Frozen Chocolate Covered Bananas with Nuts
What You Need:
2 Bananas cut in half
4 Popsicle sticks
½ a bag of chocolate chips
Nuts of your choice (I used pecans and peanuts)
What You Do:
On baking sheet with a piece of wax paper on top, put popsicle sticks up each banana
Let freeze for like 15-30 minutes
Once bananas have gotten hard, melt the chocolate–a microwave works best but a double-broiler works too (I have neither so it made this much more challenging)
Dump some nuts on a plate. Dip, cover, coat each bananas in chocolate and then roll each banana in the nuts. Place back on wax paper.
Freeze for like 30 more minutes than shove in mouth. Or store in ziplock bag until ready to eat.
Spice up your dinner plate with this sexy phallic food sauté. This dish is a super easy + healthy way to add some side dish to your entree. Get almost all your phallic foods in your mouth at once!
What you Need for Phallic Food Sauté:
Knife (I used this french fry cutter thing to give them a fun shape–not required)
½ cup eggplant
½ cup zucchini
½ cup yellow squash
Seasonings of choice (recommended: italian or old bay or creole or cumin + paprika)
What you do:
Slice the eggplant into rounds or dices depending on size of eggplant.
Put in colander. Cover with salt. Let sit for an hour.
Once the eggplant has had sometime to sweat and think about what it’s done. Heat a skillet. Add some olive oil to the pan. Throw in all the vegetables together and saute until they’re a little bit blackened (that’s how I like them anyway) — about 10-15 minutes.
Eat them as a side to your favorite entree OR make it a four-way by heating up a brat, slicing it up and throwing it into the party.
I originally tried using the entirety of all three phallic foods in this sauté. I even had a really big skillet, but it was still too much to sauté all at once. Obviously you can do it in batches if you want to use more than 1/2 a cup at once.
Did you know that the future author of the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook has written a work of fiction? Read her raunchy dark comedy about a woman addicted to meth who is caught in a rather compromising position. Corn Tits Part 1 is out on almost all major e-readers now.
Looking for a quality bullet vibrator to get you through this third wave of quarantine?
Whether you are single or in a relationship.
Whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, queer, etc.
Whether you live alone, with partner, with roommates, with parents.
Whether you like clitorial stimulation, internal, anal, nipple play, ball play etc.
This is the best bullet vibrator for you!
What bullet vibrator am I talking about?
The We-Vibe Tango.
Yes, I have mentioned this bullet vibrator several times before, but I am bringing it up again considering we are all living in a very weird time. Many people are looking for new ways to spice up their romantic lives, either with themselves or with others and my first suggestion would be to add toys. It’s easy, it’s fun, and it’s worth it.
Here are some of the main reasons why I think the We-Vibe Tango is the best bullet vibrator to add to your adult toy collection.
It’s discreet. This bullet vibrator measures a little over 3 inches making it easy to hide in a side drawer or purse or bag or even in a fanny pack.
The We-Vibe Tango is rechargeable. Thus making it slightly more environmentally-friendly and prevents you from having to go to the store or have batteries delivered.
It’s made from body-safe material and is easy to clean (though I still recommend a toy cleaner–System Jo is the one I use.)
This bullet vibrator has eight power modes. Personally I’m not into the patterned vibrations but many people are. The highest speed that has a continual vibe is pretty strong though. I do prefer it super intense– I am a hitachi girl after all. It is not as strong as the hitachi but it doesn’t have to be plugged into a wall to work so that’s a plus. It also has several lower speed settings for those who don’t like their vibrators to operate in hyperdrive.
It is versatile in its pleasure profile. Not only is it a terrific clitoral stimulator you can also get creative with it. Try it on your nipples or your scrotum if you have one. Do NOT put in your butt by itself. This toy does not have a base and your butt will eat it and you def do not want to go to the ER to have it removed, particularly in the middle of a pandemic.
It plays well with others. Yes, this is a great toy to use solo. It is also fun to use with other people because it’s small enough to not get in the way while doing whatever it is you like to do. It’s also just the right size that you can use it in other toys with built-in bullet holes. Like strap-ons and anal plugs (now you can put it in your butt, but only if you put it in a plug first).
It’s technically affordable. Okay, so it’s $79. But! If you break that down, let’s say you use it every day for a year–that’s less than a quarter a day. Would you pay a quarter for an orgasm? That’s what I thought, me too. Also, you can buy a cheaper version, but it won’t last as long and it usually comes with batteries–often those little watch batteries–trust it’s worth it to invest in yourself and your adult toys.
So yeah, this is my number one recommendation for anyone looking to add some spice to their sex lives, particularly a new toy. Many people say to me, “I want a new vibrator but I don’t know what to get.” Well, get this. If you don’t like it, I’ll recommend something else later, but the We-Vibe Tango is one of those toys that everyone should have in their adult toy arsenal.
It is not uncommon I suppose, when you talk about sex and sexuality, it gets people riled up.
Suddenly they think they can be crass because that is their view of sex. They think they can be dirty because they think sex is dirty. They can be off-putting and rude and awkward because they have never been given the tools to fully grasp who they are wholly (and that includes their own sexuality).
And, so, I suppose I can’t take that much offense when someone who isn’t emotionally developed asks me a rude question. I can only hope for the best. The best being that they recognize they are being a dick and work on ways to be less of a dick in the future.
Anyhoo. Sexuality is a pretty big element in most people’s lives– even people who abstain– as many have to actively NOT do it etc. Sex is how we all got here (in case you missed that day in Health class). Good ole sperm and egg.
Sex and Sexual Health
Sexual health makes up one of the many areas of general overall health–other areas include physical health, social health, financial health, emotional health, etc.
Yet, sexuality comes with a whole host of issues that many of the others do not, for example, many people experience a lot of shame, confusion, mis-information, avoidance, religious propaganda etc. when it comes to sexuality.
Sex positivity works to help overcome all of that. It’s about positive sexual health, empowered sexuality, sex without shame, sex with respect, consent, boundaries, desires, pleasures, etc.
One of the issues I run into is that many men think that because I talk about sex I must WANT it ALL of the time and FROM ANYONE.
In fact, that was what the rude question was all about. A person, who I politely declined a proposition from many many months ago, had the nerve to ask me if I were a [nympho]
(in brackets because of course he didn’t spell it correctly).
To be clear, a person can be sex positive and not want to engage in sexual activity with everyone they meet.
A person can also be sex positive and WANT to engage in sexuality activity with everyone they meet.
What Does it Mean to Be Sex Positive?
Being sex positive means that you accept and respect your own sexuality and everyone elses around you with openness, honesty, consent, communication, etc.
To do this we may have to unlearn many of the ideas and concepts that we grew up with; we may have to explore new ideas, ask questions, be curious about what could be instead of making assumptions about where we are or who other people are etc. We also have to learn how to ask better questions, how to be respectful and tactful when we talk about sexuality with those around us.
Anyhoo. Personally, I have explored many many options and am currently in the process of learning more about myself while being open to a meaningful long-term relationship with someone who actually wants more from me than just SEX. I know, hard to believe, but it’s true.
Yes, I can still be sexy, yes I can still have desires and fantasies, and get attention from people who think I’m hot, but no, I personally do not plan to bang every Todd, Dick, and Hairy that ask.
Thank you for asking, but no thank you.
If you’d like to take me on a date and get to know me (once this quarantine is all over) then you may ask me that and I will let you know one way or the other.
If you are not interested that is OKAY too, I do not need to know that you are not interested, it makes no difference to me. We all have different tastes, desires, attractions etc. you go after whatever those are to you (consensually of course).
If you continue to have questions you’re always welcome to hire me as a consultant where I will answer and advise based on my background in sex positivity.
Good day to you and to all!
Why not buy yourself a new toy and continue your sex positive exploration while helping your fellow sex positive blogger get a small % in return for making said recommendation? Cool. Discover Lelo for ultimate pleasure experiences.
You know, when I moved from Denver to rural Kansas I knew my sex life was going to take a big hit (or lack of hits, I guess haha). But I was unprepared for this sort of quarantine drama. It’s way different when you purposely abstain because you’re looking for something more meaningful or you’re tired of getting pumped and dumped or you’re seeking God or whatever, but to be single and not being able to get laid, makes a person WANT it all the more. Or maybe it’s just me. But I’ve talked to a few people and I’m pretty sure it’s not just me.
It has gotten a bit out of control, what was once a thought about sex every 25-63 seconds has now gotten up to be hover more around like 7 seconds. And the thoughts are getting weird. Pornhub searches are getting weirder (hear about them on my Patreon); the things, ideas, people I’ve considered humping when this is all over has really gone off the deep end. I even thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger looked good and I have never been into that much muscle.
In reality, I know that this time will fly by like a wink of an eye, and I understand that springtime brings with it its own extra element of procreational desires–the owls are hooting–the turkeys are gobbling–the bulls are strutting– all the wild life are running around doing it, tis the season.
So, what do you do if you’re sexually frustrated and in quarantine? What if you can’t wank off or you’ve wanked off so much you’re starting to cause physical damage? Or it’s just become so boring yet the energy hasn’t gone away? Well, you’re in luck. I’ve put together a list:
5 things to Do with Your Pent Up Sexual Energy
Sit and Don’t Think About What You’ve Done
Aka meditate. I know, at first it sounds counter-intuitive, if you’re having wild sex thoughts, craving sex, getting turned on by the craziest people, ideas, things, etc. that sitting around doing nothing about it would be the worst idea ever. But, running away from the issue isn’t going to help either. The concept is to turn into the craving, not necessarily succumb to it, but feel the feeling of it and recognize it as just that, a feeling. And like every other feeling, let it pass by like a cloud in the blue blue sky.
Move it or Lose It aka Workout
You must let that energy escape somehow. Start with a few jumping jacks, maybe some sit ups, follow-up with a couple of pushups (if your boner doesn’t get in the way). Or go for a long run. Move your body. Move it until you can’t move it anymore if you must. Sweat it out. Do it. Just do it. Oh. yeah.
Take Cold Showers Every Day
And blow my life away on a dream that won’t come true. (Anyone else a Grease fan?). This one is pretty self-explanatory. Cool off. Or turn up the heat and take care of business again. It may be one of the few places you have privacy (if you live with other people). It will at least give you something to do and ease the smell of living that one pair of gnarly sweatpants you own.
Play With It
Still sexually frustrated but also bored? There’s never been a better time to bring out your sex toys — or get yourself a new one. I have plenty of articles on the best ones out there, like The Best Sex Toys or Men, Best Sex Toys for Couples, or Best Sex Toys For Any Budget etc. Check out Lelo for some of the best high quality toys around–and change up your typical wank off routine (for women, men, couples and everyone in between).
Make it or Break It
Most importantly, the best thing to do with your pent up sexual energy is create. Your sexual center and your creativity center are interconnected so if you’re struggling in one area, give attention to the other and you might find a solution. Creating doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself–whether you decide to write a song or a story or a poem, paint or draw, dance around the room, play music, bake bread (like everyone else seems to be doing)– cover your entire body in googly eyes and walk around the neighborhood spying on everyone– whatever you do, do it for you. It’s all about expressing a part of yourself to yourself–don’t worry what anyone else will think of it.
So there you have it. 5 ways to make it through this quarantine a little less sexually frustrated. If you have any other ideas please feel free to leave them in the comments below.
If you need help finding the perfect sex toy for you feel free to send me an email or drop me a message in Instagram.
Also, follow my Patreon for video diaries, pics you won’t see anywhere else, DMs gone wrong and so much more.
After careful consideration, I decided to move out of Denver at the end of my lease on Halloween of last year. I moved to Kansas, back to where I grew up. I have been living in my parents’ basement while searching for The House to buy. Of course, this quarantine has certainly put a damper on all of that.
And being single here was already challenging, prior to self-isolation.
Before I had even moved back here I made the decision to become voluntarily celibate, okay, celibate is a stretch, I had decided I was only going to have sex in a meaningful relationship, no more one night stands.(To find out the REAL reason behind my celibacy and why I gave up one night stands — check out my patreon page for my video diary). But I deleted all of my dating apps and only gazed at cute guys from afar when I went out, so I thought I was doing pretty good.
Anyway–that went on for several months with a few other stories mixed in there (will go into detail at some point I’m sure).
I finally started dating again just this February (see Patreon video diary NEXT week for that story… it involves Jesus, amen).
All of that leads us to right now. Here. Single during quarantine. Several of my solo friends are going mad. They need that Vitamin D. I get that. It’s important to be touched by other human beings. But we cannot be touched by other human beings right now and thus can only touch ourselves. That being said.
Here are 4 Reasons to be Grateful to be Single in times of Quarantine
Alone but Not Lonely
Okay, maybe a little lonely. But you could be lonely when you’re with someone and that’s worse. Imagine, there are people out there who are currently stuck living with an ex. Or they were about to make them an ex and then all of this happened. Or this happened and they had never thought of breaking up before but now they are getting annoyed by the sound of the other person breathing.
Your Time is Your Time
In other words, you can watch whatever the fuck you want on Netflix, whenever you want to. You can sleep whenever you want to, however you want to. You can eat all the ice cream and only you will be sad that it’s gone. What a relief!
Rediscover You in All the Different Ways
Sure, you could write a screenplay or learn Spanish but you don’t HAVE to. You could literally just sit with yourself and THAT’S OKAY. It’s a great time to reconnect with who you are at your core. You don’t always have to go go go or do do do. One reason we’re all stuck inside like this right now is that 1) there could potentially be too many of us 2) no one rests any more. So, now more than ever, discover the core of your being and be with it. Then perhaps enjoy something outside of yourself, nature, creativity, sexuality, etc.
Dating is Only A Head Game Now
It’s amazing. This quarantine is making it so you have to spend time getting to know someone via text or video chat for WAY longer than ever before. This means you get to stimulate the brains. Oh yeah, brains! What a concept– getting to know people BEFORE sleeping with them. Perhaps this is actually helping us all slow down and to set up for more meaningful relationships in our future.
For now, all we can do is go with the flow. Stay strong. Enjoy yourselves. See you on the other side (of this or you know, wherever we end up after this).
I’ve always been a rebel at heart. I like to talk about the things ‘polite people’ steer away from–sex and politics mostly. I got pretty burnt out the last few months because it felt like Go Eat a Carrot was turning into a thirst trap for the wankers of the world and that bored me.
So, I’ve decided to try to turn this around. What I’ve observed over the past year + writing this blog is this growing sense of loneliness, isolation, disconnection both from a community and from who we are at our core.
Maybe all you want is to look at my pics, wank off and go to bed. Fine. Whatever. Wank away. But for the rest of you, I know there’s more.
Recently I moved back to rural America where there are significantly less people, less noise, less well everything. But being around less has shown me that there is so much more. We have the power to stop living the same boring ass routine. We have the power to create change. Of course, that change starts within.
I’m not talking about woo-woo hippie shit here. I’m talking about action-oriented things we can all do to live better lives and get the things we most need and desire.
Regardless of your political point of view, regardless of whether you’re red or blue or white or black or you have a penis or you do not, we all want the same things.
Humanity’s Basic Needs & Desires
How all of those things looks to an individual may differ slightly but in the end that pretty much covers it.
Yet, how many of us have all of those things in our lives and what is the quality of each one?
From where I’m sitting, reading, observing, most of us are lacking, most of us are struggling.
So, I’ve decided to do something about it.
I am no hero.
You are the hero of your own story.
However woo-woo that sounds, up-leveling your quality of life starts with looking at your own bullshit, figuring out what actually matters and taking actionable steps to make what you want happen.
That doesn’t mean you have to do it all on your own though. Hence the point of this blog.
Think of me as the Ultimate Bullshit Detector
Whether you’re searching for ways to have better quality dates, get dates in the first place, maintain the romantic relationship you’re already in, find more quality friends, repair relationships with family, have better sex, have sex at all, stop having meaningless sex, get out of a toxic situation, figure out how to actually follow-through on your dreams, figure out what your dreams are to begin with, etc. etc. I am here to help guide you to your next step.
Because I’m on a similar journey too and we need each other in order to thrive.
So, check out my new Go Eat a Carrot Chat page where I will be offering No Bullshit Conversations for anyone and everyone who needs it (donation-based offerings get top priority, but I will try to converse with people regardless–time willing).