Just Because I’m Sex Positive Does Not Mean I Want to Have Sex With You

What is sex positivity?

Sex Positive and the Dudes Who Need it Most

The other day I was asked a rather rude question.

It is not uncommon I suppose, when you talk about sex and sexuality, it gets people riled up. 

Suddenly they think they can be crass because that is their view of sex. They think they can be dirty because they think sex is dirty. They can be off-putting and rude and awkward because they have never been given the tools to fully grasp who they are wholly (and that includes their own sexuality). 

And, so, I suppose I can’t take that much offense when someone who isn’t emotionally developed asks me a rude question. I can only hope for the best. The best being that they recognize they are being a dick and work on ways to be less of a dick in the future.

Anyhoo. Sexuality is a pretty big element in most people’s lives– even people who abstain– as many have to actively NOT do it etc. Sex is how we all got here (in case you missed that day in Health class). Good ole sperm and egg. 

Sex and Sexual Health

Sexual health makes up one of the many areas of general overall health–other areas include physical health, social health, financial health, emotional health, etc. 

Yet, sexuality comes with a whole host of issues that many of the others do not, for example, many people experience a lot of shame, confusion, mis-information, avoidance, religious propaganda etc. when it comes to sexuality. 

Sex positivity works to help overcome all of that. It’s about positive sexual health, empowered sexuality, sex without shame, sex with respect, consent, boundaries, desires, pleasures, etc. 

One of the issues I run into is that many men think that because I talk about sex I must WANT it ALL of the time and FROM ANYONE. 

In fact, that was what the rude question was all about. A person, who I politely declined a proposition from many many months ago, had the nerve to ask me if I were a [nympho] 

(in brackets because of course he didn’t spell it correctly). 

To be clear, a person can be sex positive and not want to engage in sexual activity with everyone they meet. 

A person can also be sex positive and WANT to engage in sexuality activity with everyone they meet. 

What Does it Mean to Be Sex Positive?

Being sex positive means that you accept and respect your own sexuality and everyone elses around you with openness, honesty, consent, communication, etc. 

To do this we may have to unlearn many of the ideas and concepts that we grew up with; we may have to explore new ideas, ask questions, be curious about what could be instead of making assumptions about where we are or who other people are etc. We also have to learn how to ask better questions, how to be respectful and tactful when we talk about sexuality with those around us. 

Anyhoo. Personally, I have explored many many options and am currently in the process of learning more about myself while being open to a meaningful long-term relationship with someone who actually wants more from me than just SEX. I know, hard to believe, but it’s true. 

Yes, I can still be sexy, yes I can still have desires and fantasies, and get attention from people who think I’m hot, but no, I personally do not plan to bang every Todd, Dick, and Hairy that ask. 

Thank you for asking, but no thank you. 

If you’d like to take me on a date and get to know me (once this quarantine is all over) then you may ask me that and I will let you know one way or the other. 

If you are not interested that is OKAY too, I do not need to know that you are not interested, it makes no difference to me. We all have different tastes, desires, attractions etc. you go after whatever those are to you (consensually of course). 

If you continue to have questions you’re always welcome to hire me as a consultant where I will answer and advise based on my background in sex positivity. 

Good day to you and to all!

P.S.

Why not buy yourself a new toy and continue your sex positive exploration while helping your fellow sex positive blogger get a small % in return for making said recommendation? Cool. Discover Lelo for ultimate pleasure experiences.

5 Ways to Ease Your Sexual Frustration During Quarantine

Sexually Frustrated During Quarantine?

5 Things That Can Help Ease Sexual Frustration

You know, when I moved from Denver to rural Kansas I knew my sex life was going to take a big hit (or lack of hits, I guess haha). But I was unprepared for this sort of quarantine drama. It’s way different when you purposely abstain because you’re looking for something more meaningful or you’re tired of getting pumped and dumped or you’re seeking God or whatever, but to be single and not being able to get laid, makes a person WANT it all the more. Or maybe it’s just me. But I’ve talked to a few people and I’m pretty sure it’s not just me. 

It has gotten a bit out of control, what was once a thought about sex every 25-63 seconds has now gotten up to be hover more around like 7 seconds. And the thoughts are getting weird. Pornhub searches are getting weirder (hear about them on my Patreon); the things, ideas, people I’ve considered humping when this is all over has really gone off the deep end. I even thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger looked good and I have never been into that much muscle. 

In reality, I know that this time will fly by like a wink of an eye, and I understand that springtime brings with it its own extra element of procreational desires–the owls are hooting–the turkeys are gobbling–the bulls are strutting– all the wild life are running around doing it, tis the season. 

So, what do you do if you’re sexually frustrated and in quarantine? What if you can’t wank off or you’ve wanked off so much you’re starting to cause physical damage? Or it’s just become so boring yet the energy hasn’t gone away? Well, you’re in luck. I’ve put together a list:

5 things to Do with Your Pent Up Sexual Energy

  1. Sit and Don’t Think About What You’ve Done

Aka meditate. I know, at first it sounds counter-intuitive, if you’re having wild sex thoughts, craving sex, getting turned on by the craziest people, ideas, things, etc. that sitting around doing nothing about it would be the worst idea ever. But, running away from the issue isn’t going to help either. The concept is to turn into the craving, not necessarily succumb to it, but feel the feeling of it and recognize it as just that, a feeling. And like every other feeling, let it pass by like a cloud in the blue blue sky. 

  1. Move it or Lose It aka Workout

You must let that energy escape somehow. Start with a few jumping jacks, maybe some sit ups, follow-up with a couple of pushups (if your boner doesn’t get in the way). Or go for a long run. Move your body. Move it until you can’t move it anymore if you must. Sweat it out. Do it. Just do it. Oh. yeah. 

  1. Take Cold Showers Every Day

And blow my life away on a dream that won’t come true. (Anyone else a Grease fan?). This one is pretty self-explanatory. Cool off. Or turn up the heat and take care of business again. It may be one of the few places you have privacy (if you live with other people). It will at least give you something to do and ease the smell of living that one pair of gnarly sweatpants you own. 

  1. Play With It

Still sexually frustrated but also bored? There’s never been a better time to bring out your sex toys — or get yourself a new one. I have plenty of articles on the best ones out there, like The Best Sex Toys or Men, Best Sex Toys for Couples, or Best Sex Toys For Any Budget etc. Check out Lelo for some of the best high quality toys around–and change up your typical wank off routine (for women, men, couples and everyone in between). 

  1. Make it or Break It

Most importantly, the best thing to do with your pent up sexual energy is create. Your sexual center and your creativity center are interconnected so if you’re struggling in one area, give attention to the other and you might find a solution. Creating doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself–whether you decide to write a song or a story or a poem, paint or draw, dance around the room, play music, bake bread (like everyone else seems to be doing)– cover your entire body in googly eyes and walk around the neighborhood spying on everyone– whatever you do, do it for you. It’s all about expressing a part of yourself to yourself–don’t worry what anyone else will think of it. 

So there you have it. 5 ways to make it through this quarantine a little less sexually frustrated. If you have any other ideas please feel free to leave them in the comments below. 

If you need help finding the perfect sex toy for you feel free to send me an email or drop me a message in Instagram.

Also, follow my Patreon for video diaries, pics you won’t see anywhere else, DMs gone wrong and so much more. 

The Surprising Benefits of Being Single During Quarantine

It’s the Era of DIY or DYY (do you yourself) 

Yes. I am also single during quarantine.

After careful consideration, I decided to move out of Denver at the end of my lease on Halloween of last year. I moved to Kansas, back to where I grew up. I have been living in my parents’ basement while searching for The House to buy. Of course, this quarantine has certainly put a damper on all of that. 

And being single here was already challenging, prior to self-isolation. 

Before I had even moved back here I made the decision to become voluntarily celibate, okay, celibate is a stretch, I had decided I was only going to have sex in a meaningful relationship, no more one night stands. (To find out the REAL reason behind my celibacy and why I gave up one night stands — check out my patreon page for my video diary). But I deleted all of my dating apps and only gazed at cute guys from afar when I went out, so I thought I was doing pretty good. 

Anyway–that went on for several months with a few other stories mixed in there (will go into detail at some point I’m sure). 

I finally started dating again just this February (see Patreon video diary NEXT week for that story… it involves Jesus, amen). 

All of that leads us to right now. Here. Single during quarantine. Several of my solo friends are going mad. They need that Vitamin D. I get that. It’s important to be touched by other human beings. But we cannot be touched by other human beings right now and thus can only touch ourselves. That being said.

Here are 4 Reasons to be Grateful to be Single in times of Quarantine   

  1. Alone but Not Lonely

Okay, maybe a little lonely. But you could be lonely when you’re with someone and that’s worse. Imagine, there are people out there who are currently stuck living with an ex. Or they were about to make them an ex and then all of this happened. Or this happened and they had never thought of breaking up before but now they are getting annoyed by the sound of the other person breathing. 

  1. Your Time is Your Time

In other words, you can watch whatever the fuck you want on Netflix, whenever you want to. You can sleep whenever you want to, however you want to. You can eat all the ice cream and only you will be sad that it’s gone. What a relief! 

  1. Rediscover You in All the Different Ways

Sure, you could write a screenplay or learn Spanish but you don’t HAVE to. You could literally just sit with yourself and THAT’S OKAY. It’s a great time to reconnect with who you are at your core. You don’t always have to go go go or do do do. One reason we’re all stuck inside like this right now is that 1) there could potentially be too many of us 2) no one rests any more. So, now more than ever, discover the core of your being and be with it. Then perhaps enjoy something outside of yourself, nature, creativity, sexuality, etc. 

  1. Dating is Only A Head Game Now 

It’s amazing. This quarantine is making it so you have to spend time getting to know someone via text or video chat for WAY longer than ever before. This means you get to stimulate the brains. Oh yeah, brains! What a concept– getting to know people BEFORE sleeping with them. Perhaps this is actually helping us all slow down and to set up for more meaningful relationships in our future. 

For now, all we can do is go with the flow. Stay strong. Enjoy yourselves. See you on the other side (of this or you know, wherever we end up after this). 

No Bullshit Chat Now Available

It’s Time We All Get It Together

I’ve always been a rebel at heart. I like to talk about the things ‘polite people’ steer away from–sex and politics mostly. I got pretty burnt out the last few months because it felt like Go Eat a Carrot was turning into a thirst trap for the wankers of the world and that bored me.

So, I’ve decided to try to turn this around. What I’ve observed over the past year + writing this blog is this growing sense of loneliness, isolation, disconnection both from a community and from who we are at our core.

Maybe all you want is to look at my pics, wank off and go to bed. Fine. Whatever. Wank away. But for the rest of you, I know there’s more.

Recently I moved back to rural America where there are significantly less people, less noise, less well everything. But being around less has shown me that there is so much more. We have the power to stop living the same boring ass routine. We have the power to create change. Of course, that change starts within.

I’m not talking about woo-woo hippie shit here. I’m talking about action-oriented things we can all do to live better lives and get the things we most need and desire.

Regardless of your political point of view, regardless of whether you’re red or blue or white or black or you have a penis or you do not, we all want the same things.

Humanity’s Basic Needs & Desires

  • Security
  • Love
  • Connection
  • Variety
  • Growth
  • Meaning

How all of those things looks to an individual may differ slightly but in the end that pretty much covers it.

Yet, how many of us have all of those things in our lives and what is the quality of each one?

From where I’m sitting, reading, observing, most of us are lacking, most of us are struggling.

So, I’ve decided to do something about it.

I am no hero.

You are.

You are the hero of your own story.

However woo-woo that sounds, up-leveling your quality of life starts with looking at your own bullshit, figuring out what actually matters and taking actionable steps to make what you want happen.

That doesn’t mean you have to do it all on your own though. Hence the point of this blog.

Think of me as the Ultimate Bullshit Detector

Whether you’re searching for ways to have better quality dates, get dates in the first place, maintain the romantic relationship you’re already in, find more quality friends, repair relationships with family, have better sex, have sex at all, stop having meaningless sex, get out of a toxic situation, figure out how to actually follow-through on your dreams, figure out what your dreams are to begin with, etc. etc. I am here to help guide you to your next step.

Because I’m on a similar journey too and we need each other in order to thrive.

So, check out my new Go Eat a Carrot Chat page where I will be offering No Bullshit Conversations for anyone and everyone who needs it (donation-based offerings get top priority, but I will try to converse with people regardless–time willing).

Let’s become better, together.

But, no, really, what is the matter with Kansas? Part 1

No place like Kansas? Umm… There are actually a lot of places like Kansas. . . .

Conservatives and Liberals, it’s time to take a seat

I’ve been back living in rural Kansas for the last 20-ish days having taken a 13+ year break from the sunflower state with a 3-year-stop in Chicago and decade-long stop in Colorado.

Many people, mostly people not from here (and several from my exact small town) can’t seem to fathom what has gotten into me. It seems strange, absurd, crazy to move back to an area that, to put bluntly, is dying from the inside out. A place that to an outsider, is staunchly and stubbornly conservative with no hope for redemption of any kind –spiritual, economical, physical, mental, etc.

But, I’ve always been down for a challenge. I only gamble on a sure-thing. I play to win. (You get the gist.)

I wouldn’t have moved back here if I thought it was completely hopeless.

Every time I’ve come back to visit I’ve driven through these small towns and I’ve thought, ‘Wow, what the fuck happened here?’ Downtowns deteriorating, plywood up over historic building windows, movie theaters no longer showing, restaurants no longer serving, even the bars are washed up dry in many places.

If they’re not dead, they’re dying.

I’ve often asked myself, can rural America be resuscitated?

Most economists say no.

But when have Kansans’ ever gave a fuck about what economists think?

What I’ve always loved about the people from this state is that we’re all a bunch of weirdos. We’re free-thinkers. We’re rebellious. We’re strong as fuck.

The people here have always been innovative, they’ve always been able to DIY EVERYTHING, they’ve been tough and wild and funnier than anyone really anywhere outside of here. Not only that, but they’ve been fucking kind as fuck. I mean, real thoughtful folk that will give you the shirt off their back if you ask.

And yet.

Here we are.

All of us here, fucked.

Tell me you’re not.

Come on. Prove to me that everything around here is going real swell.

I’m not here to go into some sort of political rant that continues the polarization of our community. That’s useless.

I want to know if the people here can get back to those traits that are so rooted in our blood? And can these traits of strength, DIY, rebellion etc. be used to their fullest potential for positive change?

I do not care about your morality.

I care about your reality.

What is your reality?

Fuck democrat. Fuck republican.

Liberal, conservative, something in between, or outside of that– your morality could in fact be in direct conflict with your reality.

Put that bullshit aside. Take a minute and reflect on what your issues truly are.

I’m only through part one of What’s the Matter with Kansas? And though the book is like 16-years-old, not much has changed, mostly if anything, it has just gotten worse. The most vital take-away thus far is to REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU COME FROM.

Take Populism as an example.

  • People v. The Elite
  • Marginalized groups v. dominant power structures
  • 99% v. 1%
  • Poor v. Rich

This section of the book stuck out to me:

“This is not far from how the Populists saw their movement: as a sort of revelation, a moment when an entire generation of “Kansas fools” figured out that they’d been lied to all their lives. Whether it was Republicans or Democrats in charge, they believed, mainstream politics were a ‘sham battle’ distracting the nation from its real problem– corporate capitalism.”

Could it be that the main issues people are facing here are financial in nature? Or is everyone who lives in Kansas secretly into being financially dominated* and role-playing as pay pigs to the government and corporations and anyone else who asks for money and I just missed the memo?

Are we really going to sit around and play the part of the masochist in this brutal BDSM scene?

Just because we can handle the pain doesn’t mean we have to take it.

It’s time to change the rules of the game. It’s time to own our strengths, our weirdness, our rebellious nature. If no one else is going to do it right, it’s time we DIY.

I’m ready to work on the actual problems, the reality of the situation we are all facing. I’d love to hear your stories, your opinions, what your action-plans / thoughts are for improvement / empowerment / resuscitation are. Or, if you think I’m wrong, bring it on. I’m open to dialogue. I’m also okay with being wrong, if that means more things are right than I realized.

More to come soon on:

  • How political polarization has infiltrated our daily capitalistic purchases
  • Fucked up yet badass Kansas historical leaders and what they can teach us
  • The best of the best crowd commentary + clapbacks

*Financial domination is a fetish in the kink community based on power exchange where people (mostly men) enjoy having other people (mostly women) take their money (large sums of money) from them. If you are one of these people send me all of your money, I deserve it more than you. I’m at least going to do something useful with it. AKA change the world.

Here’s the link if you too want to read What’s the Matter with Kansas?: How Conservatives Won the Heart of America

Giving Up Sex For God

On Voluntary Celibacy

It will be 69 days this Thursday the 14th of November.

69 days of no sixty-nine.

69 days of no sex of any kind (except the occasional rub out and if you really want to count the time my period got triggered and blood gushed out everywhere upon penetration and we immediately stopped, but I do not want to count that or even remember it so let’s just not).

We hear the term ‘incels,’ thrown around a lot these days. An incel is someone who is involuntarily celibate as in they want to have sex but they have such shitty personalities that no one wants to have sex with them. The fact of the matter is that these people should be called involuntarily-abstinent because people who are celibate are typically choosing to abstain from sex for a higher spiritual purpose, whereas when one is abstinent they’re usually strictly avoiding sex for any or whatever reason (or for involuntary reasons aka being insecure and annoying).

So, for the last two-ish months I have been for (the most part) voluntarily celibate.

In a way you could say that I’m doing it for God… or better yet, not doing it for God. If you look at God as the interconnection of all things and I as one of the parts of those things, amen, namaste, hallelujah.

Luxury sex toys

Why, I’m sure you’re wondering, did this woman who has run a sex blog for the past year+, who clearly has a super high sex drive, and pretty much gets dick (and pussy) thrown her way every day, GIVE IT ALL UP FOR GOD (god being the interconnection of all things and her self being one of those things, god=her, etc…) ????

Giving It Up Accidentally On Purpose

Well, it wasn’t just one thing and it wasn’t all entirely on purpose.

Perhaps you could say I was over-saturated with sex. And honestly, no matter how much you like something, you can certainly over-do anything.

Also, I was losing myself, in the real world and online.

As you may recall from many blogs ago, I accidentally fell in love with a sociopath. I then spent the last 10+ months going to therapy (twice a week) to overcome my terrible habit of dating terrible people. Of course, I couldn’t leave a learning opportunity unfulfilled when a sexy con-artist walked into my life RIGHT after I finally had my ‘ah-ha-moment’ of dude v. man clarity. That “relationship” lasted a month–turns out therapy is actually working and the Red Flag Dudes go out the door at a much speedier pace now.

To top it off, the final straw of it all–I fucked a republican and he ended up fucking me in ways that I am currently still not ready to go into (ways that really have nothing to do with the fact that he is a republican — only that I should have known it was going to be a piss-poor situation… pun may have been intended there).

Online wasn’t much better. I started this blog as an opportunity to express my truth. I wanted to dive into topics on politics, health, sexuality, body positivity etc. but as with any sort of capitalistic endeavor you see what gets the most hits, the most likes, and you roll with that. At some point, instead of talking about whatever was on my mind at the time I ended up shaping it to get the most traffic. But getting ‘the most traffic’ was never one of my main goals. The main goal was connection to others through self-expression.

I cannot go without speaking for a moment about the energy-exchange that occurs through social media. Our interactions online impact us in real life even if many people want to pretend that there’s some sort of barrier between the two (there is not). Though I am often writing about sex-positive topics it often felt that many men believed that I specifically wanted to have sex with them and not only did I want to, that they were entitled to have that experience with me because they took a second to DM me some ridiculous message.

Here are examples of the last few I received:

  • “Heyyy”
  • “Can I have nudes”
  • “Hi”
  • “I got a question”
  • “Are white guys allowed to fuck you too..??”
  • “My dick is19,cm good??”
  • “Hy”
  • “Hi”. . . .( 4 days later) –> “?????”
  • “I love porn and you?”

I understand my line of work breeds this kind of stuff but it’s still exhausting, it causes burn out just reading them, and it makes me want to throw my phone in the creek.

Find out what I’ve been up to instead of the sex in my latest video:

After the sociopath and the con-artist, and the republican, and the strangers from the internet I was feeling really quite over it all. My high sex drive did a 180 and buried itself under ground. I thought something was really wrong with me.

I went to Planned Parenthood.

Something was wrong with me.

Actually, several things were wrong with me.

I’m not going to go into details, suffice to say they were all treatable things, treatable with antibiotics and no sex.

Then my pap came back.

Abnormal.

After that, I had a pretty standard mental freak out followed by a physical biopsy.

Another 7+ days no sex.

Not that I even wanted it.

I had started to call my vagina, ‘The Cave of Nightmares,’ because everything that followed fucking that republican was like a series of bad dreams confined to a warm dark hole deep inside of me.

All of that time away from casual sex made me realize how much I didn’t really care for it anymore. It served its purpose at the time, it was fun, it was distracting, it was always a story of sorts, but I was/am over it.

I didn’t want a Cave of Nightmares. I wanted a Secret Space of Splendor or a Hole of Holy Heaven or just like a regular functioning NORMAL vaginal area.

I got it. The biopsy came back normal. Thank the Goddess. But all of the above nonsense has helped me realign my relationship goals and my relationship with my body.

So, I have made a vow to myself.

The next person who gets the opportunity to explore my Pocket of Paradise will be someone who matters. It will be with someone that I share a deeper connection with; it will have meaning and romance and passion and green flags and magic and mystery and safety. We will create a foundation of friendship first, it will be rooted in love and the desire to propel each other into better versions of ourselves while accepting each other for the core of who we are.

Everything else is a bore.

I’d rather have no sex than boring sex (though I’d still eat bad pizza as opposed to no pizza at all).

I’m Moving, Maybe

moving out of denver

On Finding My Place

Moving Out of Denver

Come this July I will have lived in Colorado for an entire decade. There are plenty of reasons why I love this state, if I didn’t love it I wouldn’t have been here for the last ten years.

Along with the spectacular mountain views and the ridiculous amount of craft beer, Colorado has come to symbolize freedom for many people who live and move here. Sure, a lot of that has to do with us being one of the first states to legalize recreational marijuana, but it’s more than that. There’s something in the arid air. There’s a DIY mentality here, or better than that, a do-what-you-want mentality.

Yet, as of late I’ve found myself antsy.

I’m not sure if this is where I belong any longer yet I have no idea where I’d want to go.

I know that I seek nature and community and most of all, water. It’s like my soul needs to be cleansed. I need to soak in mother nature’s womb and become reborn. Because I have no idea what I’m doing, what I want to do, or really who I am in anymore.

Will submerging myself in the ocean actually help me? It’s hard to tell but it’s clear I’m not growing by staying in the same place I’ve been.

When I quit my 9 to 5 job to venture out into the world freelance, I knew it would be hard but I didn’t realize the toll it would take on my overall identity. I was amazed to find how much of my own worth I aligned with work. And when I didn’t have as much work coming in, my self-worth hit an all-time low and I made some decisions that severely impacted my will to live.

I overcame that death-wish though. But now I’m left in the process of trying to create a new me. One who knows what she wants and gets it. They say you can manifest whatever you want into being, but they don’t ever tell you how to figure out what that ‘want’ is.

Moving? Here’s some fancy label tape.

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a writer. And so I have always written. Yet, as a writer you are also a collector–of stories, ideas, details. I have more often than not, tried to see the world through other people’s perspectives. I have almost always chosen the story over my own sanity or safety or even a basic good night’s sleep. It’s become clear to me that just like people choose their battles, I need to start choosing my stories. I need to start saying, ‘no thanks’ to certain shenanigans, certain people, and start choosing new ways of being instead.

That’s one of the reasons why I feel compelled to move. Patterns are much easier to repeat in a place that you have repeated them for so long. Stagnation sets in much quicker in a bedroom where you’ve spent years depressed.

Wouldn’t a new bed be nice? Shop for one here.

Even though I have a wild imagination regarding our world and the people who live in it, sometimes I have a difficult time turning that imagination inward. So, I’m going to try it out, see how it goes, it will surely go somewhere, which is better than nowhere at all.

If you live by a large body of water and want a house guest for a few days let me know! I’m down to try new places and see if they’re a good fit.

Exclusives all month long on Patreon, including Monday Joke Day, Freaky Fan Friday, Erotica Readings and yes, some adult nudity.

Dreaming Yourself to Orgasm

orgasms while sleeping

Achieve Orgasm While You Sleep

Lucid Dreams and Sex Fantasies

This morning I had a dream orgasm. Or I was dreaming and then I had an orgasm that caused me to wake up and think, ‘did I just have a real life orgasm from a dream?” And the answer was, yes.

This was a real awakening for me.

Sure, I’ve had orgasms during dreams before but it’s happened so rarely I haven’t thought about it in a long time. I realized a couple of things from this situation.

  1. It’s probably the best way to wake up (having someone put bacon directly in your mouth is a close second but different story for a different day)
  2. It’s like pleasure with only your mind doing any of the work
  3. It doesn’t require anyone else to be there

I know some of you may be thinking, who did this woman dream about? And I’ll tell you that you probably don’t know the guy. Unless you are the guy, in which case I’ve already told you so if I didn’t tell you it wasn’t you.

But, it wasn’t really him, right? It was all in my head. This is revolutionary to me. You know how much drama could be saved if we only had sexual relationships with people while we were sleeping?!

I decided to look into all of this further.

I do not know why it has taken me until today to make the lucid dreaming / dream orgasm connection. It was like all of this unconscious power becoming suddenly conscious.

The esoteric world unfolds exactly how and when you need it to, I suppose.

Turns out, lucid dreaming to have sexual fantasy experiences occur is like the second most popular reason why people train themselves to lucid dream, flying being the top one (flying while fucking though?! Fly-fucking, imagine that!).

Anyhoo.  

It is possible to be aware that you are dreaming while you’re dreaming and steer the dream into certain directions — like having a wild rendezvous with Jon Snow in an eagle’s nest on top of a mountain — or whatever you’re into.

What I’ve understood from reading about it in more detail is that a lot of fucked up shit can happen. For example, you could be dream-fucking Jon Snow and he could turn into an angry griffin or your pervy uncle Stew or just vanish in mid-air right in the middle of the sex stuff.

Why? Because even if you are aware of what’s going on in the dream, you’re still in the subconscious space where random weird things are bound to turn up. It’s a delicate balance of the mind.

And this is where it gets interesting. There is a very specific reason why your dream lover turns into a dream monster.

According to The World of Lucid Dreaming:

This is the “carrot on the string” – one of the greatest self-limiting constructs in lucid dreamwork. Just when what you want is in reach, something yanks the string and you are left grasping at air. The reason this happens is because although we may crave lucid dream sex, the dream actually requires sexual connection.

So, even in our sex dream states we still have to deal with the struggle to go eat a carrot. . . (I HAD to do it because how often do I get this kind of chance?)

The article goes on to discuss how you will actually be more successful at having lucid dream orgasmic sex IF you don’t go into the lucid dream trying to just fuck someone because they’re hot. Basically, if your fantasy is shallow and objectifying your subconscious will often reject it because that’s not what most humans want deep down in their heart of hearts, mind of minds, pussy of pussies, cock of cocks.

What we want is real connection with people.

Lovehoney.com The Sexual Happiness People

It was fascinating to learn that people who practice lucid dreaming with the intent of having meaningful connections with their dream lovers find that they:

  1. Have more sleep-orgasms
  2. Become more successful at finding their dream lovers in real life

What?!

I know, right? It sounds like a bunch of pseudoscience fluff at first, yet, when you think about it makes sense in a way.

Dreams are where you go to work through the shit of your day-to-day life. So if you’re going into your dream world to work through a specific problem or desire and you succeed at doing that in your dreams you can better see how to make that work in waking reality.

Of course, I had no conscious control of this morning’s sex dream that turned waking life orgasmic, yet I so thoroughly enjoyed it that I’d like to see if I can make it happen more often. Why not? I’m just sleeping anyway.

Explore the World of Lucid Dreaming with the above book.

Can you lucid dream?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments.

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Imbolc: Drink a Milkshake & Celebrate Halfway to Spring!

imbolc wiccan

Witchy Ways: WTF is Imbolc?

A Quick Look at the Wiccan Celebration of Imbolc

Imbolc is here! One thing I do love about living in this world is the number of holidays that exist, particularly when you embrace them all instead of being uptight about just one being the “truth.”

You can get away with it too, at least with perfect strangers. They’re not going to know you’re not Jewish. Or you’re not Buddhist. Or you’re not a Satanist. So, why not throw a little party every time someone somewhere is celebrating something? Why leave yourself out? As Drake and Fiona Apple and the Buddha all say, “YOLO.”

I apologize for the yolo-ing. I know that’s so 2011. And if you’ve been yolo-ing since 2011 you’re probably dead by now. But we’ll skip that joke for now.

Anyway, today is a very special day, today marks the Gaelic traditional Wiccan festival of celebration Imbolc that runs from tonight through tomorrow (February 1-2). It’s a holiday that celebrates the midway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox.

According to The Celtic Connection:

“Imbolc means in the belly of the mother because that is where seeds are beginning to stir as it is Spring.”

Culturally, in Ireland (and the surrounding areas), this was (and is) a time of the lambing season where herd animals give birth or are on the way to giving birth to new offspring.  

Imbolc is a time to celebrate new beginnings. It’s like a mini spring cleaning before a spring cleaning– this can be with your physical objects or with the letting go of bullshit that no longer serves you.

What I find so interesting about these pagan/Wiccan holidays is the fact that our culture has basically stolen all of them and then rebranded them.

We all know this is true with regards to Christmas and Halloween etc. but I’m saying any holiday you can think of can be traced back to other origins that are not originally Christian in nature. I’m not saying it’s wrong for Christians to take their own spin on celebrating the seasons etc. but I will say that they aren’t nearly as good at it and their branding is mediocre in comparison to some of these other ones.

For example. Imbolc is also referred to as Brigit’s Day, Brigit [Brighid] being the Celtic Fire Goddess “patron of smithcraft, healing, midwifery, and poetry.

During Imbolc:

“Brighid’s snake emerges from the womb of the Earth Mother to test the weather.”

This is the origin of Groundhog’s Day.

No offense to the groundhogs but a snake emerging from the womb to test the weather is WAY more badass. Like, can you picture Snake Womb’s Day–the movie? I can only imagine what kind of action-packed sex-fueled weird creepy shit would happen in that. (Starry a red-headed Irish witch, please and thank you.)

Another amazing thing about Imbolc is that one of the main ways you celebrate is by eating food, specifically all the dairy products. The dairy is supposed to symbolize fertility and abundance. So someone bring me an ice cream cake already. Or at least a grilled cheese.

Anyhoo. I’m actually pretty new to all of this stuff, but I feel like I should celebrate anyway since I discovered it. And this is America where you can celebrate everyone else’s holidays as an excuse to celebrate celebrating.

And to be honest I lean way closer in ideology to that which is more connected to nature and our connection to nature, so the discovery of Imbolc pleases me.

I have already started by rearranging my bedroom and going through stuff I no longer need or want. And this morning I went and got a pumpernickel everything bagel* with cream cheese (seeds, bread, dairy, for the win). Later I will light some candles and maybe take a milk and honey bath.

I know it probably doesn’t feel anywhere close to being spring if you’re currently dealing with the polar vortex over yonder across this beautiful country of ours. But, my friends, we’re halfway there–just hold on to your ridiculous amount of layers for a little bit longer. Soon we’ll be where the flowers are abloom and the milk runneth over and the birds are singing sweet sweet tunes from the green green trees.

Now let’s lick some cream to celebrate that!

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

*I have a random story regarding a person that works at the bagel shop + golden showers that I have posted on Patreon for Freaky Fan Friday. 

It’s only a dollar to join at this level and I try to do a Freaky Fan Friday video every week (I miss one occasionally). Anyway, it’s a nice way to show your support of this blog so I can keep writing this blog not have to go work at the bagel shop with pee boy.

You can also show your support by buying me something to review off of my Amazon Gift List. It is my birthday month after all (Feb 16). I’ve added some new lingerie as I’m doing Valentine’s Day colors for Patreon exclusives each week.

I also don’t mind words of encouragement if that’s something you’re into and would rather spend your money on yourself, I understand that.

This would be a nice gift to buy one’s self for a little self-love during this love and fertility season. It vibrates! I’m sure we’re all wondering the same thing here. . . I mean I have one that doesn’t vibrate and it’s already pretty orgasmic when I roll my back out.

I’ve added the link to it on Amazon here; shopping–it’s how we do holidays best. Happy Imbolc. Happy Love month.

Uncuffed and Alone: An Exercise to Help You Get More (And Better) Dates

tips for better dating

A Tip for Better Dating

Love, Romance, And The Art of Being

So, you survived the holiday season as a single entity. January has been alright since everyone is all about getting healthy and transforming into a new ‘you’ blah blah. But, the season of love approaches and your dating life has seen better days.

I’m going to offer a simple exercise to add to your daily life to potentially improve your dating life, because just like one would do crunches in order to strengthen their ab muscles one must also actively exercise their social skills.

I’m not going to tell you to delete your dating apps or to learn to love yourself more, I think both of those suggestions lean on the bullshit side of things.

Sure, dating apps can be discouraging, to say the least, but they are but one resource, one tool, in the world of romance and you might as well use all that you have, right? Because you never know. You definitely won’t know if you don’t try.

Male Sex Toys 300x250

I also want to take a minute to unpack the concept of “learning to love yourself more.”

I mean, is wanting to have a meaningful relationship with another person keeping you from loving yourself? No.

Are you living your life doing the things you want to do?

Are you working on your own personal growth and development in the best way you can?

Because here’s the thing, we all do the best we can at the place that we’re at. Some days are going to better than other days. Some days you might be hard on yourself or be annoyed with yourself but that doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself enough.

What right does anyone else have to tell you how much love you have for yourself?

It’s sort of like when someone suggests that you “just be yourself,” as if that means anything, as if it was possible to somehow transform suddenly into another body with another personality.

If people were really trying to give you some good advice, the best advice would be to cut the “yourself” from the phrase and to suggest that you “just be.”

To be present in the moment that you are in and to not attach yourself so severely to your thoughts or your emotions.

Do you remember a time when you were angry or joyful or afraid? You can feel how that feeling felt but you also know that it’s a memory and you weren’t stuck in that feeling for your entire life. In that sense, when feelings arise in the present you can remember that they will not necessarily stick around either. This is an important skill to have in not just your dating life but life in general and is a much better suggestion than learning to love yourself more.

But, I digress.

Here’s a simple exercise to add to your everyday life. When you venture out into the world, try for the next couple of weeks to engage in conversation with at least 3 random people every day. I’m talking complete strangers–old ladies, kids, teachers, baristas, neighbors, friends of friends etc.

No, it doesn’t count to say, ‘how are doing’ to the guy at 711 every morning when you buy your doughnut or whatever, that’s just being a decent human being. I am suggesting a short dialogue involving at least one question that requires an answer beyond “fine.”

I know that this task may sound daunting to some people. Start with talking to one random person and go from there if three overwhelms you, but let me breakdown why this exercise has the potential to help your dating life.

Talking to strangers opens up connections. Suddenly, you and the people you interact with will feel a little less alone in the world. It’s a small act that contains much larger consequences. It’s recognizing our humanity. It’s a way to push yourself out of your comfort zone and break the invisible wall that we all often put up while in public spaces. It’s a way to be more engaged in your surroundings. It’s a way to make you an active participant in your own life, to write your own script instead of just watching your story unfold like a passive consumer.

Plus, you never know who you might meet. Once you’re at ease talking to someone else’s grandma or your best friend’s random cousin, it will not be out of character for you to talk to a random person you’re actually attracted. It will come out naturally. You will not be invested in the outcome but present in the moment of the interaction and thus will be more confident.

People are attracted to other people who are confident. We all know this, but many people don’t understand what it means or how to gain it, and I’m telling you right now. You have to hurl yourself into the unfamiliar until the unfamiliar is familiar.  

You think I’m being overdramatic, I dare you to give it a try.

Here’s a short example of something that could happen. Let’s say you enjoy reading books, so one day you go to the bookstore and you’re hanging out in your favorite genre section. While you’re there you see an older woman in her 50s also browsing. So, you say something along the lines of,

“Excuse me. Hello. I just finished a really amazing book about _____ and now I’m afraid that nothing I pick will live up to its amazingness. Do you have any recommendations on amazing life-changing books? I feel it’s always better to ask another book lover than to just randomly pick something.”  

Somehow you get into this crazy conversation about books and the best authors in the entire world.

As you’re wrapping up she says something like, “You know what, I think my niece would get a kick out of you. Are you seeing anyone?” And then, whoa, you just randomly got set up on a blind date.

OR nothing like that happens but you did just have an amazing conversation AND found a new book to read.

See where i’m going here?

Movember

Anyhoo. I am also single. So, if you’re willing to do this, I will do this as well because nothing is more bullshit than someone who tells someone else to try something that they aren’t willing to do themselves.

There will be days when you are just not in the mood. I would suggest to try it anyway because it’s the type of thing that could actually get you out of that mood.

Keep me posted on what happens, how you feel, etc. This shall be quite fun.

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