Tits Out Tuesday: When a Woman Tells Another Woman She’s Just Friends with a Guy

what does just friends really mean

Can Guys and Girls Just Be Friends?

or

Decoding Girl-to-Girl Talk

Over the weekend I hung out with this guy who’s pretty cute. One I had met on Tinder many months ago and then finally decided to give a second chance. No, he was not the guy who recently ripped my heart out, but a guy who I had gone on a few dates with, who claimed to be into me and then ghosted me for two weeks only to tell me out the blue that he had decided to get back with his ex.

As you can imagine, it didn’t work out with him and his ex.

Let me know if it has EVER worked out when you’ve gotten back with your ex and I will retract my statement that it never does.

Buy it here: Verge By We-Vibe

Anyhoo, I figured I’d give him a second chance since I gave the rip-out-my-heart guy one and he did much worse things like hitting on my friends while I was in the other room or right beside him in his truck etc. etc.

New/old guy and I were at a show at Cervantes (the first time I had ever been to Cervantes and I must say it’s a pretty nice venue). New/old guy happens to know just about everyone in this city, I suppose being a native helps and also he’s like way more extroverted than I will ever be.

We’re standing in the middle of the crowd near the stage when this woman walks up and says hello.

She pulls me aside and says, “I don’t know how long you’ve known X but I just wanted to tell you we’re just friends.”

I raise an eyebrow, laugh, “Okay.”

She scurries away.

I look at new/old guy like wtf?

We both shrug.

Free delivery on all orders over $60

I tell him about it later because here’s the deal. No woman ever says that they’re “just friends,” with a guy unless they:

  1. Fucked them once and it didn’t work out how they wanted it to.
  2. They want to fuck them and they just haven’t done it yet.

It’s a weird thing to tell another woman. If you’re friends with someone you typically do not need to clarify that because by walking up to said person and saying “hello,” you’re acknowledging that you at least know each other and thus are probably friends or why else bother going up to the person (particularly in a crowded venue during the middle of a concert).

Perhaps it was her intention that I mention it to him? Perhaps she wanted me to put it in his brain that they COULD BE MORE?

Okay, grrrl.

If you want to be more than ‘just friends’ make a move that’s a little less passive-aggressive? If you want to plant the seed in a guy’s brain/penis I’d suggest talking directly to them. Maybe MAYBE try flirting in real life.

I don’t know, I could be wrong here, but grrrl I’m telling you if you want to move away from ‘just friends’ to something more (particularly now that you notice he’s with another woman) I’d say go for it before it’s too late. You never know when he’ll decide to get back with his ex again.

Friday Feels: Thoughts on the Satanic Witch

witchcraft and seduction

The Forbidden Knowledge of Seduction

or

Wait, Wait, I’m About to Enchant You

I’ve consumed many inspirational, transformational, self-help, dating advice books over the years. I’ve worked in the mindful industry for a decade now, so I’ve seen and heard it all. Or at least a great deal of it.

So when the guy I am no longer (nor ever technically was) seeing gave me this book to read I was like, alright, okay, I’ll give it a whirl.

If I had read this a year ago I would have been mortified. It was full of gender stereotyping that many women these days would find highly offensive. I’ve given up on being offended by this sort of thing. Instead, I tried to see it from the author’s perspective. I imagined for a second if he was right. I may have even attempted a thing or two in the book — don’t worry boys I did not become a succubus… yet.

Buy the book: The Satanic Witch

Would I consider myself a satanic witch now? No. Nah. One does not become a satanic witch just by reading one book about it. If we became the things we’ve read about then I’d also be a tree and an alien monster living on a planet far far away from here.

I did like the historical elements. For example, there was some detailed information about the gingerbread man that I had no idea about. In this video I read the excerpt from the book:

I also found the idea of being attracted to your core demon self to be fascinating. For example, if you’re a super masculine manly man on the outside, your demonic core is super feminine, and can often only come out in the form of another person–hence why opposites attract.

Maybe I have so much trouble with men because I’m so perfectly balanced. Muhahah. Cackle cackle cackle.

If you’re lucky I’ll put a spell on you too.

Depression and Why I Show My Boobs

woman crying depressed

I feel empty. I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this time. I’ve been depressed for so long it’s like a continual numbness. I’m tired.

I’ve become more distant from my close friends. Sometimes it feels like they don’t understand why I’m doing this. They think I’m doing something wrong by talking about sex and showing my boobs or whatever. Most people don’t like that I’m showing my boobs.

Well ‘most people’, they’re my boobs and I can show them if I want.

I don’t have to justify it, but here are some justifications anyway.

People are too uptight about the naked body and I’m rebelling against that.

It like to do it.

Other people enjoy looking at my boobs so why should I always keep them covered if I can give people who want to see them pleasure? Of course, this is America and we live in a capitalistic society so I’m not just going to give them away for free. I have to pay rent, people.

Speaking of rent. This is where I’m most upset with myself. I’m actually a really hard worker. I spent the past year writing a book and a satirical self-help video series and developing this blog while doing freelance marketing. The freelance has run dry and the other things are still incubating from an income-perspective. I have applied to jobs but my heart isn’t it in. My heart is here in these creative projects.

That’s the original reason why I started the Patreon account. It turns out that people only really care about seeing my boobs, which in a way is easier but not really because it would be nice if people wanted to see my boobs AND support my creative endeavors but I suppose we can’t always get everything we want huh?

Sidenote.

I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me on Instagram while I was writing this. I realize that we’re all a mess to some degree or another and you all are brave for getting up and getting out there. I really respect your strength and wish I had a bit more of it. Of course, tomorrow is another day and perhaps I’ll be a go-getting show-stopping money magnet then.

And I’ll be able to lift others who are feeling down. We’re like one big team here on planet Earth. Or maybe the suffocation will continue. Who knows?!

Feel free to check out my patreon for the boobs or whatever.

Friday Feels: My Sweet Sweet Revenge

ways to revenge your ex

Because Sometimes Getting Back is the Only Way to Go Forward

or

Yes, It Does Taste Sweet Indeed

I’ve always been a big fan of revenge. I know a lot of people believe in the art of letting things go, forgiving, moving on, but fuck that. Revenge is way more fun. Of course, I could seek revenge Game of Thrones style, incorporate a bit of poison into some wine or just blow up my entire city, but that may be a bit extreme considering the person who wronged me isn’t really work going to prison over.

I came up with a list of things I’m going to do instead as my way of saying “fuck you, buddy.” I think it’s pretty well-rounded. Feel free to take a look for yourselves below.

Happy Rabbit

7 Ways I’m Getting Revenge

1.
Finally Finish Writing My Book

It’s been a long time coming; I’ve worked on this book for over a year. I finished the first draft months ago but couldn’t get myself to go back and edit it. Now, I have a second wind and angry wind thus it’s second draft time. Get ready world it’s going to be a good one.

2.
Continue Growing My Website and Patreon
Nothing says revenge like sweet sweet success. So, I’m buckling down and getting to it harder than ever before (perhaps you’ll be getting harder than ever before too…).
3.
Grow My Big Thick Ass
Something about having a big thick ass that none of my exes can ever touch again makes me feel accomplished. Sure, I grew it myself, but it does take work to continue said growth and to keep it looking round and plump and oh so irresistible.

4.
Leave the House Hot Hot Hot
It’s Denver and it’s pretty impossible to go anywhere without running into someone. There’s a pretty high percentage that that someone could be someone I’ve fucked before, maybe even the guy I most recently fucked. So, when I leave my house I want to make sure my big thick ass is looking as fine as hell.

5.

Post Instagram Pics That Will Devastate Him
Sure, it’s petty but baby doesn’t care. Baby wants the even bigger baby to cry.

6.

Cackle
This bitch loves a good cackle.

7.
Date Someone Better
This shouldn’t be too hard considering.

So there you have it. That’s my whole list. If you think there’s anything I should add feel free to leave your suggestions int he comments below.

Get 10% off your first order

Weird Sex Wednesday: When He’s a Coldhearted Snake

anger and boundaries

Love, Anger, Boundaries

or

Learning to Let Go, Learning to Draw the Line

This morning I woke up with this Paula Abdul song stuck in my head:

“He’s a coldhearted snake lookin into his eyes
Oh, oh he’s been telling lies
He’s a lover boy at play
He don’t play by the rules oh, oh, oh
Girl don’t play the fool now”

Why did I wake up with this song in my head? Probably because my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. It’s basically the most fitting song in the world for my current situation. My situation being that the guy I had been seeing prefers to play the villain than behave like an actual man. It’s unfortunate because I thought he was more interesting than that, but I should have known he was a snake when I picked him up.

Here’s something that I learned though.

This morning I read this post that said:

“Your anger is a sign that someone has crossed a boundary. Your anger will subside as soon as the space between the two of you is correct and appropriate again.”

Dudes, I was PISSED. Like, I was so mad I actually yelled and I never yell. (I mean, sometimes I talk really loudly when I’m drunk but that’s just because all my other friends talk really loudly and I am just trying to be heard.) Anyway. I could feel my blood boil. I could feel that feeling where you just want to scream and punch stuff and maybe stab a guy in the neck. Ha.

The anger came because he crossed my boundaries. I let him in too quickly. I let him get closer than I should have and he had done nothing to earn it. I gave him full access when I should not have.

It’s important to remember that not everyone gets to have full access. That people will continue to show you who they are. People also tell you who they are. How many times have you hung out with someone who says, “I’m an asshole!” And how do they always end up being? They end up being an asshole. This guy said he was Satan. So, there we go.

keep the passion alive. Use code LDR to save!

Each one of us has the power to allow people in or not, and to whatever degree if we do. It’s okay to be angry. The anger is telling you something. It’s telling you to act. To fix it. To draw a new line. After this, the anger will most likely reside because the person no longer is allowed to behave that way in your presence (or perhaps the new boundary is your new lack of presence in their life).

All in all, you get to decide whether or not you want to play with snakes or would rather have them slither up to someone else.

For me, well, I’ve never really been a snake person.

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Can A Relationship Be Repaired When Trust is Broken?

overcoming a betrayal in a relationship

Lies, Manipulation, and Love Built to Die

Or

There’s Good Reason Why So Many Of Us Have Built a Wall Around Ourselves

Recently I had my heart ripped out of my chest again. My best friend has told me on countless occasions that I trust people too easily. I know she is right, but I also have never been able to overcome this trait I have. Regardless of whether I’m making a new friend or developing a new romantic relationship, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I trust them until they prove to otherwise be untrustworthy. This is not uncommon behavior, most of us do this. Why wouldn’t we do this? There has to be some faith in both the self and the other that the bonds that are being built are being built on solid honest ground.

And yet, it’s so interesting how quickly a good relationship can turn bad when that trust we hand over so easily shatters.

The question is, can it be repaired?

Of course, it can, we even can see examples in mainstream media every day, see Beyonce and Jay-Z, Hillary and Bill, etc.

The deeper question comes down to whether or not both parties involved really want to repair it.

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

When someone does something hurtful to someone else the person being hurt has to understand that this is not a reflection of who they are, but a question of who the other person doing the hurting is.

How good was the relationship prior to this pain? Are both of you willing to do the work to overcome it?

Of course, I can’t help but feel duped, humiliated, made to look stupid. The thought of going through those feelings again is enough to make me run far far away and never look back. It’s not that I can’t forgive him for his terrible behavior–I can. I’m questioning whether I can trust myself to give him another chance and risk going through all of those emotions again. I’m not a big fan of those emotions, who is? I think of what my friends would do, would say to me. I think of what I’d say to my friends if something similar happened to them and I know I’d tell them to tell the guy to “fuck off,” (which I actually did do, quite loudly at 5 am in the morning but that’s a digression).

I think of the future. I think, what if I forgive this guy and he does it again? Not only would I be mad at myself but I’d be embarrassed, ashamed for being so easily manipulated.

I don’t understand liars. I’ve always been way too honest, to a fault even. My lack of a filter has gotten me in trouble many many times, yet I prefer it to living any other way. Sometimes I forget how other people don’t do this. How other people so often lie to get what they want.

That’s the other thing that confuses me. Why lie to get what you want? And what benefit does it serve to lie to the person you like romantically? If you’re so comfortable with that that you’re no longer interested in being with them, why not just break it off? If you’re so bored that you want to be with someone else after a month why not just say “girl, bye?” If you want to do whatever you want and get away with it, why be in a relationship at all?

The thing is you can’t do whatever you want when you’re in relationships with other people. Not if you care about them anyway. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do the thing you don’t really want to do, whether it’s going to their company’s BBQ even though you hate all their coworkers, making breakfast even though you’re both dying of a hangover, or you know, not hitting on their roommate even if the roommate is so damn cool and fine. It’s called basic human decency. Relationships require that as a bare minimum.

So yeah, here I am, in kind of a conundrum.

There were so many good things happening and I miss that, I miss him, I miss us. Yet, I can’t be with a liar. I can’t be with someone who does whatever he wants with no regard for the other person. If he can prove that that is not who he is at his core (or his surface even). If he could actually do the work, show real remorse and take positive action to repair all this then maybe.

Yet, then again, maybe I’m too easy and need to learn how to be a bit “more hard”.

Sliding Into My DMs Part 2

sexy nun reads instagram direct messages

Men Love Sliding Into My DMs

or

Some of Your Most Popular Sex Questions Answered

As many of you know I’ve not been able to upload YouTube videos for two weeks due to another strike on my account. It was my fault and I have done my time. Anyway here’s a video of me answering some of your most pressing direct messages.

P.S.

Try more than a “heyyy” . . . just saying.

men who slide into Direct messages

What do you do? I’m interested in your services if I think it’s what I’m thinking…
Can I pay you to have sex with me?

What a great question! Here’s the deal. It’s actually illegal in the United States to get paid to have sex with a person. I know, I know, there are plenty of people who do it and more power to them. Personally, I think sex work should be legalized. It would cut down on a lot of violence and sexual health issues because it would be better regulated. Plus, let’s take for a second to recognize all the people with disabilities, both physically and mentally that make it difficult for them to find partners. There’s nothing wrong with being a sexual being or paying to have sexual gratification. It’s not called the oldest profession for nothing. Legally though, I have to decline this offer. If you want to pay me for my time, totally different story, it’s called consulting.

when men have a question

Hey I have a question

Okay. Ask it.

older women interested in younger women

Do you like younger men?

I get asked this a lot. Like all the time. And as I’ve said many many times before age, race, gender, I don’t care about that. What I do care about is your personality. If you have a terrible personality I’m not going to want to have any sort of relations with you; I know this because I have gone out with and even slept with, plenty of people with terrible personalities and I’m trying to un-do, un-learn old bad habits and patterns.

men horny


What a man gotta do to get frisky??!

I’d suggest perhaps indulging in some aphrodisiacs–chocolate, oysters, avocado. Perhaps watch some softcore porn. Maybe go down a deep Instagram hole where you discover pics and videos of people doing things that make you feel sexy. I’m not really sure what most men do to get frisky, I guess I always assumed it came naturally to them, but I get that some people regardless of gender have a harder time getting turned on.

Thanks for the messages, everyone. As you can imagine I do not have time to answer them all, but I appreciate you trying anyway. Every once in a while there’s a chance that I could get back to you, either here or privately. Thanks for reading and watching and don’t forget to follow me on Patreon for more (and yes I mean for pics of my tits if that’s what you’re really looking for).

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Falling Out of Love with Denver + Giving Up the Booze

alcohol abuse and living in denver

Is Denver Becoming Too High Maintenance?

or

When You Change One Thing You May Need to Change Them All

My favorite running path in Denver takes me through City Park, where I always stop at Duck Lake to look at the black birds (double-crested cormorants) that perch in huge nests which sit atop these twisted goth trees. These are migrating birds. They leave in the fall and return in the spring. When they returned this year I told everyone that I too was going to take off when they took off in the fall. I only half-meant it when I said it back then.

Now it’s almost fall and the birds are half gone already.

Before I even got to Duck Lake today I could feel the shift. It was way too quiet. The leave of absence hit me harder than I expected it to. I couldn’t believe it was already happening.

Get 10% off your first order

I recently decided I needed to take a break from drinking. Luckily I haven’t hit rock bottom yet and I hope I can keep it together enough that I never do. I do know that I abuse alcohol. Or it abuses me. Perhaps we have this weird BDSM switch-like relationship going on, I don’t know. I’m not typically even an over-indulger. I can say no to cake. I can say no thanks to cookies. But when it comes to beer I’m like “Give Me! Give Me! Give Me ALL of the BEER!!”

Damn, I love beer.

It’s only been three days. I know three days is nothing to almost all human beings who are not alcoholics, but it’s a lot for people who are alcoholics and plenty for those (like me) who are alcohol abusers. Yet, during these this three-day break from alcohol I’ve been thinking about how I might actually have to leave Denver.

I’m not sure this city is a healthy place for me to be. I think it would be really easy for me to fall back into old habits.; to go out and repeat the same sort of stories over and over. I’m tired of those stories. I’m tired of going to bars, having one-night stands, waking up feeling like shit, eating fried foods just to make it through the day, popping pills that will help me focus, gain energy, and get work done, repeating the same stupid shit all over again.

Also, I may be falling out of love with Denver.

Just like people change and grow so to do cities. Perhaps I’ve learned enough from this place; perhaps it’s time for the basic bitches to take my place as they are making their way here in droves (and honestly I’m over interacting with them).

I don’t know where I’d go. I don’t even know who I am or what I want to be anymore.

I don’t feel lost. I feel misplaced. I know exactly where I am I just don’t know why I’m here.

I’m also a bit burnt out on always writing about sex. I know it’s what you all want, but it’s not what I want. I want more. I want to explore the depths of humanity–body and soul, not just how far you can fit something up a vagina.

So I will be doing that. Of course, I’ll still write about sex stuff. But summer is over. The birds are headed south. It’s time to get shit together. Perhaps even fly somewhere new.

100 OFF any size Layla mattress + a FREE LAYLA PILLOW!

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Thirsty Thursday: Whiskey Drinking Problems Blues

woman with the blues drinking whiskey

Sometimes a glass of bourbon is exactly what the doctor ordered

Or

Bulleit Bourbon Whiskey to the Rescue

Alright, world. Here’s the deal. I met someone. We hit it off. Then it got rather turbulent and we are currently on a break.

I haven’t been talking about it because I am not sure if I’m even seeing all of the events from the past couple of months that clearly.

I met this thoughtful and kind man at an after-hours party a few months ago. A big group of us left the after-hours party and continued to party well into the next afternoon. Queens and queers and freaks and weirdos were all gathered at my house. We drank every last drop of alcohol we had here and then we went and got more. We raged.

That kind of raging was fun.

The other kind of rage, not so much.

Turns out the guy that I really got into has an even bigger temper than me. This is saying a lot. If you’ve followed any of my past writing you might recall that I’ve done a lot of work trying to overcome my anger (you can even read all about it in the article I wrote titled, Republicans, Rapists, Real Women: How I’m Reprogramming Anger).

We’re both fire. Short-fused. Competitive.

Of course, we’re also both thoughtful, compassionate, kind (he maybe more so on the last trait).

A series of anger-induced incidents was the last straw for me.

I can’t handle feeling powerless. I can’t handle always being on the defensive. I can’t handle being one-up’ed every single time I ever tell a story. It becomes exhausting.

 

He’s told me that he loves me. He’s told me I’m his world. Yet, how can I let someone in that can turn on a dime and act out irrationally at random intervals?

Believe me, I know I am not perfect. I am cranky (particularly in the morning). I am stubborn. I suffer from resting bitch face.

I’m also weird. I read a lot, which doesn’t necessarily make me smart but it makes me smarter than I used to be. I have the sense of humor of a thirteen-year-old boy. I take pics with over-sized phallic-shaped foods on a regular basis. I don’t shower as much as I probably should. I can compartmentalize. I can be cold. I can be the life of the party or not want to be around anyone at all.

So yes, it takes a strong soul to handle me.

I also can only handle so much myself and what I cannot tolerate are unnecessary outbursts, temper tantrums, failing to communicate both the logistics of specific situations as well as feelings etc. connected to them.

No one should be in a relationship where they fear how the other person will respond or fear how they could snap at something small at any moment. If you can’t handle little issues then the big ones are going to be hella hard.

So this Thirsty Thursday, I drink a drink to honor all that we had and all that we could have. I’m not giving up completely, but I am distancing myself to better understand my own needs/wants/desires while he does the same. Anger is an energy and when put to proper use it can help change the world for the better, but if it’s anger that reveals itself as unnecessary rage, well that just hurts the entire world and all the people directly (and indirectly) who witness it.

May you quench your thirst on this Thursday and every other day. Thanks for reading my love life update, now go eat a carrot already!

Fifty Shades Freed Official Collection

Want to help me through this rough time? I enjoy gifts. Feel free to send me something special from my Amazon Wish List.

Or Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon (and see my real life boobies!)

You can also follow me on all the Social Media:

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Smelly Vaginas

smelly vaginas yeast infections bacterial infections

The Case of Feminine Odor Gone South

or

What To Do When Your Nose Says Not to Do It

The other day a friend sent me a question about a touchy (or shall we shall off-putting situation). Here’s what he had to ask:

“What is the least cringe-worthy way to tell a woman that one time her vagina smelled particularly bad and you haven’t been able to look at it / her the same since, and that’s why you haven’t been initiating as much lately?”

My very first reaction was to stick my fingers down my pants, give my vagina a good rub, then smell my fingers. My vagina smelled like vagina; thank the vagina goddesses! Anyway, the thing is, vaginas / vulvas are super sensitive. It doesn’t take much to throw off the pH balance. When the pH balance of the vagina is off anything could be happening. This person could have a yeast infection, a bacterial infection, an STI, or it could just be having an off day and is attempting to adjust back to normal.

So, how do you approach someone you’re sleeping with to let them know that their nether regions are not up to par?

Is there a way to do this without sounding like a dickhead?

Perhaps it’s best to consider how you would want someone to tell you and go from there?

Kindness
Compassion
Understanding

“Hey, we’ve fooled around a few times and I’ve really enjoyed myself. I understand what I’m about to say is a bit awkward and might make us both feel a little uncomfortable but the last time we had sex I noticed that your odor was a bit off and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay down there?”

Here’s the thing if you are a person and you have a smellier than usual vagina.

Do NOT douche.

Go to the doctor and have it checked out. Douching will just throw the pH balance off even more. It’s really not that big of a deal; it’s all part of being human. Being able to openly communicate with the people you’re fucking is kind of important. If you’re not communicating with your words and you’re only communicating with your genitals you’re probably not going to get very far with regards to any sort of relationship– serious or just for fun.

So open your mouths and get to talking. You nose what I’m saying?

Broad City Collection at Lovehoney

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo