Holiday Single Survival: What To Say When The Dreaded Question Pops Up

When Your Family Asks About Your Dating Life

I love going home for the holidays. All I do is eat food, cruise around the gravel roads looking for deer, drink beer, watch terrible cable tv, laugh with my family etc. I’ve been single for a long time. So long in fact that I can’t even think of the last person I took home over Christmas to introduce to my family. I’ve become a professional at dealing with the question. You know what I’m talking about. You’re at the dinner table or you’re all drinking Long Island Iced Teas while eating pounds of desserts your mom has been baking all month, everything going along swimmingly when out of nowhere, someone, most likely your mother or your best friend from high school has to ask, “So, you seeing anyone special?”

Perhaps this question doesn’t bother you. If that’s the case, see you at my next blog. If you are single and it does get under your skin, here are some suggested clapbacks and/or legitimate responses.

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The Deflection

Nothing says, “I don’t want to talk about this with you” than a classic distraction. Look toward the window. Furrow your brow. Hurry over, say, “what in the heecckk is that?” They’ll all rush over. That’s when you come up with something strange you thought you saw, “I swear I just saw a dude wearing an all-orange jumpsuit walking down the street with an accordian,” or “strange, it looked like a wolf, but maybe it was just a dog? You have feral dogs wandering your neighborhood now?” etc etc. Of course, the deflection typically only works for a few moments, days max, and then someone somewhere will find the nerve to bring it up yet again.

The Ego Stroke

This one is great because the phrasing of it makes the people around you feel special.

“I’ve been putting myself out there but I have yet to find anyone that meets the standards I learned to look for by being around such an amazing family.”  

Blunt Truth

Just say it like it is, “No. There’s no one special.”

The Turn-Around

If they continue to annoy you, it’s always a joy to flip the question back on to them, “How’s your love life going?” Because regardless of whether they’re married or dating “someone” special that doesn’t mean they get a pass and should be out of the clear. No relationship is perfect and it can be helpful for them to get a taste of their own medicine. Perhaps, they’re realize what it feels like to be asked such questions and will refrain from doing so in the future.

Self Love

“I’m focusing on my career and discovering hobbies I love to do. I recently started learning how to _____ and it’s been fun.”

If the person says something along the lines of, “well you should really get out there and date more.” You can always hit them with a statistic like, “from all the research I’ve done with regards to dating etc. every dating coach / advice column etc. suggests the best way to find love is to do the things you love. You’ll meet people that way and then you’ll already have a common connection, so, in this way I AM dating, by dating myself.”

The SnP

From one of the greatest rap groups of all time, Salt n Peppa comes the lyrics, “It’s none of your business,” which you could always just start playing the song to the horror of your grandma (not my grandma, she’s the one I used to listen to it with) or you could say the same thing more gracefully like, “I’d prefer to leave my private life, private.”

Do you have a line you like to use? Or a strategy you employ when dealing with unwanted questions from your family? Leave your comments below. I’m always down for trying to tactics.  


Tits Out Tuesday: Free the Nipple Breast Anatomy 101

The Obsession with Tits and Freeing Them On the Internet  

or

How Do Boobs Work?

Boobs, tits, knockers, jugs, melons. There are hundreds of words out there that we use to describe breasts. The thing about these words is that they are sometimes not even close to being an accurate description. For instance, the use of the word “tit” to describe the entire boob area has always kind of weirded me out.


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The free the nipple movement and Tits Out Tuesday have the potential to help people understand some of the anatomical differences of the breast. The reasoning behind the free the nipple movement stems from two main issues:

1) freedom of speech 2) body oppression

In other words, it’s a double standard that men are allowed to be topless on social media sites and women are not. The difference is a sexualization of women’s bodies — the part most people are attracted to is actually the fat.

The female breast is comprised of muscle, fat, mammary ducts, lobules, the areola, and the nipple (there’s more too, but let’s keep it as simple as possible).

I’d like to point out that the areola and the nipple are two different things as many men have commented that I must have really large nipples, when in reality it’s the areola area that takes up more space on my boobs.


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Of course, boobs come in all shapes and sizes as we are all well aware. There are pointy boobs, round boobs, saggy boobs, perky boobs, boobs with very long nipples, boobs with inverted nipples, etc. Everyone who has boobs (unless they’re fake boobs) has asymmetrical boobs, that is, one is slightly (or more than slightly) larger than the other. This has to do with the fact that most people are left or right hand dominant and the use of one side of the body more than the other creates a natural change in size.

Perhaps most of us are attracted to the female breast because they represent the beginning of life. Without milk, babies wouldn’t survive. There’s the evolutionary allure that makes us perk up at the sight of nice breasts because it makes the person seem more sexually compatible, more likely to feed those babies real good. Or be fed real good. Or both.

The censorship of the breast is a censorship of human sexuality. It’s more acceptable to see violence than boobs, which is bullshit.

The Free the Nipple Movement has gained women some breast rights; in the sense that they can now post pics of themselves breastfeeding actual babies, but other than that the censorship is still rather ridiculous. Hence why there are so many emojis-over-the-tit pics running around out there.


If there was less of a taboo on seeing female boobs, would they have as much sexual appeal? The law of the forbidden would say, no. But, I don’t think it would completely end the sexual appeal because boobs will be boobs and they will always have the ability to lure people in.

The question then becomes, is there anything behind the boobs? For example, a heart? Or better yet, do that boobs come with brains? Does your boner? Things to really think about. In the meantime, if you want to look at some uncensored pics of my boobs you can join in on all of the exclusive content on my Patreon. The more the merrier! Hope to see you there.

Are You Settling in Your Romantic Relationship?

why do people settle for people they're not in love with

Why You Shouldn’t Settle This Cuffing Season

or

Overcoming Inner Pain to Find True Love

This past week I’ve had more than one stranger on the internet bring up this idea of settling in romantic relationships. I know that it’s peak cuffing season and many people are out scrambling trying to find someone to spend the cold winter with, but I have to ask the people doing this, why?

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It felt like perhaps the reason this topic kept coming up was that people are struggling with their own deep insecurities when it comes to romance. They say it out loud as a way to tell themselves not to do it because for whatever reason they are tempted to settle themselves.

Of course, it could be a passive-aggressive way for them to imply that the choices I am making could be better aka I could be going out with them, but that seems pretty egotistical of me to consider. Anyone actually doing that would be someone I would never want to date, one person, in particular, couldn’t let it go that I didn’t want to hang out with him or receive his (unasked for) help and that person quickly got himself blocked.

Yet, this idea of settling has continued to stir around in my brains.

Let’s talk for a minute about why people choose to settle.

From what I understand it stems from two main insecurities–fear and loneliness.

Fears that they will always be alone. Fears that they will never be understood. Fears that they aren’t good enough or worthy enough for true love.

People make all sorts of interesting relationship decisions to avoid loneliness. Yes, it can be painful to spend time by yourself, but if you’re experiencing pain while alone then it’s the most vital time to be alone. No one else can fill that void they are merely a distraction, a deflection and sooner or later all those gross feelings you were trying to avoid will rise again to the surface whether you’re living with or loving someone else.

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It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be alone. One must experience the wide world of emotions to truly grasp the beauty of it all. If you’ve never been alone then you’d have no idea what it’s like to be present with someone else. If you’ve never really seen yourself, you’ll never be able to see someone else, really see them– and only when you can see them can you truly love them.

So, this cuffing season, why not take a step back, reflect on who you are and what you really want. Sure, it might be nice to have someone to cuddlefuck while you watch Netflix together, but if you’re just using each other to stay warm wouldn’t it be easy to just buy a heated blanket?

Yes, doing that inner work is going to be much more difficult, but it will bring much more joy in the long run and yes, real true love too.

In other words, stop running from your dark side, embrace it and learn how to work with it instead of against it. This will at least help you become more emotionally intelligent and stop settling for people, jobs, addictions that don’t serve you in any sort of authentic or meaningful way.

Tits Out Tuesday: Why Are We Scared of Young Adult Sexuality?

children and sexuality discussion from book review all the ugly and wonderful things

The Odd Feelings That Arise Regarding Kids and Sex

or

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things Book Review

I just finished this work of fiction called All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, it was the 2016 Book of the Year Winner and the author Bryn Greenwood was raised and still lives in Kansas, which is pretty cool since I am from there myself.

Anyhoo. In this book a 10 year-old-girl and a 22-year-old-man fall in love with each other.

The author does a pretty good job at getting a well-rounded perspective on the situation, coming from multiple character points of view, yet the entire time I felt incredibly queasy.

I kept waiting for something to happen that I didn’t think would happen, like them parting ways for example, and yet the relationship kept developing fuller, deeper, creepier.

Now, I get that in other cultures many women marry right around the time of puberty. I suppose this makes sense in at least a biological way. I mean, what defines womanhood more than the ability to have children? (I am not saying having children makes someone a woman nor am I saying only humans who have periods are women, I know there might be some outrage here about this. I’m saying the ability to create and give birth is one major defining characteristic of feminine power.) Whatever, that’s not what this is about anyway.

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What this is about is how awkward and weird it is in the United States today for anything like a tween and an adult having sex / getting married to happen.

There are laws put in place by the government that dictates the age of consent.

It’s unfortunate that they can’t instead dictate the age of emotional intelligence with regards to sexual consent because that would actually make way more sense. For example, I’m sure there are some incredibly smart / self-reflective / emotionally mature 15-year-olds who could handle a romantic relationship with someone way better than some 45-year-olds could. And yet, many people would argue that no, a 15-year-old is not fully developed and thus cannot make those kinds of decisions.

I personally think it’s all situational and cannot be defined or boxed into a sweeping generalization based on age.

Should a 10-year-old and a 22-year-old fuck?

Nah. Prob not.

But if they wait ten years then 20 and 32 isn’t as weird. The whole life-experience thing really helps with these scenarios.

One thing I do think we’re missing culturally though is the understanding that children do have a sexual nature. Sure, they are not fully developed but how many kids strip their Barbies naked and have them rub against each other? How many dry hump their stuffed animals or play “doctor” (do they still call it that?) with each other when they’re supposed to be napping?


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Should they be shamed for this exploration? Shaming seems to be a pretty typical route in America when I’m wondering if there isn’t a better way to educate them at their level on understanding this secret adult world a little bit more? Wouldn’t this help with communication in the future when they’re old enough to explore? Wouldn’t this help them perhaps NOT get into some weird sex thing with someone twice their age?

Of course, the characters in this book had a slew of other fucked up things happen to them and thus the relationships that were created were way more complicated.

I get why so many people have hang-ups about sex. Our childhoods were a big part in shaping us into the weird prudish sluts that so many of us are.

Honestly, I’m just trying to come to terms with the uneasiness I felt from this story. Has anyone else read it? Here’s a link to All the Ugly and Wonderful Things if you haven’t and you’re interested in giving it a whirl. Would love to discuss either the book or some of the above topics, feel free to leave your comments below or email me directly.

Friday Feels: How To Charm The Pants Off of Someone

how to become more charming

Learn How to Be Charming in One Easy Step

Or

Get More People to Like You

The other day I pissed my roommate off and made the entire room feel real uncomfortable because I have no filter and can be completely tactless. She introduced me to a friend who had crashed the night before, I mentioned that I had already said hello to him but didn’t bother to ask his name because it seemed like an irrelevant thing to know.

She disagreed, said it was rude.

I agreed with her disagreement, but I still feel like it’s silly to learn someone’s name before knowing anything about them. Like, is this a piece of information that I need in my brain? My brain has only so much capacity for learning new things; it’s not necessarily a one in one out type of brain, but it’s pretty close to that.

According to a study by evolutionary psychology professor Robin Dunbar our brains have the capacity to remember about 150 people’s names and faces without a prompt, he says, “there is a cognitive limit to the number of individuals with whom any one person can maintain stable relationships.”

So when I meet new people I feel like they have to have something of value to replace someone else who already made it in that top 150.

This apparently is wrong.

I’m fine with being wrong sometimes.

I spent a good part of yesterday watching youtube videos on the psychology of people. Many of the videos were about how to get people to like you, how to be charming, or how to not be boring etc.

The information wasn’t mind-blowing, but it did get me thinking.

Why do we want people to like us?

It seems like the answer is actually pretty selfish. We want people to like us so we can get stuff from them.

We want them to give us attention, buy stuff from us, entertain us, give us support, stroke our egos, date us, love us.

Why? Because negativity = pain. When people don’t care about us it makes us feel shitty and no one likes to feel shitty. Even if we don’t know the other person and shouldn’t care what they think about us, most people would prefer the ‘like’ to the ‘dislike’ but either is better than indifference.

Isn’t it better to be hated than to not be thought about at all?

I know a lot of people who know me might be thinking, ‘out of all the people in the world giving others advice on charm perhaps you’re not the best for the job.’ And to those people I’d have to say, perhaps I just didn’t care to charm you?

Being charismatic is simple. All you have to do is make people feel good about who they already are, in other words, you put your own ego aside and pay attention to them.

This is why all the advice out there tells you to remember people’s names, because people get off on hearing their name spoken out loud. It’s really on you to decide if you want to make that sort of mental investment. It’s probably not going to hurt that much and you probably have plenty of space in your hard drive to remember a multitude of names, I mean 150 is a pretty big number. Most people fail because they’re lazy and really don’t care. I am one of those people, but I’ve decided to work on it.

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If you’re still trying to get better at the whole name thing another tactic is to get them talking about stuff that they’re most passionate about. I’m not talking about where they work. I’m talking about the one thing they’re into that they won’t be able to shut up about. Everyone has at least one of those things. The more they talk, the more they will like you. It’s weird, but it works.

In the end, I’d suggest talking to someone wearing a dress or a skirt because then you won’t have to worry about charming their pants off since they aren’t actually wearing any.

Weird Sex Wednesday: How to Ask Someone to Shave Their Pubes

how to ask someone to shave their pubic hair

Is It Acceptable to Ask Someone To Shave?

Or

Body Hair, Pubes, And the Awkward Request to Remove It All

So, the other day this guy who I’ve been exploring life with starts to go down on me. I’m like, cool, awesome, great, oh, by the way, my pubic hair is a JUNGLE right now so have fun down there!

Halfway through, he stops. Starts like choke-spitting. I’m trying not to laugh, but of course, I can’t help it.

He gets up, goes to the bathroom, and basically gags himself while removing a long hair (or two or three) from the back of his throat.

It was a super sexy scene let me tell you.

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Typically I don’t shave ALL of my pubes off, usually, I keep it trim and tidy, but lately, I’ve let it go. I’ve gotten lazy. Or to be honest, I’m growing little fur friends for the winter. I think my pube-fur-friend might be a bit too wild though. So, in the next few days, I will attempt some sort of maintenance with it.

But as we all know, to each their own when it comes to what they want to do with their body hair. I want people to be able to eat me out without gagging so there’s that.

This morning I woke up to this question from a fan:

Being male and very visually stimulated ( which is why i follow your site…:)…) How is a diplomatic way I can ask my partner to shave or trim down there, so I can better see what is going on?

-Wanting to See it All

Sounds like a pretty hairy situation to me my friend.

There are a lot of politics surrounding the pubes these days. We all know that porn stars shave because they’re on camera and are attempting to give people a better view of their goods, they’re not doing it because it FEELS better. I mean, can you imagine 1. Having the hair on your entire pubic region covered in wax and then ripped off? 2. Having sex with your now sensitive exposed skin grinding over and over, rubbing, chafing against someone else’s newly exposed hairless skin? They do it because THEY GET PAID.

We all do it because we watch too much porn.

Now, I’m not saying any of us should watch less porn. I’m sure SOME of us should but that’s a different post for a different day.

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With regards to asking your partner to shave because it visually stimulates you and makes you excited, I’m thinking you could go with that?

“I enjoy your body just the way it is, but a trimmed up vulva-region really gets me excited. I’d love to be able to see more of you. I’m wondering if we could give it a try?”

I’d suggest offering something in exchange as well. For example, you can shave each other. Or if there’s something she’d like you to do that you haven’t done, perhaps finally offer that up. That could be anything from letting her stick a finger up your butt to finally remodeling the bathroom like you said you would years ago. Whatever, you get the idea.

We have to keep in mind that there is a multitude of reasons why people choose to keep their pubes. It could be political. It could be out of laziness. It could be because they like the way it feels more. It could be they’re lonely and want a little fur pet. They might be afraid of razors or wax or lasers. They might not like walking around naked with child-like body hair. Perhaps they’re trying to grow it out to donate it to Locks of Love?

So, yeah, in the end, if you’d like your partner to shave, just ask them politely, offer to help, offer something in return. Then respect whichever choice they make since it’s their body and they’re allowing you access to it when they don’t really have to.

(Of course if you REALLY hate pubes, you don’t have to access the pubed-body anymore and you could surely go out and date someone else, but I think that’s a bit extreme. It’s just hair after all).

Tits Out Tuesday: When a Woman Tells Another Woman She’s Just Friends with a Guy

what does just friends really mean

Can Guys and Girls Just Be Friends?

or

Decoding Girl-to-Girl Talk

Over the weekend I hung out with this guy who’s pretty cute. One I had met on Tinder many months ago and then finally decided to give a second chance. No, he was not the guy who recently ripped my heart out, but a guy who I had gone on a few dates with, who claimed to be into me and then ghosted me for two weeks only to tell me out the blue that he had decided to get back with his ex.

As you can imagine, it didn’t work out with him and his ex.

Let me know if it has EVER worked out when you’ve gotten back with your ex and I will retract my statement that it never does.

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Anyhoo, I figured I’d give him a second chance since I gave the rip-out-my-heart guy one and he did much worse things like hitting on my friends while I was in the other room or right beside him in his truck etc. etc.

New/old guy and I were at a show at Cervantes (the first time I had ever been to Cervantes and I must say it’s a pretty nice venue). New/old guy happens to know just about everyone in this city, I suppose being a native helps and also he’s like way more extroverted than I will ever be.

We’re standing in the middle of the crowd near the stage when this woman walks up and says hello.

She pulls me aside and says, “I don’t know how long you’ve known X but I just wanted to tell you we’re just friends.”

I raise an eyebrow, laugh, “Okay.”

She scurries away.

I look at new/old guy like wtf?

We both shrug.

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I tell him about it later because here’s the deal. No woman ever says that they’re “just friends,” with a guy unless they:

  1. Fucked them once and it didn’t work out how they wanted it to.
  2. They want to fuck them and they just haven’t done it yet.

It’s a weird thing to tell another woman. If you’re friends with someone you typically do not need to clarify that because by walking up to said person and saying “hello,” you’re acknowledging that you at least know each other and thus are probably friends or why else bother going up to the person (particularly in a crowded venue during the middle of a concert).

Perhaps it was her intention that I mention it to him? Perhaps she wanted me to put it in his brain that they COULD BE MORE?

Okay, grrrl.

If you want to be more than ‘just friends’ make a move that’s a little less passive-aggressive? If you want to plant the seed in a guy’s brain/penis I’d suggest talking directly to them. Maybe MAYBE try flirting in real life.

I don’t know, I could be wrong here, but grrrl I’m telling you if you want to move away from ‘just friends’ to something more (particularly now that you notice he’s with another woman) I’d say go for it before it’s too late. You never know when he’ll decide to get back with his ex again.