Weird Sex Wednesday: Sound Healing My Pussy

sound healing weirdness

The Wide Wide World of Snakes, Lakes, Gongs, & Dongs

Or

Opening My Sacral Chakra and Shaking It Like a Sex Goddess

Admittedly this may be getting too weird for some of you. For others of you though, this will prob be right up your alley.

I’ve lived in Colorado for eight years now and during that time I have participated in my fair share of hippie bullshit. Things like this (though not like this if it’s going to get me in trouble)– orgasmic meditation, tripping on acid while prancing around naked at hot springs, going to a party and accidentally getting trapped listening to a conscious listening event (I do not recommend that one).

My favorite hippie thing of all time though is sound healing.

Gong baths™ to be more specific though I have tried a couple of other styles.

The first time I went to a gong bath I was beyond skeptical. I only went because it got me out of work for an hour.

During that hour though I had one of the craziest trips of all time. There’s even a chance I astral projected; it’s still hard for me to admit that I did even though I clearly experienced everything one experiences when astral projecting (I even used my teeth to rip the umbilical cord that connected me to planet earth).

I’ve been a huge fan of these experiences ever since and I try to go to sound healing events as often as I can.

Here’s the thing though.

They’ve been getting REALLY weird. And REALLY sexual.

The last two gong baths I’ve gone to were based on opening up the sacral chakra– for all of you who are not hippies this is like the sex/creative center of your being.

While in this vibrational meditative state I almost always have crazy visions, like tripping except more vivid, closer to a lucid dream, or a movie that I am staring in playing out in my mind.

Anyway. Snakes keep crawling up into my pussy during these gong baths.

And may I add that in real life I am utterly and totally terrified of snakes.

During the gong baths™  I just let it happen. They wrap around my arms then slowly slither down my throat or they circle my legs then enter my vagina.

They’re STILL in there you guys!

Also, this time a frog made its way into my pussy too.

A big ass mother fucking frog.

You all. I looked up the symbolism of these creatures.

Times are changing. I am transforming. I will soon turn into a Snake Goddess I am almost definitely sure of this. Or maybe a Penis Goddess?!?

Maybe all the snakes are just past lovers I can’t shake?

It would make sense since there were HUNDREDS of them.

Just kidding.

I mean, yes, there were hundreds of snakes but not ALL of them got inside of me, most of them just followed me around everywhere I went and I even flew all the way to the other side.

Told you it was getting weird today.

Was this sex per say? No. But it was a meditative state that opened up my sex holes and it was fucking weird as shit so I’d say that it’s close enough.

P.S. If you want to check out a gong bath™ yourself they’re happening now through the weekend (here’s the schedule). He comes back through with a tour every couple of months but there are many many other sound healing events all over this city and probably in other cities too!

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Masturbation Monday: Why Men Wanking Off Is Such an Embarrassment

men having sex with themselves

Choke the Chicken, Flog the Hog, Yank the Crank

or

Male Masturbation Gets the Shaft

I talk about fucking myself ALL the time. Most people do not do this. Most people keep their wanking off stories to themselves. I suppose this makes sense. Most people do not go around talking about how much they enjoy brushing their teeth, what the best toothbrushes are, how to really get in there with the bristles and get that gum disease off. So, I get why it might be a mundane subject to people. Because, yes, masturbation should be part of every person’s daily maintenance just like brushing one’s teeth.

So why is there so much stigma around dudes’ cuffing their carrots?

It probably has something to do with the phallocentrism that pops up all over our earth and of course, let us not forget the patriarchy.

We get it. You have a PENIS! Congrats.

The rest of the world doesn’t need to hear or see or smell anything to do with it. Keep it in your pants! Or take it out, buff the banana, and carry on your day.

You’re horny. You watch porn. You take pics of your dick and send it out to randos hoping one or two may bite–not literally– and send you some sexy pics back.

The stigma stems from TMD. Too much dick.

It’s a culture oversaturated — not by seeing dick necessarily — but by the unseen dicks’ need to shower the world with its creamy milk juice (over and over and over again).

Of course, this stigma makes talking about male masturbation as an art much harder.

For example, guys are not going around discussing tips for better baloney boppin.

Don’t even get me started on the toy industry! There are SOME good toys for the penis, but of course clits & g-spots by far rule this market.

Is talking about male masturbation in a mature way even possible? I don’t know. That’s the other thing about pounding the flounder, it’s almost always portrayed in mass media as something funny. Because the penis is funny let’s be honest. Sure, it’s sexy and hard and like a powerful rod of magic and delight, but still, male masturbation does not have the same sort of appeal as say ass fucking does or even watching a hot girl stick a wet carrot in her mouth.

I don’t know guys. You tell me. This is just round 1 on this topic as I feel like I have a lot to learn and I’m relying on YOU to inform me. So comment below or send me an email. Let me know your thoughts on the stigma surrounding teasing the weasel.

Also– buy this if you want a good male masturbator:

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Tits Out Tuesday: The Problem With Casual Sex

the problem with casual sex

Fuck Who You Wanna Fuck

or

Be Who You Wanna Be

I follow a bunch of random pages on Instagram. It pretty much runs the spectrum from hedonism to cute puppies all the way to new-age spirituality bullshit and of course, alien conspiracies. The other day I saw several posts come up into my feed that all centered around the same concept– that casual sex is an energy suck.

Most of the posts read something like this:

“Everyone is too busy just having sex for pleasure with no connection. They’re going to lose their chance to find someone real because of their sexual desires (demons) …”

The concept stems from the idea that when you give a part of yourself to someone who has no intention of returning anything you give–you are transferring your energy into emptiness and soon you will also be empty inside.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this idea.

I think for the most part this idea is bullshit.

Is there an actual problem with casual sex?

Yes.

The problem is people who have a problem with it.

If you have a problem with it, then it’s not for you and that’s okay. But, if it’s not your thing that doesn’t mean it’s not for other people. And the only way you lose your energy is by choosing to give it to someone else.

Is it possible to continue creating connections with people AND also participate in casual sex? Perhaps it’s only for people who are capable of separating the meanings of experiences. Not every sexual encounter is about intimacy or spiritual bonding. Sometimes it’s just about enjoying pleasure for pleasure’s sake. If people are going around ONLY seeking pleasure ALL of the time, perhaps they’re all empty on the inside. Or maybe pleasure is just easier for them? Maybe they haven’t gotten to the point where they’re ready for a deeper, closer intimacy. Is that wrong?

It seems like it should come down to communication. If you’re looking for a connection that’s more than just pleasure, discuss it. Perhaps don’t fuck someone who’s only about the physical act of sex.

When you’re on the same page, it shouldn’t be an energy suck or cause for concern.

One form of sex is not necessarily more real than any other. Of course, when you’re into each other it can definitely make the sex better, but it also depends on your definition of better. So, what I’m getting at here is that I disagree with this new-agey bullshit that says casual sex is bad for the world. I believe that everyone should experience more pleasure and within that pleasure, we will all have better experiences here on earth. Perhaps I’m wrong. I’m okay with being wrong. But perhaps shedding the guilt around sexuality would be more beneficial to our planet than continuing to make people feel bad for the choices they’re going to make.

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Sexy Sex Temperature Play Using Just An Ice Cube

sex tips to keep it cool in the bedroom

Cool It Down With These Ice Tips

or

3 Ways To Add Temperature Play Into Your Sex Game

As I’m sure you’re quite aware, it’s fucking hot outside. At least here in Denver where the temperature has been in the steady high 90s for days now. Not only is it hot outside, it’s also hot inside for me anyway; we live in a house that has no AC. I currently have two fans blowing on me and I’m still so warm my brain is barely working. Of course, I am blaming the heat on my brain failure when the real reason my brain isn’t working is that I went too hard over the weekend with the drinking etc. Such is life.

Anyway, on to some sex stuff.

If you’re looking for ways to have sexy fun time but also keep your cool, I suggest embarking on some temperature play.

From toys to lube to towels, there are all sorts of things you can do for temperature play, whether you’re looking to heat it up or cool it down.

Since it’s 95 degrees here and everything is fire, here are 3 ways to cool it down in the bedroom with just an ice cube.

1.Ice, Ice Body
Take an ice cube and use it to outline your lover’s body. Pay careful attention to the erogenous zones like the nape of the neck, the nipples, the inside of the wrists, the back of the knee. Try blowing on the ice spots to create new types of sensations on the skin.

2. Cold As Ice Mouth Play

Put the ice cube in your mouth then kiss, suck, lick etc wherever you want on the body; move to the main event — the genitals — take it extra slow to create tension, chills, extremes in hot and cold.

3. The Thin Ice Shuffle
Move the ice cube from the mouth and slowly outline the vulva, insert it gently into the pussy or twirl it around the tip of the penis, move it down the shaft, circle to balls. Make each other gasp, cry out, shake.

Stay Crazy, Sexy, Cool my people.

Comment on your favorite temperature play moves below!

 

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The First Steps to Better Kissing

how to kiss better

How to Mouth-to-Mouth

Or

Improve Your Kissing With These Techniques

Today is International Kissing Day. I’m not sure if it means we’re supposed to go out there and kiss people from a country other than our own or if everyone in the world is supposed to make-out with each other or what the deal is but I will say, what a great made-up holiday.

Is there an International Cunnilingus Day? How about an International Fellatio Day? If there isn’t there will be soon I’m sure.

Initially, I wanted to explore different styles of kissing, you know, french kissing, Eskimo kissing, Czechoslovakian peaceful dissolution kissing (your cold lips part ways but you’ll never forget the bond you had together), but I realized that before we can even go there we need to begin at the beginning.

Here’s the deal. If you want to be a good kisser you have to work at it.

Just like you’d lift weights to get stronger arms or go running to increase endurance if you want to be a good kisser (and good at oral sex) you should get your tongue and mouth in shape.

How can you tell how good of shape your tongue is in already?

Here’s a simple test.

Stick out your tongue in a straight line, now try to touch the corner edge of your mouth with just the tip. Did you make it? Did you hit any other part of your lip along the way? If you did, it’s weak. If you didn’t you’re in better shape but you can still always do more mouth work.

Watch this video for a couple of tongue and mouth exercises you can do to help strengthen your kissing (and oral sex) game.

P.S. Try not to over-exercise your tongue and mouth, you want to have strength, flexibility, suppleness. If you over-do it your tongue/mouth will be rigid, hard, and dry and no one likes kissing mouth-sticks.

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Tits Out Tuesday: Free the Nipple Movement v. Feminism v. Objectification

free the nipple movement

Free the Nipple Movement, is it Feminist?

or

Why Are Your Tits Out All the Time?

You know, I started this blog because I like giving blow jobs. I like giving blow jobs and I feel guilty about enjoying it because somewhere deep down in my feminist bloodline I feel guilty about liking dick.

After 3 days of mania that also included giving one of the best blow jobs I have ever given–I believe it was described as “transcendent,”–my throat chakra opened, I ditched my liberal identity, and began talking about pleasure as a political tool for growth and change. Of course, I don’t always outright say it. Mostly I just talk about sex stuff, but the point is when we all experience more joy, love, orgasms, the world is a better place. When we all can open up about what and who we like, we can all experience our environments in deeper, more profound ways.

As Go Eat A Carrot has grown I’ve been contacted by some interesting people to say the least. Recently a modeling agency reached out to me.

Now I will tell you right now that for a second in time my EGO almost got the best of me. But, there was something off about the email.

The woman who sent it explained that the agency had booked models for

“Playboy, Maxim, Sports Illustrated, and FHM to name a few.”

Then she went on to say how a different client was looking to film a pro-feminist documentary about the Free the Nipple Movement and body positivity.

She wrapped up the email with my favorite part:

“If interested please respond with your name, age, height, weight, and standard body measurements.”

Perhaps I’m cynical. Skeptical. A non-believer in the GOOD of people. But, if you’re a modeling agency booking women for Playboy, then you reach out to a non-model to be in your “pro-feminist” doc about body positivity only to follow it up by asking how FAT they are, I mean, you clearly are unaware of what kind of documentary you’re actually making.

It sounds like your client is using the Free the Nipple Movement and the body positivity movements to create a film that claims to be feminist only to continue to objectify women–but now women of ALL shapes and SIZES.

Anniversary Collection

Cool.

Coolio.

Cool carrot.

I objectify myself quite often. But I am making the conscious choice to do so. And sure, it’s okay to mix sexuality with feminism. What’s not okay is to lie about your intentions. It appears to me that this company’s intentions is to make money off of the female body by playing off the current cultural phenomenon of feminism, which leaves a bad bad taste in my mouth. (Yes, even worse than stale ejaculate).

The whole point of the Free the Nipple movement is to de-sexualize female breasts.

It’s really fucking annoying that the only time we see boobs are in sexual contexts. The idea is that if we normalize the nude body maybe everyone will calm down a bit. Perhaps be able to keep it in their pants when it needs to be kept in the pants. You know, like when women are breastfeeding their babies, that would be a pretty good time to not get a boner about boobs.

I mean, dudes can get turned on by elbows and feet and fingers and ANYTHING attached to a body really, so why make the boobs extra special? They have nipples and areolas too, some dudes even have boobs that are bigger than some women’s boobs, but if they wanted to walk around shirtless that would be okay?

Come on!

Anyway. I’ll all for freeing the nipple. I’m even for documentaries about body positivity and freedom of expression etc. but only if that’s what the documentaries are actually about and not some trick to show more boobs for guys to wank off to … there’s enough porn out there for that. In fact, there are porn categories for ALL the different boobs sizes guys like to wank off to. The Free the Nipple Movement goes beyond that, to the place where people can look at nipples and not feel the immediate need to spank the frank or diddle the skittle or whatever.

Here’s a toy you can buy for your wanking off pleasure:

Wantis Premium Male Dual Channel Space

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Monday Mood: Young Guys v. Old Guys

who cares if the person you're dating is younger or older than you

Am I Into The Age of a Dude or the Actual Dude?

or

What’s in a Number?

I get a lot of online messages that go something like this:

“Hey. Curious if you’re into younger guys?”

Here’s the short answer.

Yes and no.

What I’m into is emotionally mature people.

More on that in a minute.

There was an article that came out several years ago (which I’m not even going to bother to try to find) but I will tell you what it said. It said that the “perfect” age range for heterosexual couples is 5 years, with the woman being younger than the man. According to this research this is due to the fact that the man has “matured” enough to appear “manly” to the woman. And the man can feel smarter, more knowledgeable and protective or some shit like that.

First of all this is just complete and total bullshit.

There is no “perfect” age and there is no way to determine maturity level, intelligence, emotional intelligence or the able to provide security based solely on how old a person is. I’ve met super mature 24-year-olds and super immature 40, 50, 60+ year olds.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, age is almost an irrelevant factor. Of course, I mean this in the legal age of consent situations.

Yes, if there is a BIG gap between when the two of you were born there could be relatability issues, but these could also be huge learning experiences for both of you.

I might not know who Buddy Guy is, but what if I take the time to listen and that music changes my life?

An older guy may not know what “ghosting” is but wouldn’t that actually be kind of nice to not have to deal with that millennial bullshit?

Here’s the deal.

If you have to ask if a person is “into younger guys” or older guys or black guys or fill-in-the-blank then you’re basically casting yourself into a stereotype and moving yourself away from your individuality.

This is something I am not into.

Here’s what I’m into.
Emotional Maturity.

Here’s what that looks like:

When you’re emotionally mature you are confident in who you are.

You understand your needs, wants, desires.

You are able to communicate when something feels good and also when something feels bad.

You have boundaries and you stick by them.

You can admit to being wrong.

You are capable of putting another person’s needs before yours.

You’re able to ask for and receive help.

You’re grateful for the things you have.

You take the time to think about who you are and who you want to be.

You make strides to become who you want to be and give other people the space and encouragement to do the same.

I’m into that.

I don’t really care if you’re 22 or 47.

Would I prefer to fuck a younger guy v. an older guy?

Not necessarily.

I USED to be super into younger guys, but then I realized that older guys know how to eat pussy. And WHY would I want to waste my time with someone who can’t or doesn’t want to or isn’t eager to learn?

I’d prefer someone on my level of both skill in the bedroom AND outside of it, it’s just more fun all around.

So, if you feel the yearning desire to ask a person if they’re “into ____?” perhaps consider who you are that’s beyond your age or race or gender and try that approach instead.

tantus cock rings
Make your carrot vibrate!

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