Masturbation Monday: Sex Toy Review, The Nova by We-Vibe

rabbit sex toy vibrator review

Review of Nova from We-Vibe the Dual Stimulation Vibrator


What’s a Good G-Spot and Clitoral Vibrator in One?

It’s Masturbation Monday yet again. Today I’m talking about the dual stimulation vibrator Nova from We-Vibe. This sex toy is designed to stimulate both the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time. It’s made to flex with you aka the clitoral part moves for better coverage, unlike many other rabbit vibrators that are stationary in location.

I’ve always been a big fan of We-Vibe products. The Tango is my favorite bullet vibrator. The touch a close second (it covers a bit more surface area than the Tango but can’t be used in toys that have bullet holes). I even had fun with the couple’s vibrator that put We-Vibe on the map way back in the day.

Personally, I’m not the biggest fan of internal / g-spot sex toys myself. I get off much easier with just clitoral stimulation, but every once in a while, particularly when there has been a dick drought, an internal toy is nice to experience.

And yes, I can have a g-spot orgasm and yes I can squirt… but it’s not as good of an orgasm as the clitoral and it makes much more of a puddle so I often times choose not to bother.

The dual stimulators are nice because they give you the best of both worlds.

The Nova has all sorts of features:

  • Waterproof
  • Recharegable
  • Quiet
  • Body-safe silicone (free from phthalates, latex, and BPA)
  • 2-year warranty
  • 2 motors and 10+ vibration modes

The coolest (and also not coolest) part about many of the new we-vibe sex toys is that they now work with the We-Connect App.

Yes, you can now control your vibrator through your phone.

This was super fun to play with and actually easier than using the buttons on the vibrator (when the App worked). You can move the speed up and down or swipe for different vibration modes. Even better–you can create your own vibration mode.

The other thing you can do with the app is share it with a lover so they can control the device through their phone even when you’re not in the same space– which could potentially be great for long-distance relationships or web-cam stuff.

(Check out my Patreon to see exclusive content + bonus stuff when we hit my goal aka witness an artsy fartsy video involving the Nova).

I do have to say that this review has taken a while because I did have some issues with the app and the vibrator. Every time I swiped for a different vibration mode on the phone the vibrator would turn off and I’d have to reprogram the entire thing (then it would do the same thing again even after a factory reset). The staff at We-Vibe was very friendly and replaced the toy. They also told me that this is the first time they’ve ever heard of such an issue, which I wasn’t super surprised to hear since I am known to cause technology to act a bit weird in my presence.

Explore the Nova for yourself here.

rabbit sex toy vibrator review

Then I looked up reviews on the app store and saw an entirely different story.

It appears that many people have been having issues syncing these toys with the app.

So, bottom line–the concept is great, the execution of said concept seems like it might need a little more work.

In the end, I’ve never been disappointed by a we-vibe product (though yes, I am disappointed by the app connection).

My advice would be to consider what kind of stimulation you enjoy and pick a toy out according to that. They have nearly everything you can think of including clitoral, anal, g-spot, dual, and cock rings.

If your main reason for buying the toy is to use for long-distance maybe this isn’t the BEST choice at the current moment, but once they get the app refined a bit more I’m sure it will be amazing.

Check out the Nova For Yourself Here

Or Discover the We-Vibe site + get free shipping on orders over $50
Receive Free, Discreet Shipping on all We-Vibe orders.

Get Sliquids lube here.
Sliquid Organics Natural Lubricating Gel, 8.5 Ounce


Lelo Sona Cruise Review Update

review of the sey toy the lelo sonic cruise

Positive Vibes with the Lelo Sona Cruise


Vroom Vroom with the Lelo Sona Cruise

So a few months ago some loyal friends/followers of Go Eat a Carrot pitched in and sent me the Lelo Sona Cruise (from my Amazon Wishlist). I reviewed it after using it for a week, but thought I’d give another update since I’ve had some more time to spend with it.

Read the original Lelo Sona Cruise Review here. 

One of the women who pitched in to send me the sonic cruise told me that she had the Womanizer and liked it, but it wasn’t a favorite and the novelty of it wore off pretty quick. I emailed the womanizer company and they told me they were going to send me one so I could compare and contrast the two, but that has yet to happen so I cannot speak to the Womanizer. (Perhaps someday this dream will come true.)

lelo sonic cruise and hitachi review
When they say ‘more than two’ they’re talking about vibrators, right?

On the subject of losing its novelty, I will say that has yet to happen with the Lelo Sona Cruise. I will say that when I initially started to use it, it was super intense. I believe the first time I tried it I had an orgasm in under a minute. Now my body has adapted to the intensity and so it takes a bit longer. I don’t use the sonic cruise every day. I rotate between the we-vibe tango (a bullet clit vibrator), the Hitachi magic wand, and the Sona Cruise.

Read my review of the best quality quiet vibrators here.

Wait. You masturbate every day?
Yeah, pretty much. Except for last week when I was overcoming a horrible heartbreak and thought I’d never have any sort of sex ever again, but that’s a different story.

Read Falling in Love with a Sociopath here.

The Lelo Sona Cruise is made out of medical-grade silicone and is waterproof, which makes it easy to clean. It’s also rechargable and technically small enough to travel with if you’re the type of person who travels with a big ass bag.

I’ve tried to incorporate it during sex with other people, but it’s not as easy to keep in place as say the we-vibe tango.

Discover the We-Vibe Tango Here.

It’s funny because the company talks about how nearly silent the toy is, and it can be pretty quiet that’s for sure, particularly with solo use. For some reason when I used it with a partner I think there must have been too much movement because it made some pretty interesting zippity do-da noises. Mechanical purring is the best way to describe it.

The sona cruise is a clitoral vibrator, so the circle-end section rests on the clitoris. Instead of using typical vibrations it uses sonic waves to create sensation. I’m typically not one for different wave effects, but with this toy, it works (it works quite well in fact).

In the end, months later anyway, I’d still recommend this toy if you or someone you love is into clitoral stimulation.

Finally, it’s the one year anniversary of the Lelo Sona Cruise and to celebrate they’re offering up to 47% off many items on their website. (Plus free shipping over $50) Follow this Lelo link for the offer if you want to browse the products yourself (they actually have so many amazing toys you can’t really go wrong with anything you choose).

Weird Sex Wednesday: What Kind of Handcuffs to Buy for Kink Play?

handcuffs for kink play

Beginner BDSM: When You Want to Get Tied Up


What Handcuffs to Use During Sexy Time

The first time I ever brought handcuffs into the bedroom I was in my mid-twenties. I had been with my then boyfriend for several years at that point and we both desired some way to spice it up. There is something quite gratifying and erotic about tying a person up and doing whatever you want to them, or vice versa (with consent of course). However, we made quite the mistake in our handcuff purchase. In fact, we knew very little at all about any sort of BDSM or kink stuff and kind of just guessed our way through it.

Sex Toys for him, for her, for both of you

We bought two metal handcuffs, like the kind police use when they’re not using those plastic zip-tie things they use now.

Though the metal handcuffs are aesthetically sexy they do two things you’re not going to like.

1. They damage the wrists. Because there’s always going to be a gap and you’re always going to squirm a bit the handcuffs are going to dig into your skin and bones and it’s not going to feel good. It’s not even going to be the type of pain that feels good, it’s just going to hurt.

2. They damage whatever you’re cuffing them to, in our case they put hundreds of scratches into the wooden frame of our bed. Not cool if you have a nice bed frame.

So what should you try instead?

If you’re just starting out and don’t want to invest a lot of money you can get a pretty cheap pair of pleather cuffs with fake fur on the inside. These work well enough and don’t hurt your wrists or your bed frame. If you have plenty of money then go for the leather ones.

I know some of you are thinking, can’t I just use some silk scarves or something?

Technically you could, but you have to make sure that you are knotting them correctly or something very similar to the metal cuff situation will happen. The person will squirm or tug at the material and the knot will get tighter and tighter until it cuts off all circulation and the wrist falls off. Just kidding. I’m sure you’d untie the person before the wrist fell off, but you get my point.

You can also try an under the bed restraint system. This uses the weight of the human body and bed itself to keep the restraints in place. It makes it so you can easily keep your kinky side hidden and works well if you have a frame you can’t really tie anything to or no frame at all. Plus you get ties for the feet and the hands so you can really tie the other person down.

Anyhoo here’s a link to some cuffs you can buy right off of Amazon.

Click Below to Buy Cuffs:

Strict Leather Premium Lockable Wrist Cuffs

Click Below to buy sexy cop outfit:

Secret Wishes Sexy Miss Demeanor Costume

Or click here to buy the Under the Bed Restraint System: 

Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System

Weird Sex Wednesday: Edible Anus, Angry White Male, and The Colt Manhole

weird sex wednesday weird sex position

This Week on Weird Sex Wednesday


Exploring the Weird Side of Sex

The world of sex can be weird. Very weird indeed. Here I explore the weird world of food and sex, the weird position of the week, and a weird sex toy all dudes should try (and then tell me about later).

Weird Food Sex of the Week: The Edible Anus

eat a chocolate anus

I was eating breakfast when my roommate’s girlfriend came into the living room full of excitement. “I’ve got to show you this!” she said as she pulled out her phone. Seconds later there it was–The Edible Anus. “That’s fucking perfect for Weird Sex Wednesday,” I said.

So here we are… it’s true friends, you can now have your anus turned into pieces of chocolate or even get it turned into a silver or bronze replica if you want it to stick around and be admired longer.

The Edible Anus takes eating ass to a whole new level, the level of it actually tasting like chocolate instead of ass. Personally, both are good for different reasons so why not eat it all?! Plus it only cost $10… which is the part that makes me the most skeptical. It’s like the guy doing it probably has a fetish for this sort of thing (totally fine) and has made it affordable so he can see more ass. I mean, it’s cheaper to go and have a mold of your anus turned into chocolate than to go to a truffle store and buy a box off the shelf. Just saying, sometimes eating ass is the best thing you can do.

Weird Sex Position of the Week: The Angry White Male

sex position of the week
Whoa, there! Simmer down big boy…

This sure seems like the era of the angry white male. I mean, look at everything happening in the news. All the bad stuff that many of you have done is creeping up and out and finally coming back to get you. Things aren’t going your way and you’re upset about it. Welcome to the club. Now you’re on equal ground with everyone else and it kind of sucks doesn’t it?

Anyhoo, whether you’re an angry white male or not you can at least play the part with this position. I’d suggest only going so far as to do this position with a consenting partner, I mean, this is role-playing not reality after all.

This position of the day was brought to you by the book Position of the Day Playbook, you can buy the whole thing for yourself (and your partner) if you want to explore more weird and complicated and/or funny sex positions:

Position of the Day Playbook: Sex Every Day in Every Way

Weird Sex Toy of the Week: Colt Manhole

I’m not a dude, but if I was a dude I’d be all about weird sex toys. Perhaps because I am a woman who is all about weird sex toys so I think not much would change if I had a penis.
All that would change is the weird sex toys that I could try. Like this one from Lovehoney. This is the Colt Manhole All-In-One Girth Enhancer, Tunnel Plug and Stroker, it’s a 3-in1 super sex toy. It’s not only a butt plug but it’s also penetrable so someone else can stick their penis inside of it and get a new sensation for both of you. Or you could stick another toy inside it on your own OR you could remove it from your butthole altogether and use it as a male masturbator. It’s soft and stretchy and ribbed on the inside for an intense sensual yummy penis feeling. (Of course, I am making assumptions here since I have no penis but DO have a brain capable of fantasy.) There are so many different things you can do with this toy that you might as well give it a test drive and tell me if I’m right or not.

Click on it to Buy (use codes below to save $):

lovehoney colt manhole

Lovehoney Offers:
$10 off $60 with the code AFFUS55
Running until Sep 30th

$20 off $80 plus free delivery with the code AFFUS206
Running until Sep 30th

Weird Sex Wednesday: What is Edging and Why You Should Do It

tips for edging your penis

Your Dick, Living on the Edge


Edging–So You Don’t Blow Your Load

There are many reasons why a person may want to practice edging.

Edging is pretty much exactly what it sounds like, basically, you stimulate to the point right before you orgasm and then stop prior to climaxing. You can repeat this as many times as you can stand it. This practice is way more common amongst men though women can also do it.

Why would anyone want to edge when they could just jizz all over the place and get it over with quickly?

Well, here are some examples.

The Whoopsie-Daisy

One night a man and a woman go on a date. They had matched on Tinder a few days before and had partaken in witty banter prior to deciding to meet up. They turn out to be neighbors and decide to head to a bar near both of them. They get drunk. He invites her back to his place. They have another drink. They start making out. His pants come off. His dick comes out. She goes down to suck his dick. She licks his carrot from the bottom to the top. He comes all over the place from the one lick. If he had practiced edging perhaps he could have enjoyed more of a well-rounded blow-job.

The Little Bitch Boy

Let’s say you’re a submissive man into dominant women. You finally find a woman willing to boss you around. She tells you that you can play with yourself but you can’t cum. Guess what? You better learn how to edge you little piece of shit loser.

The Holy Fuck

You’re a man and you’re tired of the same old orgasm. You’ve had thousands perhaps even millions of orgasms and they’re all starting to feel the same. You decide to try edging. You edge all day long. Then finally after hours and hours of edging you let it go and it’s the most intense orgasm you’ve ever had in your entire life.

Free Shipping on all US Orders

Whether you’re trying to overcome premature ejaculation or you’re looking to intensify your orgasm, edging is indeed an interesting technique to try. It’s also fun to do while you’re giving oral sex to someone else. It will drive them crazy and there’s nothing better than driving someone crazy in bed. I do think it might be a little rude to attempt edging with most women (though feel free to disagree ladies), only because it’s already difficult for many women to cum. How many times have we almost been there when a dude edges us accidentally by changing rhythm or technique seconds before it happens? Yeah. Exactly.

Watch this Go Eat A Carrot Video for Two Different Ways You Can Edge:

Are you an edger? Why do you do it? What do you like about it? If not, would you ever give it a whirl? Comment below with your thoughts and opinions!

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Black Lace Teddy Lingerie Review

review of lingerie off of amazon

My Review of the EVELUST Halter Open Back Plunging Teddy


What Are My Boobs Doing Out Again?

So, I’ve never really been a lingerie person. I think it’s because most of the guys I’ve dated in the past have preferred me straight-up naked. I’ve always secretly wanted to be a lingerie person though. There’s something about leather and lace and silk against the skin that regardless of whether or not you’re wearing it for someone else it feels nice against the body.

Of course, now that I’m nearly naked all over Instagram and Patreon it makes sense to give back to the world more variety. That’s why I have several lingerie options available on my Amazon Wish List that I’d like to experiment with wearing.

The thing about buying lingerie off the internet is that you never really know if it’s going to work or not. The models surely do very little for the imagination. I mean, of course, they do plenty for the imagination if you’re looking at the pictures just to masturbate, but they aren’t really helpful in the way of understanding how it might appear on a not-model body. The fake boobs are the part that really gets in the way. Like, my boobs are not going to stand at attention like theirs do. My waist isn’t going to curve in like it’s being tied up in the back with a thick piece of rope.

Not that my boobs are saggy to the floor yet or even that my waist is flopping around with an overabundance of too much ice cream and fried chicken, though with my current diet and exercise program this could be the case in the near future.

The other day I did exercise though. I went for a run around City Park and when I came back I had several packages awaiting me on my porch.

This made me very excited (I also sometimes get a bit nervous, like did I order something when I was drunk? Is there going to be a human head in this thing? What could it be?!)

Fifty Shades Freed Official Collection

Anyway, on this day it was not a human head in a box. It wasn’t even a human finger (yes, I know, I have clearly been watching too much Hannibal). Instead, it was a box full of art supplies, a sexy lace bra, and an erotic-inspired teddy.


Now I can paint in lingerie, I thought as I unboxed everything.

I tried on the EVELUST Halter Open Back Plunging Teddy.

It looks like this on the model:

It looks like this on me:

lace teddy lingerie review
Time to toss some salad?

Here’s what I like about it.

I like that it’s black and lacey and both covers and doesn’t cover my body at the same time. I put a pair of shorts over it to see if it was possible to wear in public. I think I could pull it off (at least at Burning Man). The problem I have with it is that I can’t really move without it also moving and my boobs popping out. I probably need boob tape. I’m not sure if I like the idea of putting tape on my boobs BUT I’d only do it if I did dare wear it outside the bedroom.

The other problem is the length. It fits almost perfectly, but again if I move too fast the bottom part goes straight on my vagina. It’s something different than a camel toe. Just one on my big hairy lips sticks out, like, “hello, time to get licking partner!”

Other than that it’s probably my new favorite piece of lingerie. Black looks good on pretty much anyone and it gives me this slimming mysterious allure. I’d say if you’re looking for something to wear for a sensual photoshoot. Or want something for your man to rip off (or rip off your woman) basically immediately upon coming into contact with it then this teddy is a good choice.

Buy it here if you please:

EVELUST Womens Open Back Halter Plunging Teddy,Comfortable Scalloped Trim Lace Lingerie

See more pics of me in it on my Instagram and Patreon!

Best Anal Sex Toys For Beginners

best anal toys for beginners

A Review of Lovehoney’s Bumper Booty Bundle Anal Sex Toy Kit


Enjoy The Final Days of Anal August

lovehoney anal sex toy kit
what what in the butt butt!

When I decided to make Anal August my theme this month I didn’t realize how, well, anal, people would be about it. It was much more difficult to find someone who wanted to explore the back door than I thought it would be. Perhaps it didn’t help that I was going through a break-up and anal play isn’t great with regards to fight fucking and/or crying into your pillow alone.

I was on a mission though. Lovehoney was kind enough to send me their Bumper Booty Bundle Anal Sex Toy Kit and I promised to review it.

Finally, just in the nick of time, I was able to try almost everything in the kit out–solo and with a partner.

Anal is weird. Like, I’ve made it a personal rule to only have anal sex with boyfriends. I think I’ve done this because I’m so easy everywhere else and it’s nice to create a boundary where the other person can feel a bit more special. (Plus, anal is a lot of work.)

Of course, sticking toys up the bum is different than a dick. For one, they’re typically smaller– at least with the dicks I meet.

So here’s what I thought about my most recent exploration of butt toys.

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

My Anal Toy Review

The Bumper Booty Bundle Anal Sex Kit comes with 6 different items.

Two different sized butt plugs, anal beads, a prostate toy, an anal douche, and a bullet vibe.

how to have anal sex
So much what what for your butt, butt!

If you’re new to anal then I would definitely recommend this kit.

For one it’s at a very affordable price for all that you’re getting and it gives you quite a variety for your explorative ways.

Let’s start with the anal douche as that is where one should start if they’re getting this kit.

I want to be upfront here. I had never used an anal douche before this one. Before I get into my commentary I’ll tell you right now that I failed at using it properly. This was definitely user error and not the product itself.

The whole point of an anal douche is so you can rinse out your butt and feel cleaner, but you don’t NEED to douche your anal hole if you eat enough fiber, poop regularly, and avoid scarfing down a bunch of Taco Bell right before you stick something up there. Yes, you might get a bit of shit on the toy but it’s not like it will be drenched in it or anything.

I followed the directions.

I filled the douche up with tepid clean water.

I put lube on the toy and my butt hole.

I squatted over the bathtub then stuck it in.

This is where I got umm stuck…. I squeezed the balloon thing and no water would come out.

I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t strong enough. I started to get freaked out because only air was coming out and I remember reading about women who have died from having air blown up their vaginas (which I looked up can actually happen but is incredibly rare) and thought that maybe the same thing could happen in the butt hole. Was I high and a bit paranoid, I don’t know, maybe. Anyway, I squeezed it. The water didn’t want to come out, so I gave up. I will try this again of course, but that was my first experience with it.


After my failed anal douching attempt I headed back to the bedroom and explored the toys.

They’re all made from high-quality silicone. I’m a pretty snobby bitch when it comes to the material of sex toys, so “high quality” is tolerable though I’d prefer medical-grade. You can tell if something is made from actual quality silicone by the smell. If it smells like chemicals and plastic then it is made from chemicals and plastic no matter what the description says on the label (yes, some companies lie, imagine that). Anyhoo, these toys don’t have that weird smell (they MIGHT have a weird smell AFTER being in your butt, but that’s an entirely different situation there.)

I pulled the bullet vibe out of the anal beads (which takes some muscle and maneuvering so don’t get discouraged about that it just means the bullet will stay put when it’s in the toy) and I put a triple-A battery inside it. It’s actually nice that this bullet takes a triple-A battery because a lot of the cheaper bullets use watch batteries which not only suck to deal with but also don’t last very long. The bullet was pretty powerful too, though some of the settings were way better than others.

With regards to bullet vibes, I’d recommend people invest in the We-Vibe Tango. It’s compatible with any toy that has a bullet hole in the base (like all of these bumper booty toys), it’s rechargeable, made from medical-grade material AND the best part–it’s super duper powerful. (You can check out the We-Vibe Tango for yourself here.)

Next, I stuck the bullet vibe that came with the kit into the larger-sized butt plug. I decided to skip using the smaller butt plug because I am not a beginner. If you are a beginner and have stuck no thing up your butt ever than the smaller butt plug is a good place to start. It doesn’t have a hole for the vibe because it too small to handle it.

Here’s what’s so interesting about anal sex to me. It takes a type of mindfulness to execute properly. Entry into the butt requires lube and relaxation. I used the Wicked Sensual Water-Based Anal Lube (which you can buy here) took a deep breath and slowly pushed the plug in.

The initial entry is where there is always the most struggle and pain. (If there’s A LOT of pain I’d suggest stopping and applying more lube or stopping altogether.) Once it’s inside though it’s smooth sailing. The vibe was strong enough I could definitely feel it. I needed more than just butt stimulation for an orgasm though, so I added on my Lelo Sona Cruise (read my full review here or explore the Sona for yourself here).

Side note. I watched porn while using these toys. It was some Australian thing with two women and two men. One of the women was like mega-porn looking (fake tits, fake lips, too much makeup) the other one claimed to be 18 when she was at least 28 while the dude who was fucking her claimed to be 53 when he was at least 65. The whole thing weirded me out. Like, I get this is supposed to be a fantasy, but this was more of a fantasy between the four of them than for the audience.

I digress.

Free delivery on all orders over $60

Finally. The following day, my manfriend came over and stuck the anal beads in my ass.

I replaced the original bullet with the We-Vibe Tango and could feel a bit more power in this toy because of that. This was my first time using anal beads. They went in fine. We fucked doggie-style and as he would thrust it would move the toy slightly back and forth which was a pleasurable feeling. We were not able to pull them out during my orgasm because he came first. Jerk.

Just kidding.

I will have to try them again though because I really want to know if that heightens the orgasm or not. I have a feeling that it would work better on men than women because of the whole prostate thing.

Speaking of prostate thing, I do not have one so I did not play with that toy. Yes, I could have stuck it up some dude’s butt, but as I said at the beginning of this rather lengthy review no one would agree to it. It looks like it could be fun, particularly for people who are just starting out in their prostate exploration as it is not too large and has a good curve to it.

Anyway. Hope you all had a happy Anal August. If you want to buy the Lovehoney Bumper Booty Sex Toy Kit for yourself (or any other sex stuff) follow this link.

Use promo code HONEYX10 to get 10% off EVERYTHING while you’re there!

Weird Sex Wednesday: Anal Sex 101 and Unboxing Love Honey Anal Kit

lovehoney anal sex toy kit

How to Have Better Anal Sex


A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex


It’s Anal August and I’m going to talk to you today about getting fucked in the ass. Or fucking in the ass. Or both! Whatever you’re into trying. Haven’t tried anal sex before? Have tried it but are always looking for tips and tricks? Well, you’ve cum to the right place. All month long I’ll be giving out anal sex tips to my readers. Today I’m going to start with the basics.

Here are 4 Things You Can Do to Help You Have Better Anal Sex

  1. Watch Your Diet

You’re probably not going to want to eat a three-pound burrito before you get slammed in your back door. Yes, many people anal douche or even do the whole enema thing, but it’s really not that big of a deal (you can read more about anal douching 101 here). The amount of poo that you may encounter is generally pretty minimal if you eat a balanced diet and go to the bathroom regularly.

anal sex tips
Nom Nom Nom.

2. Want It

If a guy isn’t really into anal then I don’t bother having anal with him. Why? Because that dick needs to be HARD, like super duper hard for it to work well. You’ve got to really want it for that hole to open up and let something inside of it. Of course, you can always use a toy. Watch the video below to see my unbox the Love Honey Bumper Booty Sex Toy Kit and discuss what the different toys are designed to do.

3. Lube It Up
Always. Always. Always. Use lube. If it’s you and a penis or a finger or two use silicone lube. If you’re using (silicone) toys like the ones mentioned above use a thicker water-based lube (or else the silicone lube will break down the material of the toy.

Here are two of my favorite lubes for anal sex:
Pjur Backdoor Silicone Anal Lube
Wicked Sensual Water-Based Anal Lube

4. Breathe

Inhale and then on the exhale allow for insertion. There’s a balance to be found between relaxing enough to let the insertable into the bum and having enough strength to not topple over when said thing enters your rear. It will probably take some practice, but most good things do.

Stay tuned next week for the full review of the Bumper Booty Anal Kit. If you want you can order your kit here and we can have more in-depth discussions about it over the course of the month (or you can just enjoy it without commenting about it to me– it’s your (sex) life)!

how to have anal sex
So much what what for your butt, butt!

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Masturbation Monday: The Best Quality Quiet Vibrators

lelo sona cruise sex toy review

The Best Bullet Vibes


Getting Away With Getting Off At Your Parent’s House


How to Not Get Caught With Your Pants Off: Quiet & Discreet Vibrators

For reasons that are irrelevant to my audience, I decided to take a last-minute trip back home to see my family in Kansas. The drive from Denver back to my parent’s house is about 9.5-10 hours long across the entire state basically, which, you can imagine, gets boring as fuck. I do have a good time listening to nostalgic music like Slipknot, Kittie, Mariah Carey, Fiona Apple, etc. and new podcasts that help expand my brain power and knowledge base (usually around the topic of guess… oh yes, sex!)

It’s always weird to be back home. Everything is the same, yet everything is different.

One thing that doesn’t change regardless of where I am physically located is my physical need to have daily orgasm maintenance. Getting off at home can get real awkward. Even writing about it right now makes me feel a bit squeamish.

So, I understand when people ask me for recommendations for quiet, discreet toys. It’s a bit difficult to travel around with the Hitachi as an example. Not only is it so big it could use its own suitcase it’s also super loud and you have to plug it into a wall, which is sort of hard to hide from someone if they enter your room. (I def recommend having it for your-own-home-use though).

Read my full Hitachi Magic Wand Review Here.

Anyhoo. If you’re like me and you’re lazy AF, have carpal tunnel syndrome, and/or a clitoris (or a girlfriend/friend with one). Here are my top three choices for quiet and easy to travel vibrators (you could use these on your balls / shaft too if you’re into that kind of thing).


We-Vibe Tango Lipstick Bullet Vibrator
This is the vibrator I always travel with because I can throw it into my makeup bag. It’s small, rechargeable, quiet, and quite powerful. There are 8 vibration settings including low to ultra + 4 different pulsations. Another bonus with this vibrator is that it’s small enough that it can be put into the base of certain dildos /prostate toys / strap-ons to add some extra zoom zoom to your play time.

Order yours (or your girl’s) by clicking on the image below:

best bullet vibe
Is your clit the target or the tip of this lipstick vibe? You decide.

Add a Tantus toy for bonus play (most Tantus toys have holes to stick bullet vibes into and can be removed for easy cleaning):

best butt plug toys to add a bullet vibrator to
What what in the butt butt.


Lelo Sonic Cruise

When I used the Lelo Sonic Cruise for the first time I was like WTF?! This toy uses sonic waves instead of vibrations; not only is it ridiculously quiet it’s also super powerful. I’ve turned it on thinking it wasn’t going to do anything because it was so quiet, then, when I placed it on my clit my brain and body basically imploded. Lelo claims it’s small enough to travel with and it is much smaller than the Hitachi but you’d still need a pretty big bag, it’s not going into a clutch or anything.
The Sonic Cruise is small-ish, rechargeable, water-proof, and even quieter than the Tango. If you’re a first-time vibrator buyer/user, It may be too intense for someone who has never used a toy before, but every body is different and it may be just right.

Get my full review of the Lelo Sonic Cruise here.

Ready to give it a whirl?

Click on the image to buy it from Lelo directly:

sex toy review
Sonic waves v. vibrations? The nose knows.


PicoBong Ako
This is Lelo’s more affordable vibrator line. I like this as a starter clit vibe or a vibrator for beginners because it’s cheaper so you can get a better idea if you even like clit vibes without spending a lot of money. This is a nearly silent, high-quality, body-safe vibrator. It’s battery-operated instead of rechargeable, which can actually be better for travel because you don’t have to worry about charging it in your random room (or former bedroom). If it has fresh batteries I’d say it could potentially last a week (maybe even two) of daily use without having to change the batteries out. The small yet powerful vibrator has twelve different settings and is waterproof so you can sneak it into the shower if it’s your only mode of privacy.

best clit vibrators
Battery-operated high-quality clit vibe!

Want to knock 20% off of any of the PicoBong Line? Of course you do. Here’s a coupon code just for my readers: Use promo code 20BTS18 when you checkout. Shop Lelo and PicoBong Products here.

Leave a comment or email me directly if you have any questions, concerns, comments about these clit vibes or any other play toys.

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Masturbation Monday: What Are Pervertables?

DIY pervertables sex toys

DIY Kink Toys

You’ll Never Look At Household Objects the Same Way Ever Again


They Did What With What?!

It’s yet another Masturbation Monday. Do you feel it? Today I’m talking about one of my favorite topics, pervertables.

A pervertable is any household object that you turn into a sex toy/kink device.

The first time I discovered there was an actual name for doing these things to household objects I was 24, living in Chicago. I went to the Leather Archives & Museum, which happened to only be a few blocks from my apartment located in Roger’s Park. In the basement of the Leather Archives & Museum, they had an entire room full of kitchen utensils, clothes pins, brooms etc. At first, I was confused, why was there a lime juicer in a Leather Museum? Then I read the sign, “These are all Pervertables.”

I was like, holy shit! I never would have thought to put a lime juicer up my va-jay-jay, but someone else surely has and definitely liked it. Or maybe they used the lime juicer to squeeze some balls. The thing about pervertables that I love so much is that they give people the opportunity to use their imaginations.

Coolest Memory Foam Mattress

A paddle is a paddle, sure. But you know what else can be a paddle? Pretty much anything you look at– a book, a spatula, a hairbrush. The world is open. The world is ready. All you have to do is look around.

One minor note on pervertables. Just like with other sex toys etc. do not put anything up your butt that does not have a base. I repeat DO NOT put anything UP YOUR BUTT that does not have a base. When I say base I am talking about a wide round plug-like surface that will prevent the item from being sucked up violently by your butthole never to be seen by the light of day again.

Once when I was working at Fascinations a guy came in and told me how he had gotten these battery-operated bullet eggs lodged up his ass. He could not get them out for three days. On the third day, instead of going to the ER as one should, he used chopsticks to fish them out of his ass. CHOPSTICKS! Here’s something else important that I need to say. DO NOT USE CHOPSTICKS TO DIG OUT LOST PERVERTABLES OR TOYS FROM YOUR ASS.

Do enjoy your time with all your new toys though. Cheers and happy perverting!

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