Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Black Lace Teddy Lingerie Review

review of lingerie off of amazon

My Review of the EVELUST Halter Open Back Plunging Teddy

or

What Are My Boobs Doing Out Again?

So, I’ve never really been a lingerie person. I think it’s because most of the guys I’ve dated in the past have preferred me straight-up naked. I’ve always secretly wanted to be a lingerie person though. There’s something about leather and lace and silk against the skin that regardless of whether or not you’re wearing it for someone else it feels nice against the body.

Of course, now that I’m nearly naked all over Instagram and Patreon it makes sense to give back to the world more variety. That’s why I have several lingerie options available on my Amazon Wish List that I’d like to experiment with wearing.

The thing about buying lingerie off the internet is that you never really know if it’s going to work or not. The models surely do very little for the imagination. I mean, of course, they do plenty for the imagination if you’re looking at the pictures just to masturbate, but they aren’t really helpful in the way of understanding how it might appear on a not-model body. The fake boobs are the part that really gets in the way. Like, my boobs are not going to stand at attention like theirs do. My waist isn’t going to curve in like it’s being tied up in the back with a thick piece of rope.

Not that my boobs are saggy to the floor yet or even that my waist is flopping around with an overabundance of too much ice cream and fried chicken, though with my current diet and exercise program this could be the case in the near future.

The other day I did exercise though. I went for a run around City Park and when I came back I had several packages awaiting me on my porch.

This made me very excited (I also sometimes get a bit nervous, like did I order something when I was drunk? Is there going to be a human head in this thing? What could it be?!)

Fifty Shades Freed Official Collection

Anyway, on this day it was not a human head in a box. It wasn’t even a human finger (yes, I know, I have clearly been watching too much Hannibal). Instead, it was a box full of art supplies, a sexy lace bra, and an erotic-inspired teddy.

Yay!

Now I can paint in lingerie, I thought as I unboxed everything.

I tried on the EVELUST Halter Open Back Plunging Teddy.

It looks like this on the model:

It looks like this on me:

lace teddy lingerie review
Time to toss some salad?

Here’s what I like about it.

I like that it’s black and lacey and both covers and doesn’t cover my body at the same time. I put a pair of shorts over it to see if it was possible to wear in public. I think I could pull it off (at least at Burning Man). The problem I have with it is that I can’t really move without it also moving and my boobs popping out. I probably need boob tape. I’m not sure if I like the idea of putting tape on my boobs BUT I’d only do it if I did dare wear it outside the bedroom.

The other problem is the length. It fits almost perfectly, but again if I move too fast the bottom part goes straight on my vagina. It’s something different than a camel toe. Just one on my big hairy lips sticks out, like, “hello, time to get licking partner!”

Other than that it’s probably my new favorite piece of lingerie. Black looks good on pretty much anyone and it gives me this slimming mysterious allure. I’d say if you’re looking for something to wear for a sensual photoshoot. Or want something for your man to rip off (or rip off your woman) basically immediately upon coming into contact with it then this teddy is a good choice.

Buy it here if you please:

EVELUST Womens Open Back Halter Plunging Teddy,Comfortable Scalloped Trim Lace Lingerie

See more pics of me in it on my Instagram and Patreon!

Best Anal Sex Toys For Beginners

best anal toys for beginners

A Review of Lovehoney’s Bumper Booty Bundle Anal Sex Toy Kit

or

Enjoy The Final Days of Anal August

lovehoney anal sex toy kit
what what in the butt butt!

When I decided to make Anal August my theme this month I didn’t realize how, well, anal, people would be about it. It was much more difficult to find someone who wanted to explore the back door than I thought it would be. Perhaps it didn’t help that I was going through a break-up and anal play isn’t great with regards to fight fucking and/or crying into your pillow alone.

I was on a mission though. Lovehoney was kind enough to send me their Bumper Booty Bundle Anal Sex Toy Kit and I promised to review it.

Finally, just in the nick of time, I was able to try almost everything in the kit out–solo and with a partner.

Anal is weird. Like, I’ve made it a personal rule to only have anal sex with boyfriends. I think I’ve done this because I’m so easy everywhere else and it’s nice to create a boundary where the other person can feel a bit more special. (Plus, anal is a lot of work.)

Of course, sticking toys up the bum is different than a dick. For one, they’re typically smaller– at least with the dicks I meet.

So here’s what I thought about my most recent exploration of butt toys.

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

My Anal Toy Review

The Bumper Booty Bundle Anal Sex Kit comes with 6 different items.

Two different sized butt plugs, anal beads, a prostate toy, an anal douche, and a bullet vibe.

how to have anal sex
So much what what for your butt, butt!

If you’re new to anal then I would definitely recommend this kit.

For one it’s at a very affordable price for all that you’re getting and it gives you quite a variety for your explorative ways.

Let’s start with the anal douche as that is where one should start if they’re getting this kit.

I want to be upfront here. I had never used an anal douche before this one. Before I get into my commentary I’ll tell you right now that I failed at using it properly. This was definitely user error and not the product itself.

The whole point of an anal douche is so you can rinse out your butt and feel cleaner, but you don’t NEED to douche your anal hole if you eat enough fiber, poop regularly, and avoid scarfing down a bunch of Taco Bell right before you stick something up there. Yes, you might get a bit of shit on the toy but it’s not like it will be drenched in it or anything.

I followed the directions.

I filled the douche up with tepid clean water.

I put lube on the toy and my butt hole.

I squatted over the bathtub then stuck it in.

This is where I got umm stuck…. I squeezed the balloon thing and no water would come out.

I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t strong enough. I started to get freaked out because only air was coming out and I remember reading about women who have died from having air blown up their vaginas (which I looked up can actually happen but is incredibly rare) and thought that maybe the same thing could happen in the butt hole. Was I high and a bit paranoid, I don’t know, maybe. Anyway, I squeezed it. The water didn’t want to come out, so I gave up. I will try this again of course, but that was my first experience with it.

anal_douche

After my failed anal douching attempt I headed back to the bedroom and explored the toys.

They’re all made from high-quality silicone. I’m a pretty snobby bitch when it comes to the material of sex toys, so “high quality” is tolerable though I’d prefer medical-grade. You can tell if something is made from actual quality silicone by the smell. If it smells like chemicals and plastic then it is made from chemicals and plastic no matter what the description says on the label (yes, some companies lie, imagine that). Anyhoo, these toys don’t have that weird smell (they MIGHT have a weird smell AFTER being in your butt, but that’s an entirely different situation there.)

I pulled the bullet vibe out of the anal beads (which takes some muscle and maneuvering so don’t get discouraged about that it just means the bullet will stay put when it’s in the toy) and I put a triple-A battery inside it. It’s actually nice that this bullet takes a triple-A battery because a lot of the cheaper bullets use watch batteries which not only suck to deal with but also don’t last very long. The bullet was pretty powerful too, though some of the settings were way better than others.

With regards to bullet vibes, I’d recommend people invest in the We-Vibe Tango. It’s compatible with any toy that has a bullet hole in the base (like all of these bumper booty toys), it’s rechargeable, made from medical-grade material AND the best part–it’s super duper powerful. (You can check out the We-Vibe Tango for yourself here.)

Next, I stuck the bullet vibe that came with the kit into the larger-sized butt plug. I decided to skip using the smaller butt plug because I am not a beginner. If you are a beginner and have stuck no thing up your butt ever than the smaller butt plug is a good place to start. It doesn’t have a hole for the vibe because it too small to handle it.

Here’s what’s so interesting about anal sex to me. It takes a type of mindfulness to execute properly. Entry into the butt requires lube and relaxation. I used the Wicked Sensual Water-Based Anal Lube (which you can buy here) took a deep breath and slowly pushed the plug in.

The initial entry is where there is always the most struggle and pain. (If there’s A LOT of pain I’d suggest stopping and applying more lube or stopping altogether.) Once it’s inside though it’s smooth sailing. The vibe was strong enough I could definitely feel it. I needed more than just butt stimulation for an orgasm though, so I added on my Lelo Sona Cruise (read my full review here or explore the Sona for yourself here).

Side note. I watched porn while using these toys. It was some Australian thing with two women and two men. One of the women was like mega-porn looking (fake tits, fake lips, too much makeup) the other one claimed to be 18 when she was at least 28 while the dude who was fucking her claimed to be 53 when he was at least 65. The whole thing weirded me out. Like, I get this is supposed to be a fantasy, but this was more of a fantasy between the four of them than for the audience.

I digress.

Free delivery on all orders over $60

Finally. The following day, my manfriend came over and stuck the anal beads in my ass.

I replaced the original bullet with the We-Vibe Tango and could feel a bit more power in this toy because of that. This was my first time using anal beads. They went in fine. We fucked doggie-style and as he would thrust it would move the toy slightly back and forth which was a pleasurable feeling. We were not able to pull them out during my orgasm because he came first. Jerk.

Just kidding.

I will have to try them again though because I really want to know if that heightens the orgasm or not. I have a feeling that it would work better on men than women because of the whole prostate thing.

Speaking of prostate thing, I do not have one so I did not play with that toy. Yes, I could have stuck it up some dude’s butt, but as I said at the beginning of this rather lengthy review no one would agree to it. It looks like it could be fun, particularly for people who are just starting out in their prostate exploration as it is not too large and has a good curve to it.

Anyway. Hope you all had a happy Anal August. If you want to buy the Lovehoney Bumper Booty Sex Toy Kit for yourself (or any other sex stuff) follow this link.

Use promo code HONEYX10 to get 10% off EVERYTHING while you’re there!

Weird Sex Wednesday: Anal Sex 101 and Unboxing Love Honey Anal Kit

lovehoney anal sex toy kit

How to Have Better Anal Sex

Or

A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex

 

It’s Anal August and I’m going to talk to you today about getting fucked in the ass. Or fucking in the ass. Or both! Whatever you’re into trying. Haven’t tried anal sex before? Have tried it but are always looking for tips and tricks? Well, you’ve cum to the right place. All month long I’ll be giving out anal sex tips to my readers. Today I’m going to start with the basics.

Here are 4 Things You Can Do to Help You Have Better Anal Sex

  1. Watch Your Diet

You’re probably not going to want to eat a three-pound burrito before you get slammed in your back door. Yes, many people anal douche or even do the whole enema thing, but it’s really not that big of a deal (you can read more about anal douching 101 here). The amount of poo that you may encounter is generally pretty minimal if you eat a balanced diet and go to the bathroom regularly.

anal sex tips
Nom Nom Nom.

2. Want It

If a guy isn’t really into anal then I don’t bother having anal with him. Why? Because that dick needs to be HARD, like super duper hard for it to work well. You’ve got to really want it for that hole to open up and let something inside of it. Of course, you can always use a toy. Watch the video below to see my unbox the Love Honey Bumper Booty Sex Toy Kit and discuss what the different toys are designed to do.

3. Lube It Up
Always. Always. Always. Use lube. If it’s you and a penis or a finger or two use silicone lube. If you’re using (silicone) toys like the ones mentioned above use a thicker water-based lube (or else the silicone lube will break down the material of the toy.

Here are two of my favorite lubes for anal sex:
Pjur Backdoor Silicone Anal Lube
Wicked Sensual Water-Based Anal Lube

4. Breathe

Inhale and then on the exhale allow for insertion. There’s a balance to be found between relaxing enough to let the insertable into the bum and having enough strength to not topple over when said thing enters your rear. It will probably take some practice, but most good things do.

Stay tuned next week for the full review of the Bumper Booty Anal Kit. If you want you can order your kit here and we can have more in-depth discussions about it over the course of the month (or you can just enjoy it without commenting about it to me– it’s your (sex) life)!

how to have anal sex
So much what what for your butt, butt!

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Masturbation Monday: The Best Quality Quiet Vibrators

lelo sona cruise sex toy review

The Best Bullet Vibes

or

Getting Away With Getting Off At Your Parent’s House

Or

How to Not Get Caught With Your Pants Off: Quiet & Discreet Vibrators

For reasons that are irrelevant to my audience, I decided to take a last-minute trip back home to see my family in Kansas. The drive from Denver back to my parent’s house is about 9.5-10 hours long across the entire state basically, which, you can imagine, gets boring as fuck. I do have a good time listening to nostalgic music like Slipknot, Kittie, Mariah Carey, Fiona Apple, etc. and new podcasts that help expand my brain power and knowledge base (usually around the topic of guess… oh yes, sex!)

It’s always weird to be back home. Everything is the same, yet everything is different.

One thing that doesn’t change regardless of where I am physically located is my physical need to have daily orgasm maintenance. Getting off at home can get real awkward. Even writing about it right now makes me feel a bit squeamish.

So, I understand when people ask me for recommendations for quiet, discreet toys. It’s a bit difficult to travel around with the Hitachi as an example. Not only is it so big it could use its own suitcase it’s also super loud and you have to plug it into a wall, which is sort of hard to hide from someone if they enter your room. (I def recommend having it for your-own-home-use though).

Read my full Hitachi Magic Wand Review Here.

Anyhoo. If you’re like me and you’re lazy AF, have carpal tunnel syndrome, and/or a clitoris (or a girlfriend/friend with one). Here are my top three choices for quiet and easy to travel vibrators (you could use these on your balls / shaft too if you’re into that kind of thing).

1.

We-Vibe Tango Lipstick Bullet Vibrator
This is the vibrator I always travel with because I can throw it into my makeup bag. It’s small, rechargeable, quiet, and quite powerful. There are 8 vibration settings including low to ultra + 4 different pulsations. Another bonus with this vibrator is that it’s small enough that it can be put into the base of certain dildos /prostate toys / strap-ons to add some extra zoom zoom to your play time.

Order yours (or your girl’s) by clicking on the image below:

best bullet vibe
Is your clit the target or the tip of this lipstick vibe? You decide.

Add a Tantus toy for bonus play (most Tantus toys have holes to stick bullet vibes into and can be removed for easy cleaning):

best butt plug toys to add a bullet vibrator to
What what in the butt butt.

2.

Lelo Sonic Cruise

When I used the Lelo Sonic Cruise for the first time I was like WTF?! This toy uses sonic waves instead of vibrations; not only is it ridiculously quiet it’s also super powerful. I’ve turned it on thinking it wasn’t going to do anything because it was so quiet, then, when I placed it on my clit my brain and body basically imploded. Lelo claims it’s small enough to travel with and it is much smaller than the Hitachi but you’d still need a pretty big bag, it’s not going into a clutch or anything.
The Sonic Cruise is small-ish, rechargeable, water-proof, and even quieter than the Tango. If you’re a first-time vibrator buyer/user, It may be too intense for someone who has never used a toy before, but every body is different and it may be just right.

Get my full review of the Lelo Sonic Cruise here.

Ready to give it a whirl?

Click on the image to buy it from Lelo directly:

sex toy review
Sonic waves v. vibrations? The nose knows.

3.

PicoBong Ako
This is Lelo’s more affordable vibrator line. I like this as a starter clit vibe or a vibrator for beginners because it’s cheaper so you can get a better idea if you even like clit vibes without spending a lot of money. This is a nearly silent, high-quality, body-safe vibrator. It’s battery-operated instead of rechargeable, which can actually be better for travel because you don’t have to worry about charging it in your random room (or former bedroom). If it has fresh batteries I’d say it could potentially last a week (maybe even two) of daily use without having to change the batteries out. The small yet powerful vibrator has twelve different settings and is waterproof so you can sneak it into the shower if it’s your only mode of privacy.

best clit vibrators
Battery-operated high-quality clit vibe!

Want to knock 20% off of any of the PicoBong Line? Of course you do. Here’s a coupon code just for my readers: Use promo code 20BTS18 when you checkout. Shop Lelo and PicoBong Products here.

Leave a comment or email me directly if you have any questions, concerns, comments about these clit vibes or any other play toys.

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Masturbation Monday: What Are Pervertables?

DIY pervertables sex toys

DIY Kink Toys

You’ll Never Look At Household Objects the Same Way Ever Again

or

They Did What With What?!

It’s yet another Masturbation Monday. Do you feel it? Today I’m talking about one of my favorite topics, pervertables.

A pervertable is any household object that you turn into a sex toy/kink device.

The first time I discovered there was an actual name for doing these things to household objects I was 24, living in Chicago. I went to the Leather Archives & Museum, which happened to only be a few blocks from my apartment located in Roger’s Park. In the basement of the Leather Archives & Museum, they had an entire room full of kitchen utensils, clothes pins, brooms etc. At first, I was confused, why was there a lime juicer in a Leather Museum? Then I read the sign, “These are all Pervertables.”

I was like, holy shit! I never would have thought to put a lime juicer up my va-jay-jay, but someone else surely has and definitely liked it. Or maybe they used the lime juicer to squeeze some balls. The thing about pervertables that I love so much is that they give people the opportunity to use their imaginations.

Coolest Memory Foam Mattress

A paddle is a paddle, sure. But you know what else can be a paddle? Pretty much anything you look at– a book, a spatula, a hairbrush. The world is open. The world is ready. All you have to do is look around.

One minor note on pervertables. Just like with other sex toys etc. do not put anything up your butt that does not have a base. I repeat DO NOT put anything UP YOUR BUTT that does not have a base. When I say base I am talking about a wide round plug-like surface that will prevent the item from being sucked up violently by your butthole never to be seen by the light of day again.

Once when I was working at Fascinations a guy came in and told me how he had gotten these battery-operated bullet eggs lodged up his ass. He could not get them out for three days. On the third day, instead of going to the ER as one should, he used chopsticks to fish them out of his ass. CHOPSTICKS! Here’s something else important that I need to say. DO NOT USE CHOPSTICKS TO DIG OUT LOST PERVERTABLES OR TOYS FROM YOUR ASS.

Do enjoy your time with all your new toys though. Cheers and happy perverting!

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Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Dominix - an exclusive Lovehoney.com range of luxury bondage gear

Masturbation Monday: What Are The Best Lubes?

best lubricants to use for masturbation and penetration

Discover the Best Lubes for All The Different Sex Acts You Do

Or

The Difference Between Water-Based Lubricant, Silicone Lubricant, and Oil Lubricant

Happy Masturbation Monday! Many people have asked me about the best lubes out there in the world. So today I’m going to break it down for you.

There are three main kinds of lubricants: water-based lubricants, silicone-based lubricants, and oil-based lubricants. Under each of these are sub-categories like edible lubricant, heating lubricant, cooling lubricant etc.

Each of these three main types of lubricants offer different experiences for sexual pleasure.

Below are my thoughts and opinions on some of the best lubricants for each category and what these lubricants are good for in the bedroom (or wherever you happen to be doing it).

What are water-based lubricants best for in the bedroom?

Water-based lubricants are a good standard default lube to have. They can be used for all types of play with all types of people and all types of toys.

The number one concern with water-based lubricants is that they dry out quickly. If they’re a good water-based lubricant they can be revived with a bit of spit or you can always apply more. Of course, there are better options for anal sex since water-based lubes do dry out so fast and no one wants to fuck or be fucked in a dry ass.

If you’re going to use a water-based lubricant for anal sex I suggest purchasing a thicker, jelly-like water-based lube. This is also good if you’re planning to use toys in the butt as some toys are not compatible with the other types of lubricants.

Some people do not like water-based lubricants because they think they’re too sticky. These people are correct, some water-based lubricants are too sticky, which is why you have to get the best water-based lubricants.

Another big deal is that the cheap-ass water-based lubes often contain animal glycerin and/or parabens, which can throw off the PH balance for women and cause yeast or bacterial infections. If you are a woman do not use cheap-ass animal glycerin lube or you will be fucked in a way you do not want to be fucked.

Dudes you can use the cheap ass lube for wanking off and it works just fine as it’s much less likely to mess up your junk.

This is also an issue when it comes to flavored lubes. The sugars in flavored lubes can throw-off the PH Balance as well. Sugars can often trigger yeast infections. These flavored lubes listed below are sugar-free and actually taste decent. Personally not a big fan of flavored lubes as I like the taste of dick and I like the taste of pussy but I suppose if could be fun to change it up and have a pineapple penis or a tangerine twat every once in a while.

Best Water-Based Lubricants

Sliquids Organics Water-Based Lubricant

best water based lube
(Get 25% off when you buy 2 bottles by going here. )

Or try

Pjur Woman-Based Sensitive Water-Based Lubricant

good water based lube for women

Best Water-Based Anal Lube: Wicked Jelle

best water based lube for anal sex

Best Flavored Lubes
System Jo Flavored Lubes 

best flavored lubes to buy

or

Sliquids: Flavored Lube Swirl

best water based flavored lubes

What are silicone-based lubricants best for in the bedroom?

Silicone lubricant is super slick and works best for all people combinations but is not great to eat and will destroy the material on your silicone toys (can be used with glass, metal, etc.).

It has also been known to cause staining on sheets.

Silicone lubricant is one of the best choices for penetrative sex (anal or vaginal) because it takes very little and you do not have to reapply it very often. It can also be used in water and will not come off (though you probably will).

Best Silicone Lubricants

System Jo All-in-One Silicone Lube 

best silicone lube

Silicone Anal Lubricant Pjur Back Door

pjur best silicone lube for anal

What are Oil-Based Lubricant best for in the bedroom?

Usually, oil-based lubricants use coconut oil, smell really good, and are edible. These types of lubricants are best to use with people you are fluid-bound with as they are not compatible with condoms. Woo for Play sent me a sample to try and it’s amazing, great for masturbation and condom-less sex. It also tastes and smells like a fucking cookie, which puts a new spin on that old Limp Bizkit song. Yes, sir, I will take that cookie and stick it up my ass, thank you very much.

Best Oil-Based Lubricant

Organic Coconut Love Oil: Woo For Play

best oil based lube

Let me know in the comments if you have a favorite I didn’t mention!

P.S.

Find me on Instagram for my Woo for Play Lubricant Give-Away (Entries open until I reach 24K followers. Invite your friends for more chances to win!)

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Follow me on all the Social Media

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

 

Masturbation Monday: Woo Woo Organic Lube!

organic coconut oil personal lubricant

Bumpin and Grindin with Coconut Love Oil

Or

Never Have a Dry Nether Region Again


A little back-story about this woo lube, I had never heard of it until about two weeks ago when a friend not only told me about it, not only RAVED about it, but contacted the reps for the company directly in order to hook me up with a sample.

The people from The Skinny Confidential responded right away. They were super enthusiastic about this product and thus, I was super enthusiastic about trying it.

Several days later I opened my mailbox to discover the box.

Okay, to be fair, it was 2 a.m. on a Saturday, a dude was over and I remembered that it was highly probable that this new lube had arrived. So, I ran down the stairs and found it waiting patiently in my mailbox (but that’s basically the same thing).

I drunkenly and excitedly opened the box to find two whole bottles (Enter My Give-Away for the other bottle on my Instagram page by 7/2/18). I read the label, which says things like:

Organic. Raw. Non-GMO.

100% Natural Ingredients.

Then followed the directions.

Directions:
Apply liberally.
(But we’re not deep frying plantains here.)

Of course, there was a moment when I thought:

“But… what if we did fry plantains with this stuff? I beat they’d be delicious.”

Then I realized the guy was still in my bed so I squeezed a dollop in my hand then applied it liberally (not conservatively) to his penis.

Have I ever mentioned that I’m terrible at hand-jobs?

It’s like that Garfunkel and Oats song that goes something like,

“Hand-jobs blam-jobs I don’t understand jobs!”

I just never really got into them. I never practiced them enough. But with this Woo lube I was at least slightly above mediocre, which made me feel like I could go into that line of work, if I ever got desperate enough (which I won’t because I also have carpal tunnel syndrome and have to save my wrists for writing and my own masturbation stuff).

In any event, I’m sure if a dude used it on his own penis it would be magnificent. It was pretty spectacular regardless of my just-okay skill-set.

The lube itself is quite smooth and had an amazing smell. It’s made from 4 ingredients: coconut oil, stevia, beeswax, and vanilla.

Yes, I tasted it too and I could definitely swallow it. (Way better tasting than a lot of other lubes.)

The guy and I were not going to have sex because we were both super tired, but the lube-enhanced hand-job changed both of our minds.

The one major downer of this lube is that it is not compatible with latex condoms. I repeat… DO NOT USE THIS LUBE WITH LATEX CONDOMS. I mean, you CAN use it with the condoms, but the condoms won’t do what the condoms are designed to do and what’s the point of a condom if it’s going to get a hole in it and knock you up or give you an STI?!

So, yeah. We fucked without condoms. We had “The talk,” you all. It’s okay. (He doesn’t care about what I call him, so his label/not-label will probably change any time he cums back into one of these stories).

Back to the lube and the sex stuff.

We had a good time. Granted, we always have a good time so I’m not sure exactly how much of that goodness had to do with the lube, but it didn’t hurt. It might have helped. My period was moments away from starting so I was more sensitive than usual. The lube made it feel like he was almost about to touch my belly button from the inside, but I didn’t mind.

Half-way through our escapade, I brought out my new Lelo Sona Cruise to see how it worked with the Woo. I had asked them specifically if it was compatible with medical-grade silicone and they told me that they had not experienced any issues. (I’ll keep a lookout and let you know if this changes; I’ve heard rumors but have never seen it for myself). Anyway, again, when I added lube to the Sona it made some really fascinating sounds, but it’s not the EASIEST toy to use with another person. I’d use like the We-Vibe or the Lelo Tiana 2 instead.

lelo tiana 2 for partner play
Enjoy good vibes, together.

Of course, I’ve only had a one-night stand with this Woo Lube thus far, having not used it yesterday because I was not having any sex with others or myself (sad, yes I know). But, I’m looking forward to trying it out over and over again in the future.

#moreplay
www.wooforplay.com
@wooforplay

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And guess what?! You can too. Enter to win the extra bottle they sent me. Just find the give-away post on my Instagram.

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Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Thirsty Thursday: How to Make the Good Vibes Razzzberry Nippler Cocktail

summer cocktail how to recipe and video

Happy Thirsty Thursday Summer Solstice Edition

or

Enjoy The Razzzberry Nippler Through Your Hottest Days

Watch the video for the How-To and to see me use interesting devices to muddle and “stir.”

Happy summer solstice! Today I created a drink you can keep drinking through the longest hottest days of the year. It’s crisp, light, and of course, refreshing.

This drink is dedicated to one of my favorite followers, who recently sent me a Hitachi that changed my entire world (and vibrated me into what could only be described as happiness). Watch to the near end of the video to see the Hitachi in motion.

Here’s the other thing. If you watch this how-to summer cocktail recipe video you’ll see that I use not one but two sex toys to assist in this concocktion. I believe that if you can make a pervertable from kitchen utensils you can reverse that and make sex toys into food & drink helpers as well.

Anyhoo. Here’s the How-To on the Razzzberry Nippler Summer Cocktail.

Razzzberry Nippler Ingredients:

4-6 raspberries
5ish leaves of mint
A dollop of ginger (from the pre-chopped container or like a ¼ an inch peeled and chopped fresh ginger)
The juice of ½ to 1 lime
2 shots tequila
Club soda
Ice

Cocktail Instructions:
Put raspberries, mint ginger, and lime in glass. Muddle with your favorite muddler. I like to use glass dildos but if you’re basic use a basic muddler. Add tequila.* Add ice. Top with club soda. Garnish with lime slice and raspberries.

*Can substitute with rum or whatever. Also… You might want to strain the seeds at this point. That’s all personal preference.

Cheers and happy drinking you thirsty fuckers!

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

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tantus cock rings
Make your carrot vibrate!

Masturbation Monday: Lelo Sona Cruise Reviewed

sex toy review

If You Like Orgasming in 20 seconds or Less This is the Toy For You

or

I have no brains left thanks to Lelo Sona Cruise

Thanks to a couple of my loyal amazing followers who pitched in on a gift for me (which you can also do by checking out my Amazon Wish List here) I received the Lelo Sona Cruise in the mail a few days ago.

On the Lelo page, they make claims that this tiny ass clitoral vibrator:

“stimulates 75% more of your clitoris, for a feeling that will change your life, one orgasm at a time.”

It does this by using sonic waves instead of a typical vibrator that uses, well, vibrations. The waves go beyond the external to pulsate and stimulate (because our clits are a web of nerve endings, not just little fashionable vulva buttons).

Since my time at Fascinations, I have tried nearly a hundred different sex toys. I have become a sex toy snob. I have three favorite companies and Lelo happens to be one of them (We-Vibe and Fun Factory are the other).

Receive Free, Discreet Shipping on all We-Vibe orders.

A former coworker used to refer to Lelo toys as “Gucci for your Coochie,” which is as close to accurate as you’re going to get. They are indeed a luxury sex toy company (the $2,500 gold prostate toy pretty much exemplifies that). Lelo designs are streamlined, beautiful, and classy. Plus, they’re all made out of medical-grade materials and are rechargeable.

When I opened the Sona box I was both mesmerized by the impressive design and slightly skeptical about this small suction looking device doing anything of value for my pussy. I could not imagine how anything could be better than the Hitachi (my most recent vibrator love).

The thing about vibrators is that, just like with polyamory, you can love MORE than ONE.

Just because you get pleasure from eating pizza does not take away from the fact that you also get pleasure from putting ice cream in your mouth.

After charging and cleaning the Lelo Sona, it was time to give it a whirl or for it to whirl me or perhaps we’d whirl each other?! Anyway. I turned it on and it was SO quiet. After getting used to the power-drill sounds of the Hitachi I thought there was NO way it was going to do anything at all to my clitoris.

I put the tiny spout mouth up to my finger, it was like, egh. I put it on my nipple, it was like oohh, okkaayy, maybe. . . I put it on my clit.

Well. I TRIED to put it on my clit.

lelo sona cruise sex toy review
Oh, hey girlfriend.

After I maneuvered it around to find the exact correct spot for ultimate sensation, which took a bit longer than I thought it would, I hit THE SPOT and it felt like a fucking electrical lightning surge zip all the way my body.

I dropped it.

Whoa. I thought. WHOA.

“Okay, little pink friend with the power punch, looks like you may be able to hold your own after all,” I said to myself in my head and not out loud or anything weird like how dirty talking your sex toys would probably be, that I would never EVER do. . . .

Right.

Moving on.

The very first initial contact was super intense, but I needed lube.

So, I put a drop or 10 (because I have the Sahara desert of vaginas from living in this dry ass climate and almost always being hungover and dehydrated) on my pussy, took a deep breath and got back to work.

Simply. Yes.
Yes.

Yyyesss.

Holy shit.

Damn.

Alright.

I couldn’t even pay attention to porn while this thing was on my button. My brain couldn’t handle the multi-tasking. My clit could barely handle the sensations.

I turned on the different rhythms/patterns to help give my clit a seconds rest and it turned out that I enjoyed the rhythm/patterns MORE than just the straight BUZZ, which NEVER has happened with a toy before.

Fuck.

Shit.

Oh. My. God.

It felt like a three-minute long mini-orgasm that ended with a MAJOR orgasmic mind-blowing explosion.

WTF?!

Small little pink friend, if that’s how you’re going to roll (or pulsate), I will accept your offering.

So, yeah. Um. It was good.

But that’s not all my friends and followers. That is not where the Lelo Sona story ends.

Later that night, my current mansexfriendthingthatdoesnothavealabel wanted me to demo the toy for him.

He had been eating me out so when I put the toy on my clit it made these amazing sloppy wet noises that were kind of hilarious and also totally recordable for an interesting EDM remix throwdown. Yet, still, the sound of the toy itself was almost inaudible. Anyhoo…

A lot of people claim that sex toys/vibrators sort of “numb the clit,” and that they create this inability to get off with actual people, but I’m here to counter that and say that since the Hitachi and the Lelo Sona I’ve turned into basically a Cum Queen. I’m orgasming ALL the fucking time, both alone and with people. At the beginning, in the middle, and at the end. Like, holy shit. Both of these toys seem to propel my orgasm FORWARD instead of blocking them at all.

Not only that, but after I had demoed it for a few minutes we threw it aside and started having P-in-V sex; we’re both still not sure what actually happened, but my vagina contracted and released and contracted as if it wanted to extract the orgasm from his cock all by itself. This situation was almost entirely involuntarily on my behalf. As if my vagina was turning into its own entity and cock juice was its main dietary source.

I got the juice. Pretty sure I got part of his brains too, since right after, as we were getting dressed, he put his shoes on the wrong feet (making it the best after-sex compliment I have ever gotten).

So, would I recommend the Lelo Sona?

Oh my god.

Fuck.

Shit.

Yyaasss.

BUT now I want to try ALL the sonic wave sex toys to see how the others compare. Personally, I’d like the spout/mouth part of be a little bit bigger to cover more surface area even though I am aware that the waves move around the whole space. I think it would help ease some of the intensity so it could grow into a MAJOR orgasm without cumming within 10 seconds (unless you like cumming in 10 seconds, so you can move on with your life. I like it to last a little bit longer than that just because there’s not much else I’d rather be doing.)

Also. Lube & toy cleaner are an absolute must with this.

Make sure the lube is water-based. Silicone on silicone has been known to be a bad idea, so why risk it?

They could still have this on sale at Lelo:

Or Take a risk and buy it off Amazon here:

P.S.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

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Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

9 Sexy Gift Ideas for Your Favorite Daddy

gift ideas for sugar daddys

Daddy Knows Best

or

Buy Something Sweet or Sexy For Your Daddy This Father’s Day

Father’s Day is just around the corner and though I do have an amazing father, I’m not here to talk about that kind of father.

Today I want to talk about Daddys.

Now, I’ve never had a Daddy, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t. I’m pretty picky about that sort of thing. Though I like nice dinners and drinks and clothes etc. I’m not going to pretend to be interested in a dude just for stuff.

No, if I ever had a Sugar Daddy it would have to be some sort of mutually stimulating relationship, mind + body + fun stuff. Not just the fun stuff because I stroked his ego like he liked it.

Anyway. I do have friends with Daddys and I think it’s only appropriate that if you have a Daddy you get your Daddy a Father’s Day gift. (Or if you’re sleeping with an actual dad or you just want to buy a dude a present).

So, here are 9 Gift Ideas for the Daddy (or Dude) in Your Life:

(Obviously make sure you use Daddy’s credit card to buy his gift or what’s the point in having a Daddy.)

{Click on the image to be taken directly to purchase from We-Vibe, Lelo, or Amazon}

1. Male Masturbator

Dudes who say that there aren’t any good masturbation toys out there just haven’t done the research. I know FIRST HAND that the Tenga Flip Cups are amazing. I have witnessed one in action on multiple different wang-a-langs and I can tell you that these work wonders. Way better than the Flesh Light. These are designed to actually be easy to clean after splooging all up in them.

The flip holes and the flip zeros each have different textures inside them. The holes have three different pressure points so you can hold on and press down where it fits best on your carrot. The Zero is the newest design and looks just absolutely amazing. The best thing about this is that you can give Daddy a hand-job and not even have to touch his wee-wee. Or let him take care of himself while you paint your nails or whatever.

The Tenga Flip Zero:

2. An Upscale Vibrating Cock Ring

There’s nothing wrong with those cheap plastic throw-aways but Daddy deserves the best so why not hook him up with something that could potentially please both of you (if you do have sex with Daddy, some babies do not). Anyhoo. These three are all rechargeable and made out of medical-grade materials. The top two (verge and oden) are designed to stimulate the perineum (and balls) while the last one on the list, the Lelo Tor, can be turned up to hit the clit or down to vibrate the balls.

We-Vibe – Verge

Lelo – Oden

ODEN_300x250

Lelo – Tor

3. Njoy Prostate Plug
Daddy knows that one of the best ways to have explosive mind-blowing orgasms is through stimulating the prostate. Buy him the shiny fancy looking one. The hard as fuck material is much easier to clean and maintain, plus you can do temperature play to heat things up or cool things down depending on the mood of the night. (There are rumors that these also make great paperweights… if you’re looking for even more versatility).

4. BBQ Grill Set Dad
Your Daddy doesn’t grill? That’s okay, I bet your Daddy spanks you though. Sure, sure your Daddy can use these to flip the meat but this BBQ Grill Set can also be used as pervertables (regular objects turned into sex toys). Use your imagination and be safe (I don’t really want to know what you end up doing with those tongs).

5. Rosetta Stone
Buy your Daddy Rosetta Stone so he can learn the language of the country you want him to take you to. Hint, Hint, Daddy, take me to Italy and converse with the locals so I can kick back, drink wine and be pretty.

6. A Customized Poem for Daddy
I wouldn’t be writing this blog if my roommate hadn’t mentioned she was writing a ‘Daddy’ poem for Father’s Day. So, here’s a shout-out to the talented Abigail Mott who can write you a poem for your Daddy on ANY topic of your choice.

Daddy, Daddy, Oh Daddy, Oh
I like the way you
Buy me clothes

(That was my attempt, she does about a million times better.)

7. Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer
If your Daddy has been annoying you lately due to his apparent extensive aging process and deterioration get him a nose and ear trimmer to remind him how much younger you are than him.

8. Cologne
Does Daddy has a bit of old man smell to him? Give him the goods to mask it. Or just smell a bit better.

Idk if the bottle below smells good I just liked the classy look of it. My favorite is Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue… but you ‘nose’ best.

9. A fancy as fuck camera so he can take amazing pictures of you for your Instagram page
You know Daddy wants to support your social media “modeling” career, what better way than with a gift that gives back to both of you AND all of your followers.

Let me know if Daddy likes!

P.S.
If you want to be my Daddy and receive one of these amazing gifts someday you can start by buying me something special from my Amazon Wish List. I’ll decide by your choice if you’re worth it. Or if you don’t want to be my Daddy and just want to show your support I will also accept that.

P.P.S.
Bonus! Random rant about the eggplant emoji:

 

 Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo