Sure, these stocking stuffers are not the most conventional, but they sure are sexy. You can always put it together and give it behind closed doors to your favorite someone if you like, have kids or whatever. Or slip a couple of these in after Santa comes to make your entire family laugh or cringe, naughty naughty (always way more fun than being nice).
Sexy Stocking Stuffer Ideas
Get Lubed Up
Nothing says “get fucked,” like a nice bottle of lube. This brand is pretty amazing and it smells like a cookie, so you can ho ho ho all day long.
Small yet powerful, bullet vibes are a must-have addition to any sexy bedroom. You can use them directly on the clit or add them to prostate toys, anal plugs etc. for some extra pizzaz. This one is cheap and takes a AAA Battery, which is much preferred over the little watch batter vibrators (of course if you want the best of the best when it comes to bullet vibes I always recommend the we-vibe tango).
Add a new sensation to male masturbation with this one-use soft-sleeve. Textured to add to stimulation and help make for a unique orgasm. Plus, they’re kind of funny, if you’re into sex humor in any way. But, if you’re serious about male masturbation, then also, you should try everything out there, including this.
Better safe than sorry, as they say. Give the men in your life an ego-boost with the Magnum X-Large. Or send good luck to the single straight ladies with a box of these bad boys. Condoms can get pricey, particularly when you’re buying them all the time, so it’s not only a healthy gift but a thoughtful one.
Give Your Lover The Gift of Pleasure This Holiday Season
There’s really not a better gift to give than the gift of pleasure. What’s a better way to experience pleasure than with sex toys?! Below is a list of some of the best sex toys you can get no matter your budget.
A bit on the higher-end of affordable but this toy is basically the battery-version of Lelo. High-quality materials, waterproof, quiet. This is the #1 vibrator I recommend for anyone who has never used a vibrator before or for anyone who needs a good travel vibe.
This is the cheapest I’ve seen this clitoral vibe by Lelo listed online for quite a while. I’ve had this toy for like eight years and it still works wonders. It’s rechargable and made out of a body-safe material. Plus it’s so small you can take it pretty much anywhere.
This is SUPER cheap compared to what it used to be priced at. I’d say get it now before they raise it back up to its original cost. Don’t forget the batteries! (Bonus, the surface area of this g-spot toy also works well as a clitoral vibrator.)
Another great toy company is Fun Factory (based in Germany). I think out of all the toy companies out there they manage to get a great girth/size for all of their toys. The material is an interesting texture that’s somewhere in between soft and hard (kind of like a dick, but like, not).
If you’re looking for a toy that will be a real show stopper, look no further. This fancy af toy hits the g-spot and the clit. Plus it’s super fancy, which really proves how much you care about your lover/friend/favorite blog writer…
If you’re a beginner and testing the prostate massage waters it’s best to start out with something on the cheaper side. This is decent quality and a size that won’t overwhelm. Plus, you can add a bullet for additional vibration / stimulation.
Tantus has some of the best sex toys on the market. Premium quality, easy to clean, and the company is based in America. They have plenty of options but this toy can work for either the prostate or the g-spot, so why not go both ways, if you dare (and clean it properly).
As many of you who follow my blog know, I’m a super snob when it comes to sex toys. A former co-worker used to call our high-end sex toy products, ‘gucci for your coochie,’ and that’s typically all that I will allow near me.
That being said, I will make some exceptions.
I make a big exception when it comes to cock rings.
Sure, there are some super nice high-end cock rings out there like the Lelo Oden and We-Vibe Verge and these are great toys.
Yet, when it comes to cock-rings, after personal experience with types from every price range and every quality, I have to admit that the cheap disposal ones are a pretty good way to go.
The cheap disposal cock rings are great particularly if you’ve never used one before and are trying to get an idea if it’s a thing you’d even want to invest in.
Cock rings typically go over the penis and the testicles, this restriction holds the testicles down and keeps the testes from contracting. This constriction helps to slow down ejaculation and can increase an orgasm from around 6 seconds to up to 45 seconds. Cock rings can be made from stretchy plastics or can be solid, made from materials like metal, glass, leather.
If you’re a beginner I’d suggest the stretchy kind. Men have informed me that they’re much easier to put on and yes they will fit around your penis and your balls no matter how BIG you think you are.
I suggest the stretchy plastic ones with the vibrator. The thing that’s great about the vibrator is that you can put the vibrator on the top side of your shaft and if you’re having sexual intercourse with a woman she’ll feel the vibrations on her clitoris–bonus for her. Or you can turn the cock ring the other way so the vibrator stimulates your balls, this works whether you’re having sex with a partner or you’re doing it solo.
I bought a ten-pack off of Amazon for like $14. Just throw them away after use.
I know these plastic throw-away cock rings aren’t the most environmentally friendly option out there but they’re good for beginners or those who don’t really want to use a cock ring all of the time.
If you are going to use a cock ring regularly then I’d suggest moving up to one of the more high-end rechargable ones, I’d suggest the Lelo Oden as it’s a bit more adjustable than some of the others and it comes with a wireless remote to add to the fun.
Like and comment on my Instagram Post for your chance to win one of these cheap disposable cock rings (Winner selected November 30, 2018)
Review of Nova from We-Vibe the Dual Stimulation Vibrator
What’s a Good G-Spot and Clitoral Vibrator in One?
It’s Masturbation Monday yet again. Today I’m talking about the dual stimulation vibrator Nova from We-Vibe. This sex toy is designed to stimulate both the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time. It’s made to flex with you aka the clitoral part moves for better coverage, unlike many other rabbit vibrators that are stationary in location.
I’ve always been a big fan of We-Vibe products. The Tango is my favorite bullet vibrator. The touch a close second (it covers a bit more surface area than the Tango but can’t be used in toys that have bullet holes). I even had fun with the couple’s vibrator that put We-Vibe on the map way back in the day.
Personally, I’m not the biggest fan of internal / g-spot sex toys myself. I get off much easier with just clitoral stimulation, but every once in a while, particularly when there has been a dick drought, an internal toy is nice to experience.
And yes, I can have a g-spot orgasm and yes I can squirt… but it’s not as good of an orgasm as the clitoral and it makes much more of a puddle so I often times choose not to bother.
The dual stimulators are nice because they give you the best of both worlds.
The Nova has all sorts of features:
Body-safe silicone (free from phthalates, latex, and BPA)
2 motors and 10+ vibration modes
The coolest (and also not coolest) part about many of the new we-vibe sex toys is that they now work with the We-Connect App.
Yes, you can now control your vibrator through your phone.
This was super fun to play with and actually easier than using the buttons on the vibrator (when the App worked). You can move the speed up and down or swipe for different vibration modes. Even better–you can create your own vibration mode.
The other thing you can do with the app is share it with a lover so they can control the device through their phone even when you’re not in the same space– which could potentially be great for long-distance relationships or web-cam stuff.
I do have to say that this review has taken a while because I did have some issues with the app and the vibrator. Every time I swiped for a different vibration mode on the phone the vibrator would turn off and I’d have to reprogram the entire thing (then it would do the same thing again even after a factory reset). The staff at We-Vibe was very friendly and replaced the toy. They also told me that this is the first time they’ve ever heard of such an issue, which I wasn’t super surprised to hear since I am known to cause technology to act a bit weird in my presence.
Then I looked up reviews on the app store and saw an entirely different story.
It appears that many people have been having issues syncing these toys with the app.
So, bottom line–the concept is great, the execution of said concept seems like it might need a little more work.
In the end, I’ve never been disappointed by a we-vibe product (though yes, I am disappointed by the app connection).
My advice would be to consider what kind of stimulation you enjoy and pick a toy out according to that. They have nearly everything you can think of including clitoral, anal, g-spot, dual, and cock rings.
If your main reason for buying the toy is to use for long-distance maybe this isn’t the BEST choice at the current moment, but once they get the app refined a bit more I’m sure it will be amazing.
So a few months ago some loyal friends/followers of Go Eat a Carrot pitched in and sent me the Lelo Sonic Cruise (from my Amazon Wishlist). I reviewed it after using it for a week, but thought I’d give another update since I’ve had some more time to spend with it.
One of the women who pitched in to send me the sonic cruise told me that she had the Womanizer and liked it, but it wasn’t a favorite and the novelty of it wore off pretty quick. I emailed the womanizer company and they told me they were going to send me one so I could compare and contrast the two, but that has yet to happen so I cannot speak to the Womanizer. (Perhaps someday this dream will come true.)
On the subject of losing its novelty, I will say that has yet to happen with the Lelo Sonic Cruise. I will say that when I initially started to use it, it was super intense. I believe the first time I tried it I had an orgasm in under a minute. Now my body has adapted to the intensity and so it takes a bit longer. I don’t use the sonic cruise every day. I rotate between the we-vibe tango (a bullet clit vibrator), the Hitachi magic wand, and the sonic cruise.
The Lelo Sonic Cruise is made out of medical-grade silicone and is waterproof, which makes it easy to clean. It’s also rechargable and technically small enough to travel with if you’re the type of person who travels with a big ass bag.
I’ve tried to incorporate it during sex with other people, but it’s not as easy to keep in place as say the we-vibe tango.
It’s funny because the company talks about how nearly silent the toy is, and it can be pretty quiet that’s for sure, particularly with solo use. For some reason when I used it with a partner I think there must have been too much movement because it made some pretty interesting zippity do-da noises. Mechanical purring is the best way to describe it.
The sonic cruise is a clitoral vibrator, so the circle-end section rests on the clitoris. Instead of using typical vibrations it uses sonic waves to create sensation. I’m typically not one for different wave effects, but with this toy, it works (it works quite well in fact).
In the end, months later anyway, I’d still recommend this toy if you or someone you love is into clitoral stimulation.
Finally, it’s the one year anniversary of the Lelo Sonic Cruise and to celebrate they’re offering up to 47% off many items on their website. (Plus free shipping over $50) Follow this Lelo link for the offer if you want to browse the products yourself (they actually have so many amazing toys you can’t really go wrong with anything you choose).
The first time I ever brought handcuffs into the bedroom I was in my mid-twenties. I had been with my then boyfriend for several years at that point and we both desired some way to spice it up. There is something quite gratifying and erotic about tying a person up and doing whatever you want to them, or vice versa (with consent of course). However, we made quite the mistake in our handcuff purchase. In fact, we knew very little at all about any sort of BDSM or kink stuff and kind of just guessed our way through it.
We bought two metal handcuffs, like the kind police use when they’re not using those plastic zip-tie things they use now.
Though the metal handcuffs are aesthetically sexy they do two things you’re not going to like.
1. They damage the wrists. Because there’s always going to be a gap and you’re always going to squirm a bit the handcuffs are going to dig into your skin and bones and it’s not going to feel good. It’s not even going to be the type of pain that feels good, it’s just going to hurt.
2. They damage whatever you’re cuffing them to, in our case they put hundreds of scratches into the wooden frame of our bed. Not cool if you have a nice bed frame.
So what should you try instead?
If you’re just starting out and don’t want to invest a lot of money you can get a pretty cheap pair of pleather cuffs with fake fur on the inside. These work well enough and don’t hurt your wrists or your bed frame. If you have plenty of money then go for the leather ones.
I know some of you are thinking, can’t I just use some silk scarves or something?
Technically you could, but you have to make sure that you are knotting them correctly or something very similar to the metal cuff situation will happen. The person will squirm or tug at the material and the knot will get tighter and tighter until it cuts off all circulation and the wrist falls off. Just kidding. I’m sure you’d untie the person before the wrist fell off, but you get my point.
You can also try an under the bed restraint system. This uses the weight of the human body and bed itself to keep the restraints in place. It makes it so you can easily keep your kinky side hidden and works well if you have a frame you can’t really tie anything to or no frame at all. Plus you get ties for the feet and the hands so you can really tie the other person down.
Anyhoo here’s a link to some cuffs you can buy right off of Amazon.
The world of sex can be weird. Very weird indeed. Here I explore the weird world of food and sex, the weird position of the week, and a weird sex toy all dudes should try (and then tell me about later).
Weird Food Sex of the Week: The Edible Anus
I was eating breakfast when my roommate’s girlfriend came into the living room full of excitement. “I’ve got to show you this!” she said as she pulled out her phone. Seconds later there it was–The Edible Anus. “That’s fucking perfect for Weird Sex Wednesday,” I said.
So here we are… it’s true friends, you can now have your anus turned into pieces of chocolate or even get it turned into a silver or bronze replica if you want it to stick around and be admired longer.
The Edible Anus takes eating ass to a whole new level, the level of it actually tasting like chocolate instead of ass. Personally, both are good for different reasons so why not eat it all?! Plus it only cost $10… which is the part that makes me the most skeptical. It’s like the guy doing it probably has a fetish for this sort of thing (totally fine) and has made it affordable so he can see more ass. I mean, it’s cheaper to go and have a mold of your anus turned into chocolate than to go to a truffle store and buy a box off the shelf. Just saying, sometimes eating ass is the best thing you can do.
Weird Sex Position of the Week: The Angry White Male
This sure seems like the era of the angry white male. I mean, look at everything happening in the news. All the bad stuff that many of you have done is creeping up and out and finally coming back to get you. Things aren’t going your way and you’re upset about it. Welcome to the club. Now you’re on equal ground with everyone else and it kind of sucks doesn’t it?
Anyhoo, whether you’re an angry white male or not you can at least play the part with this position. I’d suggest only going so far as to do this position with a consenting partner, I mean, this is role-playing not reality after all.
This position of the day was brought to you by the book Position of the Day Playbook, you can buy the whole thing for yourself (and your partner) if you want to explore more weird and complicated and/or funny sex positions:
I’m not a dude, but if I was a dude I’d be all about weird sex toys. Perhaps because I am a woman who is all about weird sex toys so I think not much would change if I had a penis.
All that would change is the weird sex toys that I could try. Like this one from Lovehoney. This is the Colt Manhole All-In-One Girth Enhancer, Tunnel Plug and Stroker, it’s a 3-in1 super sex toy. It’s not only a butt plug but it’s also penetrable so someone else can stick their penis inside of it and get a new sensation for both of you. Or you could stick another toy inside it on your own OR you could remove it from your butthole altogether and use it as a male masturbator. It’s soft and stretchy and ribbed on the inside for an intense sensual yummy penis feeling. (Of course, I am making assumptions here since I have no penis but DO have a brain capable of fantasy.) There are so many different things you can do with this toy that you might as well give it a test drive and tell me if I’m right or not.
Click on it to Buy (use codes below to save $):
$10 off $60 with the code AFFUS55
Running until Sep 30th
$20 off $80 plus free delivery with the code AFFUS206
Running until Sep 30th