Tits Out Tuesday: Why Are We Scared of Young Adult Sexuality?

children and sexuality discussion from book review all the ugly and wonderful things

The Odd Feelings That Arise Regarding Kids and Sex

or

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things Book Review

I just finished this work of fiction called All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, it was the 2016 Book of the Year Winner and the author Bryn Greenwood was raised and still lives in Kansas, which is pretty cool since I am from there myself.

Anyhoo. In this book a 10 year-old-girl and a 22-year-old-man fall in love with each other.

The author does a pretty good job at getting a well-rounded perspective on the situation, coming from multiple character points of view, yet the entire time I felt incredibly queasy.

I kept waiting for something to happen that I didn’t think would happen, like them parting ways for example, and yet the relationship kept developing fuller, deeper, creepier.

Now, I get that in other cultures many women marry right around the time of puberty. I suppose this makes sense in at least a biological way. I mean, what defines womanhood more than the ability to have children? (I am not saying having children makes someone a woman nor am I saying only humans who have periods are women, I know there might be some outrage here about this. I’m saying the ability to create and give birth is one major defining characteristic of feminine power.) Whatever, that’s not what this is about anyway.

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What this is about is how awkward and weird it is in the United States today for anything like a tween and an adult having sex / getting married to happen.

There are laws put in place by the government that dictates the age of consent.

It’s unfortunate that they can’t instead dictate the age of emotional intelligence with regards to sexual consent because that would actually make way more sense. For example, I’m sure there are some incredibly smart / self-reflective / emotionally mature 15-year-olds who could handle a romantic relationship with someone way better than some 45-year-olds could. And yet, many people would argue that no, a 15-year-old is not fully developed and thus cannot make those kinds of decisions.

I personally think it’s all situational and cannot be defined or boxed into a sweeping generalization based on age.

Should a 10-year-old and a 22-year-old fuck?

Nah. Prob not.

But if they wait ten years then 20 and 32 isn’t as weird. The whole life-experience thing really helps with these scenarios.

One thing I do think we’re missing culturally though is the understanding that children do have a sexual nature. Sure, they are not fully developed but how many kids strip their Barbies naked and have them rub against each other? How many dry hump their stuffed animals or play “doctor” (do they still call it that?) with each other when they’re supposed to be napping?


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Should they be shamed for this exploration? Shaming seems to be a pretty typical route in America when I’m wondering if there isn’t a better way to educate them at their level on understanding this secret adult world a little bit more? Wouldn’t this help with communication in the future when they’re old enough to explore? Wouldn’t this help them perhaps NOT get into some weird sex thing with someone twice their age?

Of course, the characters in this book had a slew of other fucked up things happen to them and thus the relationships that were created were way more complicated.

I get why so many people have hang-ups about sex. Our childhoods were a big part in shaping us into the weird prudish sluts that so many of us are.

Honestly, I’m just trying to come to terms with the uneasiness I felt from this story. Has anyone else read it? Here’s a link to All the Ugly and Wonderful Things if you haven’t and you’re interested in giving it a whirl. Would love to discuss either the book or some of the above topics, feel free to leave your comments below or email me directly.

Friday Feels: How To Charm The Pants Off of Someone

how to become more charming

Learn How to Be Charming in One Easy Step

Or

Get More People to Like You

The other day I pissed my roommate off and made the entire room feel real uncomfortable because I have no filter and can be completely tactless. She introduced me to a friend who had crashed the night before, I mentioned that I had already said hello to him but didn’t bother to ask his name because it seemed like an irrelevant thing to know.

She disagreed, said it was rude.

I agreed with her disagreement, but I still feel like it’s silly to learn someone’s name before knowing anything about them. Like, is this a piece of information that I need in my brain? My brain has only so much capacity for learning new things; it’s not necessarily a one in one out type of brain, but it’s pretty close to that.

According to a study by evolutionary psychology professor Robin Dunbar our brains have the capacity to remember about 150 people’s names and faces without a prompt, he says, “there is a cognitive limit to the number of individuals with whom any one person can maintain stable relationships.”

So when I meet new people I feel like they have to have something of value to replace someone else who already made it in that top 150.

This apparently is wrong.

I’m fine with being wrong sometimes.

I spent a good part of yesterday watching youtube videos on the psychology of people. Many of the videos were about how to get people to like you, how to be charming, or how to not be boring etc.

The information wasn’t mind-blowing, but it did get me thinking.

Why do we want people to like us?

It seems like the answer is actually pretty selfish. We want people to like us so we can get stuff from them.

We want them to give us attention, buy stuff from us, entertain us, give us support, stroke our egos, date us, love us.

Why? Because negativity = pain. When people don’t care about us it makes us feel shitty and no one likes to feel shitty. Even if we don’t know the other person and shouldn’t care what they think about us, most people would prefer the ‘like’ to the ‘dislike’ but either is better than indifference.

Isn’t it better to be hated than to not be thought about at all?

I know a lot of people who know me might be thinking, ‘out of all the people in the world giving others advice on charm perhaps you’re not the best for the job.’ And to those people I’d have to say, perhaps I just didn’t care to charm you?

Being charismatic is simple. All you have to do is make people feel good about who they already are, in other words, you put your own ego aside and pay attention to them.

This is why all the advice out there tells you to remember people’s names, because people get off on hearing their name spoken out loud. It’s really on you to decide if you want to make that sort of mental investment. It’s probably not going to hurt that much and you probably have plenty of space in your hard drive to remember a multitude of names, I mean 150 is a pretty big number. Most people fail because they’re lazy and really don’t care. I am one of those people, but I’ve decided to work on it.

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If you’re still trying to get better at the whole name thing another tactic is to get them talking about stuff that they’re most passionate about. I’m not talking about where they work. I’m talking about the one thing they’re into that they won’t be able to shut up about. Everyone has at least one of those things. The more they talk, the more they will like you. It’s weird, but it works.

In the end, I’d suggest talking to someone wearing a dress or a skirt because then you won’t have to worry about charming their pants off since they aren’t actually wearing any.

Friday Feels: Erotic Poetry

poetry of the erotic nature written and read by a woman

Exploring Erotic Poetry

or

Creativity, Confidence, and Sex

The other day a gentleman asked if he could write an erotic poem about me. I agreed. He sent it over to me and it was actually pretty good. I’d share a bit with you but somehow it’s disappeared. Kind of weird, but so are people on the internet, so there’s that. Perhaps, his account got deleted as Instagram is known to do to people who talk openly about sex. (I’ll write about that whole ordeal sometime in the near future.)

I’ve never really understood poetry. My roommate is a poet and writes poems for people for a living based on the topic of their choice. I’d say she’s more of a channeller, somehow able to read people immediately and know exactly what they need to hear. I write in almost the reverse way, to understand myself more, to write what I need to hear.

Erotic poetry is its own little niche artform. Of course, it centers around sex but more importantly the feeling you get from connecting with someone else. The sensuality, the deeper meaning of why you’re interacting with another on an intimate level.

Just like with erotic stories there seems to be a lot of words like “wet,” “throbbing,” “taste,” “hard,” etc.

Some though are poignant, profound, touching even.

“I’ll touch her without touching her.
Using my words as foreplay.” -Onur Taskiran

Words as foreplay. That’s probably the best way to describe it. And it’s true, the brain is the largest sexual organ. We should all try to tease it more, stimulate it more, caress it and show it compassion.

Sure, the booty call, one-night-stand, no-strings-attached hookups have their place. But if you’re looking to engage in something more meaningful, why not use your words? Writing poetry might not be your go-to, you might find it difficult or silly but creating something out of nothing is beautiful regardless of the outcome. It proves you can be active in your own life, not just a passive bystander that takes everyone else’s creativity and gives nothing back.

I’d encourage you to take an hour out of your day and make something. Channel whatever feelings you’re feeling and turn them into art, whether you go the erotic poetry route or you paint or cook or build a birdhouse, it doesn’t matter.

I’ll share with you a couple of erotic poems I attempted so you know that it’s okay to not always get everything right the first go around.

Trouble

It all started with a look
Not a look, the look.
Eyes that sparkle, magnets
Connecting us on a deeper plane.

I knew he was trouble
The moment I saw him,
But I stared right into him anyway.

Together we’d create
Or destroy
The world, our world, each other.

-K

I know, I know, that one wasn’t really EROTIC. If you want a real erotic one, check out my reading for Freaky Fan Friday on Patreon.

Here’s another one that’s also not that erotic. Hey, I’m learning here, okay?!

Woman Plays with Fire

My friends try to tell me that I’m not in love with him
They say I’m in love with danger
Okay, maybe
But maybe I’m in love with the way he makes me feel
He makes me feel everything
He makes me feel alive
No else else ever has, not even myself
Feeling is dangerous
That’s what they should say.

-K

I wrote and recorded four poems total. So I put the last one up also on my Patreon as a super exclusive for the high-level tier. Hear the weirdness when you join us today, plus you’ll get access to ALL of the work I’ve uploaded since I’ve started Patreon (all the way back in April), which I must admit is rather juicy stuff. Thanks for coming!

Tits Out Tuesday: Video Games and Sexuality

cosplay mario from nintendo woman

Why Are So Many Men Into Female Gamers?

or

Gaming and Sexual Arousal Amongst Winners

Yesterday I ended up at a thrift store, while I was in said thrift store I happened upon this Mario Halloween costume. It was only $7. Even though it’s a size small and I am not a size small I had to get it anyway.

As many of you know from following my blog I have a Mario/Luigi/Princess Peach threesome fantasy. I had just said to my friend who was with me (prior to finding the costume) that if I had to pick between going as any of the three I’d want to be Mario because he’s the one I like the least. If I’m Mario then I don’t have to look at Mario.

Then the costume magically appeared before my eyes.


WSSHA Halloween Women’s Cosplay Super Mario Costume Dress

Does this mean I will find a Luigi / Princess Peach combo while I’m out and about? It seems possible. It seems probable. Why else would the costume randomly show up right after I mentioned it?

In any event, it’s gotten me thinking about sexuality and the gaming culture.

Anyone else find it fascinating how many (hetero) men are into female gamers and how many females are not into dudes who play video games all the time?

There are (hetero) women in the world who will refuse to date guys who play video games; they see it as a major red flag. They think the guy will never grow up, or get off the couch, or pay attention to them.

Those are all valid points.

I’d imagine that a lot of these women have experienced those issues in the past and prefer not to repeat them.

It seems pretty obvious that men are into female gamers because it gives them something to bond over, to enjoy doing together, talking about etc.

Not to mention the fact that competition and winning can often lead to both increases in adrenaline and arousal.

Nintendo Switch – Neon Red and Neon Blue Joy-Con

I’m classically trained in Nintendo and Super Nintendo. I will destroy any person at Super Mario 3 or Paperboy, but put one of those new shooter games in front of me and I die within seconds.

I stopped playing right around puberty. I think for me it came down to prioritizing my time. I was playing real-life games aka basketball, volleyball, softball. I lost touch with the advancements in video game technology. My skills were stunted.

It’s weird because I would totally play now except I’ve tried and I suck. Here’s the deal with me, I don’t like losing. I don’t like being bad at something. When a guy tries to get me to play I know I will not be very successful and I hate the idea of failing in front of other people.

I’m the type that would secretly invest in a gaming system, learn how to defeat the entire thing and THEN go to the guy’s house and demolish him.


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But, I don’t have the time or money for that. So instead I need to overcome my ego and learn to lose in front of others. It’s the best way to get better at something, you know, just trying to do it.

And that my friends is also a good way to approach dating. You’re not going to win them all. Sometimes you might get hit by a flying turtle within the first minute and be out right away. Other times you might make it all the way to the battle against Bowser and end up with the Princess in the end. Or perhaps, the princess will end up saving your ass. Only time and trial and error will work.

In the meantime, play on my friends, play on.

(And if you happen to be dressing up as either Luigi or Princess Peach tomorrow, let me know, wink wink.)

 
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Friday Feels: Life Without Sex

life without sex

Two Weeks Sex-Free

or

How Long Have You Gone Without Sex?

So, I was supposed to hang out with a man-friend last night but some dramatic happenings happened that prevented him from making it over. Honestly, I was tired anyway. I’ve been waking up at like 5.30 a.m. every day trying to get stuff done before people bother me. Turns out, people will bother you at any time of the day.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I realized that it’s been over two weeks since I’ve had sex with another human being.

Two whole weeks.

The two-week mark is when I start to turn. I wilt. I shrivel up. I am not talking about my pussy here. I’m talking about my entire being.

One of two things tends to happen when I don’t have sex with another human being for an extended amount of time.

I become EVEN more irritable that I typically am. I know this is super hard to believe considering how irritable I can be, but trust me. I am a monster. If I’m not getting eaten that you can bet that I will eat your head off instead.

I get stupid horny. I will not even go into the weird things I have done to myself when I go to long without having sex. Some interesting objects have been used. Some interesting and some might suggest, gross, people have also been used.

Sometimes when I’m that super horny and I want to hump everything… I mean everything. I imagine that this is what it must be like for men ALL of the time. And though a lot of times a lot of ya’lls behavior is intolerable and fucked up, I can admit to UNDERSTANDING where you’re going from. It’s like your brain is completely blocked from all thought except getting off. The worst part is when that feeling can’t be satiated.

It’s like, hang me upside down on a clothesline and throw wet noodles on my back so I’ll at least think about something else for a moment. Or maybe I’d be into that in a weird kink way.

Anyhoo. What I’m most disturbed about is the fact that neither 1 or 2 has started to happen. I wonder if it’s because I’m waking up so early in the morning that my body is physically exhausted and my brain completely fried by the time I’d have time to even think about masturbating or sex with someone else. I was actually glad that my friend didn’t make it over because I could not get my sex-brain to turn on.

So, how long has it been for you? A day? 10 years?

How do you “overcome”? Do you even think about it anymore? Or are you thinking about it all the time?

Weird Sex Wednesday: 3 Weird Ways to Use Semen

learn 3 different weird usages for semen

Fascinating Things People Have Done with Semen

Or

Interesting Facts About Semen

Semen–we refer to it with all sorts of different words and phrases.

For example:

  • Splooge
  • Jizz
  • Nut
  • Cock snot
  • Pecker Spit
  • Cum
  • Dong Water
  • Spunk
  • Weiner Sauce…

There are over a hundred different ways to say it.

But did you know that people have attempted to use it for other things besides making babies? That’s right, along with about 1% sperm, semen contains ascorbic acid, calcium, citric acid, enzymes, fructose sugar, phosphate and bicarbonate buffers, protein, water and zinc. And it only has about 0.7 calories and 171 milligrams of protein.

(Yeah, that whole rumor about semen having as much protein as an egg–false unless you’re drinking it like a smoothie, in which case you’d need at least a half of a cup to get that amount of protein).

Here are 3 Weird Uses For Semen

1.

Write Me a Load Letter: Semen As Invisible Ink

During World War 1, the British Secret Intelligence Service (M16) was attempting to find an effective invisible ink— they believed to have found it with semen. Along with it being readily and easily available, it also did not react to main methods of detection including iodine vapor.

Get this though, the Chief Officer looking further into these discoveries was named Mansfield Cumming. So it begs the question, was he born for this exact line of work? It’s unclear whatever happened with regard to invisible ink semen, the agent was removed because everyone kept making fun of him, and I guess there was a strange smell that started happening after people started writing notes with their jizz juice.

2.

Serve Me Up Some of that Yum Yum Man Chowder
Yes, it’s true someone out there (by the name of Fotie Photenhauer) has released a book called Natural Harvest full of semen-infused recipes from drinks to entrees to desserts!

Now, I doubt this book is as good as my Phallic Diet Cookbook is going to be, but I did browse through a few of the pages on Amazon and the recipes didn’t look that bad.

Would I personally want to add semen to any of my food or drinks, nah. But someone out there certainly would (and has and will continue to do it). Also, this would make a great gag gift, if you’re in search of one.


If you’re looking for another laugh (or you want to buy this thing) check out the comments on the Amazon Reviews of this book. I died.

Here’s the link to the book: Natural Harvest

3.

A New Reason for a White Gold Facial

A Norwegian company has created a facial cream that contains sperm. They decided to do this because sperm has an antioxidant in it called spermine that is believed to “help diminish wrinkles, smooth skin, and clear up acne.” According to all the sources I could find on this matter a spermine facial costs about $250. Umm, well, what if we just allowed the guy to jizz on our face and we call it even?

Male Sex Toys 300x250

Finally, whenever you’re feeling down, remember that out of about 200 million sperm ejaculated out from an average of about a half a teaspoon of love liquor–you were the one fast enough and strong enough to be made into you! In that sense, you have won at least one race. Was the human race the best race to win? I don’t know. But here we are. Congrats on your accomplishment.

Falling In Love with a Sociopath

sociopaths and dating and romance

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: How To Know You’re Dating a Sociopath

or

Love is Indeed the Most Intense Drug

Discussing this is difficult. There’s a chance that I could be putting my life at risk. So, in a way, I’m doing this more for you all than for me. I’d prefer that no one else ever have to go through this type of situation.

Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath.
You know that phrase, “people tell you who they are”? Well, I guess I should have been a bit more aware since he has “sociopath” tattooed on his neck, and yet, I ignored the all-to-obvious sign.

Why did I ignore it?

I don’t know. I guess because I didn’t want to believe it.

Instead, I let the facts reveal themselves over time.

So, how do you know if you’re dating a sociopath?

1.
They’re Master Manipulators

They have both the intelligence and skill to extract your entire emotional range out of you. Honestly, it was like being on the most intense drug. For the most part, I’m pretty rational, some may even say cold. Yet, with him, I was ecstatic, joyful, angry, sad, frustrated– everything at its most intense. I’m grateful we met because for the longest time I thought I was incapable of feeling. He was able to bring it out in me in ways I didn’t think possible. Of course, it was for his own motivations, a way to feed off of other people because he lacked the necessary skills to feel himself. This is actually emotional abuse. It is not healthy. It is very dangerous.

2.
Their Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Because they are master manipulators and world-class liars they will say whatever they can to make you believe them. And you will believe them, even if you know deep down it’s a lie. You’ll want to believe them too because the love is the strongest love you’ve ever felt. You don’t want the relationship to end. Even if they continue to do things that are the opposite of what they say. For example, this man claimed to respect me, to value my time. He’d say he was coming right over then not show up for hours, even days. Or he’d invite me out with him, ignore me the entire time, then leave with other people.

3.
They Isolate You From Your Friends and Family

It got to the point where I wouldn’t talk to anyone about my relationship with him. He had non-consensually kissed my roommate at a party, completely snubbed all my friends while we were at a bar, got on my phone and sent private pics of my friend to himself, literally hit on other women right in front of me. My friends were aware of this behavior. They told me to get out. I didn’t listen though. I was under his spell. When I say all of this out loud, I know you’re thinking, “wtf, Krystal?” I’m telling you right now there isn’t reason behind it. That’s why it’s so powerful.

I mean, he was smart and charming and sexy and complex and interesting. And he made me feels that way too. Except when he didn’t. Except when he sucked all of my vital energy out from me and left me feeling insecure, weak, scared, dumb.

For the longest time, I’ve sat around wondering, why me? What was it about me that drew him towards me. I must have done something. It must be my fault.

Of course, that’s exactly how they want to leave you feeling.

The truth is that you will never know why. The ‘why,’ doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you disengage. Step away. Move on.

It will be the hardest thing you ever do.

Yes, that sounds dramatic. Imagine though that this love, these feelings, this relationship is more addictive than heroin or meth, more powerful than the feeling you get once you accomplish one of your major life goals, more intense than hiking Mt. Everest or finishing a marathon… then you may get a better idea of what I mean.

He got me. He won. I’m empty now.

Yet, I know that over time I will fill back up with something better.

What’s that quote… “the wound is where the light gets in.”

Perhaps I’ll shine a bit brighter after this.