Weird Sex Wednesday: Sound Healing My Pussy

sound healing weirdness

The Wide Wide World of Snakes, Lakes, Gongs, & Dongs

Or

Opening My Sacral Chakra and Shaking It Like a Sex Goddess

Admittedly this may be getting too weird for some of you. For others of you though, this will prob be right up your alley.

I’ve lived in Colorado for eight years now and during that time I have participated in my fair share of hippie bullshit. Things like this (though not like this if it’s going to get me in trouble)– orgasmic meditation, tripping on acid while prancing around naked at hot springs, going to a party and accidentally getting trapped listening to a conscious listening event (I do not recommend that one).

My favorite hippie thing of all time though is sound healing.

Gong baths™ to be more specific though I have tried a couple of other styles.

The first time I went to a gong bath I was beyond skeptical. I only went because it got me out of work for an hour.

During that hour though I had one of the craziest trips of all time. There’s even a chance I astral projected; it’s still hard for me to admit that I did even though I clearly experienced everything one experiences when astral projecting (I even used my teeth to rip the umbilical cord that connected me to planet earth).

I’ve been a huge fan of these experiences ever since and I try to go to sound healing events as often as I can.

Here’s the thing though.

They’ve been getting REALLY weird. And REALLY sexual.

The last two gong baths I’ve gone to were based on opening up the sacral chakra– for all of you who are not hippies this is like the sex/creative center of your being.

While in this vibrational meditative state I almost always have crazy visions, like tripping except more vivid, closer to a lucid dream, or a movie that I am staring in playing out in my mind.

Anyway. Snakes keep crawling up into my pussy during these gong baths.

And may I add that in real life I am utterly and totally terrified of snakes.

During the gong baths™  I just let it happen. They wrap around my arms then slowly slither down my throat or they circle my legs then enter my vagina.

They’re STILL in there you guys!

Also, this time a frog made its way into my pussy too.

A big ass mother fucking frog.

You all. I looked up the symbolism of these creatures.

Times are changing. I am transforming. I will soon turn into a Snake Goddess I am almost definitely sure of this. Or maybe a Penis Goddess?!?

Maybe all the snakes are just past lovers I can’t shake?

It would make sense since there were HUNDREDS of them.

Just kidding.

I mean, yes, there were hundreds of snakes but not ALL of them got inside of me, most of them just followed me around everywhere I went and I even flew all the way to the other side.

Told you it was getting weird today.

Was this sex per say? No. But it was a meditative state that opened up my sex holes and it was fucking weird as shit so I’d say that it’s close enough.

P.S. If you want to check out a gong bath™ yourself they’re happening now through the weekend (here’s the schedule). He comes back through with a tour every couple of months but there are many many other sound healing events all over this city and probably in other cities too!

Anniversary Collection

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Tits Out Tuesday: The Problem With Casual Sex

the problem with casual sex

Fuck Who You Wanna Fuck

or

Be Who You Wanna Be

I follow a bunch of random pages on Instagram. It pretty much runs the spectrum from hedonism to cute puppies all the way to new-age spirituality bullshit and of course, alien conspiracies. The other day I saw several posts come up into my feed that all centered around the same concept– that casual sex is an energy suck.

Most of the posts read something like this:

“Everyone is too busy just having sex for pleasure with no connection. They’re going to lose their chance to find someone real because of their sexual desires (demons) …”

The concept stems from the idea that when you give a part of yourself to someone who has no intention of returning anything you give–you are transferring your energy into emptiness and soon you will also be empty inside.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this idea.

I think for the most part this idea is bullshit.

Is there an actual problem with casual sex?

Yes.

The problem is people who have a problem with it.

If you have a problem with it, then it’s not for you and that’s okay. But, if it’s not your thing that doesn’t mean it’s not for other people. And the only way you lose your energy is by choosing to give it to someone else.

Is it possible to continue creating connections with people AND also participate in casual sex? Perhaps it’s only for people who are capable of separating the meanings of experiences. Not every sexual encounter is about intimacy or spiritual bonding. Sometimes it’s just about enjoying pleasure for pleasure’s sake. If people are going around ONLY seeking pleasure ALL of the time, perhaps they’re all empty on the inside. Or maybe pleasure is just easier for them? Maybe they haven’t gotten to the point where they’re ready for a deeper, closer intimacy. Is that wrong?

It seems like it should come down to communication. If you’re looking for a connection that’s more than just pleasure, discuss it. Perhaps don’t fuck someone who’s only about the physical act of sex.

When you’re on the same page, it shouldn’t be an energy suck or cause for concern.

One form of sex is not necessarily more real than any other. Of course, when you’re into each other it can definitely make the sex better, but it also depends on your definition of better. So, what I’m getting at here is that I disagree with this new-agey bullshit that says casual sex is bad for the world. I believe that everyone should experience more pleasure and within that pleasure, we will all have better experiences here on earth. Perhaps I’m wrong. I’m okay with being wrong. But perhaps shedding the guilt around sexuality would be more beneficial to our planet than continuing to make people feel bad for the choices they’re going to make.

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Monday Mood: Young Guys v. Old Guys

who cares if the person you're dating is younger or older than you

Am I Into The Age of a Dude or the Actual Dude?

or

What’s in a Number?

I get a lot of online messages that go something like this:

“Hey. Curious if you’re into younger guys?”

Here’s the short answer.

Yes and no.

What I’m into is emotionally mature people.

More on that in a minute.

There was an article that came out several years ago (which I’m not even going to bother to try to find) but I will tell you what it said. It said that the “perfect” age range for heterosexual couples is 5 years, with the woman being younger than the man. According to this research this is due to the fact that the man has “matured” enough to appear “manly” to the woman. And the man can feel smarter, more knowledgeable and protective or some shit like that.

First of all this is just complete and total bullshit.

There is no “perfect” age and there is no way to determine maturity level, intelligence, emotional intelligence or the able to provide security based solely on how old a person is. I’ve met super mature 24-year-olds and super immature 40, 50, 60+ year olds.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, age is almost an irrelevant factor. Of course, I mean this in the legal age of consent situations.

Yes, if there is a BIG gap between when the two of you were born there could be relatability issues, but these could also be huge learning experiences for both of you.

I might not know who Buddy Guy is, but what if I take the time to listen and that music changes my life?

An older guy may not know what “ghosting” is but wouldn’t that actually be kind of nice to not have to deal with that millennial bullshit?

Here’s the deal.

If you have to ask if a person is “into younger guys” or older guys or black guys or fill-in-the-blank then you’re basically casting yourself into a stereotype and moving yourself away from your individuality.

This is something I am not into.

Here’s what I’m into.
Emotional Maturity.

Here’s what that looks like:

When you’re emotionally mature you are confident in who you are.

You understand your needs, wants, desires.

You are able to communicate when something feels good and also when something feels bad.

You have boundaries and you stick by them.

You can admit to being wrong.

You are capable of putting another person’s needs before yours.

You’re able to ask for and receive help.

You’re grateful for the things you have.

You take the time to think about who you are and who you want to be.

You make strides to become who you want to be and give other people the space and encouragement to do the same.

I’m into that.

I don’t really care if you’re 22 or 47.

Would I prefer to fuck a younger guy v. an older guy?

Not necessarily.

I USED to be super into younger guys, but then I realized that older guys know how to eat pussy. And WHY would I want to waste my time with someone who can’t or doesn’t want to or isn’t eager to learn?

I’d prefer someone on my level of both skill in the bedroom AND outside of it, it’s just more fun all around.

So, if you feel the yearning desire to ask a person if they’re “into ____?” perhaps consider who you are that’s beyond your age or race or gender and try that approach instead.

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Make your carrot vibrate!

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Tits Out Tips Out Tuesday: The Art of The Mouth Tease

the art of teasing

It Takes Two to Tongue Tango

Or

Give Me Mouth-to-Mouth Real Slow Like

How good do you think you are at kissing?

I know that I used to kiss like a fish.

I know this because my first ever boyfriend decided to inform me of my sloppy wet mouth moves a few months after we parted ways.

Now, I have no problem with fish but I don’t care to kiss like one and I don’t like to be bad at things either, particularly sexually-related things (admittedly still bad at giving hand-jobs but I’ve accepted this). So, after he so kindly informed me about my level of lip skill ability (under the sea level it turns out) I went on a mission to become not just a good kisser but an EXCELLENT one.

Here’s the thing about mouth-to-mouth making out.

It requires more than just being a good kisser.

It requires being a good communicator AND being a good tease.

Here’s what I mean.

On Tongue Dancing and the Art of Mouth to Mouth Communication

I’ve made out with hundreds of people. Did they ALL think I was an excellent kisser?!

Yes. Because I am amazing.

Ha!

Just kidding.

Kissing requires not just technical physical skill, but the ability to “dance like no one is watching.” Or if they are watching then you can do the tongue tango instead.

You are no longer communicating with words you are communicating with your physical mouth tongue body. That’s where passion and compassion come into the limelight. It’s where playfulness and desire get shown off. So, close your eyes and move to the rhythm of each other’s movements. Pay attention. Mirror actions. Nipple. Lick. Speed Up. Go deep. Go light. Tease.

The Easiest Way to Tease is Kind of Like a Red Light Special

We miss out on so much stuff when we go too fast. I’m not saying you have to practice mindfulness or take a ten-minute meditation break (but neither would be the worst idea). What I’m saying is that when you slow down you can better savor each other and the moment. So, pull back. Lean in again and just when you’re about to touch, pull back again. Build the intensity. Make it impossible to resist another moment without that connection.

Very few people actually enjoy the jackrabbit sex style and that includes making out with that sort of intensity. Sure, it’s hot to go hard, fast, deep, but it’s also hot to know when to ease up, put the other person on edge. Give them a taste. Back away give them a bit more, until they become addicted (or adDICKted, depending).

Good luck out there with your mouth-to-mouth make-out tease sessions. May we all kiss less like fish and more like sexy sex humans.

I hope you get to go eat a carrot today!

Happy Tits Out Tuesday.

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Freaky Fuck Friday: Celebrating No Panties Day

how to celebrate no panties day

Just Panties In the Wind

or

Happy No Panties Day

(Turn up the volume on this one, too lazy to re-do it)


According to the Internet, June 22 is No Panties Day. It’s basically a made-up holiday to help dudes collect more images for their spank-bank collection.

That’s fine with me. Spank away. I believe we all should enjoy a more pleasurable time while on this Earth.

Speaking of being on this Earth. Last night I mentioned something to my housemate
about how I couldn’t wait until the moment when I met people in Denver who had stumbled upon my blog/ YouTube Channel and came up to chat with me in person.

Then it happened.

Of course, one of those people was a previous neighbor of mine, who thoughtfully came over and shoveled our sidewalks one dreadful winter snow storm morning. But the other person I had never met. So I’m counting it.

Anyway. She is an amazing human being and the two of them asked me to make a Freaky Fuck Friday post even though I was planning to make a Friday Feels post about nu Denver and some bullshit I stumbled upon recently — but I’ll save it. You’re welcome.

Today I’m exploring Freaking Fuck Friday and more importantly this made-up holiday No Panties Day. I looked up why this holiday exists, but honestly, there are not great reasons and it’s better just to embrace it–particularly when you’re not into wearing clothes of any kind most of the time anyway.

So.

Here Are 11 Different Ways to Celebrate No Panties Day on Freaky Fuck Friday:

  1. Choose to not wear panties (or undies or boxer briefs or whatever). I understand this is obvious, but more difficult for some than others.
  2. Wear a skirt or a dress or shirt-cock (that’s when you only wear a shirt but are naked from the waist down).
  3. Stand over one of those air vents Marilyn Monroe style. Enjoy the breeze.
  4. Masturbate. At home or work or wherever.
  5. Get Freaky! Tell a partner of your choice that you’d like their hand to slowly and methodically make its way up to your superfunparts. (And allow yourself to get off if they’re you know, trying to help you get off.)
  6. Accept oral offerings.
  7. Shove your panties in someone else’s mouth and use them as a gag.
  8. Throw your panties out of a moving car window.
  9. Sell your panties on the internet (you can buy mine anytime by sending me an email through contact section.)
  10. Sexy dance with your ass hanging out in private (or public if you can get away with it).
  11. Burn all your panties and start the summer off panty-free. Because fuck panties.

Is this really Freaky Fuck Friday material? I don’t know. Comment below on your favorite commando story and happy made-up holiday. I’ll be going without panties all day to show my support (thanks to squats my ass holds up).

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Orrrr…. buy yourself or someone you know some panties if they also did the whole burning thing (click on the image link and it will take you to amazon for more panties shopping):

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Weird Sex Wednesday: So You’re Saying There’s an Instagram Chance?!

direct message fails of instagram

Direct Message Not Received

or

The heyyy phenomenon

Watch the YouTube Video to hear me answer some of the questions I’ve been asked recently on Instagram. I prob won’t answer most of them directly in the future.

Feeling a little weird today.

Feeling a little off.

Mostly I’m just confused.

A part of me loves that my Instagram page is growing and people seem to like what I’m doing on the blog etc. but WTF dudes?

I get it. I have boobs. You want to lick and touch my boobs. You want to have the sex. You want to know if I’m into younger guys. Older guys. Black guys. Women. Anal. These are all okay questions, I guess.

Yet, you’re all sending them to me on Instagram in my Direct Messages when we don’t even follow each other.

Some of you are sending over really compelling conversations starters like:

Heyyy

Sexy

Chat with me

Send me nudes

Hey sexy

Nice boobs

Oh Fuck it, here’s a screenshot to make it easier for me:

direct message not received
Much excite, much heyyy.

That was just like a few of them btw.

There are sometimes a few funny ones. This one being the latest:

milky breast IG
Please never try to make ice cream from my milky breasts. Or put your ice cream on my milky breasts. Or call my breast milky when they contain no milk as I have no had a child ever in my entire life.

Anyhoo.  That was a pretty good one.

I’m curious though, if you ACTUALLY want to have a conversation or you’re just throwing out bait into a sea of hot Instagram girls hoping that one out of the million heyyys will get you a heyyy back?

I’m curious if you think you’re the FIRST ever to think of sending a direct message to a stranger on Instagram? And what type of entitlement exists within your brains to think a stranger has any sort of priority to respond to you? Or you have any sort of right to get ANGRY when a woman doesn’t respond to you in the amount of time you think is appropriate for a response?

I get that it’s a social media platform and I do want to interact with people, indeed I’m GRATEFUL to have such a growing fan-base, but I need a little more to go on here. I want to answer your questions, but also I would prefer the questions be more thought out. I spend every day putting in this work to help the world experience more pleasure and it’s not pleasurable to me to be inundated with weak ass messages that are basically just farts into the winds of the internet.

On the other hand, there are a lot of terrifically written messages and many of them I have yet to respond to, like this one:

a decent instagram message for once
I appreciate this and I am grateful.

Or this one:

decent instagram messages
*blushes*

Thanks for being decent human beings. I really appreciate it and one day I WILL get back to you, I swear.

It’s just that I have to swim through the muck of bullshit and I’m not used to it.

Perhaps that’s the problem.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

And I’m not used to hundreds of messages in my inbox, particularly when I only have like 700(ish) followers. I can only imagine what real hot sexy ladies with HUGE followings must deal with on an everyday basis. Have you ever thought about that BEFORE you hit send?

Here are my thoughts on you sending messages to super hot sexy ladies (or any person you don’t actually know) on Instagram or other places:

If you choose to write a message to someone whom you actually want to get to know and that message has limited value and nothing much to offer, the likelihood of a reply from that person is about .0005%.

So, yeah. I’m saying there’s a chance.

But…. I’m also saying that the chances are pretty slim and if you want to up your chances, put a little more thought into it.

Oh yeah, and… don’t hold your breath.

Anyway…

If you have real decently thought-out questions you want me to answer, you can contact me through my contact page.

(I’ll answer one right now for you, no, I will not have the sex with you, thanks for asking though.)

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P.S.

As long as your going to masturbate while looking at my pics and videos might as well stick something up your butt and get some good prostate action going on. Click on the image to head into the world of Tantus Toys (they make some amazing plugs and dildos too)!

plugs for your sex butt
Stick me in your butt, please!

Masturbation Monday: Lelo Sona Cruise Reviewed

sex toy review

If You Like Orgasming in 20 seconds or Less This is the Toy For You

or

I have no brains left thanks to Lelo Sona Cruise

Thanks to a couple of my loyal amazing followers who pitched in on a gift for me (which you can also do by checking out my Amazon Wish List here) I received the Lelo Sona Cruise in the mail a few days ago.

On the Lelo page, they make claims that this tiny ass clitoral vibrator:

“stimulates 75% more of your clitoris, for a feeling that will change your life, one orgasm at a time.”

It does this by using sonic waves instead of a typical vibrator that uses, well, vibrations. The waves go beyond the external to pulsate and stimulate (because our clits are a web of nerve endings, not just little fashionable vulva buttons).

Since my time at Fascinations, I have tried nearly a hundred different sex toys. I have become a sex toy snob. I have three favorite companies and Lelo happens to be one of them (We-Vibe and Fun Factory are the other).

Receive Free, Discreet Shipping on all We-Vibe orders.

A former coworker used to refer to Lelo toys as “Gucci for your Coochie,” which is as close to accurate as you’re going to get. They are indeed a luxury sex toy company (the $2,500 gold prostate toy pretty much exemplifies that). Lelo designs are streamlined, beautiful, and classy. Plus, they’re all made out of medical-grade materials and are rechargeable.

When I opened the Sona box I was both mesmerized by the impressive design and slightly skeptical about this small suction looking device doing anything of value for my pussy. I could not imagine how anything could be better than the Hitachi (my most recent vibrator love).

The thing about vibrators is that, just like with polyamory, you can love MORE than ONE.

Just because you get pleasure from eating pizza does not take away from the fact that you also get pleasure from putting ice cream in your mouth.

After charging and cleaning the Lelo Sona, it was time to give it a whirl or for it to whirl me or perhaps we’d whirl each other?! Anyway. I turned it on and it was SO quiet. After getting used to the power-drill sounds of the Hitachi I thought there was NO way it was going to do anything at all to my clitoris.

I put the tiny spout mouth up to my finger, it was like, egh. I put it on my nipple, it was like oohh, okkaayy, maybe. . . I put it on my clit.

Well. I TRIED to put it on my clit.

lelo sona cruise sex toy review
Oh, hey girlfriend.

After I maneuvered it around to find the exact correct spot for ultimate sensation, which took a bit longer than I thought it would, I hit THE SPOT and it felt like a fucking electrical lightning surge zip all the way my body.

I dropped it.

Whoa. I thought. WHOA.

“Okay, little pink friend with the power punch, looks like you may be able to hold your own after all,” I said to myself in my head and not out loud or anything weird like how dirty talking your sex toys would probably be, that I would never EVER do. . . .

Right.

Moving on.

The very first initial contact was super intense, but I needed lube.

So, I put a drop or 10 (because I have the Sahara desert of vaginas from living in this dry ass climate and almost always being hungover and dehydrated) on my pussy, took a deep breath and got back to work.

Simply. Yes.
Yes.

Yyyesss.

Holy shit.

Damn.

Alright.

I couldn’t even pay attention to porn while this thing was on my button. My brain couldn’t handle the multi-tasking. My clit could barely handle the sensations.

I turned on the different rhythms/patterns to help give my clit a seconds rest and it turned out that I enjoyed the rhythm/patterns MORE than just the straight BUZZ, which NEVER has happened with a toy before.

Fuck.

Shit.

Oh. My. God.

It felt like a three-minute long mini-orgasm that ended with a MAJOR orgasmic mind-blowing explosion.

WTF?!

Small little pink friend, if that’s how you’re going to roll (or pulsate), I will accept your offering.

So, yeah. Um. It was good.

But that’s not all my friends and followers. That is not where the Lelo Sona story ends.

Later that night, my current mansexfriendthingthatdoesnothavealabel wanted me to demo the toy for him.

He had been eating me out so when I put the toy on my clit it made these amazing sloppy wet noises that were kind of hilarious and also totally recordable for an interesting EDM remix throwdown. Yet, still, the sound of the toy itself was almost inaudible. Anyhoo…

A lot of people claim that sex toys/vibrators sort of “numb the clit,” and that they create this inability to get off with actual people, but I’m here to counter that and say that since the Hitachi and the Lelo Sona I’ve turned into basically a Cum Queen. I’m orgasming ALL the fucking time, both alone and with people. At the beginning, in the middle, and at the end. Like, holy shit. Both of these toys seem to propel my orgasm FORWARD instead of blocking them at all.

Not only that, but after I had demoed it for a few minutes we threw it aside and started having P-in-V sex; we’re both still not sure what actually happened, but my vagina contracted and released and contracted as if it wanted to extract the orgasm from his cock all by itself. This situation was almost entirely involuntarily on my behalf. As if my vagina was turning into its own entity and cock juice was its main dietary source.

I got the juice. Pretty sure I got part of his brains too, since right after, as we were getting dressed, he put his shoes on the wrong feet (making it the best after-sex compliment I have ever gotten).

So, would I recommend the Lelo Sona?

Oh my god.

Fuck.

Shit.

Yyaasss.

BUT now I want to try ALL the sonic wave sex toys to see how the others compare. Personally, I’d like the spout/mouth part of be a little bit bigger to cover more surface area even though I am aware that the waves move around the whole space. I think it would help ease some of the intensity so it could grow into a MAJOR orgasm without cumming within 10 seconds (unless you like cumming in 10 seconds, so you can move on with your life. I like it to last a little bit longer than that just because there’s not much else I’d rather be doing.)

Also. Lube & toy cleaner are an absolute must with this.

Make sure the lube is water-based. Silicone on silicone has been known to be a bad idea, so why risk it?

They could still have this on sale at Lelo:

Or Take a risk and buy it off Amazon here:

P.S.

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