Are You Settling in Your Romantic Relationship?

why do people settle for people they're not in love with

Why You Shouldn’t Settle This Cuffing Season

or

Overcoming Inner Pain to Find True Love

This past week I’ve had more than one stranger on the internet bring up this idea of settling in romantic relationships. I know that it’s peak cuffing season and many people are out scrambling trying to find someone to spend the cold winter with, but I have to ask the people doing this, why?

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It felt like perhaps the reason this topic kept coming up was that people are struggling with their own deep insecurities when it comes to romance. They say it out loud as a way to tell themselves not to do it because for whatever reason they are tempted to settle themselves.

Of course, it could be a passive-aggressive way for them to imply that the choices I am making could be better aka I could be going out with them, but that seems pretty egotistical of me to consider. Anyone actually doing that would be someone I would never want to date, one person, in particular, couldn’t let it go that I didn’t want to hang out with him or receive his (unasked for) help and that person quickly got himself blocked.

Yet, this idea of settling has continued to stir around in my brains.

Let’s talk for a minute about why people choose to settle.

From what I understand it stems from two main insecurities–fear and loneliness.

Fears that they will always be alone. Fears that they will never be understood. Fears that they aren’t good enough or worthy enough for true love.

People make all sorts of interesting relationship decisions to avoid loneliness. Yes, it can be painful to spend time by yourself, but if you’re experiencing pain while alone then it’s the most vital time to be alone. No one else can fill that void they are merely a distraction, a deflection and sooner or later all those gross feelings you were trying to avoid will rise again to the surface whether you’re living with or loving someone else.

Sex Toys for him, for her, for both of you

It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be alone. One must experience the wide world of emotions to truly grasp the beauty of it all. If you’ve never been alone then you’d have no idea what it’s like to be present with someone else. If you’ve never really seen yourself, you’ll never be able to see someone else, really see them– and only when you can see them can you truly love them.

So, this cuffing season, why not take a step back, reflect on who you are and what you really want. Sure, it might be nice to have someone to cuddlefuck while you watch Netflix together, but if you’re just using each other to stay warm wouldn’t it be easy to just buy a heated blanket?

Yes, doing that inner work is going to be much more difficult, but it will bring much more joy in the long run and yes, real true love too.

In other words, stop running from your dark side, embrace it and learn how to work with it instead of against it. This will at least help you become more emotionally intelligent and stop settling for people, jobs, addictions that don’t serve you in any sort of authentic or meaningful way.

Friday Feels: How To Charm The Pants Off of Someone

how to become more charming

Learn How to Be Charming in One Easy Step

Or

Get More People to Like You

The other day I pissed my roommate off and made the entire room feel real uncomfortable because I have no filter and can be completely tactless. She introduced me to a friend who had crashed the night before, I mentioned that I had already said hello to him but didn’t bother to ask his name because it seemed like an irrelevant thing to know.

She disagreed, said it was rude.

I agreed with her disagreement, but I still feel like it’s silly to learn someone’s name before knowing anything about them. Like, is this a piece of information that I need in my brain? My brain has only so much capacity for learning new things; it’s not necessarily a one in one out type of brain, but it’s pretty close to that.

According to a study by evolutionary psychology professor Robin Dunbar our brains have the capacity to remember about 150 people’s names and faces without a prompt, he says, “there is a cognitive limit to the number of individuals with whom any one person can maintain stable relationships.”

So when I meet new people I feel like they have to have something of value to replace someone else who already made it in that top 150.

This apparently is wrong.

I’m fine with being wrong sometimes.

I spent a good part of yesterday watching youtube videos on the psychology of people. Many of the videos were about how to get people to like you, how to be charming, or how to not be boring etc.

The information wasn’t mind-blowing, but it did get me thinking.

Why do we want people to like us?

It seems like the answer is actually pretty selfish. We want people to like us so we can get stuff from them.

We want them to give us attention, buy stuff from us, entertain us, give us support, stroke our egos, date us, love us.

Why? Because negativity = pain. When people don’t care about us it makes us feel shitty and no one likes to feel shitty. Even if we don’t know the other person and shouldn’t care what they think about us, most people would prefer the ‘like’ to the ‘dislike’ but either is better than indifference.

Isn’t it better to be hated than to not be thought about at all?

I know a lot of people who know me might be thinking, ‘out of all the people in the world giving others advice on charm perhaps you’re not the best for the job.’ And to those people I’d have to say, perhaps I just didn’t care to charm you?

Being charismatic is simple. All you have to do is make people feel good about who they already are, in other words, you put your own ego aside and pay attention to them.

This is why all the advice out there tells you to remember people’s names, because people get off on hearing their name spoken out loud. It’s really on you to decide if you want to make that sort of mental investment. It’s probably not going to hurt that much and you probably have plenty of space in your hard drive to remember a multitude of names, I mean 150 is a pretty big number. Most people fail because they’re lazy and really don’t care. I am one of those people, but I’ve decided to work on it.

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If you’re still trying to get better at the whole name thing another tactic is to get them talking about stuff that they’re most passionate about. I’m not talking about where they work. I’m talking about the one thing they’re into that they won’t be able to shut up about. Everyone has at least one of those things. The more they talk, the more they will like you. It’s weird, but it works.

In the end, I’d suggest talking to someone wearing a dress or a skirt because then you won’t have to worry about charming their pants off since they aren’t actually wearing any.

Weird Sex Wednesday: How to Ask Someone to Shave Their Pubes

how to ask someone to shave their pubic hair

Is It Acceptable to Ask Someone To Shave?

Or

Body Hair, Pubes, And the Awkward Request to Remove It All

So, the other day this guy who I’ve been exploring life with starts to go down on me. I’m like, cool, awesome, great, oh, by the way, my pubic hair is a JUNGLE right now so have fun down there!

Halfway through, he stops. Starts like choke-spitting. I’m trying not to laugh, but of course, I can’t help it.

He gets up, goes to the bathroom, and basically gags himself while removing a long hair (or two or three) from the back of his throat.

It was a super sexy scene let me tell you.

Your Sexiest Christmas Ever

Typically I don’t shave ALL of my pubes off, usually, I keep it trim and tidy, but lately, I’ve let it go. I’ve gotten lazy. Or to be honest, I’m growing little fur friends for the winter. I think my pube-fur-friend might be a bit too wild though. So, in the next few days, I will attempt some sort of maintenance with it.

But as we all know, to each their own when it comes to what they want to do with their body hair. I want people to be able to eat me out without gagging so there’s that.

This morning I woke up to this question from a fan:

Being male and very visually stimulated ( which is why i follow your site…:)…) How is a diplomatic way I can ask my partner to shave or trim down there, so I can better see what is going on?

-Wanting to See it All

Sounds like a pretty hairy situation to me my friend.

There are a lot of politics surrounding the pubes these days. We all know that porn stars shave because they’re on camera and are attempting to give people a better view of their goods, they’re not doing it because it FEELS better. I mean, can you imagine 1. Having the hair on your entire pubic region covered in wax and then ripped off? 2. Having sex with your now sensitive exposed skin grinding over and over, rubbing, chafing against someone else’s newly exposed hairless skin? They do it because THEY GET PAID.

We all do it because we watch too much porn.

Now, I’m not saying any of us should watch less porn. I’m sure SOME of us should but that’s a different post for a different day.

Male Sex Toys 300x250

With regards to asking your partner to shave because it visually stimulates you and makes you excited, I’m thinking you could go with that?

“I enjoy your body just the way it is, but a trimmed up vulva-region really gets me excited. I’d love to be able to see more of you. I’m wondering if we could give it a try?”

I’d suggest offering something in exchange as well. For example, you can shave each other. Or if there’s something she’d like you to do that you haven’t done, perhaps finally offer that up. That could be anything from letting her stick a finger up your butt to finally remodeling the bathroom like you said you would years ago. Whatever, you get the idea.

We have to keep in mind that there is a multitude of reasons why people choose to keep their pubes. It could be political. It could be out of laziness. It could be because they like the way it feels more. It could be they’re lonely and want a little fur pet. They might be afraid of razors or wax or lasers. They might not like walking around naked with child-like body hair. Perhaps they’re trying to grow it out to donate it to Locks of Love?

So, yeah, in the end, if you’d like your partner to shave, just ask them politely, offer to help, offer something in return. Then respect whichever choice they make since it’s their body and they’re allowing you access to it when they don’t really have to.

(Of course if you REALLY hate pubes, you don’t have to access the pubed-body anymore and you could surely go out and date someone else, but I think that’s a bit extreme. It’s just hair after all).

Friday Feels: Erotic Poetry

poetry of the erotic nature written and read by a woman

Exploring Erotic Poetry

or

Creativity, Confidence, and Sex

The other day a gentleman asked if he could write an erotic poem about me. I agreed. He sent it over to me and it was actually pretty good. I’d share a bit with you but somehow it’s disappeared. Kind of weird, but so are people on the internet, so there’s that. Perhaps, his account got deleted as Instagram is known to do to people who talk openly about sex. (I’ll write about that whole ordeal sometime in the near future.)

I’ve never really understood poetry. My roommate is a poet and writes poems for people for a living based on the topic of their choice. I’d say she’s more of a channeller, somehow able to read people immediately and know exactly what they need to hear. I write in almost the reverse way, to understand myself more, to write what I need to hear.

Erotic poetry is its own little niche artform. Of course, it centers around sex but more importantly the feeling you get from connecting with someone else. The sensuality, the deeper meaning of why you’re interacting with another on an intimate level.

Just like with erotic stories there seems to be a lot of words like “wet,” “throbbing,” “taste,” “hard,” etc.

Some though are poignant, profound, touching even.

“I’ll touch her without touching her.
Using my words as foreplay.” -Onur Taskiran

Words as foreplay. That’s probably the best way to describe it. And it’s true, the brain is the largest sexual organ. We should all try to tease it more, stimulate it more, caress it and show it compassion.

Sure, the booty call, one-night-stand, no-strings-attached hookups have their place. But if you’re looking to engage in something more meaningful, why not use your words? Writing poetry might not be your go-to, you might find it difficult or silly but creating something out of nothing is beautiful regardless of the outcome. It proves you can be active in your own life, not just a passive bystander that takes everyone else’s creativity and gives nothing back.

I’d encourage you to take an hour out of your day and make something. Channel whatever feelings you’re feeling and turn them into art, whether you go the erotic poetry route or you paint or cook or build a birdhouse, it doesn’t matter.

I’ll share with you a couple of erotic poems I attempted so you know that it’s okay to not always get everything right the first go around.

Trouble

It all started with a look
Not a look, the look.
Eyes that sparkle, magnets
Connecting us on a deeper plane.

I knew he was trouble
The moment I saw him,
But I stared right into him anyway.

Together we’d create
Or destroy
The world, our world, each other.

-K

I know, I know, that one wasn’t really EROTIC. If you want a real erotic one, check out my reading for Freaky Fan Friday on Patreon.

Here’s another one that’s also not that erotic. Hey, I’m learning here, okay?!

Woman Plays with Fire

My friends try to tell me that I’m not in love with him
They say I’m in love with danger
Okay, maybe
But maybe I’m in love with the way he makes me feel
He makes me feel everything
He makes me feel alive
No else else ever has, not even myself
Feeling is dangerous
That’s what they should say.

-K

I wrote and recorded four poems total. So I put the last one up also on my Patreon as a super exclusive for the high-level tier. Hear the weirdness when you join us today, plus you’ll get access to ALL of the work I’ve uploaded since I’ve started Patreon (all the way back in April), which I must admit is rather juicy stuff. Thanks for coming!

Tits Out Tuesday: Video Games and Sexuality

cosplay mario from nintendo woman

Why Are So Many Men Into Female Gamers?

or

Gaming and Sexual Arousal Amongst Winners

Yesterday I ended up at a thrift store, while I was in said thrift store I happened upon this Mario Halloween costume. It was only $7. Even though it’s a size small and I am not a size small I had to get it anyway.

As many of you know from following my blog I have a Mario/Luigi/Princess Peach threesome fantasy. I had just said to my friend who was with me (prior to finding the costume) that if I had to pick between going as any of the three I’d want to be Mario because he’s the one I like the least. If I’m Mario then I don’t have to look at Mario.

Then the costume magically appeared before my eyes.


WSSHA Halloween Women’s Cosplay Super Mario Costume Dress

Does this mean I will find a Luigi / Princess Peach combo while I’m out and about? It seems possible. It seems probable. Why else would the costume randomly show up right after I mentioned it?

In any event, it’s gotten me thinking about sexuality and the gaming culture.

Anyone else find it fascinating how many (hetero) men are into female gamers and how many females are not into dudes who play video games all the time?

There are (hetero) women in the world who will refuse to date guys who play video games; they see it as a major red flag. They think the guy will never grow up, or get off the couch, or pay attention to them.

Those are all valid points.

I’d imagine that a lot of these women have experienced those issues in the past and prefer not to repeat them.

It seems pretty obvious that men are into female gamers because it gives them something to bond over, to enjoy doing together, talking about etc.

Not to mention the fact that competition and winning can often lead to both increases in adrenaline and arousal.

Nintendo Switch – Neon Red and Neon Blue Joy-Con

I’m classically trained in Nintendo and Super Nintendo. I will destroy any person at Super Mario 3 or Paperboy, but put one of those new shooter games in front of me and I die within seconds.

I stopped playing right around puberty. I think for me it came down to prioritizing my time. I was playing real-life games aka basketball, volleyball, softball. I lost touch with the advancements in video game technology. My skills were stunted.

It’s weird because I would totally play now except I’ve tried and I suck. Here’s the deal with me, I don’t like losing. I don’t like being bad at something. When a guy tries to get me to play I know I will not be very successful and I hate the idea of failing in front of other people.

I’m the type that would secretly invest in a gaming system, learn how to defeat the entire thing and THEN go to the guy’s house and demolish him.


PlayStation 4 Pro 1TB Console

But, I don’t have the time or money for that. So instead I need to overcome my ego and learn to lose in front of others. It’s the best way to get better at something, you know, just trying to do it.

And that my friends is also a good way to approach dating. You’re not going to win them all. Sometimes you might get hit by a flying turtle within the first minute and be out right away. Other times you might make it all the way to the battle against Bowser and end up with the Princess in the end. Or perhaps, the princess will end up saving your ass. Only time and trial and error will work.

In the meantime, play on my friends, play on.

(And if you happen to be dressing up as either Luigi or Princess Peach tomorrow, let me know, wink wink.)

 
Morph Super Mario Luigi Wario and Waluigi Halloween Costume Also Available in Inflatable and Piggyback

Friday Feels: Life Without Sex

life without sex

Two Weeks Sex-Free

or

How Long Have You Gone Without Sex?

So, I was supposed to hang out with a man-friend last night but some dramatic happenings happened that prevented him from making it over. Honestly, I was tired anyway. I’ve been waking up at like 5.30 a.m. every day trying to get stuff done before people bother me. Turns out, people will bother you at any time of the day.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I realized that it’s been over two weeks since I’ve had sex with another human being.

Two whole weeks.

The two-week mark is when I start to turn. I wilt. I shrivel up. I am not talking about my pussy here. I’m talking about my entire being.

One of two things tends to happen when I don’t have sex with another human being for an extended amount of time.

I become EVEN more irritable that I typically am. I know this is super hard to believe considering how irritable I can be, but trust me. I am a monster. If I’m not getting eaten that you can bet that I will eat your head off instead.

I get stupid horny. I will not even go into the weird things I have done to myself when I go to long without having sex. Some interesting objects have been used. Some interesting and some might suggest, gross, people have also been used.

Sometimes when I’m that super horny and I want to hump everything… I mean everything. I imagine that this is what it must be like for men ALL of the time. And though a lot of times a lot of ya’lls behavior is intolerable and fucked up, I can admit to UNDERSTANDING where you’re going from. It’s like your brain is completely blocked from all thought except getting off. The worst part is when that feeling can’t be satiated.

It’s like, hang me upside down on a clothesline and throw wet noodles on my back so I’ll at least think about something else for a moment. Or maybe I’d be into that in a weird kink way.

Anyhoo. What I’m most disturbed about is the fact that neither 1 or 2 has started to happen. I wonder if it’s because I’m waking up so early in the morning that my body is physically exhausted and my brain completely fried by the time I’d have time to even think about masturbating or sex with someone else. I was actually glad that my friend didn’t make it over because I could not get my sex-brain to turn on.

So, how long has it been for you? A day? 10 years?

How do you “overcome”? Do you even think about it anymore? Or are you thinking about it all the time?

Weird Sex Wednesday: 3 Weird Ways to Use Semen

learn 3 different weird usages for semen

Fascinating Things People Have Done with Semen

Or

Interesting Facts About Semen

Semen–we refer to it with all sorts of different words and phrases.

For example:

  • Splooge
  • Jizz
  • Nut
  • Cock snot
  • Pecker Spit
  • Cum
  • Dong Water
  • Spunk
  • Weiner Sauce…

There are over a hundred different ways to say it.

But did you know that people have attempted to use it for other things besides making babies? That’s right, along with about 1% sperm, semen contains ascorbic acid, calcium, citric acid, enzymes, fructose sugar, phosphate and bicarbonate buffers, protein, water and zinc. And it only has about 0.7 calories and 171 milligrams of protein.

(Yeah, that whole rumor about semen having as much protein as an egg–false unless you’re drinking it like a smoothie, in which case you’d need at least a half of a cup to get that amount of protein).

Here are 3 Weird Uses For Semen

1.

Write Me a Load Letter: Semen As Invisible Ink

During World War 1, the British Secret Intelligence Service (M16) was attempting to find an effective invisible ink— they believed to have found it with semen. Along with it being readily and easily available, it also did not react to main methods of detection including iodine vapor.

Get this though, the Chief Officer looking further into these discoveries was named Mansfield Cumming. So it begs the question, was he born for this exact line of work? It’s unclear whatever happened with regard to invisible ink semen, the agent was removed because everyone kept making fun of him, and I guess there was a strange smell that started happening after people started writing notes with their jizz juice.

2.

Serve Me Up Some of that Yum Yum Man Chowder
Yes, it’s true someone out there (by the name of Fotie Photenhauer) has released a book called Natural Harvest full of semen-infused recipes from drinks to entrees to desserts!

Now, I doubt this book is as good as my Phallic Diet Cookbook is going to be, but I did browse through a few of the pages on Amazon and the recipes didn’t look that bad.

Would I personally want to add semen to any of my food or drinks, nah. But someone out there certainly would (and has and will continue to do it). Also, this would make a great gag gift, if you’re in search of one.


If you’re looking for another laugh (or you want to buy this thing) check out the comments on the Amazon Reviews of this book. I died.

Here’s the link to the book: Natural Harvest

3.

A New Reason for a White Gold Facial

A Norwegian company has created a facial cream that contains sperm. They decided to do this because sperm has an antioxidant in it called spermine that is believed to “help diminish wrinkles, smooth skin, and clear up acne.” According to all the sources I could find on this matter a spermine facial costs about $250. Umm, well, what if we just allowed the guy to jizz on our face and we call it even?

Male Sex Toys 300x250

Finally, whenever you’re feeling down, remember that out of about 200 million sperm ejaculated out from an average of about a half a teaspoon of love liquor–you were the one fast enough and strong enough to be made into you! In that sense, you have won at least one race. Was the human race the best race to win? I don’t know. But here we are. Congrats on your accomplishment.

Weird Sex Wednesday: Cosplay and Fantasy Role Play

sexy costumes for halloween

Sexy Costumes for Halloween and Fantasy Role Play

or

Cosplay Costumes For Better Sex

Halloween is my favorite time of the year. I love being able to dress up and be someone else for a night. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to be yourself, you know? Another wonderful thing about Halloween season is how easy it makes it to participate in cosplay events or fantasy role-playing.

Typically on Halloween, I end up hooking up with someone, though it usually doesn’t make sense. Like, what is a sloth doing with a sexy cop? Or why is Mia Wallace making out with a vampire? It’s kind of hilarious when you think about all the mix-matched characters having the sex with each other.

#sexyisnotasize

My favorite Halloween hook-up was way back when I lived in Boulder, went to this weird DIY party, somehow a priest, a dude dressed like a bunch of grapes, a cat?, and Courtney Love all ended up together alone at some house. I do not recall exactly what went down. I know that the Grapes disappeared. And I know that the two guys, the priest and the ca? did some stuff, but most importantly you all, I know that Courtney Love made the priest puke all over the floor. Turns out to be a talent of hers and something that would make really good reality tv. Was it the sexiest cosplay fantasy shit to ever go down? Absolutely not, but it was hilarious and sometimes that’s better anyway.

If you are trying to have a sexy cosplay fantasy role play Halloween extravaganza, well then, let me suggest my top three sexy costumes for sexy time.

Or if I were to choose who I was going to have a threesome or whatever with while in costume, here’s what I’d choose.

Or my top three sexy couples costumes + bonus characters if you’re into threesomes.

1.

Mario + Luigi + Princess

I’m not sure why, but this one has always been at the top of my list. Must be something to do with playing Nintendo at such a young age for such a long time. Also, the Mario Brothers Movie was intense in this weirdly sexual / not sexual way. I need to watch it again to see if it’s still true.

Quesera Men’s Super Mario Costume Adult Cosplay Costume Mario Brothers Halloween Costume

Disguise Women’s Nintendo Super Mario Bros.Luigi Female Deluxe Costume

Leg Avenue Women’s Pink Princess Costume

2.

Buzz Lightyear + Woody + Jessie

Ever since I ran into Woody and Buzz at a bar one Halloween and they were both super hot and I was this close to getting them to have a threesome with me, I honestly can’t let it go. I don’t even care for the movie that much, just in real life it was really working.

Disney Disguise Women’s Pixar Toy Story Jessie Glam Costume

Toy Story Men’s Classic Buzz Lightyear costume

Disney Disguise Men’s Pixar Toy Story and Beyond Woody Adult Costume Kit

3.

Jon Snow + Khaleesi

I mean, duh. Do I have to go into why this would be hot? Pretty obvious I suppose but still, if you can pull it off you should def do it.

Light wavy blonde Khaleesi Daenerys Targaryen Wig Inspired by Game of Thrones Costume Cosplay Synthetic Hair

COSAUG Khaleesi Costume Dress Daenerys Targaryen Cosplay Blue for Halloween/Christmas

Jon Snow Wig Game of Thrones Costume and Stark Shield Pin – Cosplay Hair for Men

CosplayDiy Men’s Cosplay Suit for Game of Thrones VII Jon Snow Cosplay Costume

Or

Want to buy the sexy nurse outfit I’m wearing in the video?

It’s right here!

California Costumes Women’s Cardiac Arrest Costume

Falling In Love with a Sociopath

sociopaths and dating and romance

Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: How To Know You’re Dating a Sociopath

or

Love is Indeed the Most Intense Drug

Discussing this is difficult. There’s a chance that I could be putting my life at risk. So, in a way, I’m doing this more for you all than for me. I’d prefer that no one else ever have to go through this type of situation.

Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath.
You know that phrase, “people tell you who they are”? Well, I guess I should have been a bit more aware since he has “sociopath” tattooed on his neck, and yet, I ignored the all-to-obvious sign.

Why did I ignore it?

I don’t know. I guess because I didn’t want to believe it.

Instead, I let the facts reveal themselves over time.

So, how do you know if you’re dating a sociopath?

1.
They’re Master Manipulators

They have both the intelligence and skill to extract your entire emotional range out of you. Honestly, it was like being on the most intense drug. For the most part, I’m pretty rational, some may even say cold. Yet, with him, I was ecstatic, joyful, angry, sad, frustrated– everything at its most intense. I’m grateful we met because for the longest time I thought I was incapable of feeling. He was able to bring it out in me in ways I didn’t think possible. Of course, it was for his own motivations, a way to feed off of other people because he lacked the necessary skills to feel himself. This is actually emotional abuse. It is not healthy. It is very dangerous.

2.
Their Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Because they are master manipulators and world-class liars they will say whatever they can to make you believe them. And you will believe them, even if you know deep down it’s a lie. You’ll want to believe them too because the love is the strongest love you’ve ever felt. You don’t want the relationship to end. Even if they continue to do things that are the opposite of what they say. For example, this man claimed to respect me, to value my time. He’d say he was coming right over then not show up for hours, even days. Or he’d invite me out with him, ignore me the entire time, then leave with other people.

3.
They Isolate You From Your Friends and Family

It got to the point where I wouldn’t talk to anyone about my relationship with him. He had non-consensually kissed my roommate at a party, completely snubbed all my friends while we were at a bar, got on my phone and sent private pics of my friend to himself, literally hit on other women right in front of me. My friends were aware of this behavior. They told me to get out. I didn’t listen though. I was under his spell. When I say all of this out loud, I know you’re thinking, “wtf, Krystal?” I’m telling you right now there isn’t reason behind it. That’s why it’s so powerful.

I mean, he was smart and charming and sexy and complex and interesting. And he made me feels that way too. Except when he didn’t. Except when he sucked all of my vital energy out from me and left me feeling insecure, weak, scared, dumb.

For the longest time, I’ve sat around wondering, why me? What was it about me that drew him towards me. I must have done something. It must be my fault.

Of course, that’s exactly how they want to leave you feeling.

The truth is that you will never know why. The ‘why,’ doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you disengage. Step away. Move on.

It will be the hardest thing you ever do.

Yes, that sounds dramatic. Imagine though that this love, these feelings, this relationship is more addictive than heroin or meth, more powerful than the feeling you get once you accomplish one of your major life goals, more intense than hiking Mt. Everest or finishing a marathon… then you may get a better idea of what I mean.

He got me. He won. I’m empty now.

Yet, I know that over time I will fill back up with something better.

What’s that quote… “the wound is where the light gets in.”

Perhaps I’ll shine a bit brighter after this.

Review: Christiane Amanpour: Sex and Love Around the World

review of a documentary series on sexuality

What’s Up with What’s Going Down Across the Globe?

or

The Wide World of Sex or Lack Thereof

#sexyisnotasize

Yesterday I binge-watched the entire first season of Sex & Love Around the World, a documentary series that goes from country to country exploring the culture surrounding human relationships (streaming on Netflix).

First of all, I thought it was well-done. Beautifully shot, in-depth conversations, but holy shit.

Since I began this blog back in April I’ve had several people reach out to me and express that I was so brave and bold etc. for talking so candidly and open about sexuality. I didn’t get it. I was like, I’m really not doing anything remarkable here.

It has finally hit me though. There are a lot of people who really have no idea about any of this. Some because of religious reasons, some because of cultural reasons, some because of basic lack of education.

There are so many cultures that refuse to even discuss it. This floors me because these cultures still exist, which means, they have to be having sex and making babies and stuff somehow.

I also understand a bit more about why I get my information reported so often on social media. I thought there were prudes in the world, but I always figured they’d like, I don’t know, not bother with me because they shouldn’t even be actively looking for my stuff. Pretty sure it’s a fetish of some of these people to go around seeking sexual content only to complain about it.

The thing that felt the most relatable culture the culture was the struggle. The struggle to find someone not only to love but to be sexually compatible. The struggle to maintain sexual compatibility and not go sexless or find sex outside the marriage (without the other’s knowledge).

The number of sexless marriages from culture to culture was way higher than I ever would have imagined. It’s an area I’d like to delve into understanding more (not experiencing first hand though). I’ve met couples right here in the United States that are married and sexless, some after only being with each other a year, others who have been married for 50+ and just don’t want to do it with that person that way anymore.

Perhaps it’s just because my sex-drive is higher than average that I find this perplexing. I’m also not married so that could be another reason I lack the understanding.

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Berlin looks like a place I’d fit in though. Maybe I’m a weird sex freak because of my German blood. Who knows. I have actually been contemplating giving up on dating and sex for a bit though. I’ll talk more about that tomorrow if I can muster up the courage.

I’d recommend this documentaries series though if you are as fascinated with human sexuality and different cultural opinions on romance and love as I am.