Carrot Consulting

Sex, Dating, & Relationship Consultant (Poly-friendly!)

or

Special Offer For Go Eat A Carrot Virgins: $69 Off Any Package!

Let the Creator of Go Eat a Carrot Help You:

  • Explore Your Kinkier Side
    • Talk Openly About Your Desires
    • Learn More About BDSM & Fetishes
    • Find The Perfect Sex Toys
    • Get Porn Recommendations
    • And so much more. . .
  • Improve Your Online Dating Skills
    • Discover the Best Dating Sites and Apps for You
    • Learn How to Choose the Best Photos
    • Have your Bio critiqued and edited to improve your chances of meeting in real life
    • Enhance your communication skills
    • …And MORE
  • Un-Pack Polyamory
    • Enjoy Open Discussion On Opening Up
    • Learn Practical Poly Tips
    • Work Through Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurities
    • Talk to a Unicorn!
    • …And even more!

Pick the Go Eat a Carrot Consulting Package That’s Right For You

Just a Quickie Package
I’ll answer one of your most pressing question in under the time it takes me to masturbate (aka in four minutes or less) -$69 (First One is FREE)

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The Tease Package
1- Time 1-Hour Phone Consultation -$169 Flat Fee

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The Foreplay Package
Weekly or Twice Monthly Recurring 1-Hour Phone Consultation $169/per hour

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The Deep and Steady Package

Two-hour in-person (or live video chat) REAL LIFE meetings – $269 One-Time Flat Fee or Weekly Consultations By the Hour

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The Long and Hard Package
I’ll tag along with you for a night out on the town, coffee shop, grocery store etc. to observe and assist you in your flirt game. $369/ per hour (+ expenses)

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The Longer and Harder Package
In-Person Simulated-Date

Have your dating skills critiqued on a real-life date! That’s right, you get to take me on a fake date. I’ll analyze your character and give an honest assessment on who I think you are, what you can give back to the world, and I’ll throw in some practical tips of bringing out your best self. (Rates Available Upon Request.

  • Choose Between:
        • Coffee Date
        • Dinner Date
        • Cocktail Date

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The Longest and Hardest Package
In-Person In-Depth Weekend Experience
Let’s spend the whole weekend together! Dive in deep and fast to improve your dating and relationship skills with this accelerated 2-day experience. (Rates Available Upon Request)

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One-Offs

Tiny Dick Pic Stories
You send me a dick pic. I will analyze its construction then write a Haiku, Flash Fiction story, 69+ word critique of your carrot (or your friend’s or lover’s carrot … makes a great gift!) in return. $269 per carrot

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The Cum Now Add-On
Go Eat a Carrot Consulting is first cum, first serve. If you’re about to blow a load and have yet to discover the art of edging; bust your nut into the front of the line and get serviced before anyone else. +$69 add-on

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The Trade-Off
Do you have skills? Why not use them to their fullest? Willing to discuss trade options for work in graphic design, web development, photography, accounting, taxes, law, etc.

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